MISMATCH

Chapter 19 - Nicole: Realization Blues

I wasn't careful.

Now I have to suffer the consequences.

But how can I be careful when he doesn't make it easy for me to control my feelings?

I shouldn't be feeling this way.

***

Matteo had been amazing for the past months we were together. He was always there, always showed concern. I know we had a strange set-up but he made it worth it. I know how difficult it is for him to keep our secret from Frances. But despite that, he still made sure he took care of me when he had the time. He would drop by the coffee shop every morning and bring me fruits. He introduced me to his best friend and his mother. Both were amazing people - and the only two who knew his secret - of course we couldn't risk it being announced to everyone we knew since it was a delicate situation for him. Sometimes I even wonder how long we'll be able to keep it from Frances because eventually she would find out - only time would tell when that would happen.

I adored his mother - Tita Camille. She was as ecstatic as Matteo was about the baby. She was a cool mom - and promised to never tell Frances about us. Matteo also had sisters - whom I've yet to meet. Matteo mentioned that they also wanted to meet me and were excited about the baby. And as for my family - I was surprised that Matteo agreed to meet with them as well. Dad and Kuya have been civil to him and Ma, well she has been hospitable to Matteo every time he drives me home. I know she's eager to convince him to change his mind and marry me - the ideal situation. But, as I've explained to her, his heart already belonged to someone else. As for Ate M, she was too busy with her boy toy to bond with Matteo. I did have her to thank for making this all possible though - sentiments that Matteo also shares.

Although I've only met two people in his life, this was enough to make me realize what a wonderful person he was, and how envious I was of Frances to even think of treating him the way she does. I know Frances and I have never been the best of buddies but I've always felt (based on my previous relationship and what Matteo has shared about his) that she didn't value him as much as she was supposed to.

As for Tony, ever since our break up, I never heard from him again. I was surprised that my mother didn't bring him up. I've never opened up to her about Tony and she and Tita Jessie, Tony's mom, had always assumed that ours was a perfect relationship. I doubt Ma even told Tita I was pregnant. I know they've been talking about my break up with Tony. I just never had the guts to ask Ma what she's been saying. But then again, I knew my mother would stand by my decision no matter what. Even if it meant shattering her one dream of matchmaking - which has failed in my (and Ate's) opinion.

I know I'll always be second to Matteo, but it's ok. I've gotten used to him being around that it would be difficult if I lost him. He made me happy. And at the same time, that scared me as well. I could not fall in love with him. I mustn't...

***

I was already on my seventh month. According to my doctor, we could already see if our baby was a boy or a girl since previous ultrasounds failed due to the baby's positioning. It had already been kicking and moving around so we were both pretty excited.

"If it's a girl, what should we call her?" Matteo asked me.

"Nicolette!" I exclaimed.

"Unfair. Where is the Matteo part there? It's all NICOLE. Call her Millet...It'll be a cross between Matteo and Nicolette. Ayaw mo 'nun? 'M' lang ang part ko."

"There wouldn't be a Nicole in that name!"

He laughed. "Fine. How about if it's a boy?"

"Matthew."