GERARD'S VIEW
The visions were getting worse. Each one more terrifying than the last. Not only visions but painful flashbacks. The memories I tried so hard to forget just keep seeping through the cracks.
But I guess a lot happens when you've been in a coma for two weeks. When you're screaming to get out of this nightmare, this darkness but you're body doesn't agree with you and forces you to sit and watch yourself go insane.
It's amazing how much you learn about yourself when you shut out the outside world and your body is tired of resisting anymore and just shuts down for a while.
The visions from 'god' that I didn't even understand anymore. More about him. More about him and his father, someone that I've never even met before, I've never even seen the guy in real life, only in my visions.
I knew that I needed to talk to Frank about him but it would be pretty hard to explain. Frank wouldn't even believe me if I told him what happened to his dad and what's going to happen to him.
Not that I could stop it. As humans we always try to run away from our fears and responsibilities but fate always has a way of getting what it wants.
People think that when you're in a coma, that you're not there, that you're gone. But in reality, I'm very much awake. I can hear everything. All the beeps from the oxygen tank and machines that kept me alive, unfortunately. Kept me connected to earth. My brain was just asleep but I was alive.
I heard them, the commotion of doctors scurrying about whenever my heart rate went down or when my breathing was irregular and how they discussed about the possibility of me living. I laugh at them, really. Humans are so simple.
They would do a lot of crap, destroy a lot of people just for a piece of paper that won't even be much use once their heart stops beating. Vanity. If I was going to actually
die
I would want to die for a good cause. I would love to die, knowing that the people I cared about were safe. I would want to die for the person I love, even if the person I loved, the person that made me to hold on and even make an attempt to live another day didn't love me back.
I know that this is a long shot, I know that I'm getting too attached to a problematic guy with a rough past and an even worse future but I knew my time here was short, I knew that since the day that the seventeen year old boy that I always saw in my visions fabricated in front of me in Pency Prep.
No one loved me, apart from Lindsey. But I wouldn't really call our relationship healthy or 'lovely' either. It was more of an obsession.
We were just two totally different people who just confided in to each other. Just two people that were carrying each others problems on their shoulder, the weight becoming too heavy and crushing us in the process. It lasted for seven years but it was time it ended. It was for both of our sanity.
But I knew that my sanity wouldn't last for long. Since the day that I met him and started sketching that damn picture and repeatedly screwing up the lips. Lips that I do much desperately wanted to turn into a smile, I knew that he was my responsibility. The times he came to visit me in the hospital, although I couldn't see him, I could hear him.
I could hear all the cries, the tears he's shed for me, such a beautiful thing watching it all, thinking that I couldn't hear them fall and splash onto my arm, my skin. Just soaking up his despair just as he was soaking up mine.
I know it's crazy, to grow so attached to someone so easily. We only met about two months ago. We weren't the best of friends. I got on his nerves, he made my skin crawl at times. But we tolerated each other. Because somehow, some way, we knew that we were both just fucked up, walking down the same road of self destruction.
