Thank you guys so much for 1k reads!!! It hasn't even been up to 2 months since I started and I already have this many readers, I'm shook.
PRESENT DAY
Today was supposed to be a good day, a special day infact. Today was supposed to be the day that one of the most important people in my life was turning a year older. Today, April 9th, was supposed to be Gerard's birthday.
But how did I prepare for it? Crying, yes, having one anxiety attack from another, check, visiting the hospital every fucking day, you got it. Being more obsessed with a guy that probably now regrets ever speaking to me, check.
When Gerard entered that accident, it hit everybody. Pency Prep did a solemnity day for him, his parents sent the state's top investigators to work on the case: Yes, it was believed that this was indeed no accident; someone had sent someone to kill Gerard, but that didn't go into plan.
I was so angry. And well, me and anger don't mix well. My mental state has been making me be more of an asshole than I already was. I called it off with Jamia, indirectly blaming her for Gerard's state of health which made her burst into tears and earned me a heated slap on the face. Which I deserved.
Mikey, poor kid, has been so damn sad since then, barely spoke to anyone, apart from Pete, he was always there to cheer him up, he was a good friend. Can't say the same for me and Gerard.
It's been a week since Gee got admitted into the Belleville General Hospital. It's been a week since I had a proper good night's rest and it's also been a week since I had gone to school.
"Frank, alzati, devi andare a scuola," My mother said, opening my door and leaning against it. I removed the covers from my face, after hours of fooling myself with sleep.
She's been more easy on me since Gerard's accident. Which was kinda weird, I wasn't used to her being remotely nice to me. She reduced her yelling, out bursts and tirades but that her asshole boyfriend was still around, which I didn't appreciate.
I groaned, pulling the covers back over my head, "non voglio andare a scuola,"
She sighed before coming over and sitting down on the bed. I felt the weight shift on the bed, I knew that she was there, but I didn't say anything.
"Frank, you can't keep missing school. I understand that you're friend got in an accident but you can't keep sacrificing your education over some guy,"
I flung the covers away and sat up quickly, my throat burning. I glared at her as she stared back at me in shock, "That 'some guy', that's in the hospital, fighting for his life, is there because of me. He sacrificed so much for my happiness, more than you nor your creepy ass boyfriend ever did and I let him down," I choked, feeling the first tear slip out.
She was stunned and I got up and left her there, to really think about her life choices, as I grudgingly got ready for school. Anything to get away from this nightmare house.
I was going to make this day special for him, no matter what.
¥¥¥
"Hey man," Dallon said, sitting down next to me in the library. "Are you studying or something?" He asked and I laughed without the lustre of a normal laugh.
"When have you ever seen me studying?"
"Good point," He agreed and I actually laughed for once.
"How have you been holding up?" He asked and I looked at him. Dallon has been a lot nicer to me ever since then and I didn't mind for once. Jamia was still mad at me, Ray and Pete were pissed off at me for being so snappy and rude to them and my only other friend was in the hospita. So, yeah it felt a little nice having someone around. We weren't friends par say, we were more like tolerate strangers.
"Not so great," I admitted, feeling my voice crack and the pool of tears I've been trying to hide, spilling. I cursed myself as I used my sleeve to wipe at my eyes.
"Hey, it's okay not to feel fine all the time, we're human, it's normal." He said and I nodded. "It's his birthday, isn't it?" He asked rhetorically and I sniffed.
"Why don't we make it a bit...special for him?" He said in an ominous voice and I looked up at him and agreed.
***
After school, I had agreed to go to the mall with Dallon. We were going to the mall to buy birthday stuff for Gerard. Even if he couldn't see it, he could at least experience it. And that's all that mattered.
So, first off we went to Target to get sone cheesy birthday cards. Dallon picked one that said 'Twenty is the new ten,' which made no sense. And I picked a lousy card that had super heroes assembled on the front all saying 'Happy birthday, hero'.
After that, we went to the comic book store. I know it's stupid, but I loved comics. Gerard seemed more of a more mature, artistic person but I can't draw for shit. And I loved DC comics, so I saved up my last allowance to get the latest edition of Mother Panic by Jody Houser. I was a bug fan of the Young Animal series.
At the end of the day, we gathered all our gifts and the cheap chocolate birthday cake and Dallon drove us to the hospital.
In less than a week, I had become a regular visitor to this place. I even knew all the names of the staff for God's sake.
I knew that I was becoming obsessed but I just couldn't help it. He was the only one who cared.
"Room 32213," The nurse was saying but we had already started walking towards the elevator. Of course I had already engraved those digits in my memory. It was my only hope.
"How is he?" I asked a bit frantically as I spotted Dr. Hooke, Gerard's physician. He gave me a sad smile before motioning towards the door.
We processed into the room quietly. Gerard was still stretched out onto the bed with all the machines and tubes attached to his pale body, that had now started to tint blue.
I felt like I was staring at a dead body.
"Go ahead," The doctor urged us forward and we stepped closer to the body. His hair was damp, the dark curls sticking to his forehead. He smelled fresh too, as if he just stepped out of the shower and was just taking a nap.
The thought of Gerard in a hot shower made me flustered for some reason and I felt heat rise to my cheeks.
I immediately felt guilty, thinking about something like that at a time like this and I focused on what I actually came here for.
I pulled up a chair next to the bed and took his hand in mine. It felt so cold, and lifeless that I actually choked on my own words, before I cleared my throat.
"Happy birthday,Gee," I whispered, looking straight at his closed eyes. For a few seconds I imagined his eyelids popping open and a big grin spreading over his face but I knew first thing that some wishes are never granted.
After a few moments of silence, Dallon came over with the cake and I helped him light the candles and we set the gifts on the bedside table.
We even placed a party hat over his head, which the doctor offered himself, not wanting us to tamper with his oxygen mask.
In a normal situation, this would have been a heart warming birthday celebration. But now, with a half dead man on a stiff hospital bed, not even realizing what was happening-- it felt more like a pity party.
I blew out all twenty candles, never taking my eyes off of the man lying lifelessly in bed. Thinking that some how, some way, he was watching us.
The next few hours were kind of pathetic. I read the first few pages of the comic book to Gerard all while holding his hand, which gradually became warmer.
The doctor left us alone with Gerard. Dallon didn't talk to Gerard at all, he thought it was weird talking to someone who can't even hear you.
I found it funny because, it was what I did everyday.
When my mother and her pervert boyfriend would ignore me, when I was in school and everyone forgot my existence, when my own friends were now avoiding me and all I could do was scream on the inside-- no one could hear me. No one ever listened, so this wasn't any different.
"It's getting late, and we have to run a few more tests on the patient," The doctor announced, stirring Dallon and I awake.
I had started to doze off and drool had formed on my chin. I checked my watch: 7:10 pm. I had slept off for about two hours. Crap.
I wiped my chin and got up. Dallon and the doctor went outside to discuss something and I trudged after them, but not before I heard my name.
"F-Frank--?" I spun around so fast that the room spun a little bit. He was sitting up in the bed and staring up at me. His oxygen had disappeared along with the tubes that were attached to his body.
"Gee?" I whispered and he smiled at me.
"It's okay, I'm okay Frankie," He said in a far away voice, his arms outstretched, inviting me.
I came over towards him slowly, scared I'd fuck up and hurt him again. He never took his gaze off of me as I sat next to him and I slowly wrapped my arms around his warm torso.
I relished his scent, the familiar heat that I had missed for days and I let my emotions out and I cried into his chest.
I wanted to say so many things, things that made me scared. Everything was happening too fast and I was probably making a fool of myself but I could care less at this point.
He laced his fingers through my hair and made little shushing sounds and I sniffed.
"Frank," He called and I looked up reluctantly. "You've gotta promise me one thing, okay?" He said, his smile disappearing and I bit my bottom lip before nodding.
"Don't give up, don't give up on me and don't give up on yourself," I didn't say anything for a while but I later shut my eyes and nodded solemnly.
"I promise,"
He smiled then, before he leaned forward and pressed his lips to the shell of my ear and whispering:
"Good," He giggled and I swore my heart did a flip on itself. "Now wake up, Frankie" He said and I shook my head against his now cold shoulder, squeezing his hand tighter.
Never.
"Wake up, Frank." I squeezed harder and harder, refusing to let go.
"Frank, oh my god let go! Wake up!" Dallon's urgent voice broke through my reverie and my eyes fluttered open.
We were still in the hospital room. It was dark outside now and I had fallen asleep, keeping down next to Gerard.
I had him in a death grip, I was hugging him so tight that his face started to tint blue and the oxygen mask had fallen off.
I released my grip and choked back on the stale air.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I repeated, looking at the confused faces of everyone in the room before backing away and running out of the room.
What the hell...
It felt so real.
¥¥¥
"Let's get some warmth in you," Dallon said as we stopped in front of Starbucks. Coffee sounded good right now.
It was late and they were about to close but that didn't deter us from stepping into the familiar warm haven.
Only a couple in the corner and a few staff were inside. we took our orders and went to a booth by the door.
"You know the last time I had coffee, Gerard took it from me in school and drank the whole thing in front of me," I laughed quietly then, reminiscing.
"I was so pissed off at him then because it was my last cup of coffee and I felt like I needed it then, just for me to realize now what I really needed," I trailed off.
Him.
Dallon stared hard at me then,"Stop."
I furrowed my brows at him, confused.
"I don't, I don't under--"
"Stop talking about him like he's dead or something, he's just in a coma, he isn't dead,"
Yet.
I swallowed hard and looked away, staring outside the window and at the inviting darkness outside.
Don't give up on me
A tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped at it angrily.
"Whatever," I said as our order came and I grapped my cup and took a huge gulp of the scalding liquid, relishing the burning savory pain as it cascaded down my throat.
We talked a little bit before the waitress came over with our bill and we payed. As we got up, a man came into the cafe.
He had shaggy brown unkept hair and he still had on our school uniform. I recognized him instanr. A creepy smile spread over his dirty face as he stared back at me.
Bert.
"You," I said through gritted teeth, balling my hands into fist and walking towards him.
"Frank," Dallon came over to stop me but I wasn't having it. He was the reason why Gerard was in this mess in the first place. If not for him black mailing Gerard, he wouldn't have relapsed in the first place, nor met Matt again and gotten sexually assaulted.
"Woah man, you really let yourself go, I mean pretty boy gets hit and you look like hell already," Bert was saying but got interrupted when my fist connected with his jaw and a sickening crack filled the restaurant.
I punched him again and again until my fist felt wet with his blood. His nose was gaped in and blood ran out progressively from it.
The waitress screamed and the couple had fled the restaurant. But that didn't stop me from putting more force in every new hit to his face and throat.
"Frank! STOP," Dallon pulled me off of him and Bert squirmed on the floor, coughing out blood.
"Fuck you, you little faggot," He groaned, gasping for breath. "I'm calling the police" The waitress said and I began to panic. I was about to leave before I remembered my coffee.
It was still very hot when I grabbed it and came over to where McCrackhead laid bleeding on the floor.
I crouched down next to him and smiled coldly before I poured the hot contents of the cup over his bloody face and watched him writhe in pain.
"Eat shit, Bert"
And with that I ran out of the cafe and hopped into Dallon's car and we sped out of the parking lot and onto the highway, the growing sounds of sirens being heard.
We arrived to my house safely and I thanked Dallon before he left me alone to stare at my empty house and dread what was to come in the near future.
If I made it that far with how I was going.