Dear Diary,
What a difficult few weeks it's been. Why's it been so hard? Well... I've been itching to, I mean... Every time I see him I, ugh.
I haven't been able to restrain myself. Every time I look at him I melt and it's impossible to do anything.
Having to deal with all of this and these feelings and... I don't know, it's just been really hard... literally.
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We were in my room and it was the first time we were together in what had felt like forever.
The problem was this depression that was in full swing. Bucky had gotten a job a few months ago to support the both of us even though he didn't have to. Now, I don't get to see him every day.
Today though, we finally had the whole thing to ourselves, no work until Thursday.
We were sitting on my bed not really talking, just sort of staring off into space and thinking.
I felt his hand find it's way to the inside of my thigh. I looked over at him and he was already looking at me.
"I promised," he said, making me smile. Then his lips were on mine... that feeling was so familiar but it had been forever.
My hand met his jaw, I could feel it moving beneath my fingers. I felt him on my neck, playing with my collar.
"Fuck..." I whispered into his lips, feeling his hand grip me through my pants. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and my face seemed to go red as my blood boiled.
I felt my breathing quicken as his tongue entered my mouth, his hand gripping me tighter through my pants.
"Steven Grant Rogers," he looked down, "you're already more than halfway there," he chuckled. I felt myself blush even more than I already was, if that's even possible.
He gently touched my zipper repeatedly and the pressure that was building up was barely bearable.
I broke our kiss and swung my leg over and straddled him, my hands meeting to top of his buttoned shirt. He pulled down at my neck and licked my lips slowly before kissing me again.
I tried undoing his shirt but they wouldn't come undone, probably because I couldn't actually see what it was I was doing. I pulled down on the sides of his lapel and buttons flew out in all directions.
He looked up at me and his smile slowly melted away when he took one look at my lustful face.
He undid my belt and threw it to the side, beginning to undo my button and zipper as well. I felt some pressure release as my underwear bulged out of my pants. He looked up into my eyes then down at it and, eventually, slowly pulled my underwear down.
He let out a harsh breath and let his finger trail up the bottom of my erection, watching me quiver at his touch.
When he stopped, I opened my eyes and watched him look at me. "This ain't fair, Buck," I whispered.
"Wh-" he stuttered as I brought my hands down to his pants and undid them.
Before either of us knew what was happening it was me and him sitting there completely naked... not that either of us was complaining.
I sat on top of him, slowly grinding on his crotch and lower torso. It was so obvious by the way he was looking at me that he was loving it. That he was loving watching me unravel and fall apart before him.
Before I could gather what was happening, he had picked me up and placed me on the bed below him. He leaned over me and kissed me like there was no tomorrow.
He was rocking back and forth with me beneath him and in his arms. My legs were bent at either side of his hips and I could feel him right there.
"Fuck, Steve..." he mumbled into my ear, pulling away from the kiss. "Do you have any uh..." he looked around my room and, eventually, opened the nightstand drawer.
"Nononono Buck-" he rifled through its contents and I couldn't stop him. Under my boxers he found a container of lotion, a few pens, a pencil, tissues, lube, my sketchbook, some money... and my diary.
He pulled out only the lube, thank God, and closed the drawer. He put some on his fingers and slowly pushed them in. I felt my face contort for the slightest moment from a little tinge of pain.
I sucked in a harsh breath of air through my gritted teeth as he moved his now three fingers in and out at an increasing pace.
"Ready?" He asked me, pulling out and clicking open the lube bottle. I thought I might just cum right then and there with the obscenity of that look he gave me.
I nodded because I didn't trust my voice. He then handed me the lube container but said nothing. I looked up at him, confused.
"Go on then," he said, looking down at himself. Did he want me to put it on him? I squeezed some into my hand and looked at him. He nodded to tell me to do it so, I did. He bit his lip at the sudden contact.
"Ready?" He asked me, spreading my legs farther to the sides and brushing his fingers softly along the insides of my thighs.
I felt my body shudder uncontrollably, "y- mhmm" I attempted to speak, my head moving uncontrollably to one side.
He lined himself up and slowly pushed in. I felt my muscles tighten and stretch around him slightly once he was all the way in. It hurt like hell all over again, but this time it didn't seem to last as long.
"Fuck, you're so tight," he whispered into my ear as I closed my eyes.
He thrusted in once and the pain was quickly replaced with that pleasure I hadn't felt in what seemed like forever.
He kissed me and wrapped his arms around my neck and head as I pulled on his back, forcing his chest and stomach onto me. His skin was so warm on mine, I never wanted him to go away.
We rocked back and forth in sync as I followed his movements. His lips lifted off of mine as his pace increased.
Husky breaths escaped his slightly parted lips sounding like music to my ears. I whimpered quietly into his ear as he pushed in and out as deep as he physically could.
He suddenly stopped and opened his eyes. They looked pleading... like there was something he wanted to say but couldn't because he couldn't manage to find the right words. So instead he just kissed me... soft and sweetly, considering the circumstance.
Without warning he continued, making me inhale sharply. He increased pace and continued to remain silent as my moans seemed to get louder and louder by the second.
Then he hit something. Something inside of me that felt like a million little sparks going off at once. He hit it again... it sent this euphoric sensation through my limbs like nothing I've ever experienced before... like blood rushing quickly in all directions.
"Fuck... oh, fuck... oh my god, Bucky- don't stop!" I said loudly, moaning breathily into his ear.
I felt my fingers dig into his skin as he hit that tender spot over and over and over, each time pushing an entirely different yet still incredibly obscene noise out of my mouth.
My hips pushed uncontrollably upward, sending him into me harder and pulling me closer to the edge.
It was getting to be hot, his sweat and mine blending together on our skin. I pulled him down for a kiss and he breathed heavily into my mouth then suddenly bit my lip as he pulled away.
"Steve, I'm not gonna last much longer like this..." he struggled to say.
I looked into his eyes for what felt like the first time and opened my mouth as of about to say something when something better came to mind. I took one of his hands and guided it down to my lower stomach wherein he got the hint.
His calloused fingers have a surprisingly good texture. He pumped in sync with the movements of his hips and, God, I'm so hard it hurts.
His thumb slowly teased over the slit and I was gone. I quite nearly shouted as I came into his hands and up on his chest. He covered my lips with his other hand in order to muffle the sounds I was making. I felt a heat flow through me as he slowed down and, by the look on his face, he was in the middle of the act itself.
He pushed in and out and pumped me slowly, riding off his orgasm and helping me with mine.
We collapsed onto one another. I listened to our heavy breathing and to his thumping heart through his chest.
After a bit he pulled out, laying at my side and examining his cum covered hand. I watched him and he looked over st me with a small grin. His fingers met his lips as he licked himself clean.
"Can I sleep here with you tonight?" He had asked soon thereafter.
"Of course, Buck," I replied.
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And that was merely the beginning.
~ Steve Rogers