Edited
THE PAST
If Juan thought that he had felt uncomfortable before he had taken Lorraine to his room, nothing compared to how he felt after. He tried to feign a smile as he stepped into the living room again, but it felt strained and left him feeling filthy.
"Well boys, you should all learn from this guy. What he can do with his tongue..." She wiggled her eyebrows as she trailed her hand along his shoulder making her way across the room.
Juan felt his cheeks glow. All he actually wanted was to brush his teeth, for all her boasting he hadn't really enjoyed it and the thought that a ton of other men also had gone down on her, hadn't exactly been a turn on.
"Yeah, we heard that," Emilio smirked.
Awkwardly, Juan sat down between his friend and brother.
Mateo leaned over to him, whispering in his ear: "You didn't do it, huh?"
Juan stared at his knees and shrugged his shoulders. For a moment he was afraid that his brother would be angry, then he slapped him on the shoulder. "Got another surprise for you."
Great, Juan sighed internally, wondering with what idiotic thing he had come up with this time. His first present had been the most awkward thing he had ever done, but it seemed that his friends had enjoyed the other stripper while he had been away. Now that he had the chance to look around, he noticed that Lorraine's friend was on Riley's lap, kissing her furiously. Most of his friends clearly found that more fascinating than anything else in the room, so he was left feeling thankful that he would be able to get away without talking about his first experience pretty easily.
Enthusiastically, Emilio was bouncing up and down the couch, seemingly torn between watching the women on the couch and wanting to go with them. "Yeah dude, I swear to you ‒if you ever die I want your brother." He jumped up and dragged him on his feet. "C'mon, this is gonna be so fucking awesome."
Mateo stood up as well, laying an arm around his shoulders. With confident steps he led Juan towards the front door. Between Emilio's excitement and Mateo's idea of a good gift, Juan had no idea what he was walking into, but when he opened the door, his jaw dropped.
He couldn't find a single word to say.
In front of him sat a brand new shining, black Harley, with semigloss chrome finish. For a brief moment he felt like he was getting his wildest dream; that he was getting a motorcycle, but a second later reality came crashing down on him and he understood that Mateo had probably rented the vehicle to take him for a ride.
Suddenly a key was dangled in front of his nose. "It's yours, bro."
Juan stared at him, dumbfounded. What... was he serious? What sixteen year old boy got a Harley for his birthday? He only knew a few guys who even owned a motorcycle license and they only had hunks of junk. Not a beauty like this...
"I don't know what to say," Juan stammered. Tears were stinging in his eyes. Sure, there were teenagers getting a car from their parents the moment they turned sixteen, but he had never expected to be one of those people. They didn't have a lot of money – it wasn't until Mateo had started working that things had started to change – and his mother hadn't even bothered to congratulate him, or show in any way that she cared about her son's birthday. He had only seen her in passing this morning, but she had only taken the time to snap at him, demanding that the house should be clean the next morning.
Mateo gave him a little nudge. Brought back to the present with his heart bouncing a wild beat in his chest he walked closer to the Harley; he couldn't believe that this was real. Very carefully he sat down, sliding his fingers around the handlebars. His glance wandered towards his brother, who was watching him, a wide grin spread across his face. Juan pressed his lips together as he realized how hard Mateo must have worked to buy this.
As soon as he was on the ground again, he gave his brother a tight hug.
"Don't you dare the cry," Mateo whispered, teasingly squeezing his shoulder. "I love you, kid." His lips briefly touched Juan's temple. "I know ma's behaving like a dumbass but you deserve a present like this. The whole world should know what a cool guy you are."
Mateo let go of him and Riley bumped her fist against his shoulder, smirking. "My uncle's a driving instructor. A few of us went in with Emilio's parents and your sister and got you signed up to do the course. As soon as my cousin hears about this, he'll probably be over here tryin' to get you runnin' round in a Mayan cut."
Juan's wide grin didn't leave his face. Joining an MC, how cool would that be? That dream seemed a little closer now.
. . .
The next morning, his mother was clearly less than enthusiastic about Mateo's gift. "What's gotten into your head, you idiot!" she yelled. "First that car, now a motorcycle?! How'd you buy that, huh? Where'd you get that money! You start dealing drugs? What are you doing with those girls you run around with? Are you their pimp? Well?!" Her feet were a little apart, her hands propped in her sides.
"I just get lucky when I play cards," Mateo answered shrugging, sitting at the dinner table and leaning backwards on the chair legs. "Besides, somebody's gotta give Juan something, right? You did shit all. You didn't even wish him happy fuckin' birthday."
His mother snorted. "Why would I? I curse the day he was born."
Juan flinched, a pang went through his stomach. He had heard that snark before, but it had been a while and the hurt never went away. His mother had always told him that his birth had been the reason that their father left, the day that their mother had no choice but to take care of her children alone.
Mateo jumped up, with a bang the chair landed on the ground. "If you say that one more time, I'll knock the teeth out of your mouth, you filthy whore!"
"Mat..." Juan tried to soothe him. It hadn't been that long ago that they had gotten into such a heated fight that the neighbours had called the cops and filed a complaint.
"Stay out of it!" Mateo snapped back.
"One bruise and you go to jail, remember?" his mother taunted.
"And who's going to pay for this shit hole, huh? You signin' Juan up for work?"
"Guess that birthday does work for something eh, he's old enough to contribute now. It's about time that bum to does something 'round here, he's becoming just as much of a failure as you."
Mateo snorted. "Seems like things are workin' out better for me than for you."
"You're a stain on our family and you're dragging your little brother in the same shit! Buying him that bike, what the hell were you thinking? You want him to hang out with those punks, like that little girlfriend of his?" she asked, obviously referring to Riley. "You want to end up in jail together?" Her eyes narrowed. "Is that what you're after? I know what they do in there! You think nobody will care in jail? That relationship between you two is sick and you know it!"
It felt like Mateo was growing taller. Suddenly all his muscles were tensed. "What are you sayin' now?" he asked in a dangerously low voice. "That I want to fuck my own brother?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "You're always bragging about – "
She couldn't finish her sentence. Mateo launched himself on her, shoving her to the ground, his fists following her, bashing down on her in anger.
Frozen, Juan watched the two. The words his mother spoke were so horrible and too unexpected to know how to handle. Tears jumped in his eyes as he kept staring at the two, his breathing kicking into overdrive. Something cold nestled its way inside his heart; he hoped that his brother would hurt his mother. At the same time he feared what would happen to himself and his brother if Mateo continued on; he was sure his brother would go to jail.
That thought drove him into action, he ran towards the two and tried to pull Mateo away from his mother. Her eye was swollen, her face flaming red.
"Stop!" he yelled, pulling Mateo's arm. Suddenly tears waved over his cheeks. "Stop it, both of you!!" His breathing was tight in his throat, dark spots creeping into his vision.
"You're picking her side?!" Mateo screamed so loud that it hurt Juan's ears.
"No! But... I don't want... I don't want you to go to jail!" He wiped his eyes.
For a moment Mateo's glance softened, then he let go of his mother, sighing, turned around and left the room.
Lost, Juan kept standing in the room. His mother stood up and grabbed his arm. "I'm serious, Juan Carlos," she hissed. "You gotta call the cops when he pulls a stunt like that, you gotta report him. No matter how many gifts he's been givin' you."
Wildly, Juan pulled back his arm. "You're insane!" he snapped. "Just because you don't give a fuck about me, doesn't mean that nobody else does!" Since he could no longer control his tears, he turned around and rushed out of the house, furiously wiping at his cheeks. Stopping between two cars he sat down on the ground, so he was out of sight. His brother was nowhere to be seen.
Shakily, he breathed out. He didn't want to be alone now. His hands were shaking as he pulled his phone from his pocket. Who could he call? Emilio? He would probably be angry enough to come over and smash his mother's face himself. June? More than ever he longed to be wrapped in her arms, for her calm voice, but she'd dropped all contact and he felt too ashamed about the situation to discuss it with her.
In the end he scrolled further down until he found Luna's name, pressing the green button. He had missed her call last night, when he had been busy with Lorraine, and he had wanted to call her back anyway.
"Hey Juan!" his sister's voice sounded. "I tried to call you yesterday, happy birthday! Did you have a good party last night?"
Juan squeezed his eyes. Now that he heard her voice, he realized how much he missed her. When she was still at home, his mother had been much easier to handle.
"Yeah, it was good," he muttered.
"You don't sound very enthusiastic?"
He sighed. "Ma and Mateo... just had a fucking heated fight. She... she..." He took a deep breath, but he couldn't repeat his mother's cruel words. Just thinking about her accusation alone made his stomach cringe. "Things are so different without you," he whispered. "I – I miss you."
"Oh Juan..." she said softly. "I'm sorry. I miss you too, hell, I even miss Mat. I'm sorry my last call was such a long time ago. Is – is mom really bad?"
He bent his head. "She isn't too happy about Mateo's newest purchases. And she – she said that she curses the day that I was born... again."
Luna sighed. "You know that's got nothing to do with you, right? That's all because of dad."
Juan bit his lip. That's not how it had sounded.
"Hey Juan... Your holidays start soon, right? Why don't you come over to my place for a few days? I'll get you a ticket." There was nervous laugh. "I uh, I've been seein' someone for a while now. Manuel. I want to introduce him to you."
"Keepin' secrets now sis? That sounds cool though!" A small smile crossed his lips.
"And what about you? You've got your eye on someone?"
As he thought about June, a blush appeared on his cheeks. "I do... but things aren't goin' very smooth. She has a crush on me too and we kissed but her uh, her friend hates me. Well, she hates Mateo. She's Katie's sister. You remember Katie?"
Luna sighed softly. "Hard to forget. I'm sorry, Juan. You think she will get over it?"
"One of her friends told me she would. But uh, things have been quiet for a while now. I try to talk to her now and then, but she's still too afraid to lose her friend." He bent his head and realized how he wished that June was with him right now.
The words of his mother and Mateo haunted him again.
"You want to end up in jail together? Is that what you're after? I know what they do in there! You think nobody will care in jail? That relationship between you two is sick and you know it!"
"What are you sayin' now? That I want to fuck my own brother?"
Was his relationship with Mateo really so unhealthy? They were close, but that close? Did others think that too? He squeezed his eyes. He shouldn't think about this, it would only drive him crazy, but his mother's words had gotten into his head and were spreading like poison.
"Juan?" Luna again. "You're still there?"
He took a deep breath. "Yeah." His voice was shaking. From the corner of his eye he saw Mateo settling down next him. "Sorry uh, gotta go." Without waiting for an answer, he ended the call.
"Who was that?"
"Luna."
He nodded slowly and stared forward. As Juan looked to the side, he noticed to his bewilderment that Mateo's eyes were red.
"Have you been cryin'?" he asked completely overwhelmed.
Mateo shrugged, avoiding eye contact. "You know... People say a lot of shit about me and I don't give a fuck. But this..." His shoulders tensed. "If she's gonna go 'round spreadin' rumors like this I'm gonna destroy her."
Juan was silent. Would their mom really do that?
"You know it's fucking bullshit, right? Just the thought of it is makin' me sick." Mateo turned his head to the side. Never before Juan had seen him so vulnerable. He wanted to wrap an arm around him, but he no longer dared after his mother's comment.
"Of course I know that," he muttered. "Maybe she's just trying to drive a wedge between us. Cause you're always havin' my back and I always got yours." He stared at his feet until another possible explanation crossed his mind. "Or maybe that's the reason we were never allowed to see uncle Hector."
Mateo looked briefly at him. "That would be so sick."
"Yeah," Juan agreed.
Just like his mother's assertion.