Harry's POV
"Morning." I said casually as I met the eyes of seven others. I was apprehensive. I knew that they'd hate me. At least a little bit.
"Good to see you, mate." Ash said, throwing his arms around my shoulders. "I've missed ya. What's the plan for tonight?" he asked.
"Alright." I started, pulling my leather jacket tighter around me. "Fuse (a/n Zayn), I need you to check on Marcus' guys. They've been really quiet lately. I don't need you to do anything serious. If they're not doing anything, then just leave them alone. I just need to know what they're doing. Pain (a/n Liam)-"
"Not without Louis." Zayn interrupted. I froze in place. It was true that Zayn and Louis did most of their business together. They're closer than a lot of us. And I knew it was a quite a big deal as Zayn used Louis' actual name. On nights like these, heck, on almost every night, we call eachother by our "gang" names. Not our given ones. I knew they were hurting as much as I was now. But they don't have to feel the guilt from being the one that caused all of this. Of course they may hate me even more for that. They knew it was my fault. Everyone did. Even Charlotte, though she'd never admit it. I cringed and scratched at the cut on my arm.
"Do whatever you want. I understand that you want to go with Louis."
"I think any one of us would, mate." Clifford said. I glared at him. I knew that. But there was nothing else we could do. We couldn't magically cure him.
"Look, I'm sorry for what happened to Louis. I didn't ask for him to do what he did. I regret everything that happened much more than any of you could possibly believe. I hate myself every day for what happened to Louis. He's not going to die, so we might as well not give up on life either!" I barked, silencing everyone.
"He's right." Niall said, stepping forward. "Louis wouldn't want us to be mad at anyone. This isn't anyone's fault. No one knew that Matt was going to go fucking psychotic like that. They were just trying to save Charlotte, whom I believe we all have grown to care about very much. She's family now. Correct?" Everyone nodded, though some were apprehensive. Zayn and Liam still hadn't warmed up completely to Charlotte yet. Probably because we've never associated ourselves with girls that weren't just to fuck anyway.
"Thanks, Numbers." I said, nodding approvingly at Niall.
"Any time, mate."
"Right. Let's go to work."
Charlotte's POV
I groaned and heaved my book bag over my back as I hauled myself onto the bus. It had been a while since I had ridden the bus because Harry took me to school nearly every day, and it was a right slap in the face as I struggled to find a seat. I didn't want to sit next to any of the obnoxious kids or loud kids. And it seemed as though everyone on this bus was. Finally I had found a seat next to a quiet girl called Layla. I had sat with her several times before, but we never really spoke. She just listened to her music and watched the world go by out the window, which was exactly what I wanted to do. "It's nice to have you back." she said quietly after I had sat down without removing her headphones or shifting her gaze from the frosty window.
"Thank you. It's nice to be back." I smiled, trying not to think about what had happened days ago.
———————-
(significantly later)
"Charlotte, I really think you need to break up with him." Madison was sitting across from me on my couch, eating popcorn so it was sort of hard to take her seriously. But she was being serious none the less.
"I can't do that." I glared at her. She didn't know what we had been through. Thinking that made me feel like a typical teenage girl. In every movie, the teenage girl would always say "You don't understand. This is true love." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But this was not a typical situation to say the least.
"He's the reason you've nearly been killed how many times now?"
"Three, but it's not like it's his fault. He doesn't even want to be a part of all that shit anymore." I said, trying to pretend like it didn't matter. It does matter, but it's not like I'm going to leave Harry for it. All he ever does is try to protect me. I love him. Even if we broke up, things wouldn't get any better anyway.
"You're acting like this is completely normal, Charlotte! He's going to get you killed! I don't care that he's suicidal and needs someone or whatever. I need you. I don't need him. You're important to me and I'm not going to let that asshole put you in danger anymore. You haven't even gone to the library in almost a week because you're so scared to go out. He gets himself into more trouble every single day. I don't care how nice he is. If he comes in a package deal with all that garbage, you should have no part in it."
"I get where you're coming from. Hear me out, though. I can actually live without him. I'm independent. I've done it before. We've worked through that toxic part of this messed up relationship. But I truly feel like I don't want to live without him. I want to do life with him everyday and it makes me happy. If I want to stay with him after being kidnapped and tortured by some low life, then that should really be making a statement, ok? I want to be with him and I really don't give a shit if you agree with me or not. You're only seeing the bad things. He's done so much for me that you just don't see."
"I get that, I do. I just feel like you've gotten yourself into a situation where you can't even break up with him now because if you do, you'll get attacked again- just like you did when he left before. Aren't you afraid he's going to leave you because then you'll be in danger? You shouldn't have to fear for your life when he's not around. That's not the typical protective boyfriend, Charlotte. That's something else."
"We've talked about that before and he'd still make sure that they left me alone even if we broke up. Don't worry about it so much, alright? Everything's going to be fine."
"I don't want to be a part of it either, Charlotte." Madison nearly shouted, like the words had been bubbling up inside of her and finally burst out.
"Are you saying that you don't want to be my friend anymore?" The power I had in my voice earlier, died completely. I couldn't go on without my best friend in my life.
"No, that's not what I'm saying at all. Of course I want to be your friend, Charlotte. I'm just... I'm scared, ok? I wish that there was a way that he could have that part of his life and it not effect you at all." I knew what she meant. I knew that she didn't want to be around me anymore. It hurt. I can't remember living a life without her. She'd been there through everything... for so long.
"I do too, but that's not how it works and I'm ok with that. I hope you are too." I said. She nodded and took my hand.
"I just care about you. I won't watch my best friend die."
"You won't have to. Hey, I have to tell you something." I smiled. I figured now would be a good time to tell her. i just hoped she wouldn't tear my head off for not telling her sooner. "Remember when we were at Starbucks that one day and you said that that boy on the other side of the room was really cute and that we should go over there?" I recalled. She had a puzzled expression but nodded. "His name is Liam and he's with Harry. The other guy he was with is named Zayn and I don't really like him. He seems like a good enough person but he's still mean to me. Liam is too, but Liam's trying really, really hard to be my friend now. I was wondering if you wanted to meet him, still?"
"Are you serious? Why didn't you tell me?! Why didn't you want to go over there that one day day? Did you spill that coffee on purpose? How could you spill coffee on purpose. The coffee gods are frowning upon you."
"Whatever. I didn't want to go over there because I didn't even know them at that point. That was just a day after I thought that they were all going to kill me on the way home from the coffee shop. I thought that Niall was threatening my life, but he said he was just trying to scare me. I've gotten over that. Liam street races a lot. I don't know if you're into that."
"I'm into that." she said, simply.
"Are you sure? You were just so scared about the whole gang thing and dying and oh god, how inhumane." I warned her but she insisted anyway. "I'll take you with me one day so you can finally meet him. Maybe then you'll forgive me for spilling my coffee."
....
The perfect opportunity presented itself when Madison had to drive me to the hospital after Louis woke up.
It seemed as though the whole staff was familiar with Harry and I after all the times we had been there. They greeted us by name when we walked in. Louis' mom was in the waiting room and ran up to Harry the second that she saw them. I wasn't that close to them when she told harry but I heard it when she said that she had bad news. I watched as Harry looked at her with worry in his eyes. "Harry, he's... paralyzed." It immediately felt like a hundred pound weight had been placed on my chest. He couldn't walk down the aisle at his wedding, he couldn't play soccer, he couldn't play with his children like a normal man.
Harry started to respond to her in a hushed but quick voice, but I didn't hear any of it. I saw his lips moving in slow motion but everything felt far away. This was all my fault. I finally understood how Harry felt when all those bad things happened to me. Knowing that you're the reason that you've destroyed someone else's life is the worst feeling in the entire world. Louis' mother and sisters disappeared and Harry came back to my side.
"Charlotte, listen to me, it's going to be ok." I could hear him now but I truly felt like I was incapable of making any sort of response. "Charlotte, talk to me. They don't even know if it's permanent. It's just one leg. They can remove it. We don't know what's going to happen yet, ok? His life isn't over. He's not dead. He's going to be ok. Hey, you're crying. It's ok."
"This is all my fault." I finally managed to choke out.
"What? No, no it's not. Listen to me. It's not your fault at all, ok? This has nothing to do with you."
"He wouldn't have gotten hurt if he didn't try to save me from that guy's house."
"No, Charlotte. You don't understand. This isn't your fault. We should have never fucked with that guy in the first place. We didn't know what we were getting ourselves into, ok? This is not your fault at all. Don't worry about it, angel. I know where you're coming from. Shit, I know where you're coming from. But listen, this probably would've happened anyway. That guy is insane. But it's ok. Would you rather Louis be dead or have to get a little stronger from getting over this?"
"What if he can never walk again? He won't be able to walk down the aisle at his wedding, he won't be able to play soccer anymore, he won't-"
"I know it's bad, angel, but it's going to be fine. They don't know if it's permanent. It's just one leg, ok? He won't be stuck in a wheel chair for the rest of his life, that's for sure. Stop beating yourself up about this. If anyone should be, it's me. It all goes back to how I shouldn't have left you. Clearly, I haven't been taught this lesson enough."
"You don't think he's going to be mad at me? Mad at us? He's been in the hospital for months already where as I was only here for a month and you weren't even here for more than two days. Well, after the incident... I know that you got shot and were here for a few months like Louis has been..."
"He's not going to be mad at anyone, Charlotte. I wish that he'd be mad at me but I know that he's not going to be. We can't change how long we were in the hospital. That has nothing to do with it, really. Besides, he wouldn't want either of us to hurt. Trust me. If he's in a bad mood because he can't move his leg, you can't blame yourself. You'd feel the same way, I'm sure." Harry explained. It was so hard to see it that way, but I had to agree. I saw Madison and Liam talking and didn't feel completely awful anymore. At least I had done something good. I just had to keep reminding myself that Louis was still alive and I should be most thankful for that. "Are you ready?" Harry asked, taking my hand. As scared as I was, I nodded and started down the hallway with him by my side. Louis' alive. He's alive.
You wouldn't know that anything was wrong with him when you walked into the room. He was sitting up, watching a soccer game on TV with a neutral expression on his face. His mom had already had her time to coddle him, so she was sitting on a chair against the wall now so we could all fit inside. Both of his legs were covered by thick hospital blankets. Maybe that was his salvation. If he didn't have to see it, it almost wasn't real.
"Ah it's so good to see you two alive. And it's so good to be alive." he said, hugging the both of us. I knew that I shouldn't mention it, but I knew that I'd feel better when I did.
"Are you mad at me? For all of this?" I blurted. His mother immediately started to tell me that it wasn't my fault, but Louis cut her off.
"Mad at you? Charlotte, all of this was for you. I knew what I was getting myself into. You're my best friend, ok? I knew I was putting my life on the line for you. It was a choice. Besides that, being called a hero by all the pretty, young nurses around here isn't so bad either."
"Oh, can it, mate." Harry laughed, hitting him on the shoulder.
"And you know about your leg?" I asked. I should've just stopped talking, but I couldn't. Louis looked up and his demeanor changed completely. What had been lighthearted before just looked lost now.
"Yeah... I know... I almost wish I didn't." he said, nearly laughing, but it obviously wasn't because he thought that it was funny. "It's going to suck. They said they weren't sure if it was permanent and to expect the worst but hope for the best... If it is permanent, they already told us about the option of... amputating. I don't want to think about it, really. I mean, I'm alive. Gotta be glad about that. Don't feel bad. I already told you that this isn't your fault. Besides that, I want you to know, Charlotte and Harry, that I wouldn't change a single thing. I chose to do what I did and I'm glad that I did. If I have to live without a leg, at least Charlotte's alive and that bastard is in federal prison. That is my salvation." he said, pulling the covers away from his leg to look at it. There wasn't much to see as it was just in a big cast and brace. He nodded his head continuously, reflecting on what he had said but said nothing more.
"It's going to be ok, sweetheart. We'll work through this." Louis' mom cut in again. Louis sighed and diverted his stare toward the window.
"Yeah, yeah... I start rehab tomorrow and if they don't see improvement in a month, they might opt to just cut the damned thing off."
"I'm sure you'll be able to move it again... Try to be optimistic." Harry said. It reminded me of what Louis said to me when Harry was in the hospital and it gave me hope, but Louis shook his head.
"I'm not so sure, mate. I've just got this really bad feeling about it. It's so weird... You know it's there... but you can't feel it and... you can't move it. I hate not having control of it. It's foreign."
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Author's Note:
Ayeeeeeee, if you want to read Layla's story (the girl mentioned on the bus) she's in Minimal, my Luke fic. Hehehehehe.
Oh my goodness! I finally took this off of hiatus and wrote some more. Basically I just deleted this chapter and rewrote a new one, but I finally did something and it has direction again. A little proud of myself.
The last time I wrote, this had somewhere around 1,000 reads and now it has more than 5,200. That is so completely incredible to me. I literally would have never imagined that so many people would read what I wrote. I feel honored.
Thank you soooooooooo much!!!!!!!! Lots of love.
-Peyt xoxoxo