[AN: So part of this chapter has been in my head since I came up with this idea. This song by Westlife actually sparked the idea for this story. I was originally going to call it “shadows” because as you can see all the girls can’t let go of the shadows of the past in their lives. The song is attached at the side. I really hope you like this chapter in particular. The italics are the song! I only put portions of the lyrics in, not the whole song.]
[NORA’S POV]
Why exactly am I sneaking through a hotel hallway? I’m a grown woman. What is the point of sneaking around a hotel at three in the morning? What am I thinking? I cussed as I bumped into yet another one of the godforsaken tables that this hotel insists on putting into the hallways as decoration. I was going to have so many bruises by morning. I crept closer until I finally reached my destination. I stood in front of his door with my hand raised above my head ready to knock, but I hesitated. Why was I here?
After finally getting the girls to settle down I had crawled into the bed in my room supremely exhausted, but sleep wouldn’t come to me. I figured it was the quiet of the room that was keeping me from sleeping so I tucked my iPod headphones into my ears and put it on shuffle. I was starting to fall asleep when I heard it. I played that song on repeat several times as I cried alone in my bed.
Have you ever heard a song that perfectly describes your life in that moment? A song that captivates you and puts crazy ideas in your head? No? Maybe it’s just me then. When the song “Shadows” by Westlife came on my iPod all my emotions came rushing at me. I know it’s corny to say it, but this song was all about me.
Morning after
Still lingers
Just waking up
I see a shadow of you
Making breakfast for two
I hum the start of the song to myself. It took me back to all those mornings with David. How he would smile as he cooked me breakfast every morning. Before David I never ate breakfast. I preferred to sleep in over getting up to toast some bread.
But I see shadows
Everywhere that I go
It's you, reminding me
Of how we were
Of how it was
I see shadows
Everywhere they follow
It's you and memories
Of how we loved
I've had enough of your shadows
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I could do this. I opened my eyes and they caught on the ring on my left hand. I gently pried it off looking at it. It had been David’s promise to me. It was a symbol of all of our memories together. But I had to let him go. I couldn’t hold onto a ghost any longer.
Four months gone
I can't feel you
I don't understand it
Where did you go?
I hate that you're all that I know
I let my hand fall to my side as I looked from the ring to the hotel room door. One symbolized my past and the other led to my future. That is if Louis was able to forgive me. I knew that I had burned him several times. I always claimed it was because I couldn’t let go of David, but I now realized how much I was deluding myself. David left me after only a short time together. I hate myself for not being able to let him go. I hated that he was all that I knew.
I'm not gonna tell ya
I'm not gonna say that I'm okay, no
But I see shadows
Everywhere that I go
It's you, reminding me
Of how we were
Of how it was
I see shadows
Everywhere they follow
It's you and memories
Of how we loved
I've had enough of your shadows
When I first met Louis there was something special about him. He made me smile a genuine smile. He made me want to forget. My past. David. My heartache. I raised my arm up again and knocked softly. I heard a rustle behind the door before it swung open.
“Nora?” Louis asked softly as he stood in the door.
You couldn't love me
So why won't you leave me?
Shadows
Alone is the only place I want to be
I see shadows
Everywhere that I go
It's you, reminding me
Of how to love
I've had enough
I see shadows
Everywhere they follow
It's you, the memories
Of how we loved
I've had enough
I studied his face. His smile was gone and dark circles were evident under his eyes. He was wearing flannel pajama pants and a white t-shirt. His clothes and hair were rumpled as if he had been tossing and turning all night. I looked back down at the ring and gently tucked it into my pocket. I had to let him go. I had to move away from the shadows.
“Nora what are you doing here?” Louis asked.
“I—I need to talk to you,” I said stepping forward. He stayed where he was not letting me into the room.
“Can’t it wait until morning?” That stung, but I understood. I had led him on only to break his heart time and time again. I wouldn’t want to see me either.
“Please. Just invite me in. Please.” He ran his hand through his hair before sighing and stepping back. I raced into the room before he could change his mind. I saw that the door to Louis’ bedroom was open, but the bed looked like no one had even slept in it yet. My gaze wandered the small living area of the suite to see the sofa cushions strewn about. There were snacks and trash all around the sofa. The television was on softly playing an infomercial of some sort. I looked over at Louis who was watching me nervously.
“I guess I’m still too energized from the concert,” he said shrugging his shoulders pathetically. “I just can’t fall asleep.” He shook his head and seemed to give himself an internal pep talk. His soft smile was replaced by a hard look. “What do you want Nora? It’s three in the morning after all. We should both be in bed.”
“I need to talk to you about David.” His scowl grew heavier.
“I don’t want to hear it.” I blinked back my tears.
“Please Louis. Just let me talk—“
“I’m tired of hearing his name,” Louis hissed. “It’s always David this. Or David that. I get it okay. You are still in love with David. I can never measure up to him so I should just quit trying. I’m never going to be the perfect person that David was.” I felt the anger boil up inside of me. I wasn’t angry at him. I was angry at myself. I had done this to him. I had broken his heart and filled it with a fear of inadequacy.
“DAVID WASN’T PERFECT!!!” I shouted. Louis froze looking at me in shock. Probably because I was yelling at three in the morning. I couldn’t stop. “HE WAS FAR FROM PERFECT!!!”
“W—what?” Louis asked flabbergasted. He seemed dazed and confused by my sudden reaction.
“Yes, I love David. I will always love David, but he was never perfect. He left his dirty clothes everywhere. He always thought Annie could do no wrong. She is a great girl don’t get me wrong, but she snuck plenty past him. He never learned to tie a tie. Oh and he had this obsession with math. I mean seriously, math?” [AN: Random shit I know.]
“Nora, are you feeling okay?” I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror on the wall. I looked like a raving lunatic. Maybe I was going about this the wrong way. I sighed.
“The point is David wasn’t perfect and I loved him for it. I still love him.”
“And you would be with him still if he hadn’t died. We would have met the girls, but you would have been with David.” He looked like a puppy that had been kicked. I had done that to him. This once vibrant boy was hurt because I had rejected him. For what exactly? A shadow of a life I once had?
“But David did die, Lou,” I said softly looking him directly in the eyes. “He did die. I can’t keep standing here pretending that the only thing keeping me from my happiness isn’t my own fear. I’m terrified Lou, but I can’t let that stop me anymore. You don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve it. It’s a waste of a perfectly good heart and an insult to David’s memory and all he left me.”
“What are you trying to say Nora?” I took a deep breath. Now was the time to tell him. David would want me to move on. He would want me to love again. He had shown me that we all deserve to love and be loved.
“I know I might be too late. I know I hurt you too much. You can probably never forgive me, and I probably look like some desperate loser showing up in your room this early in the morning—“
“Nora just tell me!” I watched the hope spring up in his eyes. They seemed to flash with warmth and confusion. It was now or never.
“I love you Louis.”
[LOUIS’ POV]
I’m hallucinating. I overdosed on all those sugary snacks after the concert, and I must now be in a sugar coma. Someone will find my body in my hotel room in the morning. What a way to go. Comatose from sugar. No. Wait. Sugar comas don’t actually happen. I’m probably just dreaming. Yeah. That’s it. I must have fallen asleep on the couch and dreamed of Nora. That one wasn’t too farfetched. All my dreams were about Nora. It’s why I had decided to stay up instead of sleep. I didn’t want to fall into the trap of imagining something I could never have. She pulled me to her and then immediately pulled away. She kissed me on the cheek, and then she pushed me away from their family meeting. Liam got to come, but not me. I wasn’t family. I never would be. The sooner I got that through my mind the better.
“Lou? Lou, please say something,” dream Nora said waving a hand in front of my face. I smiled down at her. Maybe one last dream couldn’t hurt.
“This all feels so real,” I said pulling her close.
“Of course it’s real,” she said struggling free so she could look up at me. “Lou, do you feel the same way?”
“What does it matter?” I replied. “When I wake up you will be gone. Then real life Nora will appear and screw with my heart some more. That’s how it always works.”
“Damn it Lou!” she shouted pulling out of my arms and smacking me hard. “This isn’t a dream!” She smacked me again across the face. Ow. That really hurt. This wasn’t how dream Nora acted. This girl was just like real life Nora. Oh shit.
“This isn’t a dream?” I asked holding my jaw. She shook her head no before sighing and marching off to the kitchen. She returned later with an ice pack that she held to my jaw. “Hey! That’s cold.”
“I shouldn’t have hit you. But seriously, how could you think this was a dream?” I pulled the ice pack from my jaw and set it on the coffee table.
“Because the only time I have heard those words from your lips were when they came from dream Nora.”
“Dream Nora? Just how many of these dreams have you had?”
“Is that really important right now?”
“I guess not. I just didn’t think I would have to spend the time after I confessed my love for you convincing you that you weren’t asleep. Is it that hard to believe that I could be in love with you in real life?”
“You turned me down numerous times. What else was I supposed to think?” She wrapped her arms around my waist holding me tight. This felt right. It was so much better than any of my dreams.
“I’m sorry Lou. I let my fear take over. I allowed it to make me hurt you like that. I do love you, and I want to give us a chance if you’re willing.” I held her tight as I thought it over. She could hurt me again. She could do all of this, and then in the morning she could pull away from me again. How did I know that this time she was telling me the truth? That she wouldn’t leave? That she wouldn’t break my heart once again? I pulled out of the hug and held her out in front of me.
“Say it again.” I stared straight into her eyes.
“I’m sorry? Say what again?”
“Tell me that you love me again. I—I need to be sure about something.”
“I love you,” she said with a soft smile. Her smile was so sincere and heartwarming. Her eyes were filled with love for me, and a small glimmer of hope as she waited for me to respond.
“I just needed to be sure,” I said before I pulled her close capturing her lips in a searing kiss. Finally. Finally I felt her lips on mine. She smiled against my lips and I softly bit on her bottom lip making her gasp. I took advantage of the moment to match my tongue to hers as I softly explored her mouth. Her hands slid under the back of my t-shirt and traveled up under my shoulder blades. The heat of her hands seared my back. I trailed my hand down her waist sticking my hand under the waist of the thin pajama shorts she was wearing pushing them downward. She sighed against my mouth before pulling my t-shirt from my body.
“I need you,” she said coming back to my arms once I had shed my shirt. I grasped the hem of her tank top and pulled it off. She stood there in just her underwear smiling at me with pure happiness etched on her face. This was beyond my wildest dreams. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the bedroom. Towards the bed I had avoided not wanting to get lost in dreams of what would never happen. Dreams of her. “Lou, wait.” She held a hand to my naked chest stopping me before I could lay her on the bed.
“What?” I asked on a frustrated groan. I was tired of the interruptions. I wanted to feel her beneath me. I wanted to be inside her. I wanted to make love to her now and every single day of our future together. I would make sure we had a future together.
“I just—I was wondering—does this mean--?” She broke off unsure of how to phrase her question.
“Nora, what are you trying to ask me?” She looked up at me with such earnest eyes.
“Louis, do you love me too?” I laughed at the simplicity of her question. I couldn’t believe she even had to ask.
“Nora, I have loved you from the moment that we met. And I plan on loving you for the rest of our lives. Together. Never doubt that okay?” She smiled standing up on her tippy toes to kiss me sweetly. I grabbed her close and pulled her onto the bed stroking down the side of her body. Tonight my dreams came true. Tonight the woman I loved made my greatest wish come true. She loved me back.
[THE NEXT MORNING]
I whistled as I rummaged in the small room fridge for some breakfast. Nora was passed out in my bed snuggled under the covers. We had made love for several hours finally falling asleep in each other’s arms at around seven this morning. She could use the rest. I smirked as I thought of how worn out she must be from our time together. Finally, I could hold her in my arms. Finally I could tell everyone that she loved me back.
“Please tell me you have something besides carrots in that fridge,” a sleepy voice asked from behind me. I turned to see Nora standing in the small kitchen wearing nothing but my shirt. It covered her just barely, but she didn’t appear shy in front of me after last night.
“I was thinking we could order in room service,” I suggested pulling her close. “I ate most of my food last night while watching those stupid infomercials. My fridge is kind of bare. I nibbled on her neck before pulling away and smiling. Now she had a small love bite to the match the one on the other side.
“How about we just go out for breakfast?” Nora suggested with a smile. “But first I need to go back to my room and check on the girls. I don’t want them to know that I spent the night here.” A frown immediately found its way on my face. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that I need to set a good example for them. Sneaking out of the room to tell my boyfriend how much I love him is fine. Sneaking out of the room to have sex gives the wrong impression.”
“You are an adult. I’m pretty sure you can get away with doing whatever you want.”
“True. But as long as I’m the girls’ guardian I need to set a good example. What if they saw me right now?” she giggled.
“They would tell you to please go put some clothes on,” a familiar male voice called out. We both turned to see Liam standing in the near the couch in the suite watching us both. Nora squeaked and scurried around to hide herself behind me as I laughed.
“Liam, why are you in MY room?” I asked still laughing.
“Where did he even get a key?” Nora asked.
“My key is programmed to open all the rooms in case of an emergency,” Liam said as if it was the most natural thing in the world. For Liam it was. Just as Nora had an overprotective eye on her sisters, Liam did his best to keep us lads in line. I was used to him popping up in my hotel rooms unannounced. Today was our day off though so finding him here was a little odd. Often he just came to remind me about signings and such.
“Is there some promo event I don’t remember?” I asked as Nora clutched my waist resting her cheek against my back. Even if there was I wasn’t going. I had breakfast with my new girlfriend to attend.
“Um…no,” Liam said shyly. “You know what? Never mind.”
“Was there something you wanted to ask Lou’s help with before you discovered I was here?” Nora asked peeking from behind me. “Maybe a favor to do with one of my sisters?” Liam’s eyes bulged out of his head. What can I say? My girl got it spot on. “Liam James Payne tell me what is going on now.” She had now barged out in front of me with her hands on her hips.
“Can you please put some actual clothes on first?” Liam asked meekly. She sighed and marched into the bedroom coming out with my boxers on tying her curls up on the top of her head with a ponytail holder. Damn she looked good in my clothes. “I guess that will work for now.”
“Speak Liam. What is wrong?” Nora barked. He looked startled.
“Li, why did you come here?” I asked softly. He took a deep breath.
“We can’t find Annie,” Liam said. Nora’s eyes became worried and I walked up pulling her into my arms. I could feel her shake slightly against me. “We couldn’t find you either, but I guess you were here all night. Sam and Kate woke up to find you gone and Christine sleeping in Annie’s bed.”
“Christine?” I asked before Nora could. “Well then she has to know where Annie is.”
“She won’t say a word,” Liam confirmed. “She says it’s none of our business, and that’s he is covering for a friend. Sammy is really worried, but Kate just keeps telling us not to worry. They came to my room looking for help. I thought Lou could help me search the hotel since he—“
“Is a lonely old man doing nothing?” I supplied. Liam blushed confirming that he had indeed thought that. “What about Zayn? He’s single.”
“Waking up Zayn is impossible, and you know it,” Liam said crossing his arms.
“So Christine definitely won’t talk?” Nora asked. Liam shook his head yes. “That key gets you into every room on this floor?” Liam nodded again. I could see the wheels turning in her head.
“What are you thinking babe?” I asked softly.
“If Christine won’t tell me where my sister is we will go to each and every room until we find someone who will.”
“I take it breakfast is postponed?”
“Don’t worry sweets,” she said with a wicked grin. “I promise to make it up to you later.” Oh I would hold her to that promise.
[AN: OMG ANNIE! WHERE DID YOU GO? Any guesses? We find out in the next chapter!]