ALLY'S POV
As my mind flies through everything that has happened to me, I realize the only way I can go through with this.
I can't tell Harry.
........
I put my car in drive and think about my decision. I can't tell Harry, if I were to tell him, he would go ballistic and I would never be able to forgive myself if he didn't go on tour. Fans would hate me forever, whether I had cancer or not.
I sigh and pull out of the parking lot carefully. I slowly make my way home.
I turn on my phone speakers in the car and call Harry.
"Hello?" he answers on the second ring.
I take a shaky breath to keep back the tears to come.
"Hey babe, I'm on my way home" surprisingly, no tears come. I'm tired of crying. This is getting fucking annoying.
"Oh okay, I just left. I'm with the boys, do you need me to come home, do you feel alright?" he starts getting worried.
"I'm okay Harry, go have fun. I'm probably going to go paint or something later anyway." He sighs and there's a long pause.
"Okay, are you sure your okay? you sound- off" this makes me gulp. I ponder the words before saying anything.
"Yeah, just tired, ya know?" I bite my lip and tighten my grip on the steering wheel.
"Okay, I love you" he says warily into the phone.
"Love you too, talk to you later" I hang up and take deep breaths, keeping myself from having a mental breakdown.
I pull into the empty driveway, still taking deep breaths as I slowly climb out of my car.
"Why is my life so fucked up?" I ask myself as I walk towards the porch.
"Well, I don't know, why is your life so fucked up?" I hear someone say. I pick my head up and look into the eyes of my best friend.
"Hey El" she smiles at me and walks over to give me a hug. She plants a simple kiss on my cheek, letting me know she's here for me.
"Come on, tell me what's going on" she grabs my hands gingerly and pulls me onto the porch. We sit together on the padded bench, and she turns to me, folding one leg under her.
I take a deep breath before speaking.
"So I went to chemo today." She nods at the start of my story "and my doctor told me that my cancer has spread throughout my body. He said there was this opportunity to get an extended cancer treatment, so I took it." Her brow furrows as my story gets deeper. "So the thing is, I will have so much medicine in my body, that my immune system will be kinda shot, and I'll be in the hospital, bedridden for two months." I sigh, as the hard part comes out of my mouth "and I know if Harry knows about how much pain i'll be in, he won't go on tour, and that will put us both in trouble. So, I decided that I won't tell him until after my first treatment, because once you've had the first dose, you have to follow through, and there's no way he would he able to tell me no" I feel the hard pains in my chest subside, it felt good telling someone my predicament.
"But don't you hate lying to him like that?" she questions openly. I meekly nod my head.
"I do, but if I want to get better this is the only way. I know he'll have no problem with me having it, but he'll have a problem with me having it when he's not here, you know how frantic he gets just to leave me home alone for a few hours" Eleanor laughs lightly at my words.
"So I guess going wedding dress shopping with your best friend won't make you feel any better, would it?" she smiles at me, her face lighting up with amusement.
"I would love to" I giggle as she helps me off the bench. She puts her arm around my shoulder and steers us to her car.
We pull into a small, white wedding dress shop in LA, getting out I notice our different attires. I'm clad in my painting jeans, My Statue of Liberty shirt, Harry's flannel I've grown to love, and my worn and tattered navy blue vans, only for it to be tied together with one of Harry's beanies. Eleanor, on the other hand is wearing high rise shorts with wedges and a thin, pink striped, pullover sweater.
She takes my hand as we walk into the white store, Eleanor being smiled at, while I am given a few scowls. An elderly woman shuffles over and smiles at both of us.
"Welcome to 'white flowers' I'm Judy. Who's the lucky bride looking for a dress?" El looks over at me and laughs.
"We both are. We came dress shopping together" she smiles at the elderly woman.
"Oh great, two best friends" she giggles like she's enjoying us. "Follow me and I will show you some dresses"
We are shown some dresses, and El makes me try one on.
"Only if you try one on too" I tell her. She smiles and nods her head.
I go into the dressing room and remove my clothes, Judy helps the big dress on me and places the hooks on. I walk out, meeting Eleanor as we stare at each other.
"Not really your best look" I tell her as she laughs at the random dress on her body.
"I actually saw one that would be beautiful on you, Ally" she giggles with pride. I raise my eyebrows at her as the woman helping her brings a wedding dress for me to try on.
"Okay, I'll try it on" I smile and shuffle back into my dressing room.
Judy helps me out of the first dress, it wasn't fit to my liking. I watch as Judy carefully pulls out the small dress, letting the layers of dress spill onto the carpet. I gasp at the sight of the fabric, the texture of the lighter and darker layers.
"This will look stunning on you" Judy looks up at me and smiles.
"I can't wear this" I say, saddened by my own words.
"Well, why not dear? you are a beautiful girl, you should be confident of yourself" the elderly woman smiles at me. I weakly smile at her and nod my head. She holds the dress out as I step into it. She gasps at the sight of the dress on my body.
"You know, I have had many women try on this exact dress, but none have looked as stunning as you do" she clasps her hands together in exasperation. I smile and walk out of the dressing room. Eleanor is already in her regular clothes- she has never been one for shopping long. Her breath catches in her throat when she notices me walking in.
"Oh my." She exclaims. I don't know why so many people are staring until I walk in front of the mirror myself.
My breath hitches in my throat as I stare at my reflection.
My skin was glowing, almost sparkling against the beauty of the dress. The soft layers fall, leaving a small train behind me, the beadwork making it look as it it was shining. My face looks ten times healthier, no paleness from the chemo. My bone structure looks thicker as well, as if I don't skip every other meal. The thing that draws me to this dress the most is the fact that I can see myself with my long, blonde beach waves in this dress, as if cancer has never been a part of my life. Tears begin to well in my eyes as I stare at my reflection, studying the dress.
"You have to get that dress, Al" Eleanor squeals. "It is just absolutely stunning" she smiles and hugs me. "I know the perfect heals to go with it too" I laugh at her last sentence about my shoes.
"The only shoes I will be wearing are my sandals"
She giggles and lets go of my shoulders.
"Go change out of that dress, I'm starving" she exclaims. I laugh at her forward motions and walk back into the dressing room.
I smile at myself in the mirror one last time before shuffling back into the dressing room once again.
"That dress really is beautiful" Judy smiles up at me. "Would you like me to take a picture?" she asks. I nod my head and hand her my phone.
She snaps a picture and hands the phone back, beginning to unclasp the hooks.
Judy disappears, leaving me smiling like an idiot at the picture. I silently put my clothes back on and stride back out of the dressing room.
Eleanor is waiting for me on a couch, drinking wine.
"Ready to go?" I ask her. She smiles and nods her head, placing her glass on the coffee table.
We walk out of the wedding dress store after putting my dress on hold.
"Okay, where to for dinner?" she turns to me.
"Um, I don't know actually" we laugh and she ends up taking us to some cafe on the corner of the street.
"Ally that dress looked beautiful on you, it was like it was meant for you" she smiles. My face begins to blush, the room suddenly feeling very hot.
"Oh, thanks. We still need to find you a dress" I look down at my menu and search for something to eat.
Our waiter comes by and we both order the Caesar salad.
After eating our meals, Eleanor and I climb back into her car and head on out way back to my house.
"Have you figured out what you want to do about the chemo situation?" She looks over at me, a glimmer of hope in her eyes that I'll tell him.
"I know you want me to tell him, I want him to know too, but I know for a fact that if I explain it to him before he leaves, he won't go" I sigh in frustration.
"But if you don't tell him, he could go into one of his rages and hurt someone" She looks into my eyes, hope bright in hers.
"I know, but it's the only way he'll go on tour, I hate lying to him, I really do, but I know there is absolutely no way he will go, he will know how much pain I'll be in, and will refuse to leave. El, it's the only way" I plea. She looks me dead in the eyes and sighs.
"Okay, I understand, but I still think he deserves to know" she replies. I look down and nod my head.
We pull into the driveway and I lean over to hug her.
"Thank you for tonight" I smile at her. She smiles back and kisses my cheek.
"No problem" I heave myself out of her car and slam the door, walking up to the front porch and waving as she drives off.
I feel giddy as I remember that I found my wedding dress.... I had gone thinking we would've found El's and I would have been picky and not found one... But here I am, staring at the picture of the beautiful dress on my slender body.
A smile spreads across my face as I receive a text from someone I've been meaning to hear from....
Scott: hey shortie! I've got some news for ya!
Me: what is it!?
S: meet me tomorrow for lunch?
M: I'll be there.
S: I'll pick you up @ 11 sharp
M: AM or PM?
S: haha, very funny shortie. I gtg. I'll pick you up at 11 AM
M: alright....
I laugh at our texts, when suddenly my phone begins vibrating furiously. it's an unknown number
"Hello?"
"Hello Blondie" I hear the smirking boy laugh into the phone.
"Oh hey Patty, what's up?"
"Nothing much, wondering if you were coming back up here tonight" he kind of stutters. Even though I like him nothing more than a friend, his nervousness around me is quite cute and charming, in a messed up way.
"I was thinking about it"
"Okay, I'll see you later, then?" his stuttering is lessening, however, much to my enjoyment, his voice was still cracking.
"Yeah, I'll come up for a while" I smile into the phone.
"Alright, see ya motherfucker" and the phone goes dead.
That's one way to end a conversation.
I call Harry to make sure he knows I'll be painting.
"Hello?" someone answers into the phone.
"Uh, Niall?" I ask.
"Hi Ally, Harry's in the loo" he chuckles.
"Okay, will you tell him I'll be at the university?" I ask the Irish boy.
"Of course Al" and he hangs up. What is with people and saying just a simple 'bye'?
I climb into my car and head down the deserted street.
HARRY'S POV:
I stumble through the heavy door as I make my way back to my seat at the bar.
I have only had two beers, I don't want To come home drunk, something seemed wrong when I talked to Ally, even though she would claim that nothing was wrong.
I always know when there's something going on, I just wish she would tell me instead of keeping things bottled up.
"Hey Haz, Ally called, she said she was goin' paintin'?" Niall hands me my phone and nod to him.
"Yeah, she told me earlier" I sigh and sit back in my still-warm barstool.
"What's wrong mate?" Zayn asks me.
"I don't know, she just seemed off- she wouldn't tell me anything, as always" I huff and lay my head down.
"Well what is she doing now?" Zayn asks, suddenly very interested.
"Well she's painting now, which usually means she's in a bad mood, how did she sound Niall?" I ask the half-drunk Irish kid.
"She sounded okay, a little sad- I don't like hearing girls sad" he pouts and downs the rest of his beer. I chuckle lightly at him and try to change the subject.
"Well do you think it has something to do with anything that happened today?" Liam pipes in.
"Look mates, I'm sorry I'm being a bummer, let's just not talk about it, yeah?" they all nod their heads, all except Niall, who ordered another beer and is now climbing onto the table.
"Now this is my favorite song!" he whoops as he swings his hips awkwardly while dancing on the table.
We all look at each other, and as if almost on queue, we all pull out our phones and video the drunk leprechaun.
A few more minutes, and he's slipping on his own show laces, and landing only inches from our bartender.
We're all in Hysterics when he finally stands up and cheers.
"Yaaahhhhhhh!" he shouts at the top of his lungs.
"Well I guess we got our new flapper girl" Louis laughs as Niall climbs back over the table, ripping his pants in the process.
"Well, my arse was just a bit too big for my pants, huh?" the alcohol-filled boy giggles. He orders yet another beer, making Liam role his eyes.
"Okay Harry, if he isn't well enough to go to his own house, it's your turn to bring him home with you"
We made up this system for Niall, every time we go out, if Niall gets too drunk, we'll take turns bringing him home. We start it with Louis, since he's the oldest, then working down to me, since I'm the youngest, then just starting the process over again.
"Gotcha" Niall chuckles and mutters something to himself. "If he drinks anymore, he'll be getting sick" Louis chuckles and pulls the bottle from Niall's hands, and chugging the rest of it.
"Well, it looks like Harry and Liam are the drivers, they've barely had anything" Louis exclaims. I chuckle and nod.
"I'll take Zayn and Niall, since he's coming home with me anyway" I look over at Zayn, who looks about passed out, his head folded in his arms. Niall is trying to persuade the large man serving us to give him another beer, but I told the bartender not to.
"Well, I don't want any of them to drink your livers to death, so I think we should start getting the drunk ones home" Liam pokes the now passed out Louis, making him let out a soft groan, and something about Eleanor letting him sleep five more minutes.
Liam chuckles and picks Louis' shoulders up, looking at his half-closed eyes.
"Slap him" I look at Liam like he was nuts. "Just do it" I do as I'm told and slap Louis hard across the cheek.
"Bloody hell, watch the rings!" he shouts and stands up. "Take me home Liam!" he starts walking towards the front door, Liam catching up with him and helping.
"See you later!" Liam shouts as Louis slings his arm around his shoulder.
Niall is up and trying to drink some woman's tequila.
"Niall that isn't yours" I pull his shoulder back and grab his keys from his hand.
"Zaynnnn!!!" Niall shouts directly in his ear. "Zaynnnn wakey wakey!" Niall is now pulling Zayn up, making Zayn grumble. He was always grumpy when he's drunk.
I finally get both boys to stand up, thankfully Zayn could almost walk by himself, but I had to basically carry Niall out of the bar.
Zayn gets into the passenger seat, leaving me to shove the half-awake Niall into the back.
I plug my phone into the car and tell Siri to call Perrie.
"Hello?" she says within a yawn.
"So sorry to bother you Perrie, but just to let you know that I'm bringing Zayn home and his car is safe at the bar" I hear another yawn before she speaks.
"Oh, okay. I new he would get drunk, he's not throwing up is he?" She asks.
"No, just a little out of it"
"Okay, I have the front door unlocked"
ALLY'S POV:
I make my way down the familiar roads of the university and pull into my assigned spot. I can already see Patrick standing outside waiting for me.
"Hey Blondie!" he shouts. I wave before shutting my car door and walking up to meet him.
"What's up?" I ask him.
"I don't know, I wanted you to meet some friends. Nice beanie by the way, where did you get it?" he stands back, examining the hat on my head.
"It's Harry's" I answer. His face falls a bit, but he goes back to his usual self.
"Follow me" he states and holds the door open for me.
We walk down the hall into his studio, to a small group of people dressed very similar to Patrick.
"So this is the girl you won't shut up about" a girl with purple dip-dyes smirks. "I'm Beth" her smile is warm and nice as she sticks out her hand for me to shake.
"I'm Ally, it's nice to meet you" I smile and she motions for me to sit next to her at the table.
"I'm Rick" a very tall, lanky boy with ginger hair pulls me into a hug. Beth laughs and punches him in the arm.
"Sasha" a girl with blue hair nods at me- she doesn't look too friendly. She's holding the hand of a boy who has yet to speak, but the was he's staring at me makes me uncomfortable, I look away when Beth starts talking.
"So Ally, what year are you?" she turns to me, all of their eyes are on me, making me seriously nervous.
"I'm a sophomore, what year are y'all?" I turn my head to the group of people.
"We're all freshmen, but most of us took summer classes to get here early" Patrick speaks up for the first time. Sasha's eyes narrow slightly at me, making the tension in the room much more obvious.
"Wait, aren't you the girl that's dating Harry Styles?" her eyebrows perk up.
"Yeah, I am" I nod my head.
"So you really do have cancer?" she continues to interrogate me.
"Yeah, I do" I shyly answer.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought it was all an act or whatever, but I believe you" she turns to the boy holding her hand- I still haven't learned his name.
"No it's fine, I've had it for about four months now."
"How do you do it?" Beth speaks up "how do you live with it, not knowing which day will be your last?" to be honest, her question caught me off guard, I didn't know how to answer it.
"Well, I mean it really has been a struggle, but I know that if I don't stay strong, then the people I care about won't stay strong. I don't want them to see me like I'm sick, you know?" the group simultaneously nods their heads.
"So what do you guys do around here?" Rick asks.
"Um, I go to the beach a lot. Most of my days used to be spent running, but my doctor said no running anymore, so you'll mostly see me here, painting my cares away" Beth chuckles and Sasha stands up, still holding the guy's hand.
"Not that this isn't fun, but we need to get going, it was nice meeting you" she huffs and leaves the room, pulling the boy with her.
"What has her panties in a twist?" Rick speaks up, making us all laugh.
"I don't know, she's probably PMSing or something" Beth shrugs.
"Who was she holding hands with?" I ask openly.
"Oh, that was Jasper, he's a bit strange, he doesn't talk, like ever. If it's just the guys, he'll talk, but not much. He's not that friendly either" Rick speaks up.
"Sasha isn't mad because of me is she?" I had to ask.
"Nah, I don't think so. She's always in a bad mood, don't worry, it probably has nothing to do with you" Rick chuckles.
"Okay, I have to see your studio!" Beth turns to me.
"It's nothing special, but okay" I smile and get up from my seat.
"Hey we're going to head out. See you bitches later" Rick pats my head and pulls Beth into a hug. "I'll call you later, okay?" he pecks her on the lips and I look away, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.
"Okay, love ya" Beth gives him one last squeeze before he strides out the door.
"See ya blondie" I hear Patrick call.
"See ya" I answer back to the departing boy.
"So, how do you like Patrick?" Beth asks, wiggling her eyebrows.
"What?" her question catches me off guard.
"Well don't you like him?" she looks confused.
"As a friend, nothing more. Why would you think I did? I'm engaged" she smirks at my answer.
"Doesn't mean you can't have a little fun on the side" she giggles. What is wrong with her?
"None of that here..." She laughs even harder.
"Come on, show me your studio" she almost yanks my arm out of it's socket by grabbing my hand and pulling me down the hall.
"Oh my god, Ally this is amazing!" She squeals and walks around the studio, picking up random paintings and looking at my walls. "That butterfly is so rad" she points at the large tattoo printed on the wall.
"Well thanks, I painted it from memory." Her mouth falls open in awe.
"This is so cool" she looks down at the floor, the footprints traced along the otherwise perfectly white floors.
Before I can say anything, her phone rings.
"Hello?" she answers into the phone. I hear someone on the other line speaking
"Fine I'll be there in ten" she huffs and hangs up.
"Who was that?" I ask the scowling girl.
"My dad, he's staying until tomorrow and he wants me to go over to his hotel. Here's my number, call me later, okay?" I laugh as she writes her number on my hand.
"Okay. I'll see ya, Beth" she hugs me and leaves the studio.
"See ya bitch!" I hear her scream down the hall. I laugh and shake my head, clearing some of my mess from earlier.
I sigh and turn the light off, locking the door behind me. I'm too tired to paint tonight.
I make it to my car and unlock it, locking it back the second I'm safely inside. I put my phone on Bluetooth and call Harry.
"Hellooo?" he draws out the end of the word.
"Hey babe, I'm on my way home"
"Alrighty, but just a fair warning it was my turn to bring home an intoxicated leprechaun" I laugh at his words, hearing Niall saying something in the background. "And he won't go to sleep" Harry chuckles.
"I'll get him to bed, just don't let him drink anything else. I'll be home in five"
"Okay, see you in a few, no Niall put that down!" and the line goes dead.
I laugh to myself at how childlike Niall is, whether he's drunk or not.
After listening to "give me love" by Ed Sheeran, I make it home within the last few chords.
I climb out of the car, my knees popping in the process, creating some pain, but nothing I haven't been feeling for four months now.
I walk in to a mumbling Niall, an annoyed Harry, and a few overturned chairs.
"Ally!" Niall cheers. I laugh as he runs- or should I say stumbles towards me, his arms outstretched for a hug.
"Hey lucky!" I laugh as he gives me I big bear hug. "you want to go to bed?" he stops hugging me and shakes his drunken head.
"I don't want to" he breaths into my face.
"You need to brush your teeth mister" I grab his wrist and pull him into the guest bathroom. I pull out an unopened tooth brush and hand it to him "brush" I direct him.
It takes a while for him to get his teeth brushed, and I have him in the bed fifteen minutes later.
"Fun sleepover" he yawns and curls into the fluffy pillows.
I pick up his discarded clothes, sadly he insisted I had to help him take his pants off. They smell like sweat and alcohol, so I throw them in the wash.
I come back into the dining room, where Harry had fallen asleep at the table, his head tucked in his arms.
I fix the overturned chairs and lightly tap Harry's shoulder. He grunts and looks up at me.
"Did you get him in bed?" he asks. I nod my head and his eyes open widely. "That did not come out how I wanted it too" we both break into laughter, until we hear Niall in the other room.
"Pipe down! let a man sleep!" He shouts from the guest room. I giggle some more and grab Harry's hand.
"Let's go to bed" I yawn and pull him into the bedroom. Piper is on her bed, sound asleep.
I pad into the bathroom and brush my teeth. I pull off my skinny jeans and throw them in the wash with Niall's clothes.
I slip on one of Harry's shirts and unclip my bra. I catch Harry watching me from the corner of my eye.
"Enjoying the view?" I smirk at him.
"Um..." His face grows red.
"You know it's rude to stare at people Mr. Styles" I giggle and his smirk appears.
"Not when the person being stared at is as beautiful as you, my dear" he chuckles and climbs into the bed.
"Real smooth, Styles" I slide in next to him and feel his strong arms press my back to him, his soft kisses on the back of my head lulling me to sleep....