Well, tomorrow was my ceremony or whatever, introducing me as luna to the pack.
I couldn't help but kinda feel a little blown away. A few months ago I would die before agreeing to something like this, but here I was, willingly doing this.
I kinda hated myself for letting this all happened when I refused it for so long. But then again I'm not mad about it either. I guess apart of me was expecting this at one point, I just didn't think I'd give in so easily. Although at first it was because of Eric and to save his life, but now I feel like I could've gotten out of this.
Yet I haven't. I haven't even really tried either! I don't know, I feel like I let myself down with all of this. Agreeing to do something I swear to never do!
I had my life mapped out, I would graduate, go to college, get a good job and live a very basic mundane life. Because though I have wolf blood in me, it didn't show and never would. Now here I was, agreeing to a life that would be forever, a life I would never have agreed to if I had the chance to say no.
But that's the weird thing. I keep thinking back and thinking about how it would've been if I were able to have the chance to say no, and I think about what I would want to do right now if I had that chance again. I honestly can't say I know what I'd say, because I don't know what my answer would be. I know a few months ago I would never agree to do this, now I wasn't sure.
It disgusted me. How easily I can change my mind.
My feelings were honestly all over the place.
Not to mention that I was kinda nervous! After tomorrow I would officially be a luna and there's no going back after that! The thought of agreeing in front of everyone to my new beginning scared the hell out of me.
Plus I still was unsure how everyone would react to me. Would Derek's pack love me? Like me? Hate me?!
I have no idea. I had met very few of the pack. Derek's pack is huge and I've probably had only met like half a quarter of them! So when Felix mentioned that most if not all the pack were planning on attending, I couldn't help but want to puke because of how utterly nervous I got.
Even the thought makes me want to hide somewhere, anywhere!
And on top of that, I had no one that could relate to me. Derek had been the son of the alpha and was used to being in a spotlight with the pack, and now he's a freaking great alpha and he's probably so used to dealing with all of these werewolves. I, on the other hand, am still technically a human, how would all these werewolves like having a human to guide them!?! I know I wouldn't really like that, so you can imagine how scared I am.
So scared that I found myself running to my parents for guidance, which I rarely do! Especially because they have a track record of saying the wrong things to be situations.
But I needed someone to reassure me that everything would be fine and that everything would go smoothly tomorrow.
"I already picked out my dress!" My mother beamed as soon as I brought up the ceremony. "It's not too fancy because I don't want to outdo you since you're the star." My mother chuckles, well running to her closet to grab the dress.
When I had come over, apart of me was hoping that she wasn't home and that it was just my dad but it was the exact opposite.
"Umm- I'm so supposed to dress up?" I ask, my mouth slightly gaping open when I realized I had been caring so much about the actual day that I hadn't even thought about what I was supposed to wear.
I knew that the ceremony was supposed to be in some hall that was on the territory that the pack usually had to hold events like these, but I didn't know what it exactly was going to be like. Was it a freaking ball?!
"Haven't you been planning this? Don't you know what you're supposed to wear?" My mom asks well walking out of her closet with her dress.
"Derek had some of his pack members plan it. He figured it was a lot to ask of me." I shrug. She gives me a disappointing look. "Well, you should go shopping for a dress asap! You need to like nice Allison, this is your night and you need to shine." She points out. I nod slowly, gulping down the lump in my throat.
I thought coming to my mom would help me feel better, now I was just completely nervous and worried about what I'd be wearing. I would need to go to Derek asap and ask him what he expected me to wear.
"Hows Derek? Is he excited?" My mom asks well flattening out her dress on the bed.
"He just got back in town today from some werewolf thing out of state. Haven't seen him yet." I shrug.
She gives me a weird look. "Aren't you eager to see him?" She asks. "Am I suppose to?" I mean I had missed him the last two days he was gone, but I honestly didn't really pay mind to his absence.
"I swear you and Derek's relationship is something I'll never understand." She murmurs.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" Boy was a relieved when my dad walked in and saved me from my mom and her judgemental comments.
"Just came to say hi, I should probably get going though." I now had to figure out what I would be wearing tomorrow because I supposedly had to dress up for this crap!
"Oh okay, well I guess we'll see you tomorrow?" my dad asks, well taking off his coat. "Umm- definitely." I nod, hopping off the bed and walking out of the bedroom. "Love you!" My mom yells out. "Yup!"
~~~~~
I was officially over this. My mother had made nothing better if anything she made it worse. Now here I was going through everything in my closet, messing everything up well trying to figure out what to wear tomorrow.
"Allison?" I look up at Felix as he walks into my closet. I had made a mess and now I was sitting on the floor surrounded by all my clothes that were probably all wrinkled now.
"Sorry I knocked you didn't answer."
"It's fine."
He nods slowly moving a few of my clothes out of the way to sit down in front of me. He looks around us confusingly. "What are you doing?" He asks.
"Trying to figure out what to wear tomorrow. Did you know we had to dress up?" I ask, sighing. He chuckles.
"Yup and I figured you knew that too." I shake my head. "I did not." I guess I should've figured that I was supposed to dress up for this. I guess it just didn't really cross my mind.
"Are you okay?" He asks suddenly after a long silence passed. I shake my head. "I'm kinda nervous for tomorrow. I don't know how all the pack members will respond to me. You know I'm not a wolf and I kinda cheated on Derek and everyone knows." I shrug, looking down as a fiddled with my fingers.
"Well don't be nervous. Be confident, you're awesome and you'll be an awesome luna, guaranteed! Not to mention that Derek cheated on you first- so win-win." He smiles reassuringly.
"Sounds easier then it actually is. Besides no one knows any of what Derek did to me. Not that I want them to- but it's a little unfair that I get made out to be the whore."
"I'm sorry. You don't deserve that, really." He mutters, looking around us.
"I have an idea." He says suddenly. "hmm?"
"Well I know where Derek usually keeps his wallet not to mention keys to his fancy ass car, we should take you shopping." I chuckle. "No, I don't think Derek would really like that." He was very protective of his car.
"That's the point." He smirks.