Chapter 28
I had no idea how long I had been asleep but I woke feeling very tender indeed. I was weak as a kitten and exhausted but something in the back of my mind, probably the mothering instinct, just keep niggling away at me to wake and take care of the baby.
"Liam?" I murmured my eyes struggling to open.
"Hey beautiful, you should get some more rest," Liam said I felt him stroking my hair.
"Where's our baby?" I whispered.
"She hasn't been brought down yet," he said. Passing me a straw so I could sip some water. It felt so refreshing.
"Tell me," I said after I drank. "You promised you would tell me everything the doctors tell you, remember?"
"Yes, but you need to rest, she is fine," he said.
"Liam..." I whined.
He sighed, "Ok fine but don't worry....she had a little bit of a problem breathing because she is so tired from the labour but they said she ok. She is just on some oxygen and she went to the toilet inside the womb and might have got some infected water in lungs that could cause an infection. So she has been given antibiotics and is being observed," he explained.
"Oh god I am useless," I said bursting into tears. "Our baby ill because I couldn't get her out!"
"No," Liam said. "Don't say that."
"I'm a terrible mother, she deserves better," I said heartbroken.
"Shhh come on don't cry, you did brilliantly. You're a wonderful mother, everyone says that. You have just been through a lot it was a long labour and you have had major surgery on your abdomen, you are bound to be feeling sore, tired and weepy," he said.
"I wanna go home," I said.
"You can't go home yet darling," he said.
"Why won't you take me home?" I asked totally confused.
"You are too poorly to go home yet," he said stroking my hair.
"Please take me home," I said sobbing and confused.
"She is not making any sense," Liam said to someone.
"That will be the drugs and exhaustion," I heard Tyson say.
"Where is Tyson?" I asked.
"Here," Tyson said coming over towards me as I opened my eyes a bit to see him. My eyes felt like they were on fire.
"The light," I said.
Someone turned it off.
"Hi Shan, congratulations," Tyson said softly.
"Tyson take me home," I pleaded.
"I can't babe, you're all cut opened and stapled up. You'll get blood on the couch and scare the boys," he said. "You know they hate to see Mummy ill."
"Oh," I said trying to think about things rationally. He was right.
"Is he ok?" I asked.
"Yes he is, he was just worried about you two which is understandable," Tyson said.
"I worry about him," I said.
"Yeah I know you do," Tyson said ruffling my hair.
"I am here you know, you two," Liam said.
I smiled weakly and Tyson laughed.
"I can't believe you are smiling after everything you have been through," Liam said.
"Cos I love you," I said.
"I love you too," he said leaning to kiss me. "Now go back to sleep please."
I closed my eyes and was out for the count.
Eventually sometime later my mind woke me again searching for the baby.
"Where is the baby?" I asked.
Liam came over. "She is still in the baby unit being monitored. She is coming down soon," he said. "Do you feel better?"
"Yeah still a bit woozy, sorry about before," I said remembering my little crying session.
"It is ok," Liam said but I felt guilty and tried to think of something to lighten the situation.
"Tyson?" I said.
"Yeah?" Tyson answered.
"Frog?" I said.
"Hahahaha we couldn't find it but then my mum was sat having a cup of tea and it jumped across the room and frightened the life out of her. Joe caught it and took it outside," he said. "He is well proud of himself."
"Marvin?" I asked smiling as I imagines Joe's excited and proud face.
"My dad grounded him," he said.
I laughed gently but I could feel the strange sensation of the injury left from the surgery which was being masked by drugs.
"Grounded, how is he taking it?" I asked.
"Joe went kick boxing training and he didn't so he called my dad a 'wanker' and now his pocket money is being docked 10p every time he swears," Tyson said amused.
"Oh god," I said. "He called Bob a wanker!"
"He is just playing up to test you and Liam, plus with moving house and having a dad now he is trying to take it all in and acting up," Tyson said.
"Yeah I suppose so," I said.
"He'll settle," Liam said.
"I hope so," I replied.
A nurse walked in.
"They are bringing the baby down now," she said. "Get your camera ready."
A rush of adrenaline hit me and I was wide awake.
Liam smiled at me and gave me a wink. I looked towards the door as I heard the rolling of the trolley wheels bringing our baby to us.
"Here we go, Mummy and Daddy," a nurse said as she pushed a baby into the room swaddled in blankets. "She is fine just tired from the journey. Who wants first hold?" she asked.
Liam looked at me.
"My arms are too weak and full of tubes," I told him. "You take her Daddy," I said with a smile.
The nurse looked at me and smiled understanding my predicament. "I tell you what you sit with Mummy and I will bring her over to you Daddy that way you can both see her and Mummy can reach over and touch her," she said.
Liam perched on the edge of the bed and the nurse carried over the bundle. I still couldn't see a baby in there. She handed the bundle to Liam who stood to take her properly, gently moving his arms to cradle the tiny bundle securely. I just stared, taking in everything watching Liam's expression of awe as he looked at his daughter, still hidden from me in the blanket as Tyson took pictures.
Liam never took his eyes off her as he sat back down and eventually turned to me. "She is beautiful," he said obviously totally in love with her. He pulled back open the blankets to reveal the most beautiful baby I has ever seen in my entire life. I was in love too.
She had a tiny face like a china doll, she wasn't all squashed up and looking like an old man like some newborns. She was wrinkle free with beautiful skin, dark eyelashes, tiny thin eyebrows, Liam's nose just baby size and cute as button with nostrils so small it was no wonder she couldn't breathe before, how on earth was she breathing through that tiny thing? Her mouth again was her father's just miniature and a baby pout that was to die for. I wanted to kiss her little lips. Her top one like a tiny peak and her bottom one full and open ready for a feed, blush red. Her chin was so tiny compared to her cheeks, which were chubby but not fat. She was snow white.... A tiny little snow white. Pale and beautiful.
"Take her hat off a second," I said to Liam. He did, very gently. Her hair was black and thicker on top like a Mohican. Her ears were tiny and perfect. Definitely a little snow white...
I was just amazed I had made her, she had been inside me, Liam and I had created her through our love. What an amazing thing to be able to do.
I reached out to touch her and she started to cry a little. I pulled my hand back quickly.
"Here," Liam said. Loosening the blankets more and revealing her chubby little arms and chest. He touched her fingers. Her hand was the size of the tip of his finger. She had his shape hands too. The finger nails, everything.
He pulled the blanket open more to see her legs, even though they were bent up in the foetal position the were long and chubby. Her feet were tiny like her hands and her toes were just the cutest thing ever.
Liam stroked her legs gently as she started to whimper and her little mouth opened to reveal a tiny tongue.
"Oh look at her tongue," I said.
"Well there is no chance they got the babies mixed up as that baby couldn't look more like you Bro if she tried," Tyson said.
"I know, it is amazing and not in a egotistical way, it is mind blowing. She is so beautiful and seems familiar. I am so in love with her," Liam said.
"Oooohhh look," Tyson said "She is opening her eyes, talk again Liam." Camera at the ready.
Liam stroked her tiny cheek with the tip of his finger, "Hello Alisha," he said quietly. She opened her eyes, stormy blue new born baby eyes. "Hiya beautiful," he said. He was totally wrapped up in her and I was loving watching him interact with his daughter. I had longed for this from the moment I found out I was expecting her.
He turned to look at me, a look I hadn't seen before. "Thank you," he said leaning his head to the side to kiss me. "You are amazing."
"You made her too," I said. "Well if you go by what she looks like, you would say you did everything, as she has none of me in her and every bit of her is you."
He grinned with pride. "Maybe she will change when she gets older and be more like you," he said.
"Not when a kid looks that much its father," I said. "She is your 'Minnie me'."
"Time for a feed," the nurse said bringing in a bottle. "Sometimes the milk takes a little longer to come in properly after a c section and with the anaesthesia it is best to bottle feed for now."
I nodded.
"You do it," I said to Liam as the adrenaline was rubbing off and I was shattered.
Our daughter whined as I spoke.
"She knows Mummy's voice," the nurse said. "That is her calling for her bottle. She will recognise Daddy too." She left the bottle on the side and left the room.
She had recognised Daddy earlier when she opened her eyes. How cute, how clever... our baby a genius!
"I got your stuff babe, do you want it?" Liam said.
"Yeah, the pop," I said.
"Here put your arm out and take her, you won't drop her she is really light," he said.
I was nervous. I put my arm out and he handed her to me. She was light as a feather. Barely noticeable in my arms. Tyson clicked away as Liam went to get my stuff over the other side of the room.
I stared at her.
"Here we go," he said smiling.
He put a lunch box in front of me it was full of food from Cilla.
"Mmm," I said. "Did you have some?"
"Yeah," he said. "She sent it with Tyson."
"I love Cilla!" I said starving hungry. "Here feed your daughter whilst I try to eat something and build my strength up."
I passed her over to him and he smiled at her as he sat on the edge of bed and took the bottle. Tyson moved around to take a picture.
I was starving so I knew how she was feeling. Liam had her turned to face me so I could watch as he gently slide the bottle in her mouth. She didn't suck. He took it out and squirted a tiny drop on her tongue she started to suck her tongue so he pushed the nipple of the bottle back in and she stopped. He stroked her cheek with his finger and she started sucking, then gulping.
"Crickey I can here the milk hitting the bottom of her belly," he said.
"Yeah me too," Tyson said. His phone bleeped. He looked at the message. "They all say congrats and shit don't she look like Liam."
He had obviously sent them a picture message of her.
Liam smiled proudly and winked at me. "You ok?" he asked.
"Shattered and now the adrenaline is wearing off I may fall unconscious but not before I eat and drink this," I said smiling. "Can you text Cilla and say thank you for the food and I love her?" I asked Tyson.
"Yeah sure," he said.
"Can you open my drink?" I asked him.
"Yeah," he said.
He opened it and passed the can of pop back. I couldn't hold it properly and it hurt my hand.
"What's the matter?" Liam asked.
"Nothing," I said shaking my head.
"Shannon what's the matter?" he said looking at me disapprovingly for hiding things from him again.
"It is just a bit heavy and hurts my hand because of the drip," I mumbled.
"Here," he said to Tyson passing over the baby. Tyson looked a little shocked but then sat back in a chair, fell instantly in love and continued feeding her.
Liam reached over took the can and put it on the side. Then leant towards me.
"Didn't we have an agreement before about not hiding things from each other," he whispered.
I nodded. "Whoops," I said.
He kissed me then walked out of the room and came back a moment later. Walked over to the can and poured some into a plastic cup.
"Water machine outside," he said.
"You are clever," I replied. I guzzled the pop down and passed him the cup back.
"More?" he asked.
I nodded. He half filled the cup again and passed it to me. I drank slower this time.
"Here you go," he said passing me a strawberry from the food Cilla had sent. Then a piece of chocolate.
"You are suppose to be feeding the baby not me," I said smiling.
"Uncle Tyson is on the case," he said looking over at Tyson.
"I am in love man," Tyson said. "You ain't getting her back."
We smiled. Liam picked up the camera and took some shots of Tyson and Alisha whilst I ate. Tyson winded her and she puked on him, Liam caught a picture and Tyson's face was hilarious.
I was full in no time and fighting sleep when the others turned up to visit.
First was Cilla, Bob and Louisa. Cilla brought me a handmade card from the boys which made me teary again. Bob had made me a build up milkshake drink and appointed himself my personal trainer until I felt better. He said he was on guard duty and if I moved out of the bed when I got home he would tie me to it. Liam and Tyson smiled at my future with Bob the Watchdog!
After they left my parents and the rest of my family arrived. My mum cooed over the baby and my dad examined all her little fingers and toes.
Then Rob and Lindsay and their kids. I had fallen asleep through most of it but I heard everyone say how beautiful she was and how there was not an ounce of me in her she was 'all' Liam.
I didn't care, she was perfect and didn't need any of me in her. I was her mummy that was more than enough for me. I was ecstatic.
Liam was so proud it made my heart swell. He was happy for everyone to hold her and show her off. He was content sitting with me on the bed as I leant against him listening to people and then falling to sleep. I would wake momentarily and he would be stroking my hair or holding my hand whilst talking to someone. I felt protected and content with him by my side.
After everyone had left, Liam was left holding the baby literally as I slept. I woke in pain.
"Oh god," I said.
"What is it? Are you on pain?" he asked his eyes scanning over me.
I nodded too terrified to move.
"I'll get the nurse," he said going out into the hall.
"They are coming in a minute?" he said.
A few minutes later a nurse came with my pain killers. Liam looked worried sick and I tried not to show how much discomfort and pain I was in.
A little while later the baby was asleep and I was speaking to the boys on the phone, they were very excited to come see their sister tomorrow.
"Mummy," Joe had said. "Can I hold her because I caught the frog?"
"Yeah so long as you sit down and hold her gently like big brothers do," I said.
"I am going to beat up anyone who touches her," he said. "I tried to beat up the ones who pick on Marvin but they are older than me and him and I keep losing," he said.
I had the phone on loud speaker and Liam and I looked at each other.
"Who picks on Marvin?" I asked.
"Oh no one," Joe said covering up his little slip.
"Joe," Liam said.
"Yes Daddy," Joe answered.
"Answer your mother properly please," Liam said.
He was quiet.
I shook my head.
"Joe," Liam said.
"Yes Daddy," Joe said he sounded scared. I felt terrible I couldn't cuddle him.
"Don't be scared, how about if you tell uncle Tyson about them? He is good at keeping secrets and he knows how to get rid of bullies," Liam said.
"He does?" Joe asked.
"Yeah he used to stick up for me all the time until I learnt to fight back," Liam said.
"He did?" Joe asked.
"Mmm hmm," Liam said, "Why don't you put Marvin on now and go tell Tyson I said to share your secret about bullies."
"Ok," Joe said and shouted for Marvin.
"Hello," Marvin said.
"Hi Marvin," I said.
"Mummy, I'm sorry about the frog and trying to make you kiss it. You don't need a frog you have Daddy and he is your prince, I forgot about that," Marvin said.
I laughed and looked at my Prince sat beside me. He smiled and leant over to kiss me. Now they were not frog lips!
"Mummy when you and Daddy come home can I come sleep with you in your bed?" Marvin asked.
"You have to sleep in your own bed remember, that is what big boys do but if you need a cuddle and are scared you call us and we come give you one till you fall back to sleep again," I said sticking to the rule Liam and I had agreed on to make life easier for all and a routine for the boys.
"Just one time," Marvin pleaded.
"How about we all watch a film in bed together and when you fall asleep we can carry you into bed and tuck your smelly bum in," I said.
He giggled at the smelly bum reference.
"Uncle Tyson fixed my poorly on my arm," he said.
"What did you do?" I asked.
"Fell off the windowsill and banged myself on the corner of the thingy," he said.
"You shouldn't be climbing," I told him.
"I was bored, Granddad took my game off me for calling Louisa a name and kicking her," he said.
"What did you do that for, that is naughty?" I asked.
"Because I wanted the green pop and she made the black, bitches have to learn," Marvin said.
"Marvin," Liam said disapprovingly and trying not to laugh at the 'bitches have to learn' reference.
"Sorry Daddy," Marvin said.
"Do you hear me or uncle Tyson or Granddad Bob talking like that?" he asked.
"No," Marvin answered.
"What would you say if I called Mummy names and kicked her because she made me the wrong pop?" Liam asked.
"Noooo," Marvin said picturing it in his head. He hated anyone near me at the best of times.
"Well then, you don't do it. That is Uncle Tyson's girl," Liam said. "Did you apologise?"
"No," Marvin said and I could just imagine his little face.
"Well you say sorry and give her a belly rub if she wants one," Liam said.
"Yeah, I like doing that," Marvin said. "Do I say sorry to Uncle Tyson too?"
"Do you think you should?" Liam asked.
"Yeah or he will beat me up for picking on his girlfriend," Marvin said.
We giggled quietly.
The baby cried.
"What's that? Marvin said.
"It's your little sister crying," Liam said. "You can't be naughty around her so you have to become a good boy before the doctor lets us bring her home."
"Put her on the phone Daddy, I want to say hi." Marvin said.
"She can't talk yet mate," Liam said.
"Oowwww," Marvin said.
"Hold on Daddy's picking her up," I said.
Alisha cried and Liam held the phone to her.
"Shhhh don't cry little baby sister," Marvin said and started singing, "Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep Alisha, when you wake, I'll be there, go to sleep Alisha."
Her eyes were wide open looking and listening, there was nothing wrong with her sight or hearing I knew that much. She recognised his voice. Clever baby!!
She was quiet. Listening. As Liam and I smiled at each other over the cuteness of Marvin singing and Alisha listening intently to him.
"Is she asleep Mummy?" Marvin asked. "No but she is listening. She needs changing and her bottle so we had better go and sort her out. We will see you tomorrow ok. You be a good boy."
"Ok bye Mummy, bye Daddy, bye little Sister," Marvin said and hung up.
"You will have to change her," I said to Liam as I was in no fit state to be bending over a baby.
"Ok," he said. "What you looking at me like that for? I know how to change a nappy. My parents have had me and Tyson well trained before you and Louisa came along," he said. "I'm an expert!"
I smiled. I suppose they did with all the kids they foster or have fostered over the years.
Liam took 'our daughter' over to the changing station and lay her down. I heard the poppers on the sleep suit come open and she never cried once.
Liam on the other hand, "Good god, that is gross," he said and I laughed. "Seriously it is like tar, and it is everywhere," he said.
I laughed again gently as I lay there helpless.
"What is she doing, she's not crying?" I asked.
"She is just staring at me," he said. "Probably thinking 'ha ha take that Daddy'" he said. "She is loving having the nappy off. She had such a tiny cute round belly, tiny mimsy and bum."
"Really," I said feeling put out that I wasn't able to see.
"Yeah look," he said lifting her over to me for a minute.
"Oh look at her," I squealed. "We made her little fairy and that chubby little belly, those tiny boobies, hands, fingers and I love the feet and toes."
Liam chuckled at my excitement.
"I may be bias but isn't she just the most beautiful baby you have ever seen in your entire life?" I asked Liam.
"Without a doubt," he said. Picking her up and taking her to get dressed before she got cold.
His big man hands putting the tiny hands and arms through the sleeves and tiny feet and legs in the bottom. He was so gentle with her. He picked her up and she was staring. They say babies can see when they are first born but she was seeing something because she looked very interested.
He lifted her up to his face and kissed her tiny little mouth. She pulled a face, which cracked us both up.
"Do it again," I said.
He kissed her and again she pulled the face. "She is hungry," he said.
He passed her to me to feed this time and I was slightly weary of being able to feed her properly but with his help it was a success. Liam winded her and she lay on his chest with a little blanket over her as he sat beside me.
I was no longer pregnant and couldn't wait to get well so I could lie on my tummy which now felt strangely empty.
As I fell into another exhausted sleep I also wondered how long it would be before I could make love to 'my prince'. Not that I felt like it now, but it doesn't hurt to plan ahead.