I thought Ace would be home the next day, but it was requested that he stay for a few more days, for even more chemo.
"Here, read this letter," Ace called me over to sit on his bed.
"To the parents/guardians of Ace Vaillancourt: patient in room 620. Although we have taken Ace through many chemotherapy treatments and tests, we have determined that there is nothing else we can do. We are deeply sorrowed to announce that he has about 2-3 months left to live.
We are sorry for your loss and we will help with anything if needed."
I knew there would come a time when he would die, but I didn't want it to be now. I was in denial and didn't even know what to say, or do.
"You can't die, you can't leave me here!" I whispered, in utter shock.
"Camilla," He grabbed my hand and held it for a moment. We didn't talk, it was all just sinking in. "There's nothing anyone can do about it."
"Ace, you have to take me with you, I don't want to stay here alone!"
We both sat there, tears streaming down my face as it really began to sink in that this was a reality. Cancer is going to win. Once again, taking away a precious life.
"I know it's not your fault, but I just can't think about leaving this hospital room without you. Ace, you're my best friend and I don't want you to leave me."
"Camilla, I want you to know, you've been there for me through the ups and downs. You're my best friend, my number one supporter. I can't even thank God enough for you."
At home, nothing could distract me from thinking about losing Ace. I talked to God, gave him my worries and anxieties. I don't think I've ever experienced this kind of pain, this is worse than when we first found out he had cancer.
"Are you okay Camilla?"
"Yeah, I'm alright. I mean, I will be alright." I said smiling.
We were listening to Ed Sheeran while lying down in his bed.
"I really want to dance with you." Ace said slowly getting up.
"I don't think you should be getting out of bed Ace." I said pulling him back.
"I'll be fine." He said. "Come on, it's Ed Sheeran, we have to dance."
"Fine." I smiled, standing up to dance with him. Maybe this will get my mind off things.
He put his hands around my neck and we slowly danced together. This is what I live for; these beautiful moments.
We danced together and our foreheads touched together as I smiled looking into his eyes.
"I love you." Ace said grinning.
"I love you too. Are you feeling okay?" I asked him, seeing as he looked pale in the face.
"I'm fine." He said.
"No, Ace. You have to lie down." I spoke sternly. "I won't let you continue to hurt yourself over a stupid dance."
"Fine. But dancing with you isn't stupid." He sighed, whining.
I dragged him back in bed.
"Camilla, I'm fine."
"I'm going to go get water for you." I said, getting up.
"Camilla. I am fine." Ace said.
"You are not! Ace stop being so stubborn, you're not acting like yourself today. Is something wrong? Other than the bad news?"
"It's nothing, I promise."
"Ace..."
"Camilla. I'm totally okay." He said yawning.
I walked out of the room to go get him water. I saw Riley out in the hall and asked her what was up with Ace.
"Riley! Is Ace okay?" I asked. "Kind of a dumb question, I know. But it just seems like something is bothering him, other than the bad news he got. He's acting really strange. He hasn't been himself lately."
"He's probably just upset about the news and afraid of dying. He just needs time alone I think. This news has been really hard for all of us." Tears welled up in her eyes.
I hugged Riley tight and kept reassuring her that in the end, it would all be okay. "I know this really sucks Riley. I'm hurting too." I choked up.
I walked away and went to the water dispenser and got him a cup. When I walked back in I saw Dakota. They were talking and Dakota was awfully close to him. Too close for my liking. I didn't go fully in to the room but I decided to still listen in on their conversation.
"I can't tell Camilla." Ace muttered. "She'll be heartbroken."
"I know but she has to find out eventually. She's our best friend. It's important for her to know."
"But Camilla won't be okay with it. She loves me."
"Do you love her?" Dakota asked. "You know that if you still love her, we won't work."
"Yes, but it's hard to be with her. She's my best friend and we've been friends since we were so young. I kind of want to get to know other girls. And I'm trying really hard to get over her. I promised, but we just have so must history."
"I don't think our relationship will work anymore Ace. We've been keeping it from her for too long. She has to know about us." Dakota whispered. "I miss being completely honest with her."
"I'll tell her but not yet." Ace said. "We just learned that I only have two months to live. I can't hurt her twice."
"You only have two months?" Dakota sighed. "I'm so sorry Ace."
"I should have told you but I couldn't find the time. Being with you is so difficult. I can't think of any more excuses to see you."
"I'm so sorry Ace. This relationship has been so hard."
"It's okay. It's our fault for not telling anyone."
"I'm going to miss you Ace," Dakota cried. "Please don't leave me." She sighed. Now she starts crying.
They hugged and Ace was looking at Dakota the way he used to look at me. To see them look at each other that way hurts. I'm sure I would support their relationship if they had just been honest with me in the first place but they went behind my back! I can't believe them. I know Ace and I aren't dating but they haven't been honest with me about their relationship. He continually tells me that he loves me, is he living a lie?
"I have to go, Ace." Dakota smiled placing her hand in his. "I'll be praying about us."
"I'll be praying too. Let's agree to tell her together. And everyone else."
"Okay," Dakota sighed looking at Ace.
"You're so beautiful Dakota." Ace smiled back.
Dakota just giggled. Giggled?! Ace always used to make me giggle when he would call me beautiful.
Apparently, Riley was wrong, this is what Ace is upset about.
I waited for Dakota to leave before I entered Ace's room again.
"Hey, Cam" Ace smiled. "Thanks for the water."
"Of course," I said handing him the water. This is so awkward. "Are you feeling any better?" I asked.
"Yeah, thank you for the water. It helps."
I had my guitar so I brought it out to loosen the tension in the air.
"You're getting really good." He smiled. I played A Little Too Much by Shawn Mendes. He started singing and he sounded amazing. We sang together for a while and it just made me feel so much better. As we sang the lyrics together it kind of reminded me of myself. Everything lately has been a little too much. In the middle of the song I just played and stopped singing. I listened to Ace. His voice is so perfect. I started crying a little bit, just a few tears streaming down my cheeks.
"Cam," He sighed. I didn't listen I just kept playing. I really didn't want to talk to him about this. It's embarrassing how much I cry about the stupidest things.
"Don't cry." He whispered.
"I can't stop." I quaked, putting my guitar down. I swallowed a huge lump in my throat.
"Camilla," Ace said. "Stop worrying about everything."
"How? It's impossible. No matter where I go, there's something wrong that pops up. I just don't want to talk about it anymore."
"We have to talk Camilla; it's the only way I'll be able to know how you're feeling."
"I can't even make it through one day without crying." I whispered. Ace wiped the tears from my cheeks.
"I don't blame you! You have been through so much in the past year."
"I just feel like I should be stronger but I-"
"Don't feel that way Cam! If you can't keep it together, everyone will understand."
"I miss when everything in the world was okay. I wish you weren't sick. I wish Micah didn't take advantage of me. I wish we didn't get in that crash. I wish my mum didn't cheat on my dad! I wish I was dead!" I sobbed. "I wish when I was born, I just died. Then I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't have to go through this! I hate my life!" Just before I could say anything more, Ace started crying.
"Camilla, don't say that." He teared up.
"How can I not? I wouldn't be in such pain if I was never born! Everything would be much better if I wasn't here."
Ace just kept sobbing.
"Why are you crying?" I asked.
"If you weren't here, where would I be right now?" He asked.
"You'd be better off without me."
"No, I would probably be dead Camilla! You've helped me, saved my life. No one could even compare to how much you've helped me."
"You probably would've met another girl and fell in love with her." I whispered. "Like Dakota or something." I sighed.
"There's no one in the world I'd want to fall in love with than you."
Why is he lying to me right now?
"I'm so in love with you Camilla. I can't stop thinking about you. Every day I think about you more and more and how much I really do love you. So don't say that my life would be better without you. Because you could never compare to anyone and you've touched my life in such a wonderful way that no one else could ever do Cam. And I mean it. You're my rock, my world, my joy. And I know my life would never be anywhere close to the same if you weren't here, by my side. I know it wasn't a coincidence that you came to Vancouver and met me. It was God's plan for us. He has such a special plan for us put together. And I don't really think the plan would ever work out if only half of the plan was alive. Are you crying again?" He asked, as I started sobbing. This time they were tears of joy.
"I'm so thankful for you Ace," I smiled, hugging him and crying into his shirt.
"If it ever gets too much for you, Cam, you can always come to me. No matter what, I'll be here for you. Because I'm so in love with you, and I could never fall in love with someone else the way I've fallen for you."
Even though I just saw Ace and Dakota together, his words mean so much to me, and I don't care about anything else. I just want him.