Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 3

Comment Topic: Show vs. Tell. It's fundamental in any good writing. Comment on the Author's ability to convey their story by 'showing' it to the readers. 

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Author #1: Nichola_Royse

Book Title: Into The Frey

Book Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/10830021-into-the-frey

Specified Chapter: Chapter 6

Summary Thus Far in Book: Katherine Martin has been blind for the last ten years, with no memory prior to age seven. After coming face-to-face with Maksim Frey--no stranger to the spotlight--she unwillingly draws attention to herself from Maksim's girlfriend. Otherwise known as Satan In High Heels. A bit of Katherine's past is revealed in Chapter Six: her psychological need to abstain from physical contact with any other person, aside from her protective older brother, Charlie.

Author's Note:  I would like to know if the readers feel the suspense in this chapter as they read it. I want them to be invested in Katherine's character, feeling what she feels, thinking what she thinks. "Show not Tell" is a prime rule for authors because it sets the tone for your story; it can be the difference between your readers being engaged in the story itself or being bored out of their mind because facts are simply listed. I'd like it if people can tell me if the story pulls them in and whether they'd read it or not. Some of them might want to start from the Prologue after reading this, and that's fine. I hope they enjoy it.

I just want everyone to remember: even if you hate it or say it's not your 'type of story,' that's fine because you have to comment on it anyway. And if you take the time to comment, then the story moved you enough to do so. That's what every story should do. Please vote, comment, and I can't wait for your feedback.

Moderator's Chapter Rating: PG13, slight vulgarity

Genre: Romance

Winning Comment: First, I want to praise you for this masterpiece. Wow, this is amazing! There is suspense, drama, an interesting plot, well described characters, and everything that a story needs! And the vocabulary and descriptions...amazing! It caught my attention starting from the first paragraph. I need to learn a thing or two from you. The only problem is that there were missing words here and there, but only a few. Some proof-reading will fix it in no time! Other than that, awesome job! Now, to the topic: show vs tell. To me, I think you did an amazing job at "showing" us readers what was going on. You didn't just list out a bunch of things in your mind with choppy sentences (ex: Markus slams me onto a wall. My head hits the wall. This makes it hurt even more.) No. You actually showed us what was going on, what was happening to the character, and what she was feeling. The thing I'm even more impressed about is, the main character (narrator) is blind! She's missing a sense. And since the story's being told from her perspective, it's going to be even harder to describe locations, the beauty of a person, stuff like that. Describing nouns is the easiest way to show people what they're looking at in stories. This is the first step to creating a vision in your mind, picturing the events as the story goes on. Despite this, you used the OTHER senses to replace the "sight" sense, and used others like smell, sound, and touch instead! This created an even more vivid picture of the scene in my mind. And thanks to these beautifully described senses, I was able to connect with Katherine as well; I could almost smell alcohol while reading the chapter XD. Good job on that!

Here are a few examples from the story of what I thought were excellent while reading the chapter: "Stale ethyl deposits wafted in my direction every time he spoke to me in that gravelly, smoker voice of his, so I never stuck around him long enough." "Putting my hot hand on my forehead, I meander out of my room and make my way down the hallway, keeping my hand on the wall. The groaning foundation of the house keeps me on edge; being alone in a house makes you paranoid that you aren't exactly alone. I can hear the neighbor'd car parking in the driveway next door, and the slamming of their car doors." "An orange glow brims my blurring vision, but I can't move my neck to see what it is. In fact, I don't have the ability to move my body at all. Smoke rises into the sky, dark and angry, unobstructed by clouds. Smoke fills my nostrils and I taste blood in my mouth." To sum it up, this chapter had minor mistakes, a great choice of vocabulary, an amount of suspense, and connected me to the character. Once again, great job on this chapter! I am finding so many good books through this contest, and yours is one of them. Can't wait to read from the beginning!