Today was the 6th of May. It's been exactly one month since Gerard had an accident and slipped into a coma. But today wasn't going to be like any other day. I didn't know what it was, I didn't know why I felt so positive this morning. It was just like any other run to the hospital.
But today just felt like it was going to be good for once. But the more time I spent thinking about this whole thing, the more pathetic and hopeless I felt.
I couldn't get him out of my head, to the point of having dreams of him...some not too innocent dreams. Some dreams that left me feeling even more confused and high strung than before. Dreams that made me to crave seeing him more and more.
This only made me feel even more guilty and even sexually frustrated; which was rediculous because we were just friends and I shouldn't be thinking of having such feelings for a guy like Gerard, wait, was I actually harbouring feelings for Gerard?
I laughed at my self spitefully as I took another sip of my water and stabbed my salad with my plastic fork. I looked around in content at the oblivious high schoolers chatting away animatedly.
They had no idea how much pain some people were going through. All they knew were their clothes, their cars, their looks and their reputation. Another reason why I hated Prep schools and high school in general. Everyone was just so vain and fake that it made me want to stab my ears with my fork so that I wouldn't be able to hear their cackles and smudged laughter and hear the steady flow of my blood instead.
At least it was already lunch time, it was a half day today so after lunch we're supposedly meant to go home. I was also happy because today was Friday and that meant I could spend more time with Gerard, without worrying about it being a school night.
The more I thought about it, the more obsessed I realized that I was becoming. It was ridiculous to feel this way to someone who is just a friend, and maybe not even return the feeling, but I just couldn't help it.
The way he always protected me from the wrath of asshats and tried to help me out, even when I didn't want the help. The way he always tried to make me feel happy and cared for and I would push away his every effort but in fact I was glowing on the inside. Or even the way his thin, pale fingers brushed against my face and we held each other's gaze in the hallway that fateful day and I couldn't stop staring at his perfectly tinted and probably perfectly soft lips--- I shivered at the memory of his sensuousness and the vibration reached my core and a small gasp escaped my lips as I peeked down and realized that I was already growing hard, just by the thought of him.
"Fuck," I groaned as I dropped my head on the table, breathing hard as I tried to will away the problem in my jeans.
It's been like this for the past few weeks. My hormones have been on a riot for only god knows why. I've been in Pency Prep for only a little over two months: which meant over two months of no foreplay.
This has never been a problem before as my ex was always there to assuage my urgent needs but now, everything turned me on and made me sensitive--- which fucking sucked. I was hoping that my 'relationship' with Jamia would blossom but ever since that night I yelled at her, she's been ignoring me and started having an over friendly relationship with a one Patrick Stump.
'That ship has sailed,' I thought as I sighed at the retreating bulge and took a deep breath.
I disposed of my plastic tray and headed out of the cafeteria before the bell even rang. The sooner I left school the better.
"Need a ride?" A familiar voice made its way to my ear and I spun around. Dallon was smiling down at me from his seat in his smooth, black Range Rover Sports car. I stared at him in a mix of shock and appreciation.
When did Weekes get a new car? This definitely wasn't his usual Toyota Camry.
As if reading my mind he said: "Like the new ride? My father got it for me for passing my calculus test the other day," He said, smiling proudly.
Oh come on, really?
I rolled my eyes and went around the other side and climbed into the passengers seat, quietly thanking Dallon as well drove all the way to the hospital in partial silence. Not an awkward silence but an elated one.
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"Ah, Mr. Iero, nice to see you back so soon," Dr.Hooke said with a lack of lustre. I bit my lip in order to prevent myself from saying anything snarky.
If only you knew...how much these visits kill me as well doc. Or dick really, because that's exactly what he was behaving as right now; a major dick.
"Just making sure Gerard's okay," I said a bit defensively. I knew that I was coming here a bit too often but my visitation was none of their business.
The doctor folded his arms and looked from Dallon to me. "I know that he's your boyfriend and you're 'worried' about his welfare, but our staff is specialised and we're trying our best,"
I was taken aback by the title but then quickly recovered when I remembered the lie that we had came up with when we first came to the hospital.
It felt a bit nice to own up to the intimate tag, even if it was for a little while. It felt comforting. Unlike the doctor in front of me.
"Whatever, can I see him now?" I asked, ignoring what he said.
He sighed and motioned for us to follow, which we did. He stepped aside and allowed us to enter the cold hospital room.
A chill ran down my spine as I immediately spotted the familiar body stretched out on it. Every day was the same. The same program, the same empty words, the same tears of despair. It was a regular thing now, so why was it still so hard? Why did my breath catch every time I saw him lying there--- almost lifelessly and why did I always shiver in fear as if I was face to face with death?
"Um, Frank the doctor and I are going to talk about some stuff for a while, so yeah," Dallon said a bit awkwardly before stepping out of the room to talk to Dr.Hooke in private.
I didn't care, I appreciated the alone time with Gerard. This was our special time and I didn't want anyone else to share it with us.
I walked up to the bed and sat down next to Gerard, careful not to shift the various tubes that connected to his pale body.
Gerard was pale naturally but after a whole month of not seeing the sun and being cooped up in this cold room, his skin was snow white and his dark hair contrasted with it sharply.
I gently brushed some of his hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ear.
"That's better," I sighed and placed my head over his chest, listening to the shallow rise and fall of his breathing.
But most importantly, to his heartbeat. The steady rhythm becoming too soothing and I began to drift into a short slumber.
...
"I trust you Gerard," I said as I stared up at the dark haired boy in front of me. He didn't say anything, didn't even move. Only an ominous smile plastered on his lips gave away his doubt.
"If you trust me, then why won't you let me in? Why are you hiding yourself from me?" He asked and when I didn't reply his smile faded.
"It's alright to lie to me, just don't lie to yourself," He said, staring straight through me and I looked away from him and allowed him to walk away, to his next class; his words like pins, pricking my conscience with guilt.
...
My eyes slowly opened and an overwhelming feeling came over me as I slowly crawled up to meet him, just inches away from his face.
His dark lashes laid heavily over his cheekbone and his lips were slightly parted. I breathed over his face, taking in his natural beauty as I leaned forward, whispering: "I trust you, Gee" before my lips slowly brushed against his.
For someone in a coma, this part of him felt so soft and warm..and alive. I leaned into the one-sided kiss, realizing that he probably couldn't even feel it before I deepened it, my morals and conscience long forgotten.
The unruly feeling in the pit of my stomach began to knot as I melted into the kiss and I couldn't breathe.
But then that feeling ended soon after I heard a loud gasp against my lips and the man underneath me began gasping and shaking uncontrollably. I flinched back sharply and found myself on the floor, stunned.
Before I could blink, there were doctors and nurses rushing into the room in their scrubs.
Everything was moving so fast that my head started to spin and ache all at once.
"What's happening to him?!" I heard myself ask in distress. Dr. Hooke looked at me on the floor briefly before redirecting his attention back on Gerard.
"He's going into shock," He said as if I understood and some nurses were trying to hold back Gerard as his body started to spasm.
"Why?" I asked, my voice cracking. Like hell I was going to break down in front of this asshole.
"We're not certain but it seems like his body reacted to something," Was all he said and that's when the first drops rolled down my chin.
Fuck
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It felt like forever as Dallon and I waited in the waiting room. Minutes stretched into hours and my mind refused to rest.
'What if I was cutting off his oxygen, or probably triggered something in his body and now he was going to die...all because of my sheer stupidity?' I thought warily. I'm such an idiot. Why did I kiss see someone in a fucking coma? Someone that I wasn't even sure would return the same feeling.
After what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Hooke reappeared. Dallon and I shot up almost instantly.
"So? How is he?" Dallon asked which I was grateful for because I didn't trust my own voice to speak.
"Why don't you see for yourself?" He replied, his voice giving away no emotions at all.
Dallon and I exchanged looks before I pushed past the doctor and basically ran into the other room.
The sight in front of me made me want to burst into tears...of joy.
Gerard was sitting up on the hospital bed, a weird expression on his face. I resisted the urge to run up to him and jump him and instead walked up to him, careful as to not scare him off.
He never removed his gaze from me as I gingerly sat on the edge of the bed. I was afraid of doing anything that would make me look more if an idiot.
"Gee...?" He didn't say anything, just gave me a hard look.
My breath hitched before I continued," Look Gerard, I'm so so--" I was cut off by Gerard flinging his arms around me and hugging me hard, as if I'd disappear.
I choked back tears as I buried my face in his chest and he rested his chin on my shoulder.
"Sto bene, ma prometti solo che non lo farai più," He whispered against my ear and I nodded furiously against his nose damp chest.
"lo prometto," I whispered back, not knowing exactly what I was promising to, but I didn't care.
I didn't care if I was going to die or live, I didn't care if he was in danger or if people were going to judge. Hell, I didn't even care that I waa bawling my eyes out in front of a whole team of surgeons and Dallon.
I didn't care at all.
The only thing that I cared about was the dark haired boy in my arms and I wasn't going to let anything happen to him, again.
I was going to be there for him, just like he was for me. It was a promise that I was going to keep, even with my last breath.