This is a contest designed to help expose your novel to the greater Wattpad community. Whether you just joined Wattpad or have been an active member for years, the sole purpose of this contest is to assist in the recognition of your book.
NBR'S CUR...
Comment Topic: The starting point of the chapter is always important. It sets the scene and introduces the characters of an unfolding story. Comment on the beginning of each author's chapter and how well they executed it.
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Specified Chapter: Chapter 1 - Fight or Flight (Part 1)
Summary Thus Far in Book: N/A
Author's Note: Thanks NBR for the chance to be spotlighted! I'm very excited to see how the excellent writers and readers in this group will help to improve my story...
1) Does the story flow smoothly or are there abrupt sections where you tap your fingers and start to get bored. What do you think about the pacing of the story - too fast/too slow?
2) It's important for the dialogue and characters to be believable and not feel forced. What improvements would you suggest?
3) Please tell me honestly if you would read on. If you wouldn't, why - is it poor language, a weak hook, not a genre you are interested in, etc?
Genre: Fantasy
Rating: PG-13
Winning Comment: Hey! Congrats on the spotlight!
Comment topic: The beginning of your chapter. To me, the engagement level was so-so. Not too boring, but not super exciting either. I would try to use some different sentence structures to make it a tad bit more exciting. For instance,
-"...shouted a large boy with red hair and freckles." I would change the sentence structure a bit, just so we're drawn to it a bit more. Maybe show us his appearance instead of telling us? For example, maybe try ""Quick!" The ground seemed to shake as a red-headed boy stomped forward, his freckled face crumpled into a scowl. "Get him!"" We can see what the boy is doing while shouting at his gooneys to get Amadeus. To me, this is a bit more engaging.
Another sentence:
-"He barely had time to look up before realizing that he was surrounded by a group of boys, yelling taunts at him in unison." Once again, try to show us the situation more instead of telling. For instance, what do they boys look like when they surround him? I wouldn't be too specific, but just give us a general idea. For example, "He barely had time to look up before realizing that a group of boys were closing in around him, wearing ugly smirks and jeering grins as they taunted him in unison." Now, for the taunting part. "In unison" sounds a bit awkward. It feels like they're all calling him the same name at the same time, like a cheer or something. Maybe try "all together" or something similar?
