After sending Jungkook off, I drove back to my house. The entire drive back I held my tears in.
I didn't want to blind myself with water in my eyes while driving. I really didn't want to be in an accident today.
I parked my car in the garage and sluggishly walked into the house, feeling like all the energy in my body had been drained.
It really felt like I was losing him forever even though he was very much alive.
I walked up to my room, still holding in my tears, getting ready to sprawl myself across my bed and cry all night about this.
But when I opened my bedroom door Haechan was sitting quietly on the edge of my bed, a saddened look plastered on his face.
The door creaked slightly when I opened it and it grabbed his attention. He lifted his gaze from the floor to me and my heart clenched when I saw the sorrowful expression on his face.
"Haechan, what are you doing here?"
He stood up off the bed and slowly walked towards me, stopping when he was standing right in front of me.
"I was worried about you when you left me like that you know."
"I'm sorry I left you like that, but it was really important." I tried to defend myself.
"More important than your boyfriend?"
I became silent and I lowered my head, avert his hardened gaze.
I felt guilty the minute he put it that way. I left my boyfriend at a restaurant when I went off to be with my friend, who unfortunately was a guy.
I basically left my boyfriend for another guy.
With the sudden surge of guilt that travelled through my body, I no longer was able to lift my head to look at Haechan.
"What happened to Jungkook that you so urgently had to run to his aid?"
"H-he went back to Busan," I whispered almost inaudibly.
"That's it? He's not dying or anything like that? I expected that he'd be dying because of the urgency you had in your voice. Look at you, you're even crying about this." He scoffed.
"He's one of my best friends Haechan, am I not allowed to cry?" I retorted, lifting my head and began glaring holes into him.
"What's the point in crying? He's not dead, he's just going back to his hometown!"
"Exactly, I'm not going to be able to see him for a very long time."
"And you left me hanging at the restaurant for what? Did you leave me to say goodbye to him?"
"Yes! And if I could go back and do it all again, I would choose to do the exact same thing!"
"Well if that's the case, why don't you just date Jungkook!"
"You know, maybe I should've gone out with him from the start instead of you!"
Haechans eyes flickered with hurt and I quickly covered my mouth when I realised what I said.
The hurt that Haechans eyes displayed earlier was suddenly gone, almost like it was never there, and was replaced by a cold glare.
"Haechan, I didn't mean—"
But before I could finish my sentence he walked straight past me and out the door. I could feel the cold air of Haechans icy aura as he walked past and goosebumps started to appear all over my body.
I don't think I've ever seen him being that cold before. I really must've hurt his feelings for him to act this way.
Why does this always land up like this?
Nothing ever goes as planned. We were perfectly fine this past month. We were a proper couple.
We didn't fight. We could actually be in a room together without saying a single hurtful word.
That is until today. The evening wasn't supposed to turn out like this.
Haechan did overreact though, but that doesn't mean I should've said what I did. I must've really hurt his feelings.
Gosh, I'm such an idiot!
I just ruined this between us, the strong relationship we built over the months – I broke it just two seconds.
Months of work torn to pieces like it was merely nothing. And it's all my fault.
I can't pin this on anyone. This is my doing, nobody else made me do this. Once again my impulsiveness got the better of me.
I walked over to my bed, falling face first into the mattress and burst out into tears. Tear after tear escaped my eyes, falling onto the crimson duvet and soaking it.
Why am I so stupid? I just told Haechan I should never have dated him. That I should never have accepted his confession.
Well, it wasn't much of a confession, but you know what I mean.
I basically said I would trade all our memories together in a heartbeat. Which I never would. Even if my life was on the line, I wouldn't want to forget anything between us, ever.
He means so much to me to give him up. I love him after all. I truly love him, despite all his weird quirks.
He could do anything to me and I wouldn't stop loving him, that's how madly in love I am with him.
But I should've told him that. Instead, I said the complete opposite. I said that I don't give a damn about him, but that's all a lie.
I wasn't just lying to him, but I was lying to myself too. I guess I wasn't ready to let Haechan know that he's the only one who can control my heart.
He's the only one who can make me do whatever he wants without me giving a fight. He could ask me to shoot someone for him and I'd probably do it.
That's the type of hold he has over me.
But after what I said he obviously thinks I'm still locking my heart up and shutting it away from him. He doesn't know that he's already cracked the shell right open.
I cried louder into the mattress as the guilt kept washing over me. It's like it wouldn't stop. The guilt increased as more seconds ticked by.
My heart was ache, the worst sort of ache I've ever felt. My heart was racing at an inhuman speed. It was almost as if someone grabbed onto my heart and started to shake it vigorously.
I heard the creaking of my door opening but I didn't move, I continued to cry into the mattress and ignore whoever just walked in.
Even if it was Haechan coming back, I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye anyway without the guilt getting worse.
I suddenly felt a small hand on my shoulder and I slowly lifted my gaze, catching a pair of brown eyes staring at me with concern and watery eyes.
"Are you okay noona?"
I smiled sadly at the the little boy and nodded my head curtly, try to reassure him I was okay. But I don't think I was too convincing.
As I nodded my head a tear rolled down my cheek, trickling down slowly. That tear felt like it was burning into my skin.
There was even more guilt with that burning sensation because I just lied again. I'm not okay, not even slightly.
The more I lie, the more the tears that travelled down my face would burn.
"Noona I know you're not okay, you don't have to lie about how you feel. You can tell me."
My frown turned into a grin and I let out a slight laugh, but tears continued to fall. This little human is only nine and is acting like a mature adult.
"Thank you Kiyoung-ssi." I got up off the bed and enveloped the innocent little boy in my arms.
I held him gently like he was a fragile object, but tight enough to still feel comforted.
He returned the hug, his arms barely being able to go around me and I grinned happily. I was slowly starting to forget about earliers events and started to focus on the little boy in my arms.
This is the first time since I met him that I've been able to hold him in my arms, and I'm honestly loving the warm feeling it brings.
His skin isn't as pale as it usually is and his lips are now a light pink instead of a deadly white like it used to be.
It's good to see him like this. I hated having to see him so sick in the hospital. It really made my heart ache.
After a long while, I retracted my arms from Kiyoung and beamed at him. The tears stopped pouring down my face a while ago and a warm smile took over while I was still hugging Kiyoung.
There was still traces of tears sticking to my eyelashes and my cheeks were stained by the tears, so you could still tell by that that I had cried.
But if you just look at the smile on my face you would've never believed that I was crying a second ago.
"Thank you for cheering me up." I beamed, ruffling his black hair.
"Your welcome noona. I don't like seeing you cry, it hurts to see you cry." He pouted cutely, his brown eyes growing bigger. He almost looked like Puss In Boots.
"I'll try not to cry anymore, okay?"
"Promise?" He said, sticking his pinky out. I chuckled and wrapped my pinky around his, "I promise."
His cute pout turned into a huge smile the minute I said "I promise" and I couldn't help laughing at the cute little boy.
"I see you two are already getting along really well."
Kiyoung and I both jumped slightly when we heard the deep voice of our father at my bedroom door.
We turned to look at our parents who were standing at my door. My dad had his arm around my mom's shoulder and she snuggled close into his chest.
"How long have you guys been standing there?" I asked my face flushing with red slightly.
"Long enough." My mom answered vaguely, a wide smile spreading across her face.
"I'm so happy to see you two already acting like brother and sister." My mom said excitedly.
"We are brother and sister, mom." I rolled my eyes playfully.
"You know what I mean." My mom groaned and my dad and I started laughing.
"How about we go out to eat tonight and have our first ever full family dinner?" My dad suggested.
Kiyoung and I looked at each other and in perfect sync, we looked back at our parents and nodded our head vigorously.
"What do you guys want?"
As if we share the same mind, Kiyoung and I replied at the same time, "steak!"
Our parents chuckled at us and my mother said, "you two really are siblings."
Kiyoung and I bother giggled.
We really are related, there's no doubt about it. We like slightly similar but our mannerisms are what confirm that we are definitely siblings.
"Everybody get ready. We'll be leaving in twenty minutes, so hurry up." My father said before walking away with my mom.
I stood up off the floor that I had been sitting on the entire time and looked over Kiyoung.
"You should probably go get dressed, I'll meet you downstairs," I said and started to walked out my room when Kiyoung soft voice spoke again, stopping me in my tracks.
"Noona, I don't remember where my room is..."
"Come with me then," I said and his frown turned into a wide smile once more.
He hopped over to me and I showed him where his room was. I stood outside his room, waiting for him to get finished.
He was scared he would be lost so he asked me to wait for him outside. He gave me those puppy eyes so I couldn't say no. It would've been cruel to say no.
After he was finished getting ready we made our way downstairs and met up with our parents who were waiting for us with grins on their faces.
_______
YO bitches, finally you got an update!!!
I'm sorry for not updating so often, writer's block has really been a bitch😒
Anyhoo...
THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!!! Huhuhu, I'm gonna cry😢 thank you soooooooooo much for 8k+ reads!!!!!!!!
I love you guys so much and I'm so grateful to all of you❤️💜
Thank you!!!!!!!!
Also Love Shot is a fucking BOP!!! It's DEFINITELY one of my favourite song of this year.
It's amazing. Wonderful. unbeliBUBBLE. Fan-tas-tic.
And no one can say otherwise...