xxii. Blame

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n. long long time I don't update. and i'm so sorry, my mind was so backed up with this storyline. but i'm updating the last few chapters of this story.


We sit in his truck, the humming of his old truck engine slipping between the silence that fills between us like liquid. Occasionally, he'll look towards me and open his mouth to say something, but knowing it won't work, he closes it again.

I had no interest in going to watch Harry do something incredibly dangerous. But, I would rather be there to watch than have to put up with my lucidly horrid thoughts. The tired, old truck comes to a stop when we've arrived at the 'dug out', where everyone's spread out, talking, and drinking. I remember being here with Myra at the very beginning of the summer. It's lost its juvenile rush, and the obvious grimace and dislike on my face makes Harry sigh beside me, tugging the keys away from the ignition.

"I'm not going to get hurt," he insists for the tenth time today.

"Yeah," I murmur beneath my breath, undoing the belt and pushing the door open on my side. My feet hit the dusty ground. Instantly, the laughs and the chatter grow in volume, but they leave me unfazed. I gaze around, trying to look for familiar faces, but I remember I only know a few. Very few.

Moonlight reflects on the various cars parked around. A loud laugh erupts from a group of people, laughing at the one that seems to take the center of attention. The smell of fresh beer and maybe cannabis sits in the air like its meant to. I sigh to myself and cross my arms over my chest.

"Alexis," he tries again.

I gaze at him, lips sitting closed and big eyes casually disinterested. Harry's pale green ones watch me, waiting for my response that doesn't arrive. He knows why I'm here, and it's not because I'm all well too excited about it at all. He parts his plump lips with a need to speak, but gets interrupted by the blonde boy that seems ecstatic this whole thing is happening.

Niall wraps an arm around Harry's shoulder, lazy grin plastered across his face. "Ya ready, man? Ben's talking trash like he knows somethin'."

My indirect anger for Niall remains passive, because I don't want to be rude to him. I don't like his support for this, but then again, everyone here who's nearly peeing themselves to watch gets me a tad bit irritated. I look between the two as Harry grumbles to him about something, and Niall glances at me with his mouth parted into a 'o'. That's when he waves to me and awkwardly departs from us after patting Harry's back.

He watches me as I rub my hands down my arms, feeling chills down my back. It's a colder night than usual. I don't understand why he thinks repeating himself will make me grin and utterly support this whole battle of the egos, but what can I do? He wants to do it, and I in no way, shape or form can control his decisions. Unless he'd listen to me and avoid getting into a car wreck. My negative outlook becomes annoying, but it's all I can think about.

"You've watched me before," he states, placing his hand on the truck and leaning onto it just beside me. "And you weren't...this paranoid."

"Paranoid...!?" I sputter, shaking my head and sighing irritatingly. "Harry, that was different and you know it. You weren't going up against this idiot, and we didn't even know each other very well."

Harry uses his other hand to rub over his eyes in slight distress. "I'm not going to change my mind, okay? This isn't about us, it's between him and I."

I don't respond to him, figuring that if he won't change his mind, why bother trying to. My arms hug my body tightly in attempt to conserve warmth, but Harry opens the truck door and grabs one of his sweatshirts. He holds it out to me, and I take it thankfully, not in the mood to keep arguing. Once I've got it around my body, he goes to grab my hand, entwining our fingers and pulling me through the crowds.

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