I toy with my food. Alec watches me carefully. "Darling, you need to eat." His voice is soft.
"I'm not hungry."
"You said that last time." His voice is a little louder.
"I'm not hungry."
"Darling, I'm not letting you leave this table until you eat." Alec frowns at me.
"I'm not hungry."
"If you're only going to say three words, say something else!" He slams his fist against the table. I look up at him, the first time I'd given him any indication that I saw he was there.
"I hate you."
Alec's gaze was chilling but I'd become numb to fear. I didn't care what happened. I prayed he killed me. I prayed he set up another game so I could purposefully kill myself. I had become a monster in my attempt to get away from a monster.
"Cooperation." He says simply and stands. I pick up my bowl of soup and slam it on the floor.
"Is that cooperative enough?" I heave in my anger. Alec stares at me, looking down at the shattered bowl before slowly moving past me to walk out. I would have rather had him explode, shove me, hit me, say something heated, than have him walk out as calmly as he did. Alec knew that.
Before Alec leaves the room I pick up a piece of the bowl and throw it at him. It hits the wall beside him. Alec pauses. He looks from the wall to the floor and then he leaves, never turning to look at me. I kicked the chair. My anger had my hands shaking and I lowered myself to the ground.
"My name is Austen Grey." I whisper. The words seemed to echo in the room.
"I've been in here for two days." My lip trembles and my eyes started watering.
"But someone was looking for me." I wipe at my tears.
"And I will get out." My eyes let out their last few tears. I sat on the ground for a long time, staring at the shards of the broken bowl. I'd have stared at those shards until I died, but Alec came back in and captured my attention.
"Darling, will you join me for a walk?" Alec offered his hand. He was awfully quiet and placid. His face was calm and yet I could see the fire burning behind his eyes. Alec looked from his hand to mine and waited patiently.
My hand moves to slide into his. Alec helps me straighten and then lets go of my hand. That's how I knew he was planning something. He always kept me close, never letting me leave his side, for fear that I would escape, or worse kill him.
I prayed for the latter.
My body recoiled from Alec and I didn't follow him. Alec paused in the doorway. "Please, Darling, I would rather not have another argument. I'm quite tired of them in all honesty." Alec's eyes meet mine and I notice how tired he looks.
"Me too." I say quietly, my voice cracking. Alec looks me over before setting his jaw and turning away from me.
"Then would you like to explain to me why we have visitors?" Alec asks. He won't face me and my stomach drops.
"What?"
"We have visitors, Darling, and I need you to come with me." Alec's voice is becoming more tense. I frown and start to follow him, wondering if he'll lead me to the 'visitors.' I doubt it.
"Alec?" I try to get his attention as he leads me down the dark hallways. He doesn't turn to acknowledge me or my word. My eyes watch the muscles of his back that move as he walks. "Alec?"
"What?" He spins around and grips my shoulders with his hands. My eyes grow wide. His thick form in front of me is terrifying. I swallow before continuing with my question.
"If I cooperate... will you..." I clear my throat. "Will you answer my questions?" I was desperate to do anything to get on his good side.
"No! I said if you chose me letting Jared live or you cooperating- not you killing him. I don't even know why-"
"Alec, I-"
"I said no, Darling. I gave you a chance to have all of your questions answered and you disregarded it." He turns back around. I follow with heavy steps. Now I'd only made him angrier. "Don't come out of here until I come for you." Alec opens the door to his room and I simply nod before entering quietly.
Cooperation is desirable.
"Alec..." I begin again and he turns to look at me, his gaze hot and impatience reading across his whole frame. He indicates I continue and I try to but my throat gets stuck. "I won't try anything. I promise." Alec seems to relax at those words, if only a little. He nods before leaving and locking the door.
I walk to Alec's bed, sitting on it. The plushness of the mattress beneath me called to me with such a desire but I didn't want to succumb to sleep, afraid I wouldn't wake up when Alec returned. My hands traced the comforter and I smiled softly.
"My name is Austen Grey." I say slowly. My hands run along the comforter with such precision. "I've been here for two days." My eyes looked to Alec's pillow and I frowned. "But someone was looking for me." The words suddenly became heavy. "I will get out." I whisper.
My feet start making me pace the room, the god awful room that now seemed to close in on me from every angle. I started to connect the dots and then the memory would fade away. My brow furrowed as I paced and I bit my lip, aggressively trying to come up with why those words meant so much.
"Someone was looking for me." I stop and laugh out loud. "The visitors!" My laugh bubbles from my throat uncontrollably. I smile and fist the comforter in my hands. "Someone was looking for me."
I suddenly wanted out of the room. I wanted them to find me. I wanted out of this room, this house, this game. I wanted out. I wanted to be gone.
My heart thundered in my chest and I heard an exchange of bullets. If Alec got the guards to fight with him, the visitors would have a fight on their hands. I winced at the thought of Jared.
Jared. I killed him.
Alec didn't- couldn't even think of why I had killed him. But I did and I wouldn't apologize for my actions. I knew murder was wrong, but that wasn't murder... that was killing. At least I believed it was. Yet I had believed killing Alex and Trisha was indeed just killing but Alec had proven me wrong.
I shake my head. Jared was going to die one way or the other. Alec was going to pound his face in or he would have left him there and Jared would have died before his wounds healed. Jared was in pain and I'd ended it. It wasn't because of this reason that I'd landed the death blow, though it was in part; Jared was not an animal and I didn't 'put him out of his misery.' I was sick.
I was sick of Alec's power. I was sick of being useless. I was sick of having people die on my behalf. I was sick of letting people die on my behalf. Alec would no longer have the ability to do so. However there was only one way to ensure that it never happened again. I smiled at the thought.
"Someone was looking for me." I mumbled, my brain becoming muddled once more with the images and thoughts. "I was playing a game...."
"Well, I was playing a game." He says quietly, his voice dropping.
"A game?" I ask, utterly confused.
"Yes, would you like to play?"
"Is this game dangerous?" The question barely leaves my mouth before the man steps closer.
"It's the most dangerous kind." He says evenly, a hint of playfulness in his tone.
"I'm up for the challenge." I finally see my phone in his hand. It's a flash of motion and suddenly I'm on the ground with the man hovering over me.
"Tag, you're it."
Immediately I scream, fighting for my life and well-being. There's a sweet scent that drifts into my nostrils but I see the people running to me, see the people calling, see the witnesses pouring out.
But this was a game of chase and they weren't fast enough.
I slam my head against the wall. The awful image of Alec on me filled me with rage. "He deserves to die." I whisper to the wall. My head aches with pain- pain that he caused me. I would enjoy watching Alec die I think.
I laugh again.
Is this what it's like to be insane? Could these be signs that I was losing all sense of reality? I keep my head against the cool wall for a moment, dulling the throbbing pain I felt.
I promised him I wouldn't try anything. I promised him I wouldn't. I scrunch my face into disgust. I owe him nothing.
My rage courses through me.
All of those poor girls.
All of those innocent lives.
All of those deaths.
All of those lies.
All of those words... meaningless words.
I look feverishly in Alec's bathroom, searching for a weapon. Something that would end Alec's reign on earth. He deserved to die.
Didn't he?
I pause, my chest rising and falling in my extreme anger. The hatred that raced through my veins was dark, and yet I felt at peace with this feeling. My heart thundered. Did Alec deserve to die?
He'd said at one point he'd wanted to stop. He said he didn't want to do this anymore. He said he was done.
But he'd continued.
I look up in the mirror and pause. My hair was in tangled knots that hung at my shoulders. I swallowed as I noticed my hollowed out cheeks and bruised disfigurements decorating my skin. My body was weak and I looked the part. There was a lack of color in my face and my lips trembles suddenly.
But my eyes were wild. They danced in such horrifying dark colors and lights. It was both intriguing and awfully scary to watch. There was murder in my eyes and yet it didn't look the part. It wasn't crazed, at least not to me. I smiled, noticing how drawn my lips were.
"He did this to me." I whisper. Suddenly I hate my reflection and my fist lands on the mirror with a resounding crash. There's a satisfying pain that races through my arm but I ignore it as I grab a shard of glass. Perfect.
What better way to kill him than by his own reflection? I should kill him and let him see what he'd made me become... let him see what he'd done to me... let him see what he was, and what I was. Reflections could only show what was there.
I grabbed a large glass shard in one hand and a smaller one in the other. My mind was set and my heart was untouched by any other emotions. I went to open the door but was surprised to see Alec coming wheeling in, eyes ablaze. My throat caught as I saw his fear.
"Darling, we're not-" Alec looks in my hands and my once certain actions suddenly wavered. Why did I lose my nerve so quickly? I'd murdered two people, killed another, and here I was about to end another life. I had no right. "We have to move." Alec reaches for my hands and I step back, words stuck.
Alec looks me over, his eyes settling on my eyes. I remember that look I'd had... the way my smile had appeared in that reflection. "Darling, what are you doing?"
"Contemplating who's death to take." I look at the glass shards in my hand. I could easily drive one of these into my own neck. This pain, the hurt, the constant paranoia and fear would all be gone. I'd no longer be. The thought was soothing but I would know in my dying moments I had been doing precisely what I had thought so lowly of myself for.
Then there was Alec. I had convinced myself he deserved to die. He kidnapped me, killed, murdered, tortured boys and girls, and committed the horrible crime of creating another monster. Yet and still he was a human. Alec was afraid. He had emotions and just chose not to use them all.
Is that what insanity was? Control over your emotions? Such control that you could almost erase them?
"Darling, no, now is not the time." Alec looks behind him and I hear the thudding of feet, the warning rounds going off. They'd been silent before. Or had they been going off the entire time and I simply didn't hear them?
"I don't know when a better time will be." I say back evenly. Alec grabs my arm, trying to drag me away from the door. I squirm out of his grip.
"How about a time when we can talk about this with clear heads?" He tries to pull me again and I stumble back, falling onto Alec's bed.
"I'm thinking quite clearly." I argue. Alec rolls his eyes. The anger in me flares and the hatred that had once flowed through my veins returned with renewed vigor. I had made a decision, all signs of indecisiveness leaving me. My body was suddenly triggered and I lunged for Alec.
He tagged me and now I was going to tag him.