GERARD'S POV
A lot went on yesterday.
I told Frank what I never told anyone before. What I never even wanted to even remember in the first place. Considering his past-- which he is yet to realise that I know, I knew he'd understand.
I've never cried infront of anyone, not even Lindsey. But yesterday was just too much to pretend anymore and I belittled myself infront of him.
At least he didn't laugh. He didn't give me any disapproval nor judgement.
He shared in my martyrdom.
"When do you think you'll tell him?" Lindsey asked, sitting next to me on the bench. I glanced at her, my eyes beginning to burn and I looked away.
I didn't deserve her.
We suffered so much, I treated her so bad when I was an addict and yet she still stuck with me through it all.
And here I was; throwing all the progress away. This time, I knew that I was stuck. I was weak for allowing myself to slip back to the bottom again.
And she didn't deserve that.
"What's wrong?" She asked softly, sensing something amiss. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the warm spring air, and courage for what I was about to say:
"Lindsey, th-this isn't working out for me," I finally said. Her brows furrowed and I knew she didn't understand.
"What are you ta--"
"I want to break up." I said flatly, avoiding her gaze. I knew that if I should look at her again I'd crumble. I was thinking about this decision all night. Where I was going and planning to do was too dangerous and I would rather die than put her life in danger.
But of course, I couldn't tell her that.
" Why do you want to break up with me, Gerard?" She whispered, her voice cracking. God, was this going to hurt me like hell.
"I'm just not interested anymore. I mean, you're a nice girl and everything but not someone I would like to be with. That's why I've been so mad lately because I'm sick of this relationship," I lied, keeping my gaze fixed on the floor.
She was quiet for a while and I regretted turning my head.
Her eyes were red and fresh tears were streaming down her face. The face I wanted so desperately wanted to kiss and say I didn't mean it.
But I didn't.
"This is-isn't some April fool's joke, is it?" She asked, a bit hopefully.
I had forgotten that today was April 1st. And I was breaking up with my girlfriend the same day. How ironic.
Our seven year anniversary was also tomorrow. Realising that didn't help matters at all.
"No, it's not," I replied, trying to prevent my own emotions from surfacing. I looked at my watch, trying to distract myself. Then I got up and without looking back, I left her there crying and walked to school. Tears blurring my vision.
I couldn't believe I just did that.
¥¥¥
"So, you understand the plan, right?" It wasn't really a question, more like a statement. I looked up at Bert and nodded.
We were going to meet his drug dealer today and I wasn't the least bit excited.
The bell rang and he patted my shoulder before laughing and walking out. I leaned my head against my locker and was silently praying for death. Which I knew was imminent if anybody found out what we were doing.
"Gerard?" A voice made it's way to my ears and I looked up.
Frank was standing by my locker, his Les Paul guitar strap over his shoulder and a concerned look settling on his features.
I sighed, slamming my locker shut and walking out. I heard quick footsteps coming up behind me and I knew that was Frank running after me.
This was getting really irritating, really fast. Couldn't he just leave me to deal with this stuff in peace? It was hard enough as it was already.
He caught onto my wrist, making me stop in my tracks.
"Can you stop being so moody and tell me what's wrong?" He said, a bit softer than intended. I looked at him for a few seconds before wrenching my hand free from his grasp and telling him to 'fuck off'.
Then I went into my first class of the day and just blocked everything out.
***
