Loss,Movement & Suicide :Part 3
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(Your POV)
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When Rick came to find me and Carl, after apparently being out in the woods with Shane and Dale doing who knows what, he couldn't help but smile at the scene before him. It was as if me and Carl had know each other since forever. Surprisingly Carl's mom, Lori as I had finally learned her name properly thanks to Carl, left both me and him alone. She would glance at us every now and again but she was glad we got along. We ended up talking about, well everything, our favorite games, food, shows, things we used to do before things went to shit, ect. When Rick had finally come over to check on us after smiling to himself, he freaked out cause Carl asked me to teach him how to fight walkers.
"Think you could show me how to fight them?"
I looked at him slightly confused, "Them? You mean the zomb-eh walkers?" At his nod I gave him a worried glance, "No one's taught you how to protect yourself yet?"
He looked off to the side while rubbing his arm, "I don't think my parents would want me to cause I'm a kid."
I bit my lip not knowing how to respond, ya he's a kid but now a days it doesn't matter what age you were. If you couldn't protect yourself, you'd be dead very soon whether you were an adult or a child. "If you want I'll teach you how to at least use my crossbow, it'll be easier for you since guns might send you tumbling to the floor if you're not careful."
He got excited again and jumped onto his feet, "Can you show me how to use it now? Please!"
I couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm. I was ready to stand up, grab my crossbow and go with him into the woods but the plan got cut short as Rick placed a hand on my shoulder. Looking behind me I noticed Rick was frowning big time, "I don't want you to show him Y/N."
I frowned beneath my mask; I had eventually pulled my hood back up as well as my mask after talking to Carl for a while. "Rick, what if you aren't there to protect him, he needs to learn something. And it isn't as dangerous as a gun."
Rick only shook his head no to which I sighed in annoyance and turned to Carl. I didn't have to say anything or hide that I disagreed with his father. Carl understood his dad wouldn't let him. I'm gonna show him one way or another Rick.
~~
The entire group was outside by the cars being lectured on what was gonna go down, in the end we had decided to head over to the CDC. As to not piss off Shane any more than I already have I stayed at the door of the RV to keep Jim company, more or less. Another strange thing I'd learned about being one of the dead, almost all of our senses became heightened. Or maybe it was just me.... Seeing as I was still functioning like a normal human, mostly at least. I had been watching and listening when I heard Jim wake up out of random, breathing hard as he looked around in fear.
"Don't worry, you aren't one just yet. When you get bit, it comes with a strong fever one that slowly kills you inside and out. That is if it doesn't drive you mad enough to kill yourself first, " I had whispered the last part as I looked into the back of the RV where Jim looked at me with wide eyes.
He was slightly terrified as he hadn't known I was here but then again he had been sleeping for the past few minutes. After swallowing he spoke through ragged breathes he shakily spoke to me, "How do you know?"
I had been picking at my nails with my knife but I paused at his question barely missing inserting it into my finger, "Because....because that's how everyone around me died."
Lie after lie after lie, I wonder how they'll treat you when they figure it out Y/N.
"I'm sorry."
I shook to head at looked at him with pitying eyes, "Don't apologize Jim...if anything I'm sorry I wasn't here to protect everyone. I know I could have."
Before he could say anything else I told him to go back to sleep as I know from experience that you're driven crazy faster while awake then asleep. Hearing his breaths even out once more as he fell into another nap I focused in on Shane's voice again.
"Everybody listen up. Those of you with C.B.s we're gonna be on Channel 40, let's keep the chatter down okay?" Seeing he had everyones attention though Daryl looked a bit annoyed he continued. "Now you got a problem, don't have a C.B , can't get a signal or anything at all. You're gonna hit your horn one time. That'll stop the caravan. Any questions?"
Daryl randomly brought his hand up to his eyes before a man I had seen around camp spoke up taking all my attention, he sounded very unsure of himself but continued to speak anyway," We're uh...we're—we're not going." Shane and Rick looked completely surprised at the mans statement, the woman next to him elaborated," We have family in Birmingham. We want to be with our people."
Birmingham? I closed my eyes trying to picture what that name reminded me of,Why does that place sound familiar to me, I scrunched up my face in an attempt to bring up something but nothing appeared. My worry about my own life was simply increasing. I've lost another memory...
Shane seemed the least pleased with their decision, "You go on your own and you won't have anyone to watch your back. Are you sure about this?"
The man only stood up more straight not backing down, "We'll take the chance," he then looked over at rick, "I've got to do what's best for my family."
"You sure?" With a nod at Rick the man spoke with a sad smile across his face," We talked about it. We're sure."
After exchanging glances Rick and Shane handed the man a 357 Magnum gun and a half full bag of ammo, not even a second after they handed it over I heard Daryl scoff in annoyance. I smiled at how easily he got ticked off by little things. The fact that he wouldn't say anything but grumble like a little boy was funny to me.
And a lil cute, like a grumpy Chihuahua.
The woman I had never officially met or will ever meet began to tear up as she looked at Lori," Thank you all... for everything." Lori went in to hug her as Shane shook hands with the husband, "Good luck man."
During their little goodbyes I stared at Carl who seemed on the verge of crying again, it made me upset seeing him like this. I wonder how long this group was together and suddenly being so torn apart. After Rick told them to tune into channel 40 for anything they left the conversation and walked away to their own vehicle. "All right, the rest of you let's Go!"
Everyone began to move into their own vehicles, that's when I noticed that my motorcycle had its gasoline removed. So unfair I really liked this bike, "Shit, I guess I'll walk."
I shrugged to myself as I began to grab my bag to start heading out though Daryl stopped me, "Where are you going?" I only pointed out to where everyone else was heading, "You're ridin with me."
"What about my stuff?"
Daryl motioned over at Dale to which my stuff was taken and placed inside his RV, I didn't even get a chance to comment as Daryl pulled me over to his truck where on the back was a motorcycle. A much cooler looking one than the one I had used. Ok not upset about my motorcycle staying anymore. "Come on, we gotta get movin."
I smiled under my mask as I sat in the passages seat and soon everyone followed after one another though me and Daryl waited to be behind everyone else. Every few seconds I'd sniff the air making sure there were no walkers around, or at least if there were I checked to see if it was enough to put us in danger. Thankfully nothing came up and it seemed too easy. I was right as once we reached a certain length away from camp we all stopped cause of Dales RV.
I never liked RV's.
"What's going on, why are we stopping?"
Daryl glanced at me with a shrug of confusion before motioning for us to exit the truck. We both jumped out and rushed over to meet up with everyone else. It was a gasoline issue of course. Shane and TDogg had gone ahead in search of a gasoline station but before they left Shane walked over to me with only two words leaving his mouth. He still very much hated me but at least he admitted to himself how strong I was, "Protect everyone."
I didn't answer back as it didn't sound like a question and it definitely came out like a command. I was annoyed with his tone but none the less I nodded. We still weren't on good terms and it'd be best to not piss him off. For right now at least, later I could kick his ass. After they left problems with Jim began, again. Jim wanted death by this point. He wanted to be with his family again. Rick didn't want to let him die though, not another one of this small group but even I knew this was no longer under Ricks control.
Much like it had been Andrea's choice, this was Jims final choice.
Finally Dale spoke up with a sad smile, "Back in the camp... when I said Daryl might be right and you shut me down. You misunderstood." To this I looked up and met eyes with Dale," I would never go along with callously killing a man. Of course I wouldn't...I was just gonna suggest that we ask Jim what he wants and...well.... I think we have an answer."
"You suggesting we just leave him here?" Shane made eye contact with me momentarily, a flare of anger not evident in his eyes for once, before looking away to Dale. "Leave him and drive off...I don't think I can live with that."
Lori who had been standing near me partially glared at them both, "I don't think it's either of your choice. We have dragged him this far and for what. It's his. It's what he wants, and we can't refuse him that."
After a silence took over from her comment, we all mentally agreed on giving Jim his wish. Rick and Shane helped Jim out if the RV and I helped him walk near the woods and he leaned up against a tall tree. Everyone else gathered around in sorrow, Daryl tried to hide it but even he was upset. Funny considering he wanted to pick axe him in the head earlier, "Hey, another damn tree." I noticed everyone sadly smile as Jim said this and chuckled under his breath.
Shane went to kneel in front of him as Jim had slid himself down to a seated position. I could tell how fast the change was coming for him. Shane spoke, unsure of what to his as these would be hid ginal words,"Hey, Jim—I mean, you know it doesn't need to be this.
Jim only closed his eyes as he leaned back against the tree,breathing harshly,"No...it's good. The breeze feels nice."
Shane quietly said Okay before placing his hand for a second on Jims leg in comfort and then standing up and step back from him.The dark skinned woman,who I had finally learned was named Jacqui, walked over to Jim and knelt beside him,"Just close your eyes, Sweetie. Don't fight." I watched tears drip down her face as she softly kissed him in the cheek before standing and walking down the small hill back to the RV.
Rick then came forward and knelt in front of Jim as well,he slowly pulled out a gun he had on him and motioned it over to Jim,"Jim, do you want this?"
Jim slowly shook his head,"No. you'll need it,"I noticed Ricks composure change so much in these few moments as Jim looked up at him,"I'm okay...I'm okay."
Rick,visibly being hurt by having to leave Jim here stood and left down the hill same as Jacqui.Dale came forward with a pained smile on his face as he placed his hand on Jims knee,"Thanks...thanks for, uh,"I could see the slightest hesitation of movement from Dayle.This must be really tough for him,"Thanks for fighting for us."
Jim nodded,giving him a small smile before he watched Dayle stand and walk away,Andrea and Glenn only stood,visibly moved and fighting the tears that were trying to leave their eyes.Everyone but Daryl and I walked away from Jim,after Daryl nodded at Jim in respect he left me alone with Jim.To this I took a few steps forward before kneeling down in front of him.
"I'm sorry I never got to know you well enough,kinda wish I'd have met you before this happened,"Jim looked up at me in surprise."There is one thing I can say,those last few moment before,"I paused not knowing how to aproach him becoming a walker,but he seemed to understand what I meant."Those last moments will feel like heaven,"I reached forward and wrapped my hand around his,"It'll be peacful,I promise."
With the little strength he had left he held onto my hand as well,"You're one of them,aren't you."
Mentally I got scared ,he hadnt asked a question but as I stared at his eyes they comforted me and I spoke in shock,"How did,when did you notice?"
"When Daryl tried to kill me,"his hand tightened around mine as I had slowly pulled back,"I saw the pick axe enter your arm,you wiped away your blood without thinking about and... thinking no one would notice."
"I wish what had happened to me,had happened to you,"Jim gave me a soft smile before he looked up at the sky again.
"I dont." Before I could question him he motioned for me to get closer,I did to which he hugged me and spoke,"Im gonna be with my family again." I pulled away to see him staring at me with a pained and exhausted smile,"Wouldn't you want that too? "
"Yes,"I leaned in,removing my mask to kiss his cheek before standing up,"but I wish to protect those still alive more.I'll never forget you,goodbye Jim."
I slowly walked away,joining the others who had entered their cars again,Jacqui watched from inside the R.V. crying in silence.As everyone drove away and as me and Daryl were in the back I watched Jim smile up at the sky seeming as if finally at peace.I hope you see your family again.
~~
"Is that it? It honestly doesn't look like anyone's...here,"Glenn spoke awkwardly as we stared at the tall building.
It was huge to say the least,it had been barracaded by the military but it was eerily quiet,especially with the millions of dead bodies that now surrounded the place it didn't help our mood.Hoping to avoid any locals Rick shushed Glenn after his comment.
Shane who stood in front with Rick to his left looked back at all of us,"All right,everyone.Keep moving and stay quiet.Let's go."
I noticed everyone covering their noses and mouths from the horrid stench of the dead,I was used to it so instead I turned and walked backwards,my crossbow facing the street in case something decided to attack."Ok,stay together,keep moving."
I rolled my eyes at Shane's comment ,No one's gonna stop moving towards the building,even I don't wanna be out here it's creepy as hell.Getting closer to the front doors we saw even more dead bodies on the floor,"What the hell happened here?"
"Shh."
I growled lowly,not that anyone besides Glenn and Daryl heard as they were in the back with me,finally reaching the door I could see some in the group beggining to get sick.Like vomit wise.The stench combined with the view seemed to be affecting them really bad.Lori began to comfort Carl who,no surprise as he's a kid,was starting to feel nauseous and scared."We're almost there baby,almost there I promise."
I slowly turned away from Lori and Carl back towards the street,the second I did my ear twitched at a sudden sound.Are there walkers coming? I walked forward a bit,looking for the sound as Rick and Shane began to pound in the door,wondering if someone was home or not.When I found nothing I turned around to come face to face with a walker,it didn't attack me,of course,but Daryl noticed it and shouted.
"Y/N! "This grabbed everyones attention as he shot it straight through the face almost hitting me in the process."Walkers everywhere! Y/N get over here!"
I didn't defy his command ,after pulling out his arrow from the fallen walkers head I handed it to Daryl while everyone else began to bring out their weaponry.I heard Carl and this other little girl I didn't know begin to whimper in fear,my next words caused them both to look up at me with surprise,"Dont worry guys,I'd die before I let them get to you."
Seeing them all around set Daryl on rage again,"You let us into a graveyard!" Dayle tried to calm him down by stating it was Ricks call but that only pissed him off further,"It was the wrong damn call!"
Shane was anniyed by this point sk he decided we should leave,"Just shut up. You hear me? Shut up. Shut up!" I could smoke coming out if Shane and Daryls ears,"Rick this is a dead end,we need to go now!"
Lori,holding onto her son for dear life spoke,"We can't be here, this close to the city after dark is dangerous we need to go "
Shane looked over at Rick who seemed at a loss,"Fort Benning, Rick,still an option."
Andrea scoffed at Shane,for once it wasnt Daryl which took me by surprise,"On what? We have no food, no fuel. That place is a hundred miles away!"
Glenn who had been watching me take down near by walkers with Daryl spoke up,"125 actually,I checked the map."
"Not the time for exact numbers Glenn,"I said as I shot an arrow straight through a walkers head before running over to it and pulling out the arrow.While I was at it I pulled out my knife and stabbed about three in the head,Glenn couldn't help but admire my grace in killing with a fluid motion.I never hesitated,it amazed him.It also made him worry.
Lori pushed passed Shane to Rick,"Forget Fort Benning. We need answers tonight and we need to leave."
"We'll think of something." Rick seemed to give and Shane called out an order,"Let's get out of here."
Carl and the little girl had begun to cry making me turn around and see their sad faces,glancing up I noticed Rick still staring at the door.My eyes randomly looked further up to where I noticed the front camera move.Someone is here!
"The camera,it moved!" "You probabaly imagined it." "No it moved,someone's watching us!"
Glenn had come over to drag me away from the door but I shrugged away his hand,"It did move,guys,I saw it."
Hearing me Glenn became curious but Shane began to pull Rick away from the door,"Man,listen to me,look around this place.It's dead,okay? It's dead and we need to leave before we join everyone on the floor."
Rick refused,so did I as now Tdogg and Daryl joined in to pull me away from the facility,I was glad at how much they were struggling with it.Glenn was the only one to voice his opinion though,"How strong are you?!"Finally they realize how strong I really am.
Suddenly Rick pushed through Shane and ran up to the door,banging on it for dear life as the walkers got closer,"Please, we're desperate. Please help us. We have women, children, no food, hardly any gas left.You can help us!"
"Rick, there's nobody here!"
Even at the sound of his wifes voice he didnt back down,"We have nowhere else to go. If you don't let us in, you're killing us!"
Shane had gripped onto Rick,making him look straight into his eyes," Let's go,we aren't getting anything from this!"
Everyone began to shout or further drawing us attention,the walkers were gonna surround us soon if I didn't take action.I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen again.
Rick began to yell histerically as Shane dragged him away,I had gone back to killing walkers,they were getting too close for comfort,"You're killing us! Your killing us! Your killing us!"
As I finally slammed into the head of a walker with the hilt of a shotgun I heatd the door rolls up.Pausing in my fight I turned around only to be blinded by white light that came from inside the CDC facility.Let's hope this wasn't a mistake.