IHateOneDirection♥
Chapter 27: Wouldn’t change a thing
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Harry’s POV
Louis turned to leave the room. “What are you talking about?” I held his hand back before he could take a step further.
“I’m done here Harry! I’m just tired of always putting things together for you—“ He pulled back, swatting my hand away fiercely as he grunted in frustration.
“What the hell do you mean by that? Found the ‘answer’ to what?” I scrunched my brows to form wrinkles in between them.
“Ask yourself this, Harry. Why do you think you care so much about her? Don’t you even dare say she’s just a friend, it’s definitely more than that! Why can’t you understand and realise your feelings for her? How is it that I’m more certain of your own feelings?” As he paused, I thought to think about what he was saying. Where was he going with this?
“You’re in love with her Harry. You’re just trying to force it away because you’re in denial. You think you’re unable to love again because of what Taylor did to you! Well guess what? The scar she left never destroyed you completely. You know why? Because Lize helped you piece it back together before it was permanent.” He shook his head in utter disappointment. “ And do you know what the hell you’re trying to do instead? You’re rejecting the missing piece that’s a perfect fit. Good luck with that, Harry.” The door was slammed hard in my face, leaving me momentarily inarticulate.
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There are two possible ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true. Well, I was the fool trying to deny the truth. I was trying to reject what I had felt these past few days. I thought that I couldn’t possibly fall in love with Lize, but I did. I had felt this way for quite a while but I’m only certain now because I saw Lize in a different light after getting to know the vulnerable side of her. And of course, thanks to Louis and Harper for constantly reminding me, I was positive that these feelings wouldn’t change.
I sighed, moving to sit on the edge of the bed as I clenched one of my fists down on my lap. “God what do I do now?” I heaved out a sigh of frustration while combing through my hair with my free hand. I couldn’t confess my feelings to Lize. It was ridiculous. She’s going through much suffering that she was trying to avoid all these years. It’d only makes things worse between us. It wasn’t the right moment. And besides, when is it ever going to be the ‘right’ moment? It’s not like she feels the same way. She isn’t capable of a love commitment, and I don’t expect her to be. All I should do is be a friend to her.
The departure flight for L.A is in two days. There was no time for me to be dreaming about something that would never happen. I couldn’t do this to Louis either. Going after a girl who he had laid eyes on first? It’s despicable.
“Guess I’m back to square one huh?” I sighed, mumbling to myself. “It’s for the best..”
I continued to bury myself in my mountain pile of lies.
Self-deception was the only way.
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Lize’s POV
12 hours later, 10 pm
After hearing Faye’s footsteps fade into silence, I slowly got up from my bed and headed towards the door. Before I stepped out the door, I checked to make sure that the pain from my chest had subsided. My eyes rested on the group of people that were gathered around the living room, waiting for a certain someone—that would be me. “You know, you guys could’ve just started playing.. You didn’t have to wait for me,” I frowned, slumping down on the couch where Harry was sitting.
“ Pfft—what’s game night without you Lize?” Zayn sniggered in a playful manner, passing controllers around as he broke the awkward atmosphere.
“Hey can someone pass me some juice?” I called out, looking at the plastic bottle filled with the orange liquid on the coffee table. It just happened to be all the way across the other side of the table. Just as expected, Louis picked it up for me.
“Here,” He held out the bottled juice in front of me. I avoided his gaze and continued watching as Liam inserted a new game into the Cd compartment. “Can someone else pass me the drink?” I asked with a monotonous tone.
“Oh c’mon Lize, don’t be like that—“ Faye sighed smartingly. Before she could finish, Harry took the bottle from Louis and passed it to me.
“Here,” He smiled, taking no notice of the looks he received from the others and carried on with whatever he was doing.
“Thanks,” I answered while I genuinely smiled back at him, once again disregarding their intense stares.
Out of a sudden, we all heard a loud thud. Out of frustration, Louis had dropped his controller down on the tiled flooring on purpose.
“You know what, I’m not in the mood for game night anymore,” He got up from his cushion chair]to leave the room quietly, barely looking back. I snickered softly, having not even a single ounce of guilt in me.
“Seriously Lize?” Faye frowned as she shook her head in disappointment. “Real mature,” She commented with much sarcasm in her voice.
“What? I never asked him to do it. I was asking everyone else but him—“
“But he did it anyway because he’s being polite, unlike you.” Faye interrupted me, folding her arms across her chest.
“Don’t get mad at me! He’s the one that almost tore us apart—“
“Oh come on Lize, it’s over!” Faye tried not ruin the gathering. “We’re fine now!”
I scoffed, putting my controller down on the table. “It’s over? You think it’s over? Just because everything has worked out again, it doesn’t change the fact that he lied just so that he could drive Harry and I apart. He was trying to break a love relationship that never existed! No, it’s not fucking over!” I gritted my teeth as I tried holding my anger in. “You might be my best friend but you won’t be able to understand the incredible amount of pain I’m going through. You can’t feel the exact surge of pain I have felt before. Stop trying to act like it’s not a big deal when it fucking is.” I took glances at these row of faces which I had grown to like over the past few weeks. “It took me years to forget what I never wanted as a memory and now it’s back because of what Louis did. I’m sorry but it’s never going to be the same between Louis and I—”
Zayn then opened his mouth, “Lize, you just need some time to —“
“God, I don’t fucking need time!” I huffed in exasperation as tears filled my waterline. “ Don’t you understand? I’m so tired of listening to same damn thing all over and over again! You know what I need? I need someone who can be blunt with me. I need someone to say this to me, ‘Fuck it. You’re not alright. You’re not fine. You’re not okay.’ Time is not going to fix it guys. Because if it did, I wouldn’t still be like this. Things don’t magically come together.” I got up from the couch , leaving the room. I quickly wiped off the tears that escaped my eyes. I refused to let them see what a weakling I’ve become. I climbed up the stairs to enter my room but before I could shut the door behind me, a hand slipped through the crack of the door, stopping me.
“Harry, what the fuck? Did you want to lose a hand on purpose?” I opened the door slightly while he attempted to squeeze through the gap to enter the room. I locked the door in place with my foot, stopping him. “Go away—I want to be alone!” I exclaimed with much frustration.
“You’ve spent years all by yourself without a dad so why should I leave you alone now?” He looked straight at me as if he knew everything about me now. Our eyes were locked on each other.
“Pfft,” I scoffed, avoiding his gaze. “You’re saying that you’re an expert now? Harry, you don’t even know me that well.“
HIs gaze softened as he reached out. “I know enough to know that you don’t really want to be alone. You want someone to comfort you but you think there’s no one in this world who could make you feel better because they don’t understand. Well, to be honest, no one understands how you feel and I probably never will. But it doesn’t hurt to try to understand, does it?” He tilted his head, as he asked.
I paused to stare at him, bewildered at his sudden change of tone. I could see it in his eyes— he was definitely trying his best to get through to me.
“Come on Lize, let me in,” I received a small smile from him as he raised his brows in anticipation.
I sighed in annoyance as I rolled my eyes. “Fine, go ahead. Be annoying,” I said as I slowly widened the gap of the door for Harry to slip in.
“ I promise,” He laughed softly in a playful manner as he sat next to me on the bed. I attempted to get as far away from him as much as I could but he made it impossible for me. The moment I got up from the bed, he caught me by the wrist and tugged me backwards. I landed on the edge of the bed softly as I bounced off the springs that laid in between the spongy material of the mattress. “You know want to know what I think you should do?”
“No,” I replied him with a flat answer, even though I really did want to know.
“You’re right Lize. Things don’t magically come together, they never do. Time isn’t what you need. You know you need to do something about it, and I fully support it. So I’m giving you my suggestion. I think the sole reason why you’re still hurting is because you’re keeping everything to yourself. You need to let those painful memories go. They’re still bottled up somewhere deep inside and it really has taken a huge toll on you. They need to be let free or you’ll never accept your past Lize,” He drew closer to me but I didn’t have the urge to pull away. I wanted to know what he had to say.
“Your past is what makes you ‘you’.. no matter how painful it is, no matter how terrible those memories were, it’s what made you who you are today.. and to be honest Lize?” He leaned closer towards me with a gentle smile as he held one of my hands in the most comforting way. His other hand cupped the right side of my face as his thumb softly grazed against my cheek with such tenderness.
“I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.“
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Something strange was tugging at my heart— I felt strange somehow. I felt a strong pulse, beating with much strength as I tried wrapping my head around those words. He ‘wouldn’t change a single thing about me’. What did he mean by that?
My mouth slightly opened to give a reply but the words wouldn’t sound. My eyes were locked on his.
“Sorry I uh— I have to go,” After a long pause, his hands left my face almost instantly that it almost started to feel foreign without them. “Just uh—think about what I said..” He forced a smile before leaving my room in a hurry.
All of a sudden, my pulse started to beat stronger. I could almost hear the blood rushing thorough my veins. My mind slowly replayed those hateful memories, flashbacks after flashbacks, they continued to haunt me constantly. I breathed in deep and struggled to grab onto the glass of water that I left on my nightstand the other night. I drank the glass down in a single gulp, slamming the glass down on the stand. “Ungh..” I closed my eyes shut, gritting my teeth while I rubbed my temples in order to withstand the pain. I wrapped my hands around my neck and pulled my head up for air as I started feeling the suffocation all over again. “Breathe Lize, breathe.” I murmured to myself repeatedly as I followed. “ Stop bottling them up Lize.. just let them go..” I whispered to myself. I found myself thinking about Harry this time. His gentle words of advice lead me to him, like tiny whispers in my ear. Then it stopped. For once, my eyes blinked open.
The pain stopped.
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Harry’s POV
“God what is wrong with me?” I huffed in frustration as soon as I closed the door behind me, making sure she couldn’t hear me. I loosened the first button on my shirt as I combed through my hair with my hand.
Ugh, I did it again. I went and comforted her but I let myself fall deeper. I dragged myself to the bathroom to wash my tomato face before anyone could see me. I stared at the reflection in the mirror.
“Harry..” I gripped onto the side of the sink as I gazed at my fairly pale complexion. “What the heck are you doing to yourself?” I sighed as I looked at myself with pity.
“I was asking the same thing Harry—“ I heard a voice near the door and I flinched, looking back to see Harper standing there looking all serious.
“God Harper, would you stop appearing out of nowhere, you’re gonna give me a heart attack someday,” I grunted as I grabbed onto a small towel to wipe off the liquids that dripping from my chin.
“You have got to stop Harry.” She shook her head in disappointment. “Seriously—stop bothering her. Lize can take care of herself! You’re leaving in two days so stop getting more attached to her than you already are—“
“Stop it Harper. I’m not attached to her. I told you, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I said firmly as I walked out the door, past her. Before I could leave the situation, she grabbed onto my wrist pulling me back.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Stop being so stubborn—”
I pushed her hand away, cutting her off.“You know what Harper? Fine! I’m in love with her okay? But what the fuck am I supposed to do?” I whispered fiercely, not wanting anyone to find out. “You’re asking me to stay away from her? What help would that do? Huh?!” I stared at her while anger continued to rise in me. I couldn’t help what I was feeling. “I’ve already fallen for her Harper, avoiding her wouldn’t change anything. She’s a troubled girl—“
“You’re just as troubled because of her. Why the hell did you let yourself get into this mess?” She gave me anxious look.
“What—so you’re saying it’s my fault that I fell in love? You’re saying it’s my fault for wanting to help someone?—“
“Well, if you like her so much, why don’t you just tell her?” Harper sulked, folding her arms across her chest.
“Harper there are so many reasons why I shouldn’t. I can’t be thinking of myself!” I shook my head at her, wondering what gave her the idea that that was even possible to do. “Lize is not capable of love Harper. It’s almost as if she’s handicapped. Tell me, would ask someone without legs to run with you?” Harper kept silent, looking down at her feet. “And what about Louis? You know exactly how much he likes her. Confessing to her would be backstabbing him. After all he’s been through, I care more about his feelings than my own. He doesn’t deserve this Harper.”
“It’s not only that isn't it? You’re afraid.“ She looked me right in the eye. Ugh, I hate it when she does that.
“ Harper, of course I’m afraid.. So what if do tell her how I feel? What happens then? Nothing. I know for a fact that she doesn’t feel the same way. I know her all too well, I just don’t wanna hear it from Lize herself. I know that Lize doesn’t treat me anymore than a friend.” I gave her an apologetic smile as I reached for her hands. Holding them in mine, I assured her that everything was going to be fine. “Harper, thanks for caring so much about me. Honestly, you’re like the sister I’ve always wanted. But please let me just handle this on my own, alright?”
Harper sighed then smiled reluctantly. “Alright.. You know I love you,” She leaned forward to give me a small hug. I smiled sheepishly, returning her hug.
“I know you do. I love you too. Let’s just leave Lize and Louis on their own for now. Let’s go back to the rest. I’ll be right behind you.” I told her gently as she went ahead. As I watched her climb down the stairs, I felt someone’s eyes on me for some reason. I turned my back to see an empty corridor behind me.
That’s strange, I thought I saw someone’s shadow for a split second.
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A/N: Wazzuppp! I know. I'm so sorry I left you guys with a cliff hanger in the last update. I'm sorry. I was just so busyyy I still am :( I hope this update makes up for it! :) I'm working on the next chpater right away so stay tuned! :) Thank you for all the support guys! Iloveyou so much!:) Don't forget to vote and comment? Maybe help get this story on the popular or Humour list or something? That'd be cool haha :)