Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 24

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Comment Tip #1: Try to touch base with the Author after commenting on their chapter. Many times, Authors may reach out to you to ask for clarification about your comment. They simply want to learn more from you.

Comment Topic: Dialogue can reveal a lot about our characters' traits and personalities. Mention one dialogue in this chapter that you feel sums up the Protagonist's character. How so?

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Author #1: MundaneMirror

Book Title: The Voyage of Pandemonium

Specified Chapter: Chapter 1

Summary Thus Far in Book: N/A

Author's Note: Oooh, I am extremely ecstatic about being spotlighted. Thanks a lot DawnStarling, it's cool of ya to do this. I would honestly say a lot more about how awesome you are but I'll probably end up overdoing it. Thanks again.

Right, on to the questions.

-About the descriptions in here. Are they over the top, just right or need more work? It is the first chapter and I do tend to go overboard with my whimsical explanations so it'd be great to receive some feedback on that.

-What's your first impression of the character? From the blurb, it is said that she's not the perfect character, far from it. In fact, I hope to demonstrate both her anti-hero qualities and heroic qualities in the long run but I just wanted to know how I've started off with it. Too much perhaps? Too immature?

And that's all really, good luck and Happy Reading (Or criticising...I don't think I should include too much of my awkward humour in here. Sorry guys.)

Also, I use British spelling so...Yeah, they're not typos.

Genre: Adventure

Rating: PG

Winning Comment:Overall, this is nicely written. It gives your readers a good glimpse at the MC and leaves them wondering about her so that they'll come back for more. The part about the Society is particularly intriguing.

For dialogue, I'd say it's a bit awkwardly worded in places. It has more to do with the grammar of the sentence and the way you chose to word it than anything, so I'll explain this a little later on. One thing you did do well with the dialogue was making it individualized. I could tell who was speaking at any given point just by the way that they choose to speak. That's good, and it gives your dialogue variety.

The description level is perfectly fine. If you took away from it, the chapter would be significantly more boring, and if you added to it, it would drag the chapter through the mud. So you should keep it as is. You do a fine job with it, and it lends style to your writing, making it uniquely yours.

My first impression of the MC is that she's headstrong, especially for the society she lives in. She doesn't take nonsense easily, and she's not very patient. She has no tolerance for people like her aunt or those who insist on disparaging her or her family. While she may not exactly be a strong, good heroine, she's got her own personality, and that's good. She isn't easy to stereotype.

Usually, when there's a heroine, the author chooses to make her strong, rebellious, and independent. They don't always do a great job of making her deeper than that. I think it's because the heroine is usually trying too hard to prove to everyone around her she can be just as good as any guy. Your heroine, at this point, seems to be just herself. She doesn't care whatsoever for making others think of her as more than she is, and she doesn't care if they like her as she is or not. It makes for an interesting lead character!