Was I truly ready? It wasn't something I decided just on a whim. But yet, I feel it is not the moment yet...
I can't help shivering when I think about Ishval... The only words and memories from my brother made me nearly live it. Well, somehow, it wasn't actually all wrong. I did suffer because of Ishval. This civil war took my brother away during what seemed an eternity, and when he came back, he wasn't even Roy anymore. It was another person. Way more ambitious, dark and sad. I surprised myself to hate him at this moment. I hated what war did to him, this look in his eyes...! I despised him so much!!! However, what I hated the most was this war, who abducted my dear, dear brother, the only family I had left!
After that, he learnt how to smile again, but he never was the same anymore. There would always be a glint of sadness in his eyes... Roy repeated again and again he would be Führer, he would do it!! And I told him I believed in him...
Of course, I support my brother! But he was... off... Nowadays, he's still the same. That guy who seems an idiot but who has more secrets, pain and thoughts that you can even imagine. Except for me though. The only thing normal with our relationship was the fact he told me everything. But when I say everything, it's literally everything. Good or bad... Let me give you two examples of what I say....
The good type of discussion:
-Karen, I have something important to ask you.
-What is it?
-Do you think I should try to be nicer with my men so they'll be even more loyal?
-Um.... Are they not already? Well, I must state ou act like a jerk with them,...
The other type:
-Karen!! Help me!!
-What's wrong Roy?
-I'm in the bathroom and I don't have toilet paper anymore!!!!
-......
And so you discovered what we talk about with my brother....
However, that's not the point I wanted to discuss. We were on whether being a state alchemist or not.
I already admitted I was scared of war, but on the other hand, belonging to the state would give me better access to confidential documents and data. I will also be able to do more things, I'll have more rights and will be able to help more people without being see as a criminal. It may seem nothing, but it would actually be a great advantage... The only fact is war, but who says there will be war during my life? Maybe Amestris will be in peace for once? It's fifty fifty...
However, what really made me take this choice was Kayal. And the entire Yousewel village in fact. Their situation was caused by the army, by stupid militaries. If I am a state alchemist, I hope I'd be somehow able to cease those nonsense...
I want to help people. I want power, greater power than I already have. I need a pocket watch.
-Karen Mustang-