Blake's P.O.V.
Blake’s POV
That moment when you look into her eyes and see them full of emotions, and then the only thing you can do is to stare at those deep brown eyes and show them without words that you are truly sorry for what is coming her way. It was actually a life changing secret. At least to us.
I took Miranda without saying a word. I was too scared to even look at her again. She wanted answers to understand, to give sense to the life she encounter here since she's been back. I wasn't planning to give her what she needed. I was a coward, too many times, a soft selfish man.
I softly kicked the half opened door to our room. The bed was made as if it wasn't touched by us every night. Miranda became the perfect housewife that I knew she would be. Since we were young I knew she was the wife and motherly type of woman.
I carefully placed her on the bed. I sat beside her and contemplated her soft face. She had an expression of contempt as her eyebrows relaxed findings deep sleep. I hoped she had a good night's sleep. She hasn't slept well since she started treatment.
I caressed her cheek thinking about all the things we have gone through, from our chaotic wedding during spring, the moment she gave birth to Camille and all the complicity we have grown to have over the years. I loved her. She was without a doubt my best friend. Her illness only made us grow closer.
Camille knew about her mother's illness and with tears in her eyes and some other days the same smile as Miranda she tried to face the daily pain of seeing her mom sick. Camille was a light of sunshine in this storm. Always cheerful and innocent full of surprises. She made us smile even in the darkest day. Our decision to take her to her grandma’s house was for the best that way she won't face the worst part of Miranda going. She won't see her dying slowly.
I stood up slowly, afraid that she could wake up. I had to face the rage and curiosity of a strong independent woman outside. I knew Liv wouldn't walk away with unanswered questions. She wasn't like any other woman I've ever met. She didn't like to pretend things never happened and she had the guts to face her feelings. Something I have avoided.
She used to like simple relationships. Without lies and secrets. It was a thing that kept her away from trusting without any fear. Liv, was probably out the door waiting for me, to burst into anger. She wouldn't contain herself from all the rage and confusion she was surely feeling right now.
I opened the door. Liv was leaning against the wall across the hall. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest as her face held a hard tense expression. She arched her eyebrows as her lips turn into a thin line.
She wasn't happy. In fact, she looked disappointed. I noticed how her shoulders fell down in a defeated motion. She was feeling betrayed. The small glow in her eyes made it clear when she finally fixed them on my gaze.
“ Let's talk in the living room" I simply said letting her lead the way. I had the options of telling or not the truth tonight, I was suddenly thinking about the day she came back.
Two weeks ago
Miranda convinced me to visit Harry. He was like a father to me. Always was there supporting me not only when I opened my veterinary but also with our marriage.
We arrived and Miranda went directly to the house with a huge grin on her face. I found it funny and strange the excitement she was feeling for seeing Harry.
An impatient Camille pulled my shirt, while she pointed towards the stable far in the distance. I looked at her and gave her a smile.
“ Run and hide! the monster is on the way!” I yelled, with a throaty sound like a monster.
She screamed ecstatic and started running with her brown hair floating in the air. She looked back to make sure I was close. I gave her an advantage and then I ran behind her. She couldn't stop giggling while she heard my monster voice again. She ran through the doors and it didn't take long for me to follow her inside.
“I will find you, Camille. You can't hide from the monster." I yelled with a deep voice as I ran towards Camille. I passed a tall, thin womanly figure. Her body frame was familiar to me. I knew her since the day she was born.
I stopped in my tracks in shock. I wasn't expecting to see Liv ever again in my life. I did my best to avoid her. Avoid her constant ways of trying to reach me. I was afraid of turning around and confirm it was her. I was certainly sure that she would never come back....only my manly pride would help me now. I turned around and faced her.
She looked so vulnerable and nervous when her eyes looked directly with me. She had changed a lot, she had short hair which made her eyes look big and deeper. Her nose, cheeks and chin were sharpen by the pass of the years. She wasn't a little girl anymore, everything in her called to a man’s appetite.
I saw her looking at me, to my face and body, anything but my deep intense stare. I was shocked and my heart was too. She leaned down, carefully, to see Camille up close. Then she smiled the same big smile I got to love when I was younger.
"So you are the famous and beautiful Camille." her voice had my teeth clenching, very soft and womanly. Camille looked at her in awe. I knew she was fangirling since she loved Liv’s movies. Then she pulled my shirt.
I lowered my gaze and looked back at my daughter. It helped me to steady my mind.
"Is that Liv Davis, dad?" She asked excitedly on her tiptoes, almost jumping. I stared at Liv once again.
"That's her, Camille." I replied monotonous, still looking at Liv like a fucking idiot.
"Blake, I-" she started to say to, but the steps of someone running interrupted her.
I saw Miranda crushing her into a hug and I knew she was behind her presence in Colorado. I also knew things wouldn't be the same anymore. It was going to be fucking hard to stay away from her this time.
It was indeed
“What the hell is going on, Blake?” She asked harshly. I knew she had the right to be mad. We lied to her and everyone in this town. Still I had done what I thought was best for everyone.
I stayed silent. I was stupid enough to not let my brain process any good response that could make her feel ease again.
“ I think you should sit down. Where is Joshua?”
“ He is on the porch waiting for you" she simply said with so many emotion in her voice. She didn't take a seat on the couch and neither did I.
“ Just say it! God Dammit!” she whispered exasperated.
“ We're not married” I blurted out, without giving it too much thought.
“What?” she whispered like someone punched her in the gut.
Her eyes immediately met mine. I saw in them exactly what I was expecting to see. Aversion and confusion. I could see one by one the questions that were forming in her head. Until she looked back at me, every emotion I saw before started to fade replaced by a calm night sky. She was indeed a talented actress.
“ Miranda and I went to Las Vegas to celebrate Joshua’s graduation from the Police Academy...damn it! I need to start from the beginning…” I was terrified of the consequences of tonight. I told Miranda not to say anything but it was obvious she did.
“ Just tell me what I need to know. Be careful Blake, you lied to me once already” her voice emotionless.
“ I went to see you five or six years ago. I had finally gotten the courage to tell you I was in love with you. Well the courage to tell you again I mean. I was convinced you felt the same way and would come back with me. I was so fucking stupid to think you would leave everything behind just because of me." I started to explain. My hands sweating against the wooden chair I was holding to keep my composure.
“ What do you mean the second time? You've never told me how you felt about me.” she asked confusedly.
“I wrote you a letter right before you left town. I gave it to your mother to give to you but you never responded. Anyway that doesn't matter now.”
“Blake I never got any letter what are you… you wrote me a letter?” she asked confusedly.
“Yeah.” I replied quietly. I saw some of her anger diminish as she stared at me.
“I never got your letter, I swear.” she said shaking her head in disbelief.
I was angry her mother had taken it upon herself to do something like that but at the same time I felt somewhat relieved knowing she hadn't ignored the feelings for her I had shared.
“The second time was when I saw you with him. Ryan I mean. He kissed you and you looked at him with the most beautiful smile I've ever seen on your face. I felt insecure. I felt like you had somehow outgrown me and moved on, it took me a few minutes to realise I had almost crashed an intimate moment between you two, so I left.” I said lost in the memories of those days. My voice was shaking due to the amount of stress and anxiety this topic brought me.
She was trying to control her feelings as well. I noticed her eyes looking everywhere but at me. She was as confused as I was.
“ That guy had what I wanted. I left without saying a word because I was a coward. I was in love with you Liv but I knew you didn't feel the same way when I saw how you were with him."
“ I don't understand Blake. I only said yes to him because… " she whispered. Her red lips in a tense grim line unable to relax around me.
“Because what?” I asked desperately wanting to know what made her choose him over me.
“I missed you so much, I wanted to come back here to you, I was considering giving it all up for you. But when I hired a private investigator to find out what was going on in your life, the report I go back said you were married to Miranda with a child in the way.”
“ I didn't say anything because I wanted you to be happy. Why would I walk in your life after seeing you with someone? What would have been the point of telling you my feelings and ruin your life?” I held her gaze this time looking for the answers I never got before. “ I loved you enough to walk away and let you be happy. Yes I did marry Miranda but we got divorced soon after I found out Camille wasn't really my biological daughter.”
She looked at me as I delivered to her another shock for the night.
“She's…”
“She's my daughter in every way that counts except DNA. Miranda told me she was pregnant and we just automatically believed it was mine because I'm the last guy she slept with. We had that shotgun wedding because we were already in Vegas and I didn't want my child to be born out of wedlock. You know my mom wouldn't have forgiven me for that. So I did what I thought was the right thing. By the time Miranda went for her first check up she realized she was too far along in her pregnancy for the baby to be mine. By then I didn't care because I had accepted you would never have been mine.”
“Blake I don't know what to say right now. This is all so much.” she said quietly.
“ I came home vulnerable and with the determination of leaving you alone. I couldn't live with the secret that I loved you and I thought it would be better if I disappeared and you know what? It took you six years to come and ask what happened. Six years, Liv!" my low voice trembled with anger.
" Why lie? Why not just tell the truth about everything?” she asked suddenly with a hoarse voice.
“ We wanted to try at first, you know to learn to love each other. We believed that we were best friends already and romantic love would come eventually. It did. We do love each other." I said confidently, doing my best to hide the biggest lie I have ever told Liv. I wasn't about to confess my feelings and watch her walk away again for her big Hollywood wedding.
She didn't need the truth. Soon she will marry the man she loves and Miranda might leave me alone to raise our daughter with the man she really loves. Everyone would be alright, everyone except me.
Some things are not meant to be.