Harry ended up reading that note earlier than expected, maybe his mind was aware of what was happening because never did he usually get up this early, it was six of clock when his eyes opened from his slumber, the letter on his floor basically glistened, he got out of bed to pick it up.
He looked at it, it was nicely sealed up in an envelope, with his name written in a nice cursive style he couldn't decipher as anyone he knew. He note was intriguing, he tore open the envelope to reveal a folded piece of paper with handwriting he could decipher, a short letter from the familiar to the boy he adored.
He scanned through the note, his face falling when he read the words that made his heart ache, it pained him to read such a thing, it was so plain, so short answered, a simple we are done and I cheated on you, that's all the note contained. Nothing major in the note, but it left a major hope in Harrys heart.
His legs weakened as he fell to the floor and cried in a ball, he kept his tears quiet, not wanting to wake the rest of the house, but his mini breakdown was far from over, he wanted to ball his fist and slam them against the floor, he was truly torn apart, the love he had shared with Simon over the past month was platonic. A one sided sad story he would remember for the rest of his life, his first shot at love ended in disaster.
Although it broke him, the emotion of sadness was replaced with one of fear, this note maybe have another meaning, more than just an apology note. Harry mind had created what probably was a false illusion, his legs still wobbled, but he found himself fighting for strength to push him up from the floor.
He got changed, putting on an article of clothing that he found the confidence to put on at six am. He didn't think twice about changing it incase his fears became a reality, and maybe this would sway him over.
So there he was, Harry found himself running all the way through down at six in the morning, because his brain always turned things into negatives, and he couldn't help think that maybe something wasn't quite right, obviously it wasn't, but maybe it was worse.
The tall scraping building was in view and he found his legs running faster, the aching feeling being replaced with adrenaline as he skimmed the road before dashing through, not fully aware of the possible traffic that could come colliding with his body and result in death. The seconds flew by as he paced himself faster, reaching the other side of the road, examining the building so tall it made his neck hurt.
The doors of the entry way we're forcefully pushed open as he made his way inside of the fancy hotel, he made his way to the elevator, pushing the button to bring it down, the wait seemed longer than usual, he cursed to himself, hating whoever in the lift who was taking their sweet, sweet time.
The doors opened, a young women stepping out and Harry running in, he pressed the top floor of the elevator, the doors closing, him being alone in the elevator as he washed this screen, the numbers increasing by one as they made their way up the floors of the building, he tapped his foot impatiently, he hoped that everything he was imagining would just be his brains stupid function.
Maybe the note was just a note. Maybe it had no other meaning than a simply apology of forgiveness for the damage he had caused, maybe it was just a note signalling that they were over because Simon couldn't keep his loyalty. Maybe it was just a note that had no references to ending it all, but maybe it was.
He made his way down the hallway, the door that helps you get to the rooftop luckily open, he walks up the few flights of stairs, the memory of being here with Simon so fresh in his mind. It was such a captivating journey, a view like no other, that was the problem with it though, it was such a good view. The look down was beautiful, Simon enjoyed this place, it made him feel alive. Maybe he enjoyed the view down so much for other reasons, maybe he had became bored of feeling alive on top of a building, maybe he wanted a lifeless eternity.
He opened the door that revealed the rooftop. His eyes scanned across the roof until he saw him, standing at the edge so dangerously looking down at the drop below.
"Simon!" He yells, getting the silver headed boy to turn around and face him, the tears rolled down his face onto his cheeks, the boy on the edge looked so distraught, so fragile. His skinny body looking so thin on top of the gigantic building. "What the fuck are you doing!" He screams, walking closer to the boy but still a far distance between the two.
"Get the fuck away from me Harry!" He screams. "How the fuck did you find me?"
"I saw your note, and I had a feeling that the note was more than just an apology, that it was also a goodbye," he states. "It wasn't a goodbye note, I had a goodbye note for you that was going to be given to you a few days later."
"What do you mean you had another note?" He questioned, his voice lacking the confidence he needed, it petrified him, seeing someone he had grown close to so close to their death. "Who?" He bellows louder, straining his vocal chords to their max to hide his anxiety.
"My mum would've slipped it into your room, it would've been the final goodbye."
"Your mum, Simon what the fuck, why is she in on it!" He screams, how stupid could this mother be to let her own child get away with trying to end his life. "She's been gone for so long, my death wouldn't impact her life that much anyway, she probably assumed I was dead for a long time before I showed up in the stupid place. She's been a shit mother, this is what I wanted, she would've delivered you the goodbye."
"Why? Why are you writing goodbye notes, why are you trying to end it all!" His voice loud, his tone begging for Simon to step down from the edge, to scared to go close in case it triggers Simon to jump.
"Look at me, I'm a mess, my life isn't worth it anymore!" His tears start up again as he wipes his face with his hands. "I'm just a sad, ugly guy who has too many problems and not enough strength to try."
"Your life is precious Simon," Harry says, taking a smoother approach to the situation. "You aren't ugly, your beautiful, and you do have strength, you just don't believe it."
"I don't have strength, I struggle to get out of bed sometimes!" He cries. "You managed to get up here," he says. "No I didn't, my mum helped me up here, then she left because she couldn't bare to watch me finish the job," he choked on his tears. "I would've been dead an hour ago but my legs needed time, so I sat smoking on the rooftop instead."
Your mum is fucked, he thought inside, not projecting it however.
"You should hate me," Simon adds, his eyes averting away from Harrys look of concern.
"Not enough to let you kill yourself!"
"I cheated on you," he says. "I was an idiot and cheated on you."
"So did I!" Harry confesses, not knowing what real good it did in this situation but said it anyway. "I was drunk and accidentally hooked up with Ashley, we both made our mistakes, I don't care that you cheated, I care that you don't do this!" He pleads.
"You had alcohol in your system, I was fully aware of what I was doing, Harry it wasn't a one time thing, I continuously kissed and hugged and even went further with another boy," Simon cries. "Who?" Harry asks intrigued.
"Callum," he says, that one word response ripping Harry's heart even more than it already was, he edges closer slightly, the proximity between them getting smaller. It stung more than Harry would admit, the fact his cousin had been sneaking around with his boyfriend, and he knew it.
"I'm so sorry Harry, I really really really really liked you, but I loved Callum."
Harry's eyes once again meet the silver headed boy, his eyes didn't seem to have the same affect no more, the eyes of a terrible cheater, the eyes of a lair, the eyes of a suicidal boy, those eyes weren't so adoring anymore. Still beautiful, the colour of the most pure part of the ocean, but they weren't so loveable as they once were.
He looked down at his smile, or well, the place where smiles used to form, Harry remembered loving his cute little grin, now the grin had disappeared, and was replaced with a stone cold sad face, a change that even though it was worn by a cheater, he didn't like.
Finally he looked down at his body, his thin bones that he really at that moment took into consideration, it was so obvious he was so boney, so scared of his body that he tried to manipulate it into breaking point, his t shirt showed his incredibly skinny arms and his equally as skinny legs, his face had hollowed out, his body must be so tortured, so hungry, striving for food.
"It's ok," Harry lies, hiding his feelings inside. "It's ok," he repeats again, more for himself than Simon, still processing what is happening right now.
Simons eyes advert down to Harry's frame, noticing his choice in clothing, he was wearing the skirt that Simon had bought him, the one he had hoped he wore when he felt comfortable to be feminine out in public. He smiled at the cute thing, it was a small smile, but a true one. A nice monument.
"You're wearing the skirt," he points. Harry nods, remembering the article of clothing hanging around his hips, he smooths it down with his fingers. "You always hoped I would wear it, this is what you wanted right." He smiles.
"Y... Yeah," Simon stutters, looking at the blonde, how confident he was in it. "Simon we may be over, but we can find a way to work things out so we are at least not enemies, but to do that, you need to step down," he once again edges closer, and Simons eyes fill with rage.
"Step back!" His voice cracks, a silence falling between the two, the sun was starting to make its full appearance, it shone so bright, a nice lovely day. How ironic, that one a beautiful day stood to two battling against each other about wether or not to jump.
The sort spurts of zephyr blew through as they stood in silence, Harry's eyes were filled with hope, he had no chance of going near him, otherwise he wouldn't hesitate to end it all.
"Harry I'm sorry," he blurts out.
"I used to love you, I really did, I promise, but Callum was just something else, I know he's your cousin and everything, but he makes me feel so special."
"Come down and be with Callum," he says, Simon raises an eyebrow. "You know I can't, you're here," he states. "Then I'll die," he responds quickly, Simon lets out a small chuckle, a chuckle that right now meant the world to Harry, hopefully he could sway the boy to not end his life. He shakes his head.
"Simon if you jump I will come after you," he boldly says.
"I know you're lying, you'd never, you have so much to live for, you can become something, I'm a wasted opportunity, I was bound to die young," he frowns. "Maybe your the somebody and I'm the nobody, maybe we had it wrong all along, I'm supposed to be the insecure mute, you should be the popular boy."
"Simon," his voice chokes.
"I'm glad I got to see you in that skirt once," Simon smiles. "It'll be my last."
Simon turns around, his back facing Harry, looking down to the world below him, the streets starting to get busy in the Saturday morning. Harry couldn't see it, but Simons eyes are filled with concentration, certainty, he had accepted his life choice, he was prepared to do it. He took a deep breath, exhaling one last time before he lets himself go and drop to a quick, everlasting black room with no light.
"Come to my funeral yeah," Simon says softly, but still audible to him, he turns round, giving him a little smile, tears were starting to form in his eyes, he shook his head, not accepting it. "No," he breathes. "Please," he begs. Harry's eyes fill with fear as he sees how close Simon really is to the edge.
He notice how reckless he's being, maybe this was real. He starts to run closer to the boy, trying to reach out a hand before it's too late. "No!" He screams, he stops himself abruptly, close to tripping of the edge himself. He can't say anything more, the words vanished from him like they did years ago.
This moment reminded him of the reason he went mute, speech creates chaos, maybe if he had never spoken to Simon, this might've never happened.
Simon spoke his two last words before finalising his fate. Where his body tips over, and all Harry can do is watch, Harrys body falls to the ground, the tears finally showing, his body going into panic, rocking back and forth.
"Goodbye Harry."