I'm just your average guy.
I've always been content with what I have.
I don't expect a lot. I don't push too much to get what I want.
This is probably one of the reasons why I suck at having a relationship.
***
I met her after graduating from college. It happened while I was waiting for the results of a prospect job interview – incidentally, we were both vying for the same position. She wasn't exactly what most people would consider beautiful, but she would certainly stand out in any crowd. She was tall and slim, her hair cut really short, and I noticed that she had a certain mannerism of blowing her baby bangs away from her face that made her look adorable.
"I bet you'll get the job," she told me.
I wasn't really used to the idea of strangers trying to make conversation with me. "Don't you want it, too?"
She laughed and shook her head. "Not really. I have tons of other applications."
"Then why come here at all?"
"Felt like it. Plus it's near my condo."
I couldn't help it. I laughed.
"You're cuter when you laugh. Laugh ka ulit." [Laugh again]
I stupidly did.
She laughed, too, then checked her watch. "I have to tell the receptionist I'm leaving. It was nice meeting you. My name is Frances."
It was then that I realized – when she was about to leave – that I wanted to get to know her more. It was as though I'd regret it for the rest of my life if I let her walk out that door. I guess it was the confidence she projected that attracted me. She intrigued me, and although there was a possibility that she might reject me if I asked for her number, I still did.
Thankfully she didn't reject me. What followed after that was a string of endless conversations and occasional dates. When she was in my area, she'd usually give me a ring and we'd either grab a bite to eat or watch a movie. Whenever I would drop her home, she'd always call an hour later just to check if I arrived home safe, and so began the routine of talking before we went to sleep. We became attached to one another – it had become a routine for us – and spending it with her made it all worth it.
By the way, I got the job and she didn't, obviously.
***
I've known her for four years – courted her for the first two, and we've been together for the two years that followed. Our relationship wasn't that ideal. But I realized that not all relationships were always smooth sailing. She was the type who rarely voiced out her emotions and would often have difficulty expressing them as well. However, I was still drawn to her. It became a challenge for me to try and see if I could win her heart.
But despite the two years we've been together, I guess I never did win her heart. Why? One good reason: her best friend.
They had been friends since college – not that I minded at first – and there were times when she'd choose her best friend over me. It would've been ok if her best friend had been a girl.
But he wasn't.
"I've known him more than I've known you." This was the usual response I get whenever we got into a fight where she would choose him over me.
So instead of arguing, I learned to live with it.
I loved her and if that meant accepting that she'd always prioritize him over me, then so be it. All I wanted was for her to be happy anyway.
Friends often tell me why I put up with what she wanted. Was it love? I guess it was. Was it settling? Not really. I'd like to think of it as wanting to be with her, making her happy – because her happiness meant a lot to me. Wasn't that what love was about?
Then again I guess we all have our limitations.
***
"Babe, Tony's birthday is coming up and he wants me to help prepare." Frances and I were having dinner one night when she suddenly mentioned that Tony had specifically asked her to organize his birthday celebration.
I've only met Tony a couple of times – usually when he would pick Frances up to go clubbing. Frances was like that too – something I never got used to. Usually in a relationship, weekends are reserved for your significant others – but in her case – they were reserved for Tony and I get the weekdays. Not that I minded, because that meant I would spend more time with her than he did. However, knowing she liked going out with guy friends (specifically Tony) didn't really sit well with me. I'd only accompanied her a few times when she would go out with her friends, but since clubbing wasn't really my scene, I decided to just trust her.
"When's his birthday?"
"Next week."
So that meant I'd probably not be able to see my girlfriend for a week. Knowing her, she'd likely use the weekdays to 'plan' for the party.
"Don't worry, Babe. You're invited. It's Tony's 27th and he wants it to be memorable."
"Doesn't he have a girlfriend? Why do you have to organize it?" The minute I finished my sentence, I regretted it. I saw Frances' facial expression instantly change to annoyance in response to my slight displeasure in her helping Tony.
"She's invited. It's not like she's interested in doing it. Didn't I tell you all about her? She doesn't deserve to be Tony's girlfriend. I honestly don't know what he sees in her..." And so began her usual explanation of how Tony's girlfriend didn't really love Tony and that he deserved better.
I, for one, think it's the other way around. I know I've only met Tony on a few occasions but they were enough for me to gauge what type of guy he was. And being monogamous wasn't his style.
And so with great reluctance, I finally agreed to Frances organizing the party. Not that I had any say in it anyway. And I was right. Organizing the party meant spending more time with Tony and I had to learn to deal with it.
***
"You actually let her choose Tony over you again?" Wacks, my best friend, looked at me with disappointment. After dropping Frances off at Tony's, I decided to grab a beer and asked him to join me.
"Whatever makes her happy. Which apparently, Tony does quite well."
"I don't know why you let her treat you that way. You're too nice."
"I love her."
Wacks took a swig of his drink. "Yeah and then you whine to me about it. It's either you deal with it or you don't."
"I have been dealing with it."
"Which is what you shouldn't be doing. There are other girls out there. Why stay with her?"
It was no use arguing with Wacks about Frances. He never liked her – I guess he never will because she still didn't even know his name despite the numerous times they met. "At least I'm invited to the party this time."
"I'm sure you'll have a great time there," Wacks replied with a sarcastic tone. "Just think about it... you don't know anyone there except for Tony and Frances - who'll probably just ignore you because they'll be busy hanging out with their friends. So I guess that will make you a wallflower. At least you'll get free booze. Drown in beer and watch them party. Your choice. Deal with it."
***
After a week, Frances called me to tell me where the party was going to be held. They had rented one of the clubs that Tony was a frequent visitor of. And since they were regulars, she told me that they got it at a very good price. "Meet me here at around 10pm?" She gave me the name of the bar located in the Fort area. So much for hoping that we'd be going together.
I was beginning to rethink going to the party. But knowing Frances, if I didn't go it would only end in a huge argument of me not wanting to hang out with her friends. It isn't as if I didn't try. We just didn't have much in common. This was also one of the reasons why I wasn't sure why Frances wanted to be with me. After all, we didn't have much in common either. She was a party girl – I was more of the geeky nerd.
When I arrived at the location of Tony's party, I saw Frances holding Tony's arm tightly. I could feel the jealousy bug biting. Careful, Matteo. They are best friends. Best friends do that, don't they? It's platonic.
I wanted to get out of the car at that point but then I saw Frances drop her hold on Tony when the occupant of the car in front of me stepped down. I couldn't see the face of the woman who made the two separate. I could only assume that it was Tony's girlfriend because Tony suddenly forgot Frances existed and hugged the woman who just arrived.
I finally found a parking space a few blocks away and immediately walked to the venue. Frances was still outside, smoking a cigarette. "Hey."
She smiled at me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "You came!"
"Of course." I gave her a kiss and held her tightly.
She didn't say anything else but ushered me inside. I had to admit, Frances really put her heart into decorating the venue for Tony's birthday. The club already had this vintage feel which was enhanced with Frances' interior designing skills. That actually made me wonder if she'd ever exert that much effort if I had a birthday party. She probably wouldn't.
There were already several people inside. She walked me over to where Tony was – with the same woman I saw earlier.
"Thanks for coming, 'Bro." Tony raised his beer bottle. "Drinks are on the house. Order anything you want. It's the least I could do for letting me have your girlfriend for a week. You have an amazing girlfriend, did you know that?"
I didn't know how to respond to what he just said so I just gave a nod. Frances then moved away from me. "Babe, drinks are by the bar. Go order a beer or something."
I guess that was my cue to leave them alone.
I sighed. Looks like Wacks was right. I would be ending up as the wallflower in this party. At least I get overflowing booze till I get drunk and not notice my girlfriend again tossing me to be with Tony.
I walked to the bar and saw someone standing there alone. Like me, she didn't really quite fit in the group. Maybe it was because of the way she dressed? She wasn't wearing anything as flashy nor as revealing as most of the women in the room, and because of that, it made her stand out more – even if she wasn't trying to.
I ordered a beer and made sure that Frances was in my line of vision.
"You must be Matteo."
I was surprised that someone actually knew my name. Frances didn't really introduce me to any of Tony's friends. And if she did, I couldn't recall any of them. I turned and saw that it was the girl who was by the bar who spoke.
"My name's Nicole."
"Uh..." I wasn't really sure how to respond to a stranger who apparently knew who I was but didn't really give me a clue how she knew me.
She seemed to sense my uneasiness because she gave a small chuckle. "I'm sorry. Did Tony not tell you who I was?"
I couldn't help but scan her face to see if Frances did introduce me to her before and I just forgot about it. Unfortunately, she wasn't a familiar face.
She was really pretty. She wore her hair long and straight, smoothed away from her heart-shaped face. She smiled when I turned to face her, it was a smile that only emphasized how lovely she looked. Was she his sister? Did Tony even have a sister?
"I guess not." Then I saw her offer her hand. "I'm Tony's girlfriend, Nicole."
That caught me off guard. So who was the woman Tony was with if Nicole was Tony's girlfriend? "Why aren't you with him?" I tried to recall if Frances had ever mentioned Tony's girlfriend's name and failed. So was she the girl who wasn't really interested in Tony as Frances mentioned? The girl undeserving of Tony's love?
"Same reason why you're not with Frances." She gave me a wink.
For a weird reason that actually made sense.
"At least now I know I won't be alone in this party. I honestly thought I'd end up feeling out of place. I hardly like Tony's friends except for Martin who's totally my sister's slave..."
My sentiments exactly.
"You don't talk much, do you?"
"Sorry."
"Why say sorry? You haven't done anything wrong."
"Sorry...er...yeah."
She laughed. "Only say sorry for things you've done wrong. Never say sorry for things that are beyond your control." She turned to face me. "So, Matteo...I assume your patience is very long if you're allowing your girlfriend to hang out with Tony all the time. Guys would usually be jealous right?"
"They're best friends aren't they?"
"Yeah, whatever." She didn't even sound convinced that they were.
"So I take it you don't mind that she hangs out with him a lot? You do get weekdays with Tony right? I have that set-up with Frances."
"Was that meant as a joke?" She smiled at me. "Yeah. It sounds like our significant others put us on a strict schedule. So you didn't get to hang out with her all week till now, right?"
For the life of me, I couldn't help but laugh and agree. "Yeah and she totally ignores me again. But then again, it's a weekend so I guess it's Tony's schedule."
"Then it's a good thing you have me around then. Otherwise we'd both end up as wallflowers tonight."
"Yeah. So you don't mind that he hangs out with her?" I couldn't help but ask her the same thing.
"I don't really care who he hangs out with. Some girlfriend right? But then again, you probably thought that woman with Tony was his girlfriend instead of me."
I laughed again. She had that effect. Her straightforwardness was amusing. "Yeah I did."
"More of his type."
"Well, maganda ka naman..." [you're also pretty]
She laughed at what I said. "Thanks at least. I was beginning to think she was prettier than me."
I scratched my chin. "She seems like a flirt if you ask me. She could hardly keep her hands off him. Your patience must be longer than mine."
"I don't really consider it patience, Matteo."
"Then what is it?"
"I don't care what he does because I don't love him."
- end chapter 1-