Hope was such a sad thing. It made people think that everything was okay when it wasn't. It deceived people, it let others down.
It had let me down.
I had thought that moving to a new school would be a fresh start. Thought that things would be different; that my life would be different. But the truth was that everything was just worse, even more worse than before.
Gerard had lied to me. He had played with my emotions, and I'm not the type to show my emotions, let alone allow them to be played with.
And he had done it so skilfully, so precised; had hit me where it would hurt and made me feel vulnerable. And I hated it.
I hated him.
It's been two days since the argument, two days since we talked, two days since I answered his calls. Each ring acting like a stab to the chest. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? Why couldn't he just give me space?
Was that too much to ask?
Apparently it was. Because on Monday morning, he had caught me off guard in the hallways; on my way to math class. I hated math so both the timing and the situation irritated me. But I refused to let him know that I was suffering. I won't let him crawl back into my life.
"Frank," He began, stepping infront of me. His hair was ruffled and his tie was askew. There were light bags under his eyes and it was obvious that the situation was unsettling him as well. I looked a mess too but I covered my bags with makeup.
"How may I help you, Gerard?" I smiled, overly bright; giving him a cold shoulder.
"Frank can you stop this?" He huffed in frustration. I felt a simmer of anger begin to boil in my stomach but I swallowed it down.
Nope, I was not going to give in.
"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about Gerard, what exactly should I stop?" I asked in the same light hearted tone. Gerard groaned and slammed his fists against a locker suddenly, making me flinch.
"Stop acting like this!" He snapped. I looked around and thanked the stars that the hallways were empty.
"Oh like what Gerard?!" I snapped back, my resilience long gone at this point. "I should stop being angry about the fact that you knew? That you knew about my father's death and didn't even tell me, or the fact that you're still hiding things from me, even when I trusted you with everything??" I fumed. Gerard looked at me in shock, guilt splashing on his features.
I took that in my advantage. Gerard dropped his gaze then and ran a hand through his hair, "I only did that to protect you--"
"Fuck that," I spat.
"I'm serious Frank, I honestly can't tell you, you'd get hurt," He said, sounding genuine. That only made me feel worse and made my eyes start to prick with tears that were begging to fall.
"More hurt than how I am now?" I whispered and he tore his gaze back up at me. "More pain then you've caused me?" He didn't say anything then, only bit his lip and inhaled deeply.
"Yes," He replied solemnly and I scoffed, feeling the first tear slip. "Yeah right,"
"Frank, you mean so much to me, you may not understand now but your safety means everything to me and I can't put you in a position that can jeopardise that,"
My confusion knew no bounds at that moment. Gerard wasn't making any sense any more and I wondered if he had taken anything this morning.
"Gerard are you high?" I asked with all seriousness. He shot me a hurt expression and I felt a familiar stab in my chest, "Thanks for your confidence in me,"
I didn't say anything and a moment of silence passed by before I decided to speak up again, "Look, I have to go to class--" I sighed, looking at his falling expression.
