"Hey, let's talk after I put Taemin to bed, okay?" Yoongi informed, keeping his eyes on me. I just nodded in return, trudging over to the sofa in the living room. I waited impatiently for the arrival of Yoongi. In a few minutes he returned with a motionless face. We looked into one another's gaze trying to read the other. Yoongi walked over to the sofa and sat at respectable distance away from me. We both sat frozen staring at nothing.
"So, how are you feeling, Jimin?" Yoongi finally asked with a hint of worry. I looked over at him nervously.
"Better than before I guess. I just needed to get out of that place for one." I muttered to him staring at my lap afterwards. In the corner of my eye I caught a small nod in response.
I lucky had the luxury to think over the situation, from the moment Yoongi left the room, til he entered. The conclusion I reached was that, I had to stop being selfish, and get my priorities straight. Most of all get the answers I've been seeking.
Well here goes nothing, I guess. I shifted a little in my spot to sit up properly, tilting my face towards Yoongi.
"I'm sorry if I'm being rude but can I ask a personal question?" Finally spilling the first words. Yoongi looked a little taken aback as he adjusted to the question, he crossed his legs up on the sofa sinking back into it.
"It's fine, I got nothing to hide." He says glancing at me, then looking over at the blank TV.
"Well, while we were talking back at the cafe, you kind of stumbled across your past relationship. You never went into it much, but I'm kind of curious on what happened. If you don't-"
"It's fine Jimin, I can tell you. I've been wanting to get it off my chest for a while now, but I just didn't have the right person to turn too or trust. But I trust you, well I hope I can. I'm just going to take this leap of faith and just tell." Yoongi started to blabber on, I giggled cutting his words short. He paused to look over at me with pink tainted cheeks.
"Oh sorry." He apologized.
"It's fine, I'm all ears now." I say to get the conversation going. I couldn't stop wondering why Yoongi didn't even think twice on telling me everything. What does he see in me? What if it was some other person would he still do the same? Something just didn't seem right to me. I ignored the feeling in my chest, and turn to see Yoongi taking a deep breath out. I could tell he was quite tense and mostly nervous.
"This is going to be long so bare with me."
"That's fine, go ahead." I urged on, waiting impatiently.
"Well to begin with, my lovers name is also Park Jimin. That's why I was a little taken aback, when you mentioned your name to me the first time. Let's just say that he was the best thing that happened to me. My life was at a dead end, until he arrived and opened a whole new pathway for me. He was like a rare jewel to me. I was very overprotective of him. I didn't want anyone near him in any way. He was my only source of happiness."
"When we were back in High School, I was kind of the center of attention. Everyone would want my attention in some sorta of way, but they didn't even know me. All they saw was a face and no soul. But Park Jimin, I swear to god was the kindest soul I had ever met. Ever since the first encounter I started watching him from a distance. I wanted to know the person behind that cute exterior." Yoongi paused getting caught up in his thoughts.
"He's a lucky boy to have caught the attention of such a loving guy like you." I stated bitterly, bringing him back to reality.
"Oh- I wouldn't say that..." Yoongi trailed off looking disapprovingly at his hands.
"Do you want to stop?" I suggested to seem nice.
"No, I'm fine."
"Okay." I say in relief.
"It was the day after graduation. My friend's were holding a party at their place. Everyone was going to attend it. So I decided to hit it up as well since I haven't gone to one in a while. I asked Jimin if he was up for it, but he declined the offer. I already could see he was tried from his dance class, so I never said anything. He told me to go ahead, that he'll stay behind and just rest."
"I remember thinking about him throughout the party, I was missing him so desperately. However, I had the luck to bumping into my best friend. We ended up talking for awhile, catching up and all, but then I wanted to be alone and just think. You know?" He stopped looking over at me.
"Yeah I understand." I answered truthfully, looking down at my lap.
"So, after I found myself a seat at the bar, some girl handed me a drink, which I took, cause I thought she was the bartender. I was about to drink it, but I suddenly got a text from Jimin, him being my first priority and all, I put the drink down and looked at the text. When I read the text I could clearly tell he was drunk, it was rather cute. But then it turned into sexting." Yoongi giggled at the thought. I blushed thinking about it too.
"I ended up getting thirsty thats when I made the mistake of drinking the drink I was handed." Yoongi groaned to himself.
"Anyways, I stumbled into the first taxi I saw and headed home to Jimin, since he was feeling lonely and so was I. Not to mention that same girl tried to stop me from leaving as well. Ignoring her, I started to feel really weird so I rushed out. That's where things went wrong." Yoongi sighed, weaving his hands into his hair and gripping the strands harshly.
"Hey it's ok, you can stop if you want to." I kindly suggested, patting his back. He looked up and sadly smiled at me.
"No it's fine, I was just thinking."
"Okay if you say so, I'm here though, if you need me." I smiled under my mask. He nodded, folding his hands together as he leaned forward to place his elbows on his knees.
"I ended up doing the "deed" with Jimin unprotected." He paused to think, which I let him, because we both did need to think about that horrible incident.
"I felt so guilty afterwards, that, was all that was consuming my thoughts when we woke up next morning. I wanted to tell him, that the guy yesterday wasn't me, I was drugged. But I couldn't."
"Why?" I spoke right away.
"Because, he didn't listen to me, he left. I couldn't even blame him for leaving. I wasn't even in my right mind at that time either. I was having a tough time trying to grasp the truth. You want to know the stupidest thing I did? I tried denying it right to his face, I even tried to make weak attempts to make him stay. Pathetic, am I right?" Yoongi scoffed to himself. I didn't even notice when tears started to build on the rim of my eyes, waiting to fall.
"W-why did you go home if you felt like something was wrong in the first place?" I stuttered, trying to hide the sob wanting to release.
"If I hadn't gone home to Jimin, I would have made a bigger mistake with someone else. I wouldn't even be able to live with myself knowing I slept with someone I don't know, while I was in a relationship."
"I thought we could sit together to work it out, but both our minds were only thinking about what happen at the moment, not anything else. I knew he wasn't ready to do what I forced upon him. I later came to a conclusion with my mistakes, but it was far too late. He was gone." Yoongi spoke on the verge of tears.
"I felt so bad because Jimin needed me and I was being too much of an asshole to own up to my mistakes. If I had the power to turn back time and re-do that day, I would." Yoongi finished starting to already tear up, as for me I was already crying from the beforehand.
Luckily, my emotions were well hidden under my mask. I can't believe what an idiot I was, it was both our faults yet it made me feel better to blame him. I got drunk that time because I started overthinking about what Yoongi was doing alone at the party, which was stupid of me to do.
I trusted him yet I had this little nagging feeling in the back of my mind telling me that Yoongi is up to no good. Why did I fall into that trap, why didn't I ignore it? I didn't even go to the party since I had a massive headache due to dancing for the past hours.
"Yoongi I'm so sorry, I'm truly sorry, you've been through so much and I had no clue that you have been hurting this much." I spoke softly trying to apologize, sniffing in between. Yoongi looked at me with an unreadable expression, and a tear stained face.
"Jimin why are you sorry? It doesn't have anything to do with you." Yoongi asked puzzled. I gulped looking down as I tried not to make eye contact, starting to fiddle with my hands. He's right it doesn't have anything to do with me. It has everything to do with "his Jimin" which I'm not in his eyes.
"Yeh I know it's just...I feel so horrible and hurt for you. You held this in for so long I just feel really sorry and upset with Jimin for doing this to you." I spoke carefully with my words to not expose myself.
"You don't have to feel sorry for me. Jimin didn't do anything wrong, but he did the right thing leaving me. I probably deserved everything that I got." Yoongi spoke monotoned voice changing drastically.
He looked so fragile, that if I touched him he would break under my hand. I just needed to comfort him, even though he couldn't comfort me, it doesn't mean I have to be so cruel to him. He's a human being with feelings and he's hurt because of me. I caused this man to turn into this fragile being, who's breaking slowly.
"No Yoongi no one deserves what happened to you. Jimin should have listened to you and you should have told him no matter what. I know if I were him I would understand what bitches like her could do to get what they want." I stated firmly, because it was true; all I really wanted was Yoongi to man up, and take some responsibility, but he chose to sit quietly.
"You don't know how funny and awkward this is right now for me, but maybe I wouldn't be in this situation right now if I had stopped the love of my life from slipping through my finger tips back then. I guess I just have to live with that guilt until I die, now." Yoongi deadpanned, with a heartless chuckle. He looked like he's really near the edge of losing it.
Did I really hurt him that much?
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