"We'll miss you," Niall says, sitting across from me at the burger joint we were all at earlier this summer. I send him a sad smile, remaining quiet in my seat between Harry and Myra. My head leans against Harry's shoulder, my body fatigued in a way. His strong shoulder isn't a good place to rest my head, but just the fact it's him is fine with me.
"Yeah. I mean, who the fuck are we going to tease about being soft? Liam?" Louis scoffs, shaking his head. "No way. That's too easy." My grin widens in amusement as the table noticeably agrees.
In return, Liam sighs and rolls his eyes when he focused his glance in Louis's direction. He then turns to me, soft, calm, and kind voice insisting, "We will miss you, Alexis. You were great to be around."
"You, too, Liam. I'll miss all of you guys, really," I assure, certain that nothing will be truer than that statement. Of course, other than the fact that I will miss someone else at this table a lot more than the rest. But, I choose not to think about it right now.
"You know, this might've been one of the best summers I've had. Not just because of Alexis, but because it genuinely was pretty amazing," Liam says, voice mindful and thoughtful.
Zayn, who hadn't been saying much, interjects, "There are only so many summers that will be like this one. Soon enough, we'll be senior citizens with countless hip replacements."
"Jesus, don't talk about aging. It's terrible for my stress," Myra exasperates amusingly.
"Doesn't stress cause fast aging?" Zayn asks, thick, dark eyebrows furrowing in deep thought, hazel eyes focused on the fizzling of his beverage. He sips on his straw, seeming concentrated on his cup than anything else.
"I don't fucking know," Myra remarks with a shrug, reaching over to the middle of the table where we have fries and wings arranged from barbecue to buffalo to sweet. She grabs a seasoned fry, quickly smacking away Niall's intrusive hand with a warning glance before he can take any from her plate.
My hand reaches onto Harry's lap, where his hands rest folded together. He hasn't said much at all, but I'm sure it deals with the reality of my departure. What it really means. And I've been avoiding it. However, my small hand, in comparison to his, slips between his joined hands, and I grab one to hold. I feel him lean back into his seat on the booth, hearing him sigh to himself.
Nobody says anything else for a while.
"We should do something...one last time. Before Alexis has to go," Louis suggests.
"Like what? Wanna...steal a car? Try some drugs? Sacrifice our most treasured belongings so we can sell our souls to the Devil for money and fame in return?" Myra surveys us, glancing across the now silenced, and slightly confused table.
"Uh..no?" Louis isn't even sure of himself, but he stares at her for a couple of seconds before we move on from her odd suggestions. "Let's put her name on the tree by the woods."
"A tree? Sounds like this is an initiation to a cult. Sounds fun," I joke.
Louis is stolid, unfazed, and not amused whatsoever. "Who told her about the cult, guys?!" He suddenly plays along, rolling his eyes. "But honestly, can I be taken seriously right now? Or is that too hard?"
"We're sorry," Niall laughs. "Your seriousness and actual sense of maturity only comes up on rare occasions. So it's hard to differentiate."
"Why did you sound like your vocabulary is actually quite astonishingly large for the brain of a Niall?" Liam asks him. "You usually sound like you're an uneducated twat."
"Shut up, I'm educated!"
"Nah, you're pretty stupid," Liam continues, the table watching their back and forth.
"Well...well..." Niall stammers. "You're stupider!"
"Uneducated" Liam says teasingly slow.
"You failed geography."
"You failed seventh year math. Twice."
"You failed at life!"
"That is true!"
"Ha!"
Zayn interrupts them. "So is this completely pointless conversation over yet? Or do you guys need like three days to sort this extremely difficult issue?"
"The three days, for sure," Liam remarks.
"Okay, anyway," Louis mutters, annoyed now with how everyone isn't giving him their undivided attention. "Are we doing the tree thing?"
"Yes," Harry suddenly speaks up. He looks down at me, our eyes locking. And even though I know what he's thinking, and he knows what I'm thinking, he manages to tease, "You'll have to give yourself the most aggravating splinter ever to be apart of our cult."
"Ouch," I grimace playfully. Louis groans, and the table laughs in return.
"Who's soft now, mate?" Liam snorts.
. . .
I didn't care to fold everything I packed. My eyes felt dried and uncomfortable, painful even, and to try and resist the urge to fall asleep was extremely strenuous. But for some time, I managed and as I was zipping the red luggage bag, I heard a knock on the bedroom door. "Come in," I call with little effort, even exerting my voice was an intricate procedure for my body.
Nonna walks in. Her graying hair tied messily away from her face, tired eyes glancing around the neat bedroom. The one with the flowery wallpaper and now a bare mattress. My last day here was inexplicably emotional, but there were so many feelings tied in that an oversimplification would be a rude adaptation of the day.
Leaving Nonna and her risky, unpredictable, and at times dark, humor was incredibly hard to do. She wasn't a woman who involved herself much with others in a way that was more profoundly significant than an acquaintance. In turn, all I could think about was how lonely she was going to be on her own. I have higher hopes than I should that she'll want to move with us.
"You know, this whole thing you're doing...leaving. You don't have to do it," she says out of nowhere, sitting down next to the closed, zipped luggage bag. She sits on one side of it, while I occupy the other, my tired body lazily falling backwards. Curly strands of my hair fall to my face, and I can't even be bothered to push them away.
I scoff, managing a smile. "You know I have to. You just don't know how to tell me that you're going to miss me."
It's her turn to scoff. "Yeah right!" She huffs loudly, lying on her back as well. Our heads inches away, bodies lying perpendicular to one another. "Maybe I'll miss you," she then adds quietly.
My smile widens. "Yes, you will. And you know what? I'll miss you, too."
"I knew that," she remarks, and we're both aimlessly staring at the ceiling with hopes of freezing the time, so we won't have to get up eventually. Her driving me for an hour to the nearest airport while I'm sleeping through most of the drive. The radio playing softly, but the winds flowing through the lowered car windows drowning the sound of the music. I could see it now.
"Harry's outside," she then mentions. "He's been there for a while. It's breaking my cold, steel heart seeing him there."
The smile I wore seconds ago deflates like a balloon losing air. That was the part. The goodbye. Dreadful, exhausting, dull, painful, and aggressive heartache. I took the risk of actually getting to know someone, and then proceeding to love him. To adore whatever habits, quirks and idiosyncrasies he has. Damn. It's that hard to leave someone you just can't knock out of your restless mind and your figurative heart?
"Go downstairs and talk to the boy. Don't make me kick yours and his ass, please. I thought you two were all together again after that day I came back from the fair," Nonna haughtily says, reaching over to tap my arm. "And don't think I didn't know what you two were up to."
My cheeks gradually flush a light pink color, eyes rolling back as I feel the bed shift. She stands to her feet and gives me one last warning glance. I don't know why I was so reluctant to speak with him. Scratch that -- I knew why; I didn't want to face him purely because I knew I was going to get emotional. And when I get emotional, everything simply goes downhill.
I slip into my sandals and eventually head down the stairs, pausing as I grip the doorknob to the front door. My lips part, and I inhale deeply with my eyes squeezed shut. It was hard to face him, because unfortunately, for me, I hated goodbyes. They were either always awkward, or always sickly emotional. Or both. But I don't have good experiences with any of them. There were never any good goodbyes.
Twisting the knob, I push the door forward and shut it behind me, glancing around to see him sitting on the front porch stairs. Then I see his truck parked across the street. Again, I look to him. My footsteps creak against the old wood, and instantly he turns his head to see me.
"You've been sitting out here for...how long?" I ask softly, joining him on the stairs before he can even begin to stand up. I'm tired, and standing on my feet is sickly and nauseating, especially with the hurt I'm trying so hard to cover up.
He shrugs, not bothering to say anything. He slouches, leaning his elbows onto his thighs and joining his palms, fingers touching his lips. Eyes watching the lonely, dull street ahead with little streetlights on this time at night.
I wish he wasn't so quiet. I blinked and averted my eyes to the old, wooden steps. My hands reach up to my face, stroking my hair away from my face and behind my ears. I let my eyes wander to his face again, to see him still frozen in his previous position. I'm saddened by the lack of conversation, but I know there isn't much left to say anymore. We've already said enough.
"Let's run away," I suggest bluntly, suddenly.
Harry glances at me quickly, managing a soft, humorless chuckle. "Right," he whispers lowly, moving his hands away from his lips and letting them rest on his thighs.
My hopeful eyes slowly lose their luster at his lack of response. "I really.." I start off softly, bringing my hands together tightly, posture slouching when I exhale a long breath. "I love you.."
He breathes deeply, finally turning to look at me fully. I'm allowed a few seconds to register him leaning forward, big hands over my cheeks and forcing our lips to touch. Heartfelt, deep, and painful kiss. I drop my hands to his shoulder, and with his strength, he effortlessly pulls me into him, swinging an arm around my waist. We're standing seconds later, lips joined in a hard, long kiss that we have to interrupt, the need for air having grown too persistent.
A bit breathless, he presses one last kiss just on the beauty mark above my lips. His nose brushes against my cheek, and my closed eyes squeeze a tiny bit. I hear him mutter that he loves me back, and then both of his arms wrap around me, pulling me tight to his body. I'm drained, feeling like absolute hell. My head finds his shoulder, fingers fiddling with the fabric of his red tee.
"One more year?" He asks suddenly. "Is that how long I need to be able to see you again?"
I pull away from him slightly, leaning my head away to be able to look up at him. My eyebrows furrow, big brown eyes glossy and stinging. "Harry...I don't know. I don't know if I'm going to be coming back.."
He gulps and blinks rapidly, looking down at me like there's sunlight in his eyes when really there were just a little short of tears. "I forgot...you've got a future to get to," he says quietly. "I hope you become an archaeologist."
I manage a sad smile. "To be honest...I don't even know if that's what I want anymore," I confess, my small hands cupping his cheeks. "I know you'll get out of here. I know it seems like this is a place that if you don't leave while you're young, you never will...and I just know you'll get to do what you want the most."
"I can't," he says in a breath, blowing air from his lips. "If I leave, I leave Max. My dad. I can't do what my mum did to us. There's a sacrifice I have to make."
"It doesn't have to be that way," I insist, feeling my chest tighten. "It doesn't," I add softly.
"It does," he responds stubbornly. "That's just the way it is. I don't have the money, or the resources in general. It's just...life."
My eyebrows furrow deeply, lips pursing and tearful eyes awaiting to cry. "No?" I'm suddenly a bit angry, channeling the strong feelings through my words. "One more year," I then assert.
Harry watches me, a little hopeless. A lot despaired. "You don't know that. You said it yourself a minute ago."
"One more year," I firmly repeat.
Nonna's voice interrupts our tension, shouting from inside, "Alexis! We're going to be late! Come grab your things!" Our heads turn to the door, both of us pausing for a second. Seems like each one is more desperate than the last.
I turn back to look at him, and he reciprocates. "Alexis..."
"I love you. I need you to stop saying negative things. It's true, I don't know anything about anything that can happen. But I have a lot of hope, and maybe, we'll see each other again."
"When? Ten years from now?" Harry remarks. "I can't deal with false hope anymore. I'm all out of that."
"It's better than nothing," I painfully insist.
In those last few moments, a loud crash airs from inside the house. Our heads turn quickly, hearts racing. I push the front door open, Harry following behind me. There's a few seconds of absolute silence, where there's time for the horror to seep its way into my mind and out through my body.
"Nonna!?"
n. one last chapter to go! it's been a really long time, I understand. But there were things I had to take care of and various issues. But I'm getting back on the road. Updating again in a few hours since I already had most of the next chapter written! Thank you so much for being there! - Zeff.