Chapter
I had been home for a week now. When the accident happened, an ambulance took me to the hospital and I had to go through a surgery. I was walking on crutches and my back and legs hurt bad, but I didn't have any major issues. My family didn't even look up- they didn't even say anything. Noah actually helped me to get home from the hospital after staying there for a week. He would visit me everyday, and even though there wasn't too much talking, his presence was giving me security. Being alone between four walls of memories that was driving me crazy. The flashbacks of Black stabbing me were fighting with me mind. I used to not think about it. I had forced myself to leave it out, as if it was just a dream and nothing happened. I never looked at the scars, avoiding them like I avoided confrontation. The moment I told Noah, I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was as if he opened the doors I had locked with different keys.
I thought of the day I went out of the hospital. How he had helped me walk. How he had packed all my stuff, since he also brought me clothes that he took from my place. Apparently, he had asked my mother to prepare me clothes, but she hadn't done it. He then went to my place and demanded by raising his voice that if they weren't going to visit me, they should at least give me clothes since he didn't want to barge into my room himself. That had made my mother pack clothes for me without saying a word and had thrown the bag at Noah. I was so thankful that he did that for me, but I also felt bad because I knew he had a different perspective of my parents. I didn't want him to think bad of them because of me. He had driven me home, making sure that I reached my bed safely and even brought me some snacks. He then demanded my phone and took my number, telling me to call him when I needed something. My parents didn't come up to my room and I never went out except when I needed to go to the bathroom.
Currently working on our project after finishing my homework for the last three weeks, since I had needed to catch on a lot, I heard a knock on my door.
"Come in" I yelled, knowing that the person behind the door was waiting for me to say that. I smiled when I saw Noah coming through. He had a bag in his hand and two coffees in his other.
"I thought you would be bored, so I came up with the amazing idea to work on our project" he said, setting everything on my desk. He then grabbed my desk chair and put it next to me. He then stared at me for a few seconds, clearly trying to find something.
"How do you feel?" he asked me, already knowing the answer.
"Like always" I answered, looking away. He sighed softly.
"Did they come here?" he asked, making me let out a humourless chuckle.
"When did they ever? Look, I don't want to talk about it. I am used to it, I have been living with this my entire life. It doesn't bother me anymore because I don't know anything else" I replied, not wanting him to look with more pity at me. He kept silent after that, grabbing his laptop and placing it on his lap, turning it on. He then grabbed a coffee and handed it to me.
"Thank you. I really appreciate it, you know" I said, taking a sip of it. He then grabbed the bag and threw me a bag of chips.
"Anytime" he said, ending the conversation. I kept on doing the project, reading some lines that were drawing a lot of question marks in my head.
"Noah?" I said, not looking up.
"Hmm?" he replied, clearly being busy with typing.
"Why do you think bad things happen?" I asked, really wanting to know why. He looked up for a second, before shrugging his shoulders.
"It just happens. Sometimes its because of our own stupidity, and sometimes its because someone else hurt us. We have no control over what someone else does, so sometimes its not our fault" he said, making me think about it.
"But if its not our fault, how come we deserve it? Don't you think that there is more to it? I think that bad things are trying to tell us something. Maybe teaching us" I said.
"Of course, everything teaches us a lesson. Its just about what perspective you look to it. Positive or negative" he replied, making me nod.
"Do you think there is something controlling our lives? Deciding, protecting, hurting, helping- whatever it is" I asked him. This time, he looked at me longer.
"You mean a God?" he asked me and I nodded. He then shook his head.
"I don't think so" he said. I wasn't going to ask why he didn't believe it when I wasn't even sure of it. Prying into his business wasn't my intention, so I kept silent. I suddenly felt an urge to ask Seda about it. She believed in a God. I could just search the internet but I felt like I needed a real believer to get the best information. Thinking of her made me longing. We hadn't been so close, but we were always around each other. She was my only friend and now I felt like she wasn't there anymore. I grabbed my bag from my side and was searching for my planner when I felt something. I took it out, seeing an envelope- a letter, again. Noah looked at it before he looked at me. I didn't want to read it. It was always throwing reality in my face. So I just threw it in the trash can near my desk. Noah's eyes widened.
"Why did you do that?" he asked, still looking at the letter.
"Because I am done with it. It annoys me" I replied, avoiding eye-contact.
"Why? Because it reminds you of your mistakes? It reminds you of who you are? Tell me, do you know who you are?" he asked, making me look at him with wide eyes.
"You have no right" I hissed at him.
"Do you really want to do this right now?" he asked, looking perplexed and mad.
"Go" I said, feeling foolish of thinking that he would always stay. Maybe it was childish and uncalled for, but I just got this realization that he didn't understand me. He wouldn't understand me like them. Every time I became closer with someone, they always left me at the turning point which was unknown for them.
"I know that you don't want that" he replied. I looked away, not wanting to look into his eyes.
"But they did" I whispered, but I knew that he heard it. He then stood up and I knew he was going to leave, before he sat down on my bed, just like he had done in the hospital.
"Maybe they weren't meant to be in your life. Maybe one day I won't be too- I can't promise you anything, but you need to know that I am here for you" He said, making me look at him. This was the first time anyone had said something like that. I felt a single tear move down my cheek. The feeling that he said those things while I should hear this from my family was eating me alive. For years, I had shut out my need for them, but the moment he acted like how they had to act, it was all coming up to surface. The feeling of not being able to say anything, since they never heard me was hurting me now.
Noah stood up after staring at each other what felt like hours. He packed his stuff. "I think you will be fine to go to school tomorrow. I will pick you up in the morning. Take care, Nila. Don't overthink" he said, knowing how I was always overthinking the small things.
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Random Interesting Fact: I wasn't going to update but this sweet girl left some nice comments so I decided to update. While eating huge giant cookies that I made. Snickerdoodles to be exact. Yes. And I am burning my favorite candle. I like cinnamon. And pumpkin. Goodnight.