[11:43 p.m. Upstate New York]
[11:43 p.m. Upstate New York]
*shawn*
I sat down on a lounge chair with my guitar in my hand, lightly strumming with my fingers. I sighed as I began to play a melody, bopping my head to the foreign tone.
"I wrote this song called, honest...I think this melody should be the one" I tell Geoff.
"Let me hear some of it" The guys and Geoff says all at once.
"I hate to hurt you, but I got to be honest, I can't give you what you need.
Ooooh
You deserve more than I can promise,
And I'm just tryna
I'm just tryna
Baby I'm just trying to be honest"
I couldn't help but keep thinking about what happened at the cafe. It was the only other thing in my mind st this very moment.
I'm pretty sure it was her, it had to be! Unless It was only my imagination...but it seemed so real I saw her long waves and the way she walked, it was just like her.
I kept strumming and singing that part over and over again, of course my music inspiration comes from the one and only...so she seemed to be on my mind all the time.
I began smiling as I sang the ending of honest, as the guys began clapping their hands. I bow and chuckled.
Just after that, I heard like a thump from outside...i don't think the rest heard it but me, so me being the curious one I am I decided to take a look.
I made my way over to the window which was cracked open I put my eyes out looking from every direction and a second later I see a face pop up, I jumped scared at first until I softened realizing who it was...my heart jumped.
It was delaney.
"D-Delaney..." my voice trailed off into a whisper, her eyes widened and than became into sadness.
"U-uh...I gotta..." before she said the rest she began running, pumping her arms.
I was still in shock, I run over to the cabin door opening it swiftly, running outside in the freezing chill air.
"DELANEY..." I call out as I run towards her, she was running to another cabin not far from mine. I picked up my speed running even faster than ever.
I couldn't help but think of the lyrics from 'I don't even know your name' as i kept running.
"I'm running, I'm searching
And I don't know where to start
I'm dying my love you punched a hole right through my heart
And I won't stop, stop looking
'Till I hold you in my arms
'Cause I'm running, I'm running I'm running"
I chuckle a bit but I snapped back to reality, realizing that Delaney was feet away from me running as well, and i don't think i could stop until I hold her in my arms.
"DELANEY...WAIT PLEASE!" I yell as I see her turn around facing me for only momentarily as I kept running hoping she'd come in my arms, she turned back around running into the cabin and I stopped dead in my tracks feeling upset...I know I could knock on the door but there would be no point...she doesn't want to see me or be with me and I just had to accept that.
She wanted to forget just as much as I did.
***
Today i was leaving, it was the next day and gosh I couldn't keep thinking about what happened last night. I walked back to the cabin and Brian was the only one that knew about my problems with Delaney so he decided to have a "talk" with me.
He told me that i could either be hallucinating because I haven't gotten much sleep because I've been singing in the studio and writing instead. I kind of hope it was just a hallucination so I could know that she still wanted to at least be friends with me.
"It's been a fun trip guys" Matt said aloud as we pack up the rest of our bags, and I must say I'm going to miss this to what I call 'the clubhouse' it was an amazing studio and had bunk beds. It was actually really nice on the inside and gave me such a great vibe. I knew I was going to come back.
"Yeah, sadly we have to head back but hey! I'm missing the commotion back at home" Ian said and we all agreed with him.
As we walked out of the clubhouses door I kept my eyes on the cabin that was a little away across the lake. It made me feel a bit of sadness as my eyes were fixed on it.
"Hey guys I'll be back...uh I have to use the bathroom" I lie, I didn't want to do this but something deep down inside of me told me to.
So I ran to the cabin across the street to where I'm pretty sure Delaney is at right now. There were 5 windows in total so I looked through all of them to only see emptiness except for furniture, of course.
A pang of sadness once again went through me and I trudged my way back to the guys and the Jeep...maybe Brian was right, I was hallucinating, to think she'd ever come up here and see me.
We began driving down the long road back up to canada, it was only 10:00 in the morning, we wanted to get a earlier start i should say.
"So how was it...you got to write what? Like 5 songs and get the studio version of it...how's that?" Geoff said as we got into the car, Geoff took a bus here the other day to come down once I told him about the studio here and he said he'd talk to Andrew (my manager) about if we can get into the studio once it gets warmer outside.
"It was great, I loved getting those songs sung and off my chest" I told him, it honestly made me feel better when I got the words I couldn't seem to get out from talking off of me by well...singing.
"That's great!" He said and after that no one talked much in the car, we were all tired...I was probably the most tired I got 4 hours of sleep last night, I couldn't stop thinking about...her. In a matter of fact I haven't gotten much sleep since I've gotten here, but I guess it was okay because I got to sing in the studio.
I wasn't driving because I was the most tired and Geoff decided I should get some rest and I decided it would be a good idea until I realized I should text Riley.
I lied to Delaney when I said I was dating her, I just wanted to see what her reaction would be...but I do plan on dating Riley.
Me:
Hey Riley, I forgot to tell you I left to go back to Toronto.
Almost instantly I got a reply out of her.
Riley:
Oh! That's okay I left yesterday night so I'm home now, maybe we could hang out later, my best friends throwing a party
Me:
Sure, that'd be great, what time?
Riley:
It Starts at 8
Me:
Okay would it be okay if I picked you up
Riley:
I guess so, I'll give you directions to her house once your here.
Me:
Okay can't wait :)
Riley:
:)
I shut off my phone after that, this is what I needed, I needed to go to this party with Riley to get my mind off of things. I could already sense it would be great.
***
Later that night, I got ready and began driving over to Riley's, she gave me her address so I could pick her up. She lived about 35' minutes from me which wasn't entirely far.
I drove into her driveway, her house wasn't big nor small, it was a medium sized house kind of like mom but one story.
I got out of my jeep and went up to her door knocking on the door. She opened up with her hair curled and tall black heels with a black two piece outfit, with a black pencil skirt type of outfit and a low cut black top to match it. I wasn't going to lie, she looked hot...like extremely hot.
"Wow..." I say stunned.
"Wow to you to" she winked and I chuckled as we walked into my Jeep. She sat in the passengers seat and I couldn't help but keep looking at her and thinking thoughts that I shouldn't be thinking about.
We got to her friends house and there was music bopping from outside loudly, I sighed as I opened the door for Riley.
"Ready?" I tell her and she nodded her head as we walked inside, already there were tons of people drunk or high and dancing.
"Do you drink?" I yell over the music.
"Yeah" she yelled back and I nodded my head as we walked hand and hand to wear the alcohol was and I grabbed 5 shots and downed them, along as her.
I kept drinking until I got Delaney four of my mind for good, this is why I decided to go to this party...to get mind off of someone.
I drank until I was fully, tipsy and drunk and I couldn't even think straight. I couldn't lie I hated the feeling of the burning sensation of the alcohol gliding down my throats but I got used to it and ignored it.
"Wanna dance?" I smirk at her and she nodded her head, she wasn't as drunk as me. I was to the point where I couldn't even think.
Some upbeat club music came on and I danced with Riley, we began grinding on each other and it got to the point to where it was really heated.
"Wanna go up to a room" I whisper my alcoholic breath into her ear.
"Yeah" she whispered as we ran up the stairs and went to the nearest bedroom there was and I hurriedly locked the door.
I got up in front of her immediately removing her clothes and vice versa. I was so desperate for lust...it was the only way I could forget and the only way I could seem to fulfill my drunken needs.
I knew tonight was going to be a great night when I began taking her clothes off.
2/17/17
9:20
Happy birthday to ed!!! I love him so much and he's such a great artist, beautiful music and beautiful lyrics, wow.