MISMATCH

Chapter 30: New Beginnings (MATTEO)

Disclaimer:

(Since I was undecided on how the story would end, I decided to make three versions so that readers could choose the ending they saw fit - and who they wanted to end up with whom. The real ending is Nicole's, but Tony and Matteo have their own)

How do you know if you've fallen out of love with someone? Does it happen gradually or does it happen when you least expect it like you just woke up and realized the feelings you once had were gone?

When I fell in love with Frances, I vowed to give her everything. Love for me was giving yourself to the person. Some advised me that you should leave some for yourself. But then again, how much love should you allot to the person you're in love with? For me love meant giving your one hundred percent - was there even a measure of how much love you should give? I don't think so. When you love someone, you can't really say how much you love them, you just do. You try your best to make the person you love happy. You love without expecting anything in return. Their happiness is yours.

Then you wake up and realize that the love you once had wasn't enough. One day you opened your eyes and suddenly your heart gave up. It had realized it was tired, and the person you once loved was not the person your heart beat for anymore.

When I saw my son, I felt a change in me that I didn't think was possible. And the sad part was that I failed him, I failed his mother. I don't know when it happened - maybe it was gradual or maybe I hadn't really noticed that my heart that once beat for Frances decided to divert its emotions elsewhere. As cliche as it may sound, you only realize a person's worth when you lose them. You only realize something or someone is there when its absence is present. Because I was blinded by this love I fought for, I didn't realize that this love was not the one my heart wanted. I was confident that I would not lose her - too confident that I didn't realize that I had hurt her.

A few weeks after Nicole gave birth, Frances broke up with me. I guess I was sort of expecting that to happen because for those weeks I had been miserable, unable to think straight. So many things have happened that made us both realized that sadly we weren't meant for each other. That no matter how much we denied it, our love story would not have the happy ending we longed for. I guess the love we once had - if ever it were true - lost its spark, lost its will to fight, and giving up was the only option left for us to do.

When we parted ways, I decided to visit my mother. After Nicole gave birth, I told her what happened and despite the fact that I had just deprived her of the right to see her grandchild (it would be too awkward according to her), she comforted me. She never nagged me about my wrong decisions, and instead listened to what I had to say. I admit that I broke down again - the fear of becoming just like my father took its toll.

"He was beautiful, like an angel. It was hard to let him go."

"What do you plan to do?"

I sighed and shrugged. "What else can I do? She hates me. I don't have the guts to see them."

My mom sighed and hugged me. "Remember the time your father left us? That was around the time the twins were born. I didn't know what to do at that time. You were only seven years old...there wasn't much I could do. But you know what you did? You made me strive to be stronger. You made me realize that I wasn't alone, that you wouldn't leave me like your dad did. You were so young at that time, but the way you handled the situation...you were already wise beyond your years," She let me go and looked into my eyes. "Give it time, but make up for what you can now. Remember that you won't end up like your father if you choose not to take the path he did."

***

"Do you think she'll ever forgive me?" A few days after visiting my mother, I decided to have a drink with Wacks.