A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR FAMS! MAY 2016 ROT IN A BIN!
Phil's POV
5:36 am.
The small, digital clock shone mockingly at me in the darkness. Dan's deep breaths indicated that he was fast asleep, but I hadn't been so lucky; I had reached the stage of exhaustion where I couldn't even sleep. I ended up crawling into bed with Dan around midnight. He woke up for a moment, just to see who I was, then went back to sleep. My situation was a bit more complicated.
My depression had been at bay for the past few months, but I could feel it coming back. It was almost unnoticeable, like water seeping through a crack in in the pavement. But overtime the water would freeze and melt again and again, and suddenly the small crack would grow into a chasm.
Sighing tiredly, I gently brushed a strand of hair out of Dan's eyes. It was amazing how much more vulnerable someone could look when asleep; it was hard to believe Dan had ever been a cold, stuck up person; not when he looked so much like a child.
Scooting a bit closer to Dan, I closed my eyes again, hoping to possibly pass out from exhaustion. Finally, I fell asleep.
...
A gentle stirring next to me woke me up.
"Morning," Dan mumbled, yawning.
I grunted in response, keeping my eyes shut. My three-hour nap felt more like five minutes, leaving me in that stage of unsatisfied grogginess.
"When did you get in here anyway?" Dan asked, cupping my cheek lightly.
"Wow, you really were tired," I muttered. "It was 'round midnight."
Dan hummed in acknowledgment. "And uh, how much sleep did you get?"
I managed to pry one of my eyes open. Dan was looking at me with concern, his hair a curly mess on his head.
"Not enough."
Dan sighed. "Do you wanna go to a doctor? Get some sleeping meds? If your having this much trouble falling asleep, something's probably wrong..."
I groaned, burying my face in my pillow. "We'll discuss it later."
Dan sighed, but dropped the subject. "So what do you want to do today?" He asked, grabbing my hand. "I think Ben from the year above us is having a New Year's Eve party... We could go to that."
I shrugged. "Maybe we could just stay here? I mean if you really want to go, I will, but I'm not a big fan of parties."
"Of course we can stay here," Dan smiled, wrapping an arm around me.
"So...movie marathon until midnight?"
Dan laughed warmly. "Movie marathon until midnight."
Dan's POV
Phil wasn't okay, that was clear enough. The signs had started off small, but now they were much more blatant: his unusual change in emotions had morphed into full blown mood swings, what started off as a bad sleeping pattern had turned into severe sleep deprivation, his appetite had depleted and he was losing weight from his already-skinny frame. I could tell he was trying to act fine, that much was obvious in his plastic smile and chirpy tone.
I had been waiting for the right moment to bring all this up, but I eventually realized that there was no such thing as "the right moment", so now would have to do.
"Phil?" I sat up, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders.
"Yeah?" Phil paused the movie we were watching, turning his full attention to me.
"I um..." I paused, unsure where to start. Last time I brought this topic up; Phil had gotten pretty upset... I didn't want us to get into another argument. "I'm worried about you."
Phil stared silently down at his hands, so I continued to talk.
"You're not eating as much, you're having serious sleeping issues, you just never seem truly happy anymore. Even when you have a genuine smile on your face, it's like you still have an overpowering sadness just looming over you."
Phil said nothing, sniffling slightly.
"Phil?"
Silence.
"Phil, babe?" Cautiously, I hooked a finger under Phil's chin, making him look up at me.
His expression was blank, yet a steady stream of tears poured down his cheek.
I gasped. "Phil..."
"I-I don't know what's wrong Dan," Phil croaked as he began to sob. "I thought I was fine but then I started feeling numb again and it's like-I feel like my depression might be coming back but I don't know. What if I'm just imagining it? What if I thought about it so much I'm some how self diagnosing myself and making it come back?! Why can't-"
"Shhh," I pulled Phil into a tight hug, which he willingly accepted.
"Phil, listen to me," I spoke softly into his ear. "If you're worried that you're self-diagnosing, chances are you aren't. And even if it is coming back, you have me now. I may not understand what you feel all the time, but I'll help you get through it."
Phil sobbed harder, burying his face into the crook of my neck.
"It's okay, you'll make it through whatever life throws at you," I did my best to comfort Phil, whispering encouragements and rubbing circles on his back. "I love you, okay? I'll always love you, and I need you to tell me if you need help, understand?"
Phil nodded, pulling away from me. "Yeah, thanks."
I smiled softly, cupping Phil's face and using my thumb to wipe the tears off his cheek.
We lay back down on the couch, Phil still sniffling occasionally.
"Feel any better?" I asked Phil, but there was no response. Phil had fallen asleep.
I smiled, using my free arm to pull a blanket over the both of us.
...
"Dan, your father and I are leaving, are you sure you two don't want to come with us?" My mum asked, grabbing her jacket. My parents were on their way to a neighbor's New Year's Eve party, something I had no interest in.
"Nah, we'll stay here, tell everyone I said hi." I muttered, concentrating on the video game I was playing with Phil. (He was winning.)
"Okay, but don't you two get up to anything, understand?"
I blushed slightly, understanding exactly what she meant. "Yes Mum..."
"Good, now you boys have fun, and leave some food in the fridge for us!"
"Yes ma'am," Phil and I replied in synch.
My parents closed the door behind them, allowing me the opportunity to swear loudly when Phil beat me.
"You should have seen that coming," He smirked, tossing the controller on the couch.
"Shut up," I muttered, lying down across his lap. "What do you want to do tonight?" I asked, poking his cheek.
Phil shrugged. "Isn't there some sort of New Years program on?" He picked up the remote, flicking through the channels until he found a live broadcasting from London.
"You can see some of the fireworks from my room, we could watch those too." I suggested.
Phil nodded, absentmindedly running his fingers through my hair.
"Until then...I have some vodka in my room," I smirked.
"Dan, your parents are going to be home in like three hours, I think they would notice if their son was full-out wasted."
I rolled my eyes. "Who says I'd get wasted? Maybe just a bit tipsy..."
"Dan."
I sighed, clearly defeated. "Fine. What do you suggest we do then? There's still an hour to the new year."
Phil shrugged.
"We could play spin the bottle," I suggested, nudging Phil in the side.
He laughed, rolling his eyes. "Real cute."
We fell into a brief moment of silence, both thinking. Finally, I got it. "Phil, c'mon."
I jumped up, grabbing his hand and pulling him behind me.
We stopped walking once we reached the bathroom window, which I flung open. Using the near by tree branches, I climbed out of the window, making my way to the roof.
Phil hesitated. "Dan, are you sure this is safe?"
"Phil, Phil, Phil..." I sighed, shaking my head. "the question is not 'is it safe' but rather, 'do we care?'"
Phil laughed and rolled his eyes, following after me.
We made our way onto the roof, climbing up to the top and finding a spot to lying down.
"Do you have your phone?" I asked.
Phil nodded, pulling it out.
"Open the world clock."
Phil did as I said, laying it next to us.
We began talking as the minutes to the New Year ticked down, discussing things we hoped to change about ourselves, and how the way we celebrate the Earth revolving around the sun was quite funny. Finally, the time had come.
"Phil, it's down to a minute!" I grinned excitedly, sitting up.
We began chanting the seconds, getting louder and louder.
"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three two, one! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Fireworks in all directions suddenly accompanied our lone voices. Phil looked in awe at the sight, the colors reflecting in his eyes.
"Phil!" I grinned, calling his name over the distant ruckus.
He turned his head, only to be immediately knocked over as I dove towards him, meeting his lips in a kiss. I smiled slightly, and felt him do the same. We pulled away for a moment, laughing quietly before re-connecting our lips.
In that moment, we lived in our own secluded world, and all that mattered was us.
A/N: I went from updating ever two weeks, and it taking me several days to write a chapter to updating almost weekly and writing a chapter all in one night, go me.