Welcome to Broadway, baby.

Ch.21

I've been at Daveed's apartment since the night at the theater. I've worn almost nothing but his clothes. I've tried to lose the thought of him and Anthony together. I've tried to lose the thought Anthony and I. I've tried to just tell myself that this is all a bad dream and I'm going to wake up. I haven't talked to anyone. I'm back where I was three weeks ago. I groan laying back in the bed. "Addie?" A voice calls from outside. I fall silent putting my hand on my small baby bump. "Addie, come on! I know you're in there." Oak yells from outside. I stay quiet walking to the door. I walk past a mirror. I take a second to drink in my appearance. My eyes are a dull blue, my skin seems paler, my hair oily and tangled, my lips dry and cracked. I sigh softly opening the door. Oak looks at me sadly. "Hey." He says softly. "What do you want?" I ask probably a little to harsh. "Uh. It's my turn to come and check on you. We're all worried about you." He says reaching out for my hand. I jerk it back and cower away from him. "Addie, come on. You need to get out of this house. It's not going to change anything." He sighs shaking his head. "This is how I cope. I'm grieving." I say bluntly. "I lost the love of my life and you want me to go on like nothing has happened. I'm not. Nothing is going to go back to normal. He's always going to be missing. He's going to miss everything. And he shouldn't. He should be here." I tell Oak my voice wavering as I start to cry again. "So tell everyone I'm fine but I'm not coming back. Not for a little while. I can't." I say closing the door on Oak. I hear him sigh and lean against the door. "Addie he wouldn't want you to do this."
I sigh shaking my head. "He wouldn't want me to forget him though."
"But he wouldn't want you to shut yourself in his house wallowing in self pity either."
I groan leaning my head against the door. "Bye,Oak." I mumble walking back upstairs. I walk into his office looking around. I take a deep breath my hand protectively on my belly.
"You cut me down to size
And opened up my eyes
Made me realize
What I could not see
And I could write a book
The one they'll say that shook
The world, and then it took
It took it back from me
And I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
And you'll come back to me
Not swallowed in the sea." I sing. My voice raw and scratchy due to not singing in a while. I laugh sadly and think about how much my life has changed in the last few weeks. I sigh shaking my head. "I'm not me without him."