warning: long chapter XD
Natasha's pov:
1:28
'are you ready?' Reads the text from Clint.
Natasha: 'yeah. wby?'
Clint: 'born ready'
Natasha: 'good. meet me outside your room. now.'
Clint: 'k'
Did he just 'k' me? I might hurt him.
I quietly exit my room and stand impatiently outside Clints room.
The door opens. Slowly and carefully, he steps out and closes the door. He's wearing all black. A black hoodie, black jeans, and black boots. He looks at my outfit.
"Nice outfit." He whispers.
"I know. I like yours too, now lets go. Got your wallet?" I whisper back.
"Yeah. Let's go." He starts walking towards the stairs, and I follow.
We head to the stairs because they will be quieter than the elevator.
"Where you going?" We hear a deep quiet voice from behind us.
We turn around to see Bucky leaning on the wall behind us, also dressed in dark attire.
"Out." I respond, still making sure to be quiet.
"Where to?" He asks coolly, crossing his arms.
"Bowling." Clint quickly responds, just above a whisper.
"...You expect me to believe that?" He asks unamused.
We're beyond the point of recovery.
Me and Clint bolt down the stairs at the same time. Where we reading each others minds? Bucky is following close behind. We're rushing down the stairs as quietly as possible. Again, me and Clint both get the idea to jump and skip levels. Bucky still follows, jumping after us. Me and Clint make it to the bottom floor, now all we have to do is outrun and outmaneuver him. Me and Clint split up. He follows me, of course. He's faster, so I'll have to outsmart him. It wont be easy, though. I watch as Clint makes it out the door. He already knows what to do. Now, all I have to do is last a little longer in this game of tag. I have a little bit of distance, so I stop and turn to him. He slows down to a stop when he sees me cracking my knuckles. We lock eye contact as I crack and pop every single one of my knuckles. He takes a few steps forward slowly and cautiously. He knows that I'll fight him. I ball my hands into fists, and he stops. I take a fighting stance. He seems off put. I hear a honk outside and know what it means. He does too, and gives me a look that says 'no'. He reaches out his metal hand as if asking to grab my own. I slowly back up to the doors, and he takes a few steps forward. I turn around and dart through the door, the Winter Soldier not far behind. I hop in the car as fast as humanly possible and Clint speeds off, leaving the Winter Soldier to stare.
"Nice. I knew you wouldn't leave me." I smile.
"Of course I wouldn't. This was your plan." He smiles back.
We drive to the liquor store and get a few bottles of vodka and whiskey. We carry them all out in two plastic bags.
On the way back, we have a nice little conversation.
"We are so dead when we get back." Clint laughs.
"I know. Bucky, Tony, and Steve are all gonna kill us when we get back." I add.
"This is gonna suck." He says, still smiling.
"Was it worth it though?" I ask.
"Oh absolutely." He responds sincerely.
"Hm. Good." I grin.
...
When we arrive back to the tower, a carry one bag while Clint carries the other. We stroll up the stairs because again, we need to be quiet. It's only 2 o clock.
"You hide these in you room. You are good at hiding alcohol." He whispers on the walk up the stairs.
"Ok. Good idea. I hope Bucky's not waiting for us..." I tense up a little at the thought of how mad he'll be.
"That's scary." He furrows his brows.
"Yeah." I sigh.
We finally reach our level, and don't see anybody at first.
"I don't see anyone. I think he gave up." Clint whispers as we enter the living room.
"Look again." My stomach drops as I see a dark figure leaning the the corner of the room; where it's darkest.
"Oh." I can feel how Clint just died a little inside.
We both know we're fucked.
He slowly starts walking toward us, arms crossed.
"Nope." Clint hands me the bag he was carrying and darts to his room.
I feel a little betrayed.
I dart to my own room and try to shut the door, but a dark boot steps in the doorway.
"Shit."
He pushes the door open. I try pushing it closed again but he's stronger than me. He looks angry.
"Ok, what do you want?" I sigh.
...
"I'm telling Steve." I responds quietly.
"Really? You're such a tattle." I try shutting the door again.
He stops the door again.
"You're both in trouble."
"Oh, I'm terrified." I cock my head to the side "How will I ever hide these bottles?" I whine sarcastically.
"Don't even try it." I see a faint smile that he's trying to hide on his face.
"I can't help it. And don't pretend like you don't like it." I grin and lean my arm on the doorway.
"You like this stuff too, why are you siding with Steve?" I continue.
"He's right. You do have a problem." He says softly.
"Nobody ever tries to stop Stark. Why are you trying to stop me?" I ask.
"Fuck Stark. I don't give a shit about Stark. Besides, we have cut him off before too." He answers.
"Well, I need this." I say dismissively and try to shut the door again.
Again, he stops it.
"Why?" He asks instantly, not wasting any time.
"Because- I just- I need it. I'm not gonna tell you why." I explain to the best of my abilities.
"That's not answering my question." He now shows his suspicion clearly.
"Can I just go to bed?" I ask coolly, knowing I can't answer that question.
"Don't change the subject. Why? What's wrong with you?" He presses.
"That's not a question I can answer, James." Trying not to lose the false smile.
"Why not?" He asks.
Ok, now he's scaring me.
"Because, I-" I sigh. "You wouldn't understand." I decide to drop the smile, instead of forcing it.
"Try me." He says.
I really don't wanna tell him, but it seems like I have no other choice at this point.
"It helps me fall asleep." I stare down at the floor, not even daring to make eye contact anymore.
...
Silence.
Finally he breaks the painful silence.
"I'm sorry."
What.
"What?" I ask, still not looking up at him.
"I know that it goes deeper than that. Nobody ever gets an alcohol dependency for a good reason. It's always problems. Mental issues that haven't been resolved are drowned by alcohol. I'm sorry." He says softly.
"There are better ways to fix your problems." He continues.
"Well I haven't found those better ways yet, James, so this is what I do for now." I tell him a peice of the truth, so that it sounds more real and he wont ask for more information.
"Ask for help. We're here for you."
"No. Ask for help? You know just as well as I do that I can't do that." I'm on the verge of tears.
"Why not?" He asks.
"I'm not going against years worth of training to ask for help. What do you think they were teaching us in the red room, James? They were teaching us how to survive on our own. They were teaching us to keep all of our emotions and feelings to ourselves. I'm not going to go against what I've been taught since I was four." I snap.
"That's the point of freedom, Natalia. That's your decision now. Now you have the option." He says calmly.
"I can't." I state as coolly as possible now.
"You're going to destroy yourself, Natalia. Drop the act." He speaks in a light tone.
"What act?" I force a laugh.
"That one. You're destroying yourself." He says again.
"Then so be it. I'm used to it." I am trying my hardest not to break down right now.
I try to shut the door again. He stops it ans pushes it open again.
"I hate seeing you like this. Please, don't hurt yourself for pride."
"It doesn't hurt. I'm fine." I pull the biggest fucking lie, and he catches that.
"You're lying." He calls me out.
"I wouldn't want people worrying about me anyway." I'm breaking, but I keep a cool voice.
"We wont worry too much, princess. We know how strong you are." I can hear a grin.
I still can't look up at him.
A single tear falls to the floor; I think he saw it too.
"Why are you so stubborn?" I can hear the lightest laugh.
"Those are just the kind of people you attract." I smile faintly.
"You aren't stubborn the same way Steve is. One thing you do have in common though; you never know when to give up." I can still hear a sad smile.
He's purposely breaking me.
No.
"...Stop." I can't lie to this man.
"Stop what?" He asks.
"Why are you doing this to me? Just let me go to bed." I try to not sound like I'm crying.
"Because, I need you to break right now."
"Just give up. It wont happen." I don't know how much longer I'll last.
"I can hear your voice shaking. Are you sure?" He knows I'm crying.
I bet he even sees the tears slowly falling to the floor.
"Stop." I whisper angrily. I grab the door handle and squeeze it.
I try to close the door again, and again, he stops it. I keep pressing, trying to overpower him.
"Stop fighting, Natalia." He says in a soft voice.
I need to leave. Now. I cup my hand over my mouth to prevent anything from escaping. Why him? Why did it have to be him? Of all people, he makes hiding this stuff the hardest. We know each other too well. I just doesn't work. It's a good thing that Clint can be so oblivious, or else he'd be a problem too.
"You need to take down some of these walls. Nobody's going to hurt you for it anymore, Natalia." He whispers.
I take my hand off my mouth to speak.
"Stop." I squeak.
"Not until you break this wall." He says pretty monotone. He grabs my wrist softly.
I take his hand off my wrist. I turn around and walk over to the other side of my bed. I sit on the floor behind the bed so he can't see me. I curl into a ball and tuck my knees into my chest. I also put my face down, so he can't see the tears.
As I hoped he wouldn't, he's following. I hear slow approaching, heavy footsteps.
"Natalia."
"Go away." I try to sound angry, but can hear the tears in my own voice. Crap.
He hugs me from the side.
"No. Not until this wall is destroyed. We'll take it one wall at a time." He says.
"Stop." My final attempt to lose him before I fully break.
He lets go of me and walks away. Did it work?
I hear the door shut.
Finally.
I lift my head up slowly just to see him right next to me on one knee again. It scared the shit outta me and I put my head back down. I hear shuffling. He has both hands on either side of my face and lifts my head up to look at him, right in front of me now. I quickly put on a neutral face again and forcing back any more tears.
"I know you were just crying, don't try to cover that up too. I wont work with me sweetheart. Stop fighting. I'm tired of seeing you in pain. End the war. Please. Take it from a veteran." He smiled softly at that last sentence, and I did too.
"Break. The wall."
I put my legs down, sitting criss cross. He takes his dog tags off and puts them around my neck.
That's it. I'm done. He did it. He broke me.
Tears are streaming down my face nonstop now and there's nothing I can do to stop it anymore.
"No..." All I can do now is sigh in defeat. I stare at the floor again, unable to make eye contact.
"There we go." He lifts my chin to look at me.
All I can do is make quick glances at his eyes.
"Natalia, I'm not going to hurt you. Nobody is." He smiles faintly.
He pulls me in and hugs me. I wrap my arms around him in return.
"I hate you..." I whimper.
"I love you too."