Seungkwan's Point of View
"Jasmine?", I softly called out to her.
"Seungkwan?", she replied while smiling warmly at me.
"Jasmine?"
"Seungkwan?"
"Jasmine?
"Seungkwan?"
"Jasmine?"
"We look like idiots~", Jasmine stated as she laughed sweetly.
"We are more than idiots, Jasmine", I replied as I laughed along her.
Jasmine is my childhood best friend. She is always by my side, always there to comfort me, cheering me up whenever I feel down and even love me...
But only as her dear best friend.
I also love her, and obviously not as a best friend. I love her as a woman and of course, she doesn't know it nor feel it. At first I am scared to tell her what I truly felt towards her, because I don't want to ruin our strong friendship, but right now, I'm feeling guilty. We actually promised to each other that we will not keep any secrets between us, we must confess or tell everything. So today, I don't care whatever will happen today, I'm gonna tell her about my feelings for her.
My true feelings for her.
"Jasmine?", I called her once again, but this time, in a serious way.
"I have something to tell you, it's my secret", I said as I cleared my throat.
"Go on, say it", she said as she faced me and looks at me seriously, which makes me feel more nervous than before. My heart just keeps on beating fast.
"Jasmine... I'm sorry, like really sorry. I actually kept this secret from you for a long time already, I'm really sorry. I broke our promise", I said as I bowed my head to her and looks up just to see her lips pouting already.
"I'm disappointed, Seungkwan. I can't believe you broke one of our promises, but... I somewhat understands you, Seungkwan"
"Really? You do?"
She nodded, "Yup! Because.... I also have a secret that I kept from you for a very long time", she said as she smiled warmly at me.
She also has a secret?
I wonder what could it be...
This makes me more nervous, though.
"Now, tell me your secret first. I'll tell mine after you", she said then smiled and I nodded to her, hiding my nervousness. I then breathed deeply, grasping all the energy that I could grasp in this room.
Okay Seungkwan, you can do this.
"Jasmine..."
"I..."
"You?"
"I love you... as a woman", I said then her eyes widened up.
"Y-you love me? As a woman?", she said, she obviously couldn't believe what I've just confessed to her.
"Yeah, I can't help it, Jasmine. I really love you. I really do"
She then smiled as I noticed her teary eyes, "I love you too, Seungkwan. I do also love you more than a friend", right after she said that, it suddenly feels like it's my birthday, like it's already Christmas, like it's already new year, like there's a fiesta. I don't know what I truly felt but all I could say is that, I feel so happy.
"Really? You love me too not as a best friend?"
"Yes Seungkwan, b-", she was about to say something more but I hugged her immediately, cutting her off.
"Jasmine, I'm so happy~", I broke the hug and looked at her shining eyes, for it has some tears that are about to fall down.
"Then, can we start dating each other? We've known each other for a long time now. But if you don't want to, then I can court you first. Can I do that?", I asked her excitedly, but her face doesn't look happy at all. Her eyes are full of sadness, which I couldn't explain.
I held her right hand and looked at her confusedly. "W-what's wrong, Jasmine?"
"S-Seungkwan, you know what? I would really love to be your girlfriend", she said as she smiled sadly at me.
"Then why do you look... sad?", I said and cupped her cheeks so she can face me properly.
"I'm..."
"You're what?", I gently asked her.
She sighed, "I'm already engaged to someone for a long time now, Seungkwan. This is my secret to you", she said as her tears started to fall down slowly on her cheeks.
"But you said you love me as a man?"
"That was before Seungkwan. My feelings for you suddenly faded away as time passes by. I'm sorry to tell you but, you're too late"
I let go of her hand as I become speechless.
After a few minutes of standing in front of her, literally don't know what to say nor to do, Jasmine finally bid goodbye to me as she apologized for the last time.
I can't believe it. I am mad at myself. I don't know but I want to kill myself for being a fool, for being an idiot. I'm so mad and sad at the same time. I don't know but that's what I truly felt right now.
"I'm a fool!", I said as I punched the wall.
"I'm an idiot! I'm too dumb!", I shouted as loud as I can. I feel so hopeless right now, I don't want to live with this pain in my heart, I just want to die, right now. I just want this pain that I'm feeling right now to be gone.
The next thing I did, was I get a knife from my kitchen, and about to stab my self without thinking properly. I'm surely gone insane, but I a girl suddenly shouted which made me stopped.
"Seungkwan!!", when I looked up, I saw Y/N.
She's also my friend. She always follows me around and usually looks after me.
"What do you think you are doing? Do you think killing yourself will make your pain fades away? Huh?!", she madly shouted at me while staring intently.
"Who cares? Just leave me alone Y/N, no one cares about me anymore", I said as I aligned the knife towards me chest, but before I could stab myself, she quickly grabbed the knife from my hand.
"No one cares about you? Then how about me Seungkwan? How about me?! Can't you see me?! I always care about you even if you always choose Jasmine. Even if it hurts me all the time, I did not think about killing myself nor giving up because all I could think is to care for you, because I love you Seungkwan! I freaking love you!!", she shouted and started to cry as hard as she can, in front of me.
I suddenly felt guilty and realized everything.
I hurt her.
I hurt her feelings.
I didn't see her worth.
I didn't even care about her taking care of me.
She's tired already, but she did not stop caring about me, and I think that is the reason why I'm in pain right now. I somehow deserve this. But I don't deserve Y/N, I don't deserve her love.
"I'm sorry Y/N, I'm really sorry", I said as I hugged her and cried on her shoulders.
"I'm really sorry, you don't deserve this. I was being a fool and did not see your worth, I'm so sorry Y/N"
She hugged me back, "I know, Seungkwan. I don't deserve this, and so are you. We both deserve to be happy", she said as she gently caressed my head. I suddenly felt her warmth embracing me and somehow, it made me feel better. She then broke the hug and looks at me.
"Can't you just love me back, Seungkwan? Love me instead, please? I promise, I will make you happy and I won't hurt you", she said while looking at me so dearly.
"Do you think I deserve you, Y/N? After all I've done, after ignoring your presence, do you think I deserve you?"
She caressed my right cheek, "You did hurt me a million times already Seungkwan, but it doesn't mean that you don't deserve anymore. You still deserve me, Seungkwan, you'll always deserve me", she softly said and the next thing she did, she kissed my lips softly.
With just her simple kiss, all of the pain that I felt a while ago faded away, and was now replaced by a warm and comforting feeling.
After a minute, she pulls away from the kiss and held both of my hands, "Let's now have a fresh start, Seungkwan. A fresh start for you and me"
The End