'Maybe some things don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and adapt to what we cant. Maybe some of us will never be fully okay, but atleast we are here. We are still trying. We are doing the best we can. And that's worth celebrating too.'
"Granny, I need help."
"What? Where?? What happened? Oh my grandson what have you done??" She then gasped, "Oh my God, don't tell me you've committed a murder!" She widened her eyes in horror. "Oh my. I can't house a murderer, sooner or later, they'll come for you. Or worst still, you've gone bankrupt! I cant start imagining how I will -"
Faaiz face palmed himself the whole while. "For the love of God granny, it's not what you are thinking of. None of the above happened, and just for once can you stop being dramatic?!"
Mariam held her chest in relief and then rolled her eyes, "Then, why else would you need my help if you are not in trouble?"
"I'm not in trouble."
"So, tell me what the problem is?"
All of a sudden, Faaiz felt maybe discussing it with her was a bad idea afterall. "I- erm actually,"
She raised her eyebrow and suddenly grew an unusual interest in what he has to say. He groaned "Can you stop giving me that look?"
"What? Did I do anything now?" She gave him an innocent look.
He shook his head, scratching the back of his head. "The thing is just - nowadays I feel weird and I don't know, somehow. There's this feeling I get. I can't just phantom the cause."
She tried to hide her excitement and gave him a serious look. "Oh really? What feeling is that? And -" Mariam winked, "Is it regarding your wife?"
"Maybe her. I don't know. I feel so confused about what I feel. It's like I am not even myself anymore."
"Is my grandson finally in love?" She teased him.
"Hell no."
"Oh, someone is denying how he feels." She cooed.
Faaiz rolled his eyes. "This has nothing to do with feelings."
"Tell me something."
He groaned. "You are making this hard. I knew I was making the wrong decision by coming to talk to you."
Mariam feigned hurt, "So, my own grandson can't confide in me?" Faaiz knew better than anyone to fall for her antics.
"You just like being unnecessarily dramatic."
"I would pretend that didn't sting."
"Very good then."
"You know sometimes, I often think you'll be the death of me."
He hid his amusement. "Now where's the fun in that. If I don't tease you, who will?"
Mariam chuckled and her face grew serious. "Does she know?"
"Know what?"
"That you love her."
He face palmed himself, "Granny, I don't love her. I'm not in love." He gritted out.
"Deny it all you want. I know you do."
Faaiz stood, clearly knowing where the conversation was headed. "I have some unfinished business."
"We all know that's a lame excuse. Stop being a coward and just embrace the fact."
"I don't know whether I have to spell it out for you. What part of 'I don't' don't you understand? Just because I came to you doesn't mean I do, I just wanted to clear the conflicted feeling. But you've only made it worse." He tsked and massaged his temple.
"Nah. I clarified it for you."
He rolled his eyes and left, "It makes no difference."
*********
Faaiz stood as he peered at the night sky. Cool air blew against his face, brushed his skin. He stared at the bright stars as he slowly sipped his early morning coffee. Enjoying the tranquil feeling.
He heard noise at the kitchen and he knew who that could be. He went back into the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe.
"This has turned out to be a routine." He remarked. Hanan kept mute as he patiently waited for her to finish brewing her coffee.
"Can I take you somewhere?" She reluctantly nodded.
He led her to the terrace. She rubbed her arm as the harsh cold wind of the early morning hit her delicate skin. She gnashed her teeth together trying to get as much warmth into her body as possible. Faaiz noticed this and draped his coat around her shoulder.
"Am I supposed to thank you?" She finally voiced out eyeing him.
"You don't have to."
Faaiz sat on the floor and he motioned for her to sit too. "Please.." He added.
Hanan stood for a while contemplating whether or not to, before finally sitting. Maintaining a distance between them. "I'm your husband you know," She ignored him and he sighed. And they both fell silent.
"When I was young, " He started and sighed, "I would always stare at the night sky and often wonder about the stars,its relationship with the moon. Such beauty it possessed, the way it brighten up the sky illuminating it. It got me intrigued, inspired. And helps clear my head. When the night is at its darkest, and one is at their lowest, you gaze up at the stars and the overwhelming feeling of tranquility and unusual serenity will consume you. And the amazing part of it? They are not even aware of the effect they have on us."
"Granny would often tell us midnight tales. I love nights.".
"Is that how you deal with your insomnia?" She asked for the second time that night.
"Partly,"
"And do you care to tell me your story?"
Faaiz rubbed his face and stood up. "I will."
His face grew serious all of a sudden and he let all his emotions out. He then faced her, "I - I'm sorry if my actions has in anyway hurt you. I mean, I won't ask for your forgiveness. I don't deserve it." He shut his eyes momentarily, and extended his hand out to draw her up.
Hanan refused and found her way up instead. Faaiz hid his disappointment.
"How about, we start with this?" She gave him a questioning look.
He turned to face her fully and smiled.
She blinked her eyes at him. "What??"
"I thought you liked it."
"Like what?"
"My smile."
And for the very first time that night, the corner of her lips curled. "I do."
He looked anxious. As she added, "I refuse to be fooled."
"I messed up, right?"
Her silence answered the question. "I don't know how else to make things right."
He then smiled at her, "I understand all your hatred and resentment. And I won't ask for your forgiveness."
She stayed quiet. "I am gonna earn it."
"You are unusually quiet this night. You are not the silent type." Hanan shrugged.
He stretched forth his hands, "How about you give me a chance to make things right again?"
She shut her eyes and hesitated. "Don't mess with my heart again Faaiz Hasnayn."
She took a deep breath and put her hands in his. Faaiz broke into a huge grin, his cute dimple showing. "I won't. Not this time around."
And he pulled her into a warm hug.
"Is that an assurance?" She muffled.
He took a satisfied breath. "Yeah."
Hanan broke into a smile. The star twinkled with pride and the full moon shone bright. She took that as a good sign and relish the moment.
"Hanan?"
"Yeah." She whispered.
"Thank you."
"What for?"
"For giving me a chance." He then added after a while, "To make things right."
"I would count on that." And Instead, the answer she got was a tightened hug and she inhaled his cool fresh scent.
Hoping it's not a dream.