MISMATCH

Chapter 30: Tying Up Loose Ends (FRANCES)

When you love someone, you do all you can to make that person happy. You put the needs of that person above your own. Love changes you in a sense that without knowing it, you've given that person your all - you've given that person the ability to take control of your heart. And when you love someone, you give that person the ability to either hurt or make you happy.

Love for some can mean happy endings, but there is often the other side of love - the unrequited one. And that kind of love is the most difficult of all.

When I fell in love with Tony, I assumed that eventually he would realize my worth. That one day he would feel the same way. He almost did - at least that's what I'd like to think. If I could turn back time, I would have told Tony how I felt when first realized I was in love with him. Maybe he and Nicole wouldn't have ended up together. Maybe he and I would. Too many what-if's and maybe's still cloud my mind to this day. But then again, I realized that things happen for a reason, no matter how difficult they are to absorb. And I guess the maybe that made me as selfish as I was, was that maybe I wouldn't have treated Matteo the way I did for the years we were together.

I had been so unfair to him, putting my needs over his own. He never complained, he always put me first. His was the ideal kind of love - the selfless one, the real one. I was too self-absorbed that I didn't realize his worth - and even if I did, I guess I didn't give it any importance.

So when I finally opened my eyes, I guess I was too late. I guess his heart finally gave up. And I couldn't blame him - I had no more right. He didn't have to tell me, which I know he'd never do - but the expression on his face when I asked if he loved her showed it all.

After I asked, he changed the topic, pleading with me not to talk about it. We were silent on the way home and when I tried calling him to see if he was back home safely, he didn't answer my calls or replied to my texts.

A few days had passed and I never received word from him. Deep inside, I knew he was confused and hurting. The image of how he broke down upon finding out that Tony had taken his place has kept playing inside my head ever since. A week later, I finally had the guts to call him. He finally answered and we decided to meet up at his favorite coffeeshop.

I arrived an hour before he did. My mind was already made up by that time. While I was there, I noticed a guy sitting by the window. He looked like he was waiting for someone because he didn't even touch his drink. One of the baristas saw me looking at him. "He comes here every day and orders the same thing. He keeps asking about one of our regulars who hasn't been showing up in a while. He always sits on that exact spot where she used to frequent."

"Will she ever show up?"

The barista shrugged. "It would be romantic if she did. But she hasn't in a month."

Matteo arrived a few minutes later. He looked like a mess - as if he hadn't slept for days. He ordered a cup of coffee and then sat beside me.

"How are you?"

It was strange how awkward it was between us. "I should be the one to ask you that."

He sighed. "I'm sorry..."

"I'm sorry, too..." Then I burst into tears. "I'm sorry, Matteo. I know how hard it is for you right now. And I've been so selfish. So now...I...I should do the right thing for once..."

"What are you talking about..."

I wiped my tears away and looked into his eyes. "I've seen how miserable you've been the past month. And I guess I was too selfish to realize how unhappy you are. You've always put my needs first, and I will forever be grateful for that."