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Announcements!
Everyone, we have a big announcement to make... Round 102 will be the LAST ROUND of NBR until we enter our first season. We moderators and NBR board would like to give everyone who ever participated in NBR our thanks, for deciding to be a part of our community despite there being thousands more in this platform.
I would like to also say thank you to DawnStarling, mokbook, and the rest of the board for running this wonderful contest with me. And to DawnStarling, thank you so, so much for founding this wonderful club, and for giving us all an opportunity to take part and thrive in the community.
We hope to see everyone in the first season of NBR in the future. To be kept updated, please give our new NBR profile, NextBigRecognition, a follow!
Please leave a comment/note below as a farewell to NBR, until next time :)
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Commenting time frame (CST): 9/23 - 10/1
Moderator: swiftiegirl1010
Comment Topic: Comment one thing you enjoyed about the characters and why you think they were so enjoyable (also one thing you loved about NBR as a bonus!)
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Author #1: kemorgan65
Book Title: Shadow of the Past ∞ a 'trilogy'
Specified Chapter: 6 ∞ asked for (plus Interlude Two included)
Summary Thus Far in Book: In the Prelude and Interlude 1, a voice speaks inside your (the reader's) head to introduce the Story before the Story and the Earth before our Earth, of development and disaster and how the populace became the Ark; Interlude 2 picks up at this point.
The current story - 1979: Strange circumstances had brought Danny to find a wet and hurt girl on a country road along Lake Eufaula in the middle of the night. With no options left, he took her home only to realize strange things occuring, like the sudden appearance of columns of swirling mist. Later, a voice that Danny had heard before, speaks inside his head and asked him to "watch over her". The following day, he finds his sister Gina's dog, Laddie, dead. A bloodstain on the door has Danny in a panic, thinking that the cougar that may have killed Laddie got into the house (see chapter 3 for an actual article of the time).
The current story continues with Day 1, two chapters after the last NBR spotlight (92) chapter.
Author's Note: Greeting NBRians! I hope you all have been safe and dry during these turbulent times - weather-wise and otherwise. I am looking forward to being spotlighted again. Every round improves my writing, I appreciate every comment you make and the team for making this all possible.
This time my chapter is so short so I've appended Interlude 2 that immediately follows it so it can benefit from your attention.
1) I've had comments that Danny's introspection slows down the pacing of the story or that it is too much. What do you think?
2) Any thoughts you might have on the interaction between the two friends or the backstory (Interlude 2).
3) Do you find the floating ellipses in the Interlude a problem, or do you understand their function here?Note that there's no need to comment on my use of dashes, I use N- and M-dashes for specific purposes and am consistent with it as my style.
In-line Comment Preference: WELCOME!
Genre: A Paranormal Sci-fi Mystery-Romance Fantasy Thriller rooted in our time and space! (Science fiction)
Rating: PG
Winning comment: Welcome back to the spotlight! I'm glad to be back into your book. I plan to read it all once we go on hiatus from NBR for a few months.
The Comment Topic – One thing you loved about the characters and why they were so enjoyable. One thing you loved about NBR as a bonus. I love Danny. He's a regular guy, one with some baggage, who is suddenly thrust into a situation he doesn't understand. He is the perfect unsuspecting hero. The voice is eerie enough to make him scared, but the girl has captured his full attention. The poor guy has no clue what is going on, and what is about to happen to him. He only knows something killed his dog, and is messing around in his mind. Great character!
Oh, and one thing I love about NBR is I get to read wonderful stories and communicate with so many great people. I love the insight you have given me. I hope my attempts at reading and editing your works have helped you in some way.
Question 1: Does Danny's introspection slow the pacing of the story too much? I didn't find his introspection was slowing the story, I just made a few comments on what I thought he might be thinking based on what he's been through so far. My problem while writing is I often give characters credit for what will happen later in the book, instead of having them develop naturally. I have great outlines, pages long, and sometime forget that things haven't happened yet. You don't do that in Danny's introspection, but some of my inline comments might make what he's thinking more "in time".
Question 2: Thoughts on the interaction between the two friends as a backstory? I like it, but think you could add more about Ray to the first chapter, before Danny is driving home and takes his detour to the dam. Maybe have Ray in the truck, slurring his words as Danny drives him home. Talking about Danny's old girlfriend, and 'did you see the girl at the bar with the blond hair and tight sweater? She could be the one to pull you out of that funk, boy! She c'could sure pull me out of mine, I'll tell ya.' Something like that to set the stage for their friendship. Right now, Ray just appears from nowhere, just like the girl. She is a mystery, he should be a known person.
Question 3: Are the floating ellipses a problem in the interlude, or do you understand the function of them? They are fine. I understand the need for them, they mark the passage of time and thought. I like the way you use them to break up the thoughts and make the reader think about each of the statements as they are read. Good stuff.
Network with this winner: painebook
1st runner up: MichaelHoliday
2nd runner up: reeseaxford
Final Authors Note: Thank you all in the #NBR family! And thank you NBR team! This has been a wonderful season, I'm sooooo glad I found you all and got to participate in this forum!
Now it's time for me to get to work on the excellent points raised during my spotlight week. I look forward to seeing you all in the new NBR!
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Author #2: KellyJBurke
Book Title: Road Kill: Book One
Specified Chapter: Chapter 1. The Best Laid Plans
Summary Thus Far in Book: The prologue, while not absolutely essential to read in order to understand this chapter, focuses on the protagonist and narrator of the story, Silent. While the prologue uses the 1st person POV and focuses on Silent reminiscing about past events, Chapter 1 shifts to a 3rd person omniscient POV set in the past. I thought this might be helpful for anyone who happens to read the prologue and finds themselves confused! Otherwise, a big N/A fits here.
Author's Note:
Q1: I'm actually quite nervous about how the characters are received in this opening chapter, especially Silent. Does their characterization as pot heads throw you off? Are they likable? Believable? Any comments on your first impressions of them would be great.
Q2: I've had mixed reviews on the level and amount of detail I provide in this chapter. Any thoughts on this subject? If too much, where could I cut? If not, any ideas how it could be improved?Q3 (optional): Any old thing that you feel like sharing! Let me have it...in a nice way.
In-line Comment Preference: Yes, please!
Genre: Science Fiction/Post-Apocalyptic
Rating: Mature for violence, drug use, swearing, and sexual content (nothing too crazy)
Winning comment: Hi KellyJBurke
Congrats on you're spotlight! You have the start of an interesting story here and I've made many comments inline. My overall impression is that you need to set the scene clearly, earlier in the chapter, and don't overkill us with details (the huge paras), especially the technical ones which could be spread out and served in portions when pertinent. In other places you don't have enough details, and I've pointed out where I found there was a lack. You also have instances of 'telling' which could be better served 'shown' or in the words of a character instead of being narrated. You have a lot of food4thought here to consider.
C/T Re Characters, I think I would need to read more to get into the characters. I am intrigued by Deathstrike (difficult to get used to that name...) being to an unknown degree machine with no feelings but plays on real humans with familiar expressions (e.g. a teasing smile). A character to be explored, indeed.
One thing about NBR I enjoyed... there are many things, but most of all meeting all these wonderful writers and their works that I more than likely not have read otherwise, and getting all this great variety of feedback in my spotlights. Yea. NBR is good stuff!
1) Re the Characters: The men are believable in their interactions, especially when they are getting ready to smoke their pot, as if around a card table. Deathstrike, she's a curious 'creature'. You describe her mannerism, knowledgeability and effect on others in detail, but I believe not once did you actually describe anything of what she looks like... or what she's wearing. By Silent's response I almost got the impression that she moves around naked all the time...
2) Re. the details:
There is not enough detail about where the scene takes place. We get a hint of that it's supposed to be on a ship, but I totally forget that until it's mentioned again. There it nothing really that makes it sink into me that this is actually a ship – and I'm not even sure of what kind of a ship it is, and where it is supposedly 'floating'.
In the first half of the chapter, I don't see anything else but a table, which could be anywhere... in the world... literally, my mental feet remain on the ground unless you plant me somewhere else for the scene! So each time you mention ship in some way, I'm going, oh really? Where? I literally don't feel it.
You have also instances of narration which could be well presented as direct action, or in the case of Silent's mission, be live storytelling, so we can 'hear' Silent's voice and 'see' his mannerisms. I have commented on a couple of such instances inline.
Network with this winner: kemorgan65
1st runner up: MichaelHoliday
2nd runner up: Tegan1311
Final Authors Note: I want to say thank you to all the reviewers; there were a lot of excellent comments and the feedback was phenomenal. Choosing just one winner was a tough choice. However, just like in the classic movie Highlander, "There can be only one."
The winner is...@kemorgan65. I based my decision on three factors: engagement, quality of inline comments, and the quality of the answers to my questions. Annika was willing to engage in a back and forth with me via inline comments and messages, and that exchange was invaluable. The other two factors are self-explanatory, but I have to say Annika's willingness to provide an unbiased, honest review of my work is exactly what I was hoping for.
Special mentions go to @MichaelHoliday for all the great suggestions for improvement, @painebook for his encouraging feedback, and @Tegan1311 for a lot of same reasons I chose kemorgan65.
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Author #3: Echo4Echo
Book Title: THEO
Specified Chapter: Chapter 5
Summary Thus Far in Book: A USMC fire team, led by Staff Sergeant Michael Theodore comes across an Honor Killing. Their Rules of Engagement and Tasking assignments call them off. However, with the Taliban closing in, Theo, with Assistant Team Leader Corporal William Kelly, choose to engage the hostile T-Man, with devastating effect. Rescuing the girl, they must now care for and protect her. Theo and the team must also prepare for an imminent attack from the Taliban Mountain Forces. Their biggest problem is determining who in the village they are strong pointing is on their side.
Author's Note: Third go round in NBR and excited. Been apart of this group for 10 months now. I've read many great stories and authors! Honored to be in the SL as always.
This story is told through the FPPOV of Corporal William Kelly, ATL (assistant team leader). In this chapter, the anger of several of the team begins to surface.1) What is your reaction to their reaction after violation the ROE and rescuing the girl? What about their anger?2) Do I need more description of the village and the Elder's hut?
Thanks for the read and please help with the grammar!!!!
In-line Comment Preference: Inline Preferred
Genre: Action
Rating: Mature - Language and epitaphs that may offend.
Winning comment:Hi Billy!
Congrats on your spotlight! Now I've read this chapter before and it's improved greatly since then. I'm getting more connection with the characters now, and especially the MC Kelly. I've left many inline comments. Since I've read the chapter in detail before, I can't really answer your question 1 because I don't have a reaction anymore... lol. As for question 2, yes, I do want more description of the village and the Elder's hut. Some of the village description could start in the previous chapter where there is time to observe. Here you could go into a little more detail, the layout of the village, where the Elder's hut is in relation to the other huts, a sense of size (it's the biggest one there but I still don't have a feel for how big it is).All I know about the inside is the smell and the dirt floor. Does the hut have only one room? If there is no furniture, then what did the women have to clear to make space for the girl? Were there no 'beds' there? Were there skin rolls packed against the wall? It was nightfall, how early do these people go to bed? Wouldn't perhaps their children be getting ready to sleep at this time? Is there a fireplace on the other side of the room? What do they have for warmth since the night is so cold? Do they have food cooking? Btw, were all these women inside the hut all this time or did they leave the pit-side earlier - like did Kelly recognise any of them from after the attack? (When did all the women leave the pit?) Food4thought...Re. the comment topic: I enjoyed the reluctance Kelly had toward getting personal with the girl (getting to know her name) and the boy crying on his shoulder. He wants to give assurance but doesn't want to get involved - as a way to protect his feelings. He's definitely human.
Network with this winner: kemorgan65
1st runner up: painebook
2nd runner up:
Final Authors Note: Another great round with a lot of great corrections/suggestions. I chose @kemorgan65 to be the winner as she has been involved with THEO from the beginning. She has helped me immensely with other projects and her insight on this round was invaluable. Her familiarity with all of my mistakes, writing style, and all of the other nonsense made her comments very helpful!
@painebook - your insight was extremely helpful as always! your devotion to the characters, the time you take to read every word, and your understanding of my Beloved Corps, has really helped tighten down the screws of these past chapters! I am indebted to you, as always. SEMPER FIDELIS!@michaelholiday - Thanks for the comments, the read, and the time that you took to really dig into the characters and plot. I used many of your suggestions in the edit and thought they were brilliant!
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Directions:
1. Go to EACH of the Author's Profile Page and Find the Book specified by the Author.
2. Write one Comment per Author but DO NOT write it here. Write it in the Author's own Comment Section. Be sure to Answer the COMMENT TOPIC and pay attention to the Author's Note.
- (Do not Comment on here. Only comment on this page if you have questions or comments pertaining to the directions)
3. All comments must include the #NBR. If you do NOT include #NBR in your comment then your comment is DISQUALIFIED. Do this: #NBR then Comment. If you forget to hashtag, simply post another comment mentioning #NBR.
4. Comments must be 6 sentences or more - remember the Quality Comment thing? Refer to new scoring system in the Additional Q&A page for more info.
Remember: DIPLOMACY is defined as: the art of dealing with people in a sensitive and effective way
Remember: Never judge a book by its cover.
Remember: #NBR then write the comment.
Remember: Do not give up on the chapter. The Author chose it for a reason.
Remember: To include something positive!