In November, a month after school had started, they announced that the Harvest dance was on Friday. I was placed into the position of Grade 12 Representative with Logan Wesley this year as we were the Grade 11 Reps last year. I had to plan everything with Logan. He's really nice. As the representatives of our grade, we had to plan for the dance. We had been working on the plans for about a month now.
I didn't have a date at the time. I didn't really want to go with anyone; well I guess I did but I wouldn't admit it. I didn't want to go with a jock, or a geek. I guess Ace would be perfect for a date. He's not too much of a jock, and not too intelligent. He's not a nerd or a popular guy. He's right in between. Ace was such a shy kid. He is a really great guy, he plays baseball and soccer, is really smart in chemistry, loves to read. Perfect guy in the body of Ace. He's the perfect kid, 5'10", has brown hair and blue eyes, and gets straight A's.
"Hey Camilla," Ace said. He frightened me, and I dropped my books. I was day dreaming again. "Sorry about that Cam, I didn't know I would scare you." He picked up my books and we walked to class.
"Do you remember what happened Saturday night?" I asked.
"Uh no I don't, why?"
"Never mind, I'll talk to you about it later. Are you going to the dance this Friday?" I asked him. I tried to get him to clue in, to ask me... It worked pretty well.
"I don't think so... Maybe I can consider it." He said.
"Oh, well-
"I have a question for you." He interrupted.
"Okay... What's up?" I asked.
"I think I will go to the dance... Only if, you uh-um I was um wondering if-
The bell cut him off. I started to walk backwards towards my calculus and vectors class. "Tell me what's on your mind later; I can't be late for class. Figure out how to get to the point quicker." I said smiling. I turned around leaving him standing there probably trying to process what just happened.
---
As soon as I walked into math class I was being watched by about every single guy in the classroom. Everyone says I'm the most popular girl in school. But I'm not a girl that is with a group and doesn't want to hang out with anyone else. I'm just a regular, "pretty", girl that gets a lot of attention. I think everyone should get equal attention. Does that sound like I'm too... full of myself? I brushed my way past all the groups and sat beside Dakota.
"Just letting you know... Oakley, Curtis, Troy and Max are all planning on asking you to the dance." She said laughing. Even though I didn't find that too funny, I snickered.
"Fantastic..." I said sarcastically. "And Matthew's not going to ask you?"
"I don't think so." She said. "Remember, he's not into that whole, dating thing and going out to dances."
"Unless he's drunk," I said and laughed. But she didn't seem to find that funny. She gave me the "death glare" for a couple seconds. Okay so maybe that wasn't the best thing to say.
I felt bad for her. She had a sad look on her face as she glanced over at Matthew a few times. I pulled out my calculus text book and started to study for my test coming up.
Good thing I'm leaving for lunch with Riley...
Basically the whole class I spent thinking about how all the boys just wanted me because I'm "pretty". Well they can't think that I'll fall for them because they're "hot". They're stupid to think that I would actually fall for them. Ace is the only guy I will always be in love with... I know it's hard to say you're in love with a boy, when you're only seventeen, but you have just heard a sliver of how much we have been together. I can tell you right now it's not an infatuation.
Max somehow got my number and called me right after class ended.
"Hey babe want to go to the dance with me? I'm pretty good with the ladies."
"Excuse me?"
"I mean, who wouldn't want to go out with the star on the hockey team?"
"Me." I said scoffing
"Oh?"
"You guys are sickening."
Boy, do I hate boys.
--
At lunch, Riley came and picked me up. She drove us to Starbucks. Thank goodness I'm getting advice about boys - I am in desperate need.
"Hey Camilla, what's up?"
"Not much. I'm just glad we planned to go out together." I mentioned. "I just got out of calculus and French where pretty much all the guys were staring at me. At least half of them want to ask me to the dance and the other half are just too nervous. I'd never thought I would say this but being popular sucks."
"Yeah, sometimes I wish I was popular but other times I'm glad I'm the way I am."
"Just because I'm 'pretty' they all 'love' me." I put air quotations on the words pretty and love. Riley parked the car and we got out.
"You are pretty Cam; they're not joking about that." She said smiling. We headed into Starbucks. I ordered a cappuccino and Riley ordered the same. We say down at a table and I started the conversation.
"So, how are you?" I asked.
"I'm good, thanks for asking. How are you?"
"Pretty good, how is your relationship with Luke?" I asked. "Last time I talked to Luke he said you guys were taking a break or something."
"Yes, we were... But now we're back together. Cam, the only reason we were taking a break was because we got into a little fight. You don't have to be worried."
"I wasn't worried." I defended. "I would just miss you if you broke up." I said a little more softly.
"Camilla, I would still see you all the time anyways. You and Ace hang out every day." She said smiling. "So did you want to talk about anything specific?" She asked. I guess I'll just have to say it.
"I came to you for dating advice."
"Why? You don't have a boyfriend." She said.
"I know, but I might soon... And I need to know what to do, and what not to do." I said.
"I'm surprised you came to me." She said. "Well, don't waste your time fighting over the dumbest things. And make sure to always be honest. Are you thinking about anyone in specific when you're asking me this?" Riley asked.
"I don't know... Sort of," I said shyly.
"Don't be shy, you can tell me. Or you don't have to if you don't feel comfortable."
"Well there is a guy that I think I'm in love with... If I tell you, you promise you won't overreact or say anything."
"I promise." She said.
"It's Ace,"
She seemed a little surprised at first, but I guess she kind of figured that. She smiled and said,
"You too would be great together. But there's no need to rush things you know... You're only seventeen Camilla."
"I know, and I don't think that Ace would be the guy to go on a date with a girl. I mean, maybe, but I've been best friends with him forever, and whenever a girl has been interested in him, he turns them down."
"I know Ace is not really a type of guy to go out with ten different girls in one year. He'll definitely keep a relationship low profile though, I can tell you that. I think you'd be the one he'd first have a relationship with."
"No..." I said. "I really don't think so." Of course I like to imagine I would be his first girlfriend, but I don't know if that will actually happen.
"Cam, he's obviously head-over-heels for you... Can't you see! He's in love with you, and no one's going to ever change that." She said.
"How do you know?" I asked.
"You guys are always together and he always smiles when he thinks about you. Didn't you know?"
"I thought maybe, he felt the same way, but I didn't know. I think we should be more than just friends."
"So should I set a date up for you two?" She asked.
"Wait... What? Two minutes ago you were saying that I'm only seventeen and that I'm too young to-
"I was joking Cam. Just like me and Luke, you should wait and take it slow rather than rush into your relationship with him."
"Okay, that sounds cool." I said holding the screams inside. I can't wait much longer.
"I was wondering something else too." I said.
"Sure, what's up?"
"I've heard that people spill their feelings when they're drunk... Is that true?"
"I'm not sure, why?"
"Well it's just the other night Ace was drunk and he told that he loved me. Then we kinda kissed."
"Oh." She blankly stared. "Who kissed first?"
"Well technically speaking, I told him to kiss me but he was the first one to initiate the kiss."
We continued to talk about the situation and Riley gave me little pieces on how to deal with my feelings.
"Look Camilla, you and Ace would be amazing together, but like I said, you two should take it slow. Maybe bring up the kiss and see what he says. But please don't rush into anything. It's for the best."
"Yeah, you're probably right Riley. I shouldn't have gone that far and kissed Ace. That was a stupid mistake."
"I understand when you're vulnerable it's easy to want something like that. I know when I'm in a bad place, I always want someone to love me and to tell me that they think I'm amazing. But trust me; you could go down the wrong road if you're with the wrong guy. I'm glad it was Ace and not someone else."
"So, has anyone asked you to the dance yet?" She asked. "I guess they just announced it today right?"
"Yeah, they did just announce it today. But nobody has asked me yet. I don't know what will happen in the next few days."
"Well, I'll be praying that you choose the right guy." She said.
"I will be too." I said.
---
I sat in my room and thought about Ace. Should I tell him my feelings for him or just leave my feelings alone. I'm not sure if I like him enough to tell him. I've been praying and asking God a lot for verses or advice about what to say or what to do about this situation. I sat there, confused about my feelings. I wanted to start crying because I was so overwhelmed with the situations before me.
My best friend has cancer and he's probably going to die soon. I can't do anything to make him better. All I do is just mope around about him. I should be spontaneous.
It's almost midnight and I've been sitting here listening to worship music and shutting my eyes. I know I'm not going to get any sleep tonight. I decide to call up Ace.
"Hello?" He asked.
"Hey, you're awake?"
"I haven't been able to sleep, what about you?"
"Same here. I think we should go somewhere." I said.
"Like where? And right now? It's almost midnight."
"We can go to the park down the road and just eat and talk for a couple hours. You down?" I suggested.
"This is why I love you." My heart stopped. He paused for a moment, almost as if he wanted to take back what he said, but he didn't. "Meet you in front of your house in five?" Ace asked.
"Yeah, bring some money so we can make a McDonald's run."
"I'm so pumped." He laughed.
We hung up the phone and five minutes later, Ace was outside my front door waiting for me. I quietly stepped outside and saw Ace smiling.
He grabbed my hand and we headed over to the park where we played on the swings for a couple minutes, then decided to walk to the McDonald's down the street and both ordered a big mac, a large fry and a coke. We pigged out on that and while I was in the middle of eating my big mac Ace decided to take a picture of me.
Two seconds later I got an Instagram notification. Ace tagged me in a photo with the caption, 'midnight McDonald's feast at the park with the love of my life.'
"I'm the love of your life?" I said laughing.
"Yeah, you didn't know that?" He smiled.
I took a picture of him looking at his big mac and posted it saying 'I thought you only looked at me like that."
Ace grabbed my hand and dragged me to the middle of the park.
"What are we doing?" I asked laughing my head off.
"We're dancing to Ed Sheeran." He grinned placing his hands on my hips. I put my arms around him and nuzzled my face into his neck. He had some really sweet smelling cologne on that made me shiver. It felt so right to be here with him.
After about ten minutes of just dancing to Ed's slow songs, Ace pulled back and took my hand in his. Then, he twirled me around and I ended up right in his face. I giggled and hugged him again.
Ace and I headed back to our food and started talking.
"You're a great dancer Cam," He whispered, grabbing my hand in his. As our hands were intertwined, I realized it was time for me to tell him.
"Ace,"
"Hmmm?"
"Thank you for everything. This night has been so memorable, even if we only ate McDonald's and danced to Ed Sheeran. I just want to tell you something."
"Go ahead," He whispered.
I sighed, and put my head on his shoulder. "There's this guy that I really like, but I'm afraid if I tell him, it'll ruin everything. My parents won't allow me to date until I'm eighteen and if I tell him then we'll just get into more trouble and my parents will never let me date. Ever."
Ace just laughed.
"I'm serious Ace; my parents wouldn't let me date until I'm forty-five if I messed around."
"Okay, what's his name?" Ace asked quietly.
"Do I have to tell you his name?"
"I'll tell you the name of the girl I'm madly in love with if you tell me the name of the guy that you really like."
"We both know both of their names." I whined.
"Still, I really want to hear you say his name. It would mean a lot." He smiled, rubbing my hand.
"Fine, Ace, I like you a lot. But I don't want to ruin our friendship just because of these feelings. I want to wait until we're eighteen."
"I understand. I totally wanted to kiss you there but then you said you didn't want to ruin our friendship."
"I wanted you to kiss me." I smiled. "And one kiss won't ruin our friendship, right?"
"Last time, I struck out though." Ace mentioned embarrassed.
"You won't strike out this time, I promise."
He laughed and stood up. Then he took my face in his warm hands. I didn't know what to do with my hands; I was too caught up in the moment so I just wrapped them around his body. He leaned in and just before he could kiss me, I dodged him.
"Are you serious right now?" Ace grumbled. I just laughed. "It's not funny." He mumbled folding his hands across his chest.
"Yeah-it-is." I laughed.
He still looked super upset so I just grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him. I kissed him with so much passion because I knew this could be our only kiss that both of us remember. I tried not to kiss him for too long because I knew that we would still have to speak after the kiss was finished.
Kissing someone feels like nothing I've ever experienced before. It brings such an amazing sensation throughout my entire body and makes me want more. I crave for more moments like this with Ace. As I pulled back from the kiss, I know I shouldn't go back for more but I need him. I need his tender kiss on my lips. He makes me feel loved and wanted and beautiful all at once. He makes me feel like nothing in the world could stop me from loving him. He makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. He makes me feel in love.
Finally, after what seemed like just seconds but was probably a good two minutes, I pull away from the kiss.
"Holy," Ace smirked. "You don't take no for an answer do you?"
"What?" I breathed out.
"Just kidding, holy cow I don't know what to say. You're a great kisser."
"Ditto," I grinned still holding him tight. "I don't wanna go home. I'm going to have to face reality again and I don't know if I can do that." I sighed.
"I don't want to face reality either. But that kiss that just happened, wow."
"I know, wow, but we can't do this. We need to just be friends. Okay? That's it. We can't kiss each other all the time and think everything's going to be okay. Cause it's not. My parents cannot find out about this." I whispered.
"Got it, so we should probably head home now since it's almost two."
"Yeah, nothing good happens after two a.m." I whispered, thinking about How I Met Your Mother.
Ace pulled me back around and planted a kiss on my forehead and we just stood there hugging each other for a few moments.
"I love you," He whispered, holding me.
"I love you Ace," I said back as a few tears leaked from my eyes. This time, I really meant it.