Chapter Sixty: State of Love and Trust
"Joel, what do you want for breakfast, sweetie?" I asked him as I hurried around Meredith and Derek's kitchen, them having agreed to let me move back in while I worked on finding Joel and I a new place, unable to stay at Mark's.
"Toast." He yawned, resting his head on the kitchen table. I nodded, noticing Meredith making her way into the kitchen.
"Hey, Mer, thanks again for letting us stay here." I thanked my friend, only then noticing the upset look on her face as Alex and Lexie followed her into the kitchen. "Hey, Joel, why don't you go watch some TV? I'll bring your toast to you when it's done."
"Okay," he nodded before hurrying out of the kitchen and towards the living room, eager to watch some TV before school.
"What happened?" I asked as soon as he was gone.
"Izzie leaves, you're upset, and you two decide that the best way to deal is to get drunk and mash your genitals together?" Meredith looked between Alex and Lexie, clearly not happy with either of them.
"What?" My eyes widened at the news.
"Look, no freakin' way you get to judge us or give relationship advice." Alex shook his head. "Besides, you were a total dirty mistress, like, two weeks ago."
"Are we calling me a dirty mistress?" Lexie asked as I put the bread in the toaster for Joel.
"That was two years ago, his wife didn't have cancer." Meredith argued.
"Because I've only been with, like, six guys in my whole life." Lexie pointed out. "Okay, Alex and I- we've done it before. That was recycling. It was, like, good for the environment."
"Izzie's gone, I was horny, she was there." Alex spoke bluntly.
"Oh, crap." Lexie rested her head in her hands. "I am a dirty mistress. Oh, God! You're gonna tell Derek!"
"No, I am not going to tell Derek, and neither are you, and you're not gonna say anything." Meredith warned all of us. "We are keeping our mouths shut. Izzie is coming home. No one needs to know."
"Hi." We all spun around to look at the kitchen doorway, finding Izzie standing there with her suitcase beside her. I could feel my eyes widen at the sight of my blonde friend, her hair having grown longer since I last saw her. "Know what?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I just, I can't believe that she's really here." I shook my head as I sat in the locker room with Lexie, still in shock about Izzie's arrival back in town. After she'd left a few months ago, having only left a letter behind for Alex, I didn't think she'd ever come back here. "Do you think she'll end up staying?"
"Alex wouldn't tell her about this morning... would he?" Lexie asked, clearly worried about our friend learning that she'd slept with her husband.
"What happened this morning?" Percy asked as he walked over from his cubby on the other side of the room, a smirk filling his lips.
"None of your business." I rolled my eyes. "Don't you have bedpans to go and clean or something?"
"You wound me." He chuckled before heading out of the locker room.
"I don't get it." Lexie frowned at she leaned against her cubby, crossing her arms over her chest.
"What?" I asked.
"How you've managed to become civil with Reed and friends with Percy, yet you still seem to hate Avery." She spoke in a soft voice, glancing across the locker room to where Avery and Reed were talking together by the former's cubby. "I just don't get it. I mean, out of all of them he seems the most decent. Why not be friends with him? He didn't steal George's cubby."
"Can we please not talk about this?" I sighed.
"Fine," she nodded. "How are you handling the breakup with Mark?"
"Lexie." We both looked towards the door, finding Arizona standing there.
"Yeah?" Lexie asked while I sat there, relieved to see the blonde attending, meaning that Lexie wouldn't be able to question me about Mark, not now at least.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"What are you talking about?" Alex asked as he, Cristina, and I all had our lunch down in the morgue while Meredith and Avery were practicing for their whipple surgery later today.
"She's on this thing-" Meredith began.
"Okay, if you had to choose between the thing you love- surgery- and the person you love, which would you choose?" Cristina asked him.
"You would choose Izzie, right?" Meredith questioned before Alex had a chance to answer. "Because you two are gonna get back together."
"Shut up." Alex rolled his eyes.
"Wait, why do you have to choose?" Avery frowned in confusion.
"That doesn't matter. You just do." Cristina shook her head. "Which is it- surgery or love?"
"I want both." Avery said.
"That's what I said." Meredith nodded in agreement.
"No, you- you can't have both." Cristina told them.
"Why the hell not?" Avery pressed.
"Why the hell is he here?" Cristina asked.
"I said he could be in here because he's in the whipple, too." Meredith said.
"Okay, whatever." Cristina brushed it off. "Once again, you cannot have both. You have to choose."
"Choose what?" Izzie asked as she joined us, taking a seat next to Cristina. "Uh, my... my PET-scan got pushed back an hour, so I thought I'd join you for lunch."
"Okay. That." Cristina pointed at the cadaver that Meredith and Avery were working on. "You have to give up that- learning the procedure, tuning out the world until you get it, like, you know, doing the procedure is the only thing that matters, like if you don't get to do it, you'll die. That's why you have to give up."
"For what?" Izzie asked.
"Love." Cristina, Meredith, Alex, and I all answered her at the same time.
"Why?" She frowned.
"Yeah, that's what I said." Avery chuckled.
"Okay, that's not the point." Cristina cut in. "You know you couldn't do it. You know you'd choose the procedure."
"Fine!" Meredith gave in. "If I had to choose, gun to my head, I would choose surgery, okay?"
"Okay, well, thank you." Cristina nodded, satisfied. "Is that so hard to say? I don't know, why is it so bad to say that out loud?"
"Because it's crazy." Izzie shrugged. "It's crazy. Surgery- it's just a job. It's just a job. It's the thing you come home from, not the thing you come home to. And if you lose your job, you get another one, 'cause there's always another one. But... if you lose your love... If you think you're losing your love... well, then suddenly, nothing else matters."
"This is what you guys talk about during lunch?" Avery shook his head.
"I'm with them." Alex spoke up, looking across the table at his wife. "Love comes and goes. Surgery doesn't."
"Well," I drew out the word as Cristina and Alex's pagers went off.
"Results are back." Cristina scoffed as she and Alex collected their things and headed out of the room to check up on their patients.
"You choose love." Izzie shook her head.
"Yes!" Meredith exclaimed. "Just did a perfect dissection without lacerating the portal vein."
"You gonna do that little fist pump in surgery, too?" Avery teased her.
"I'd choose love." I told Izzie, sending her a small smile. "When it came down to it, I would choose love."
"So, uh, how are things with you and Mark?" She asked, trying to change the subject. I could feel my smile slip from my face as I looked down at my food.
"We, uh, we broke up." I informed her. "We're done."
"Beth, I'm so-" She began.
"It's fine." I cut her off, not wanting to hear how sorry she was or have to explain what happened to her. After all, if she had stayed here rather than running away, she'd know what all had happened. "But I'd still choose love, every time. My love for Joel."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Hey," I turned around on my way out of the hospital that night, finding Mark walking out, too.
"Hey," I greeted him. "Uh... How did, uh, Sloan's surgery go?"
"I slept with Addison." He told me. My stomach dropped at his words, I didn't know what to say.
"You slept with Addison." I repeated his words, trying to get them to register in my mind. I knew that I was the one who ended things between us, but I didn't think he would go to LA and sleep with one of my friends right after things were over. Not after everything that had happened between us. So, I said the first thing that popped into my mind. "I slept with Alex."
"You slept with Karev?" He questioned.
"Yeah," I nodded, following through with my lie.
"While I was dealing with my sick daughter? While I was hurting?" He asked.
"Well, you weren't hurting." I crossed my arms over my chest. "You were sleeping with Addison."
"You broke up with me, left me... and just..." He shook his head. "Wow. I... I can't even look at you right now."
I watched as he walked away, leaving me standing there alone. I felt like my stomach was in knots, like I was going to be sick as I just stood there and watched him walk away. I knew that this was my doing. He was right. I had been the one to break up with him, to leave him. I was the one who had decided to lie and tell him that I had slept with Alex. I had been the one to set this all into motion, but I had chosen love and I was going to stick by my decision.
I chose Joel.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Any of you know what this big meeting's all about?" Avery asked as he, Reed, and Percy all trailed behind Alex, Lexie, and I.
"I heard there was a coup." Reed said.
"Webber's out. Shepherd's in." Percy added. "Is that true?"
"We know what you know." Lexie told them.
"Bull." Avery scoffed. "Your sister's married to the guy. You expect me to believe you don't know what's going on?"
"Don't you have your own loser friends to talk to?" Alex asked.
"I also heard Shepherd plans to clean house." Percy pointed out. "Maybe he'll start with you."
"Dude, I'm safe." Alex smirked. "The guy is my roommate. You're the ones who should watch your backs."
"Why? What do you know?" Reed pressed.
"Simple math," Alex shrugged, "Shepherd hates the merger, you're from Mercy West, you're toast."
"Derek's not gonna fire people just because they're from Mercy West." I disagreed. "He's not like that."
"She's right." Lexie nodded in agreement. "He's loyal and fair."
"Yeah, tell that to Webber." Avery scoffed as we reached the main area, finding a large group of other doctors and nurses already gathered, Derek standing on the stairs, looking over some papers in his hands. We pushed our way to the front, stopping when we reached Callie, Arizona, Cristina, and Hunt.
"What the hell is he wearing?" Callie muttered, looking at the dress clothes he was wearing underneath his lab coat instead of his usual scrubs.
"He looks good. Chiefly." Hunt commented.
"He looks like an undertaker." Cristina shook her head.
"I promised him we'd clap." Arizona told us.
"Oh. Now?" Cristina joked.
"No." Hunt chuckled at his girlfriend's words as Derek cleared his throat, getting everyone's attention.
"I want to thank you all for being here. I know you're busy, so I'll try to make this quick." Derek told all of us. "As you may have heard, I have been appointed the new interim chief of surgery. It's my personal goal to make this transition as smooth as possible. I know we've had a rocky few months."
"Here it comes." Alex whispered, clearly trying to mess with Avery and his friends.
"Mistakes have been made." Derek said.
"He's talking about the merger." Alex commented, only to be hushed by Lexie.
"I intend to right those wrong, and, uh..." Derek cleared his throat.
"Told you." Alex smirked, causing me to roll my eyes.
"Bring this hospital back to its former glory." Derek continued, oblivious to Alex's comments.
"'Former glory'." Cristina scoffed at his word choice. "Undertaker needs a speechwriter."
"We are screwed." Avery sighed.
"Yes, you are, sucker." Alex nodded in agreement.
"Check it out. Chief Webber." Reed pointed out the older surgeon as he joined us, Jennings in tow.
"And, um..." Derek glanced over at Webber and Jennings. "What I meant... uh, by that is- What I'm trying to say is, I want to thank you for your support in advance. Uh, that's all. Okay, let's get back to work."
Everyone was quiet, some walking away to get back to work. Arizona started clapping, earning looks from the rest of us before we joined her in applauding Derek.
"Karev, Beth, I hear that you're both the future of Peds." Arizona walked over to stand in front of us.
"Excuse me?" Alex raised a brow at her.
"Yeah, a little birdie named Bailey whispered it in my ear." Arizona nodded. "I want you to work with Beth and I today so I can see if she's right."
"What did she say?" Alex asked.
"That you're the best babysitter in the hospital." Avery chimed in.
"Shut up." I sent him a sharp look.
"You don't think Peds is hard-core?" Arizona questioned him. "'Cause you could say that to my face, Avery."
"No. No, ma'am." Avery cleared his throat.
"Mm-hmm. Don't let the roller skates fool you. Peds is nothing but hard-core." Arizona assured him before looking back at Alex and I. "Rounds in ten."
"Peds." Avery chuckled once Arizona had walked away. "Who's the sucker now?"
"Asshole." I muttered, walking away from the two before they could start bickering like children. As I headed in the direction Arizona had gone, I found myself glancing over at where Mark was standing, focused on his phone. I took a deep breath and shook my head as I adverted my gaze from him.
I needed to let go.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"How long would you say Brad's been having the pain?" Arizona asked the teenager's parents as Alex assessed the boy.
"Off and on for months." Brad's mother told us.
"Brad, is the pain constant or is it worse at times, better at others?" Arizona turned her attention back to the boy.
"Mm, it's usually bad in the mornings, like, right after breakfast." Brad shrugged.
"Which, I might point out, is, uh, when he has to go to school." Brad's dad commented, clearly not believing that there was anything wrong with his son, that he was just doing this to get out of school.
"But I feel it at other times, too." Brad added.
"Right, like, uh, when you have a Spanish test or, uh, have to give a presentation in History class." His dad nodded.
"Stress can exacerbate abdominal pain." I spoke up, trying to defend Brad.
"Please, doctor, don't encourage him." Brad's dad shook his head. "He's just faking so he could miss school."
"I am not." Brad insisted.
"Abdomen's soft, non-tender, not rigid." Alex told Arizona. "Bowel sounds are good."
"Still, I'd like to cover all the bases." Arizona told us. "Dr. Karev, how would you proceed?"
"We could try a triple-contrast CT." Alex suggested.
"Do it." Arizona nodded.
"Brad, this is gonna cost us thousands of dollars, and insurance only covers part of it." The dad spoke up again. "You- You know that, right?"
"I'm not faking it." Brad told his parents. "I- I'm not faking it, Dad. I swear."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"What about that?" Alex pointed at one of Brad's scans as he, Arizona, and I reviewed them. "That spot- see it?"
"Oh. That was lint." Arizona picked it off the scan.
"It doesn't make sense." Alex shook his head. "I mean, no kid wants to be the loser missing class to go to the hospital. I don't care how lame you are."
"I loved the hospital when I was a kid." Arizona told us. "No school, lots of cool medical supplies to play with and... Okay, yeah. So let's go over it again."
"He presented with severe but intermittent abdominal pain, no discernable pattern." Alex listed off.
"Labs were normal. No fever." I added.
"Soft abdomen on exam." Alex sighed.
"We're missing something." Arizona shook her head.
"Chronic mesenteric ischemia?" Alex suggested, his eyes widening at the idea.
"Ah." Arizona nodded. "I mean, it's a stretch for a kid, but if he had vascular problems-"
"No, it fits all the symptoms, and it doesn't show up on the scans." Alex cut her off.
"Yeah, but the problem is, the only way to get an accurate diagnosis is to run an exploratory laparoscopy." I posted out.
"So?" Alex shrugged.
"Brad's father didn't want us to run a CT." Arizona reminded him. "You really think he's gonna agree to exploratory surgery?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"No. Just no." Brad's father shook his head after Arizona had explained our theory and the best plan of action for his son. "You are not cutting open our son with no evidence that there's anything even wrong-"
"Dad-" Brad began.
"Jim-" Brad's mother tried, too.
"No!" He cut them off. "Listen to me, that is thousands of dollars we're talking about, on what, a hunch, huh? He's got nervous stomach and crappy grades. That's it. I hated school, too, Brad. Okay? I got it. Your mother and I, we have jobs and we got to them. You have school. That's your job. No surgery. It's insane. Just- no. No."
"You think it's right for them to take him home?" Arizona turned to Alex and I after Brad's parents had left the room.
"It isn't." Brad answered.
"Shh. Brad, I'm teaching." Arizona told him before looking back at Alex and I. "You think he's faking?"
"No." Alex shook his head.
"What are you gonna do?" Arizona raised a brow at him.
"I'd like to push his dad's face into a wall." Alex spoke bluntly before glancing at Brad. "No offense."
"Yeah, no." Brad grinned. "That- That'd be good."
"Well, barring physical violence, what are you gonna do?" Arizona tried again. "This is Peds. Your patients can't advocate for themselves. So in addition to surgery, a big part of the job is advocating for them. You think you can do that?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Yes, this is exploratory surgery, and, yes, Brad's scans look clean." Alex told Brad's parents as we spoke to them again, Arizona having him take the lead. "But if we're right, if he has mesenteric ischemia and you take him home, the blood flow to his intestine will slowly stop, killing the tissue, causing Brad to become septic, forcing his body into such intense shock that by the time you realize what's happening and you call an ambulance, the chance of Brad getting back to the hospital alive is next to zero. You think he's faking. I get that. So the only real question is, how sure are you? How sure?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"These loops of bowel look clean, too." Arizona noted during Brad's surgery. "Nothing."
"Nothing." Alex shook his head. "Crap. I bullied them into totally unnecessary surgery for their kid."
"No, it wasn't unnecessary." Arizona told him. "By not finding anything, we're one step closer to finding out what isn't wrong with Brad, which means we're one step closer to finding what is. At least that's what you're gonna tell his very angry parents."
"Me?" Alex questioned.
"Yeah." Arizona nodded. "You bullied 'em into surgery. You're gonna take the heat. More suction, please."
"BP took a dip." I warned them. "He's getting unstable."
"Bolus him with a liter, and let's get him closed." Arizona told us. "All right. We may not have found the problem, but there's absolutely something wrong here."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Oh. All right." Teddy sighed during the emergency surgery that Brad had been rushed into later that night after he started to crash in the ICU.
"What's going on? How is he?" Arizona questioned as she followed me into the OR, both of us having been paged.
"He's critical." Teddy told us. "He has a ruptured aortic arch dissection. Hardly ever catch them, but Karev here may have worked a little miracle."
"Nice work, Karev." Arizona complimented him.
"Damn it." Teddy swore. "Where the hell is Yang? I need a second set of hands."
"You want us to scrub in?" Arizona offered.
"Dr. Altman, I'm available." Avery spoke up from where he was standing at the side of the OR, already scrubbed in and ready to step in to help.
"She's waiting for Yang." Reed spoke up from where she was standing opposite Alex and Teddy at the operating table.
"Yeah, I know." Avery sighed. "Believe me, I know I'm not Cristina Yang. Okay? You made the perfectly clear today. But if you give me a chance, I have very good hands. I can do this. Okay? I can help."
"Cannulate the femoral artery and vein, and then we're gonna cool him down fast." Teddy sighed as Avery hurried over to the table to stand beside Reed. "We have thirty minutes to complete this repair or this patient is toast."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I am so ready to go and crawl into bed." I rolled my shoulders as I sat down on the bench in front of my cubby, having just finished changing out of my scrubs and back into my jeans and tee shirt.
"Same." Lexie nodded in agreement. Everything went quiet though at the sound of someone clearing their voice, making us look towards the door, finding Derek standing there.
"Hi. I know it's been a long day, and you're all anxious to get home." Derek acknowledged as he looked around at all of us. "But I feel like we got off on the wrong foot this morning. I don't expect to win your trust overnight. But I want each of you to know... you have mine. Which is why I felt it was important to personally come in here and, uh, apologize. I want to clear some things up. I am neither pro nor anti merger. From this point on, everyone has a clean slate. I am not focused on the past."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Dr. Watley?" I closed my eyes at the sound of the familiar voice calling my name as I waited for the elevator. I internally groaned, wishing that I had just taken the stairs. I forced my eyes open once more, turning around to find Avery walking over to me.
"Yes, Dr. Avery?" I asked, trying my best to be polite.
"What's your problem?" He asked me, bluntly. "What's your problem with me?"
"Excuse me?" I frowned at his question, not having expected this. I knew that Lexie was right when she questioned me about it the other day, about how I treated Avery compared to his friends, but I hadn't expected him to confront me about it. It wasn't as though he'd tried to befriend me, we just didn't talk to one another unless we were put on a case together and, outside of work, our paths never crossed.
"What is your problem with me?" He repeated his question. "I've been working here for a few months now and you've hardly said ten words to me. You're fine talking to Percy and Reed, why not me? Why do you act as if I have the plague or something?"
"This is ridiculous." I shook my head, wishing that the elevator doors would open so I could escape him. I was tired and this was not a conversation that I wanted to be having right now. My prayers seemed to be answered as the elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Before I could escape inside, however, Avery moved so he was blocking my way, preventing me from leaving.
"Is it?" He pressed as the doors closed behind him.
"Yes, it is." I nodded, well aware that our voices were slowly growing louder, gaining attention from those close to us, eager to have something new to gossip about. "Now, if you'd excuse me, I'd like to go home now."
"No." He stood his ground. "Not until you answer my question. What is your problem? Why do you seem to hate me more than anyone else that transferred from Mercy West?"
"You wanna know why I don't like you?" I raised a brow at him, feeling my anger and sleep deprivation getting the best of me as my eyes narrowed, no longer caring who heard us. "Because you're Jackson freakin' Avery, okay?! You're some pretty boy who seems to think that he's better than everyone else. You're cocky and, honestly, not even in the top five residents here. So, yes, I don't like you. Now grow the fuck up and quit worrying about what people think about you. Do your damn job, that's what you're here to do."
I shoved past him once I was done and headed towards the stairs, not wanting to stand there for a second longer. As I walked away, I could feel eyes trained on me and couldn't help but glance up. Up above I spotted Derek, Hunt, and Mark watching me as they all leaned against the railing, a mixture of frowns and surprised looks filling their faces, clearly having heard my outburst. I only shook it off and looked away from them, continuing on my way.