Prologue.
Love. Even the word sounded like some kind of mystical unattainable dream. The only problem was I knew it existed. My parents were the perfect example. They'd been like lovesick teenagers for years.
Love just hadn't happened for me. I guess I shouldn't be so cynical. I've only had one boyfriend in my life time after all. It's just that he set the bar and what happened scarred me in to hiding from everything and everyone.
Being invisible is hard sometimes..
My mother is a superstar, she was discovered by my father at 18, they fell in love and the rest is history as they say. Except, it kind of forced me into the public eye. I guess you could say I was popular by association, this 'celebrity status' followed me in to high school. Where I was welcomed in with the elite. I'd always been a little to naive, to naive to see that I was so different to them. I was just happy to be fitting in, even if I was a star shaped block trying to fit in a square shaped hole.
I wasn't immune from bullies though, even with the spotlight on me constantly. My parents best friend son, took it upon himself to ridicule me ever chance he got. He was part of the alternative crowd. The kids who caused trouble on a regular basis. Xavier was the bane of my existence, and I was lucky enough to see him everyday, as well as every other weekend.
So I threw myself blindly into my friendships. My popularity protected me from his obnoxious attacks, and I was able to build a wall around myself that deflected his cruel attempts to make me look stupid. He wasn't the boy who forced me in to hiding though.
That crown belonged to a boy named Ryan. We'd been dating for 6 months. I was 17 and considering losing my virginity to him. He was kind, considerate and had good grades. Dad didn't like him much, but I thought that it was normal for a dad to dislike his daughters potential suitors. In hindsight, I think he could see something I couldn't.
On the night that I'd chosen to tell Ryan I was ready, I wanted to have sex with him. I went to the party. We were meant to met out the front at 9pm. He had work, and couldn't get there before then. But when I arrived, one of my other friends told me he was inside waiting for me in a bedroom.
My heart was pounding, I remembered feeling nervous and excited. Finally I would drop the stupid V card my friends had been teasing me about.
I pushed open the door where he was, and well. Lets just say, What I saw was straight out of a dirty movie. Until that point of my life I'd never seen anything sexual. A grope during a make-out session was as hot as it got for me. But Ryan had one of my so called best friends, spread eagle, legs in the air on the bed. They didn't even stop once they realized I was there. Ryan, who was drunk asked me to join in even. Surprisingly though, I wasn't brokenhearted. Ryan had never lit that spark in me. He'd never made me feel like I was the only one for him, and I guess I was the same toward him.
I was hurt though, my friends had used me, and laughed at me, and had done things far crueler than even Xavier had ever done. I withdrew myself from their group, and from life in general. A few months later a video surfaced. A sex tape. The one make out session Ryan and I had started it. Unbeknownst to me, he'd filmed it. The rest of the tape was my friend, but the video didn't show her face. The media decided it was me. I was the girl in the video.
My father was angry at first, with me for being so dumb. For giving myself to someone I clearly didn't love. But I explained the truth, and for the first time in my life I realized just how much a person can fuck you over when they think they can make something from you.
When graduation came, I studied early childhood education, even though my passion lay with music. I'd always been shy, so hadn't taken it at school. But when you are surrounded by it all the time, it rubs off. After high school, I pretended I was tone deaf.
I moved to the suburbs and distanced myself from my sister Toni and my Mom.
Toni was genetically my Aunt, but mom had adopted her after their mom died. She'd always treated me like a sister, so at first when all the high school shit went down, she told me I was better than them, and offered to take me under her wing, and go on her tour with her.
But I knew I had to escape from the limelight if I wanted to feel at peace.
It hurt, but when I was far away from them, No one knew who I was.
Isla and I grew close when I started college. She was studying photography and saw me under a tree. We'd hung out before, but never really talked. With her I felt free to be whoever I was. I told her about high school, she knew most of it anyone because her parents had filled her in. She quickly became my best friend. One I knew I could trust.
After college, I found a job, and began to live a normal life, and by normal I mean I live alone, in a small 2 bedroom house with four cats, no prospective boyfriends, and my V card is still firmly attached.
I'm not scarred by the past... not at all.
Chapter 1
"I hope they get here soon. I wanted to talk to them before Xavier arrives" My mom whispered, her green eyes shone with worry. My father just wrapped his arms around her and whispered something. She melted, as she always did and nodded.
I held back a scowl. Why I had agreed to subject myself to a dinner, celebrating the impending graduation of the boy who made my life hell in high school, was beyond me. Still, we hadn't had a big "family" get together in a while, and I missed everyone being together at once. Isla would be here too, so it would bearable. Just.
"Scarab, how's work" My father said changing the subject from the obnoxious Xavier Marc Smith. I smiled, pleased to take part in the new direction the conversation had taken.
"Good. I'm really beginning to fit in I think" I replied with a smile. "The kids love me, but I look like mom and Toni, so go figure"
Mom screwed her face up and shook her head.
"You may look like me honey, but they love you because you're you. Not because you bear a resemblance to someone they recognize from a 3 minute music video."
Dad placed his arm over moms should and tugged her toward him "Your mom is right, so don't even think about trying to argue" He smiled.
I shrugged, maybe they were right. Even with my semi normal life I was stopped in the street now and again. People would stare, tilt their heads and blink a few times. I think some of them actually thought they knew me, others recognized me, but they weren't sure from where.
After Ryan and the whole best friend, spread eagle, legs in the air visual extravaganza in high school I'd been treated too and the resulting "daughter of rock star caught up in high school sex tape" stories, I'd learned not to be so trusting of peoples motives. I'd learned to hide in the shadows.
I'd learned to lie to my parents and deny I liked music, or that I was even any good at it. Because I was scared of getting hurt. It might seem stupid to deny yourself something you love, but it saved my heart, and being a preschool teacher, was a pretty awesome 2nd choice.
"Hey guys!! Sorry we're late, the girls wanted to go shopping at the plaza for graduation presents for Xavier!" Janie, my mom's best friend, and loveliest person I knew moved flawlessly into the kitchen, she was carrying a large plate of food in one arm, and wrapped present in the other.
"Oh Janie, I said Nick insisted on Caterers, you didn't have to make anything. It's our treat to you guys" Mom exclaimed, as she kissed Janie on the cheek.
"Oh I know, But Xavier is our son, and we just feel that this is so generous, we wanted to do something little. Besides. We bought it from Andrea's"
A large smile broke on my moms face and she took the plate hungrily. Andrea was an old friend of Dad's and the most amazing pastry chef to ever live. Literally. She made things that would blow your taste buds and keep you coming back for more like it was some kind of drug.
Marc, Janie's husband walked inside a little while after closely followed by Arlo and Lora, their 14 year old twins, each carrying a present.
I frowned. My graduation had been a small affair, and I didn't really get any presents. It wasn't that I wasn't thought of. Dad had asked if I wanted to do something, but I'd said no. Big displays of any kind, weren't my thing.
Xavier on the other hand, being the trouble maker he was seemed to crave the attention. Dad and Marc were looking forward to him finally returning so that they could train him as the next CEO of Booked Out. I was dreading it. My fathers life work, in Xavier 'the tormentor's' hands.
I looked up from my thoughts and noticed a weird kind of atmosphere between my parents, and it was projecting out on to everyone else. Mom went to call Janie aside, but before they could leave the room there was a knock at the foyer door.
Dad walked across the floor and placed his fingers around the door handle. He looked back at Mom, his eyes full of concern, then opened the door. He smiled at Whoever was standing there then stepped to the side.
It's funny how in a matter of a few seconds your entire life changes. I was transported back to my college years, and it was like a real life poster stood in front of me. He was tall, taller than I had expected. His arms were adorned with the beautiful art I'd spent hours admiring while watching music videos, He wore the staple black jeans and t-shirt he always wore, and his long dark hair was down. Why the hell was Vax from 'Going Nowhere' in my kitchen with my family.
"Surprise" He said with a shrug, he looked directly at me and a smirk washed against his perfect face. His hazel eyes glinted with something I couldn't decipher. I could feel my heart beginning to speed up, and my temperature felt like it was actually rising.
"Xavier" Janie exclaimed stepping forward "I don't understand"
Whoa! That was Xavier? Surely not!
"I wanted to tell you Mom, but... well" He looked at Marc and his eyes steeled. He looked angry. It was sexy. I shook my head, still struggling to work out what the hell was going on. Xavier had made my life hell in high school. He'd called me fake and had tagged my locker, he'd posted pictures of me dancing badly at Christmas on the school website. He had been a jerk.
He wasn't Vax. This was just a prank.
"Xavier... What's going on" Marc boomed, not caring about audience he had.
"You wanted me to get educated, you wanted me to run your business! I didn't want to. I wanted to play music!" Xavier pulled a rolling stones magazine from his back pocket and slammed it down on the bench. "You told me I was dreaming. A man in charge of finding new talent told me I was better off getting a 9 to 5 job. You were wrong! And this proves it"
Marc didn't say anything else. Janie stepped forward and hugged Xavier. He seemed surprised, but returned the hug none the less. After that everyone sort of seemed to accept this new development and began to talk about stuff I didn't want to listen. Everyone except Marc and I.
Isla, her sister Grace and their parents Amelia and Josh arrived shortly after the awkward encounter.
They spent the next five minutes gushing over Xavier and how surprised and impressed they were. Isla walked over to me and slung her arm over my shoulder.
"This is actually happening isn't it" She gasped, her tone was amused, she knew about my gigantic crush on Vax.....
"Kill me. Please" I groaned, wishing I'd said no to this stupid dinner after all. Maybe I could think of an excuse. My neighbors dog just ripped out my geraniums maybe? It was hopeless, I was stuck here.
Vax stood in front of me, talking to everyone like something very big hadn't just happened.
"Maybe he's changed" Isla suggested shrugging her shoulders "He sure looks different"
He did look different, but I suddenly couldn't understand how I hadn't seen Xavier before. When his hair was off his face I could see Xavier.
Even I couldn't deny that Xavier had always been good looking, but he'd spent so much of his youth scowling that I'd barely even noticed it.
He wasn't scowling now, he was smiling as he spoke to Nick about his last tour. My stomach flipped as I watched him speak, the butterflies began flitting through me. I shook my head, realizing what was happening and just how absurd it was. It was how I'd felt when I'd looked at posters of Vax, how I'd felt when I'd fantasized about him. I couldn't feel this way about him now that it was clear Vax was Xavier. I had to kill it.
I cleared my throat and shrugged Isla's arm from my shoulder. I ran upstairs and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I leaned up against the vanity and looked at myself in the mirror, the blush of my realization still very evident on my face.
"Get a hold of your Self Jackson." I groaned as I turned on the cold tap. I splashed the water on my face and felt the inappropriate thoughts drain away.
Unfortunately my attempts at cooling myself down were short lived. When I turned around, the door opened and Vax... Xavier walked in. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it.
"Enjoying the view, Scarab" He teased, He wasn't scowling though, and his lips looked entirely kissable. What was I thinking! I frowned he'd called me Scarab. My dad's nickname for me. It was a step up from Dung Beetle. The name he'd given me when we were growing up, so I chose to let it go. I stepped toward the door hoping Xavier would move, but he didn't.
"Come on Xavier. Let me out" I pleaded, the temperature was beginning to rise again, I had to escape before I did something stupid. Something I'd regret.
Xavier shook his head, he took advantage of our closeness and grabbed me by the hips. My breathing hitched and I wondered how on earth I was going to get out of here without looking like a complete idiot.
"Your mom said you used to blast 'Going Nowhere'" He murmured, his voice was low and seductive. I couldn't compute what was happening. Why was he touching me and why wasn't I stopping him. I nodded, I still blasted the band's music, although this new development would change that. All the lyrics had suddenly lost meaning to me. At least that is what I was telling myself.
"I bet you liked me" He crooned, trailing a hand up my stomach, then over the curve of my breast. "I bet you thought about me when you made love to your bookish boyfriends"
I shook my head, I was telling the truth now. I hadn't. Mainly because I hadn't had a boyfriend, and I hadn't made love. Ever. I had thought of him in as I took myself to the brink and back, but he didn't need to know that. Besides, I thought of Vax... the hot sexy lead vocalist, Not Xavier, the boy who made my life hell.
His eyes narrowed and he let out a small chuckle then put both hands on my hips and gracefully, but forcefully turned me until I was the one against the door.
"I see that look in your eye" He whispered, as he moved his head closer to me. "I know you want me"
God, I did want him. I wanted Vax. But I hated how sure of himself he was.
He pressed his lips to my neck, and I bit back a moan. I forced myself to see clarity, to watch what was happening from a birds eye view. Xavier was treating me like a groupie. He had me in a bathroom, melting beneath his hands, and if I'd given him half a chance he would have taken me on the vanity.
I wasn't anyone's groupie, and I certainly wasn't about to give it up to Xavier in a bathroom. I wanted my first time to be special, and preferably with someone I actually liked. Not with Xavier.
I pushed him away, then slapped him hard in the face.
"Stay away from me" I warned "I'm not fooled by this" I said pointing to his get up.
"This?" He laughed. "You mean me"
I nodded and opened the door. "I haven't forgotten how you treated me Xavier, and I won't. Touch me again and I'll have you castrated"
I walked out of the bathroom and back downstairs. Everyone had arrived now, including Toni and my Aunty Alex and her kids. I stayed quiet through dinner, and I kept eye contact with anyone to a minimum. I could feel him watching me though, and it was unnerving. Every time I did stop to speak to someone I could see him out the corner of my eyes. Just a fleeting glance had me melting in my seat.
"You okay?" Isla whispered finally.
I nodded and took a sip of my wine, I wished it was whiskey or bourbon or vodka or some other kind of hard liquor.
"You sure. You've been weird since I got here, Is it cos of Vax?"
"It's Xavier" I replied.
"He keeps looking at you, like he wants to devour you" She leaned in and whispered "What the heck is that about"
I just shrugged, and pretended I had no idea what she was talking about.
"Dad! Look, I am sorry. I am sorry I was such a fucking disappointment to you" Xavier exclaimed somewhat suddenly.
My head shot up in Xavier's direction, as did everyone elses in the large dining room. Xavier stood up and pulled a small piece of paper. He threw it down in front of Marc.
"I never wanted to go in to business. I told you that. You didn't want to listen. But because the bottom line is so important to you, here is the tuition money"
Marc took the check and ripped it up. He looked around the table at all the eyes on him, then up at Xavier, then finally he dipped his head.
"No, I'm sorry." He said. "I should have listened"
Xavier looked taken aback. His face softened, which surprised me. Softness wasn't something I'd expected from either Xavier or Vax. Even when I thought they were two different people, I'd considered them both to be rough around the edges.
"Really?" He mumbled
Marc nodded and stood up. He held his arms open and Xavier, who was still standing up walked into the hug. An unexpected ball of emotion caught in my throat. I felt warm and fuzzy. Why did I care, what hold did Xavier have on me. I took a deep breath and told myself that I really only cared about Marc and Janie. They'd been like my Aunt and Uncle after all.
Xavier and Marc pulled back from their father son embrace, then they both sat back down.
I didn't realize I was still watching Xavier until our eyes met. His soft kissable lips curved into a slight smirk, I wanted to feel them, taste them, and have them taste me.
I closed my eyes for a second, imagined what might had happened had I not left that bathroom.
"Scarlett" Isla whispered, interrupting me from my thoughts "You're making girly sighing sounds... are you okay?"
My eyes shot opened. Xavier was still watching me, but his smirk was gone. His eyes were hungry though, and I knew he wanted me.
I just didn't know why. I was nerdy, and shy and he'd hated me in high school.
I tore my eyes from his and straightened my shirt. I looked sideways at Isla and shrugged.
"I'm not feeling well. I might go home" I replied, softly.
Mom, who was sitting to my right placed her hand to my forehead and clicked her tongue
"You're feeling hot. Maybe you should stay here tonight." She suggested.
I shook my head, not wanting to tell her that the only reason I felt hot was the sex on legs boy staring at me from the other end of the table.
"I'm okay. It's just a cold. I'll uh, slip out quietly" I murmured.
I stood up and walked out the back door without another word.
I hoped no one else had realized, I hoped he hadn't realized.
I needed to get home, have a long cold shower, curl up with my four cats, watch some trashy reality TV and forget that tonight had ever happened.
*****
Available soon on GALATEA. I hope you understand my decision to take my books to Galatea. It has long been my dream to be able to make a living off my work and that dream is finally becoming true!
There you go! The first chapter for this Spinoff book.
I hope you like it, I promise it is going to get so much better from here too!
In other news, I need a cover... I'm going to try and make one, but if anyone wants to have a go at it let me know.
Feel free to follow me on either twitter @eelyah21 or facebook.com/xebbex
Also Going Up the first book is for sale on Amazon (as well as on here.) if you were interested in buying it! http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00M9XPHWM