I'm lying in a hospital bed, wondering what just happened. I think I fainted or something. I looked around to see my mum sitting on my bed.
"How are you feeling honey?" She asked.
"Just a little light headed, but I'm okay." My mum got the doctors to get some water and they brought Ace to see me.
Ace ran into my room and hugged me as soon as I hopped off the bed. I adjusted to his tight grip and snuggled into him. My face got warm and I had chills running up and down my spine.
"Camilla! I was worried when I heard you passed out. What happened?" He asked me.
"I-I don't really know." I said honestly. "I can't remember."
"She passed out on the sixth floor; I think you had her worried." My mum said.
That's when I remembered that I was dreaming about him dying. I sighed in relief that he was still alive. But I could tell something was wrong because the smile that is always on his face while he's around me, wasn't there today.
"Oh, gosh Cam I'm so sorry."
"It's fine... I really want to know if you're okay." I wanted to just pry it out of him and get the bad news over with, if there is any.
"You didn't hear?"
"Riley said I should hear it from you, what happened?"
"Camilla, this is going to be really hard to hear. I'm not sure what other way to tell you this..." He looked to be thinking hard.
"What's going on Ace?" I asked. "Are you going to be okay?"
He didn't answer but I knew by his facial expressions that he wasn't going to be okay.
I'm sure I must have been crying by then. I sat on the bed beside him for a couple minutes thinking.
"Well, you know about my dad, how he passed away from cancer. They did some tests and the results came in today. The specialists found some cancer in my blood cells, and diagnosed me with leukemia. I'm so sorry Cam," He said grabbing my hand and holding it tight. A warm sensation ran from my hand though my whole body, then ended in my heart. When we hold hands, my whole body feels different, in a good way.
But honestly, I could not believe it. He has cancer. He is my best friend I've done everything with him.
He's not going to live. He's never going to get married, have children, experience love. Ace is going to die.
I felt like someone had shoved my whole body in a paper shredder. Not just my heart. Everything hurt. To have it happen to someone you love so much, hurts. I hate that word, death; it hurts every time I hear of someone passing away.
And now it's happening to me. My friend is being taken from me. And it's going to be a slow and long journey, and possibly in the end, he'll just lose.
I couldn't stop thinking about his facial expression.
Even before he found out he had leukemia, for the past few weeks, he's been acting strange. He hasn't been smiling, he's looked upset around me all the time. I can't help but think I did something wrong. But what did I do?
Flashback
"Hey Cam," Ace mumbled when we saw each other after he got home. He looked super upset.
"Ace! I'm so glad you're home. Are you okay? Did they tell you anything?" I hugged him tightly.
"Nope. Just that I have to go to more hospitals." He falsely smiled. If it wasn't because of that, what could it be?
"Hey, Riley." I ran over to her .
"What's up?"
"Is Ace okay? He's been acting strange about something but I don't know why. Did you guys get any test results back for him?"
"Nothing yet. They told us to go somewhere else because they couldn't figure it out. How hard is it to figure out if he has cancer?"
"Ace has cancer?" I swallowed hard. "Are you sure?"
"No, but that's the only explanation."
"Is that why he's upset?"
"I don't know, he kept crying on the way home but he just fell asleep after a while."
"Oh my gosh." I blinked in shock. Ace, crying? That never happens.
I was about to head out with my mum when I saw Ace and Riley together.
"Hey Ace," Riley said.
"Hey, are you okay?" Ace asked.
"Yeah..." She said trailing off. "Not really, no. I-I can't take this. I don't want this to happen to you, to anyone again. It hurt a lot when dad died. But now it's you... Why did this have to happen to you?"
"I don't know why this had to happen to dad or myself but, we can trust God through this right?"
"Yeah, we can." Riley said. "I don't want you to go."
Hearing how much Riley was hurting made me really sad.
When we got home, I stay in my room and cry.
Ace has always been there for me. He's been my best friend since day one. And I've never regretted it. Everything we've done together has been one adventure after another. We've been through ups and downs and he's always been there for me when I needed him most.
Why is he the one who gets this deadly disease?
When I got home, I sat in my room and called Mary Kate.
"Hey girl! What's up?" She asked.
"Just got back from the hospital..."
"I thought you didn't have to go back any more." She said confused.
"I don't, I went to go see Ace." I spoke quietly.
"Why? What happened?"
"I don't really want to talk about it." I huffed.
"Sorry," Mary Kate whispered.
"Do you ever get that time in life when you feel like you could die and the world would be better without you?"
"I guess, is that how you feel Camilla?" She asked.
"No, not really. I just don't want anyone to feel that way. Because the world is so different when someone dies or takes their life. Everyone is affected by their death."
"I hate talking about death,"
Mary Kate's mum died last year, in a car accident.
"Sorry, Mary Kate." I said softly.
"It's okay, I'm fine."
"So," I lingered awkwardly. "How's Jack been?"
"He's super nice," Mary Kate laughed. "We've been having a lot of fun together since we started hanging out."
"I'm glad! Are you going to start coming back to youth group soon?" I asked. Mary Kate and I used to always go to youth group together but ever since Jack has come into the picture, she hasn't been coming to youth or church.
"Wednesday nights are usually our date nights." Mary Kate sighed. "I wish I could come to youth more often but Jack just wants to spend Wednesdays together cause it's the only night a week he has off of work." I forgot to mention one thing, Jack has already graduated high school. He's nineteen and Mary Kate is barely sixteen.
"Have you ever thought of inviting Jack to church?" I asked. "What's your excuse for missing church on Sundays?"
"Jack and I usually sleep on Sundays and watch movies. Plus, Jack is a hard core evolutionist and he doesn't believe and single word of the bible. He would never set a foot inside a church."
"Oh, okay. Well we miss you at youth and church Mary Kate." I sighed, frowning.
"I actually am kind of interested in all this evolution stuff, I mean, it seems pretty legit."
"You believe in that?"
"Sure, why not?"
"Because it's not the truth! You know God is the truth and the bible is the truth, not anything Charles Darwin says. Your dad is a freaking pastor for goodness sake!"
"Calm down Cam! I just said it's interesting. I still believe in the bible, but maybe just a little less.."
"Jack is bringing you away from God. And Mary Kate, you better realize this relationship with Jack is tearing you away from the only friend in the world that will never get fed up with you. That friend is God! You should want a boyfriend who brings you closer to God and helps you grow in Jesus!"
"Camilla, you're not my mother! I don't need you to replace my mum. I'm fine. Jack's a great guy. I just need you to realize that inside, underneath all those tattoos, he's a soft, sensitive guy. He has a big heart! And Camilla, maybe you've never realized it because you don't care about the inside. I know you've been judging Jack ever since I introduced you to him. And you know what? Maybe that's why you've never been able to find a boyfriend. You're just too quick to judge Cam. You're never going to find someone who loves you for who you are inside and out. Because you'll never love anyone like that." She hung up the phone and left me hanging onto her poisonous, venomous, words.
I called Ace right away and told him to come over. He was at my house in less than five minutes.
"What's wrong?" He asked, coming over to my bed.
"Mary Kate," I whispered. "She doesn't understand." I was really upset.
"Hey, hey, it's okay Camilla." Ace said, hugging me.
"But it's not, she broke up with me."
"Oh, Cam... I'm so sorry."
"It's fine," I sighed.
"I hope you and Mary Kate will be okay."
"Yeah, I hope we can work through this."
"So.." Ace dragged on. "How are you?"
"I'm fine." I lied.
"You don't seem fine."
"I'm just tired Ace. Don't worry about me."
"I do worry about you Cam. You shouldn't have stayed up all last night to be with me."
"It's okay Ace, I just needed to be with you. I love spending time with you."
"I love spending time with you too," He smiled back.
Ace and I have been friends for so long, I've lost track. It's amazing to have a friend like him. We live right down the street from him, so whenever I call, he's right there for me. It doesn't take long for him to be over here when I'm upset.
Ace and I decided to hang out for a little while. I took out my history notes and we started to study for our history test tomorrow.
"I'm pretty stressed about this test Cam."
"Aren't you supposed to not be at school for the next few weeks?"
"Yeah, but I need to come back for this test, I've missed like a month because I've been sick."
"Ace, just skip it."
"I can't and I won't." He stated. "I have to stay in school as long as I can. I promised my mum that."
"Well then we better keep studying." I sighed. Ace and I put in headphones and listened to worship music and began to study.
After we finished studying and Ace left, I put in my ear buds and listened to some music while I tried to fall asleep.