Pat
"Patrick Harvey," I heard a nurse call my name. Maybe I shouldn't have come here to begin with. My mind hasn't been right for years though. I saw everything Emani was doing to everyone, but I kept quiet about it thinking it was all in my head. I stayed stuck to my seat in the waiting room. She called my name a couple more times before she finally came up to me. Nigga run!
"Sir, are you Patrick Harvey," she asked. I looked into her deep brown eyes ashamed of what I was about to do. The girl was beautiful.
I cleared my throat, "Yes, ma'am." Nah, young, we Brandon. We finna leave this bitch.
She smiled gently and drew a check on her clipboard. "If you could follow me, we can get you admitted."
I was hesitant, but complied with a heavy sigh. Might as well go witcha crazy ass. I followed her from the colorful waiting room to the dull, white walls of the facility. Ooh, they puttin you in the padded room again.
I shook the voices away for the time being and saw her staring at me. "My name is Honey, and I'll be one of the therapists in your hall. I'm here to let you know that this isn't a loony bin, crazy house or any of that. This facility is for you to learn how to control your disease. We specialize in coping with it rather than letting it consume you," she explained. Pat, bruh she lyin. You know damn well once you have an episode they gon have you sedated in a straight jacket.
I nodded my head not wanting to say anything knowing it wouldn't really be me speaking. She snickered a little, "You don't have to be here if you don't want to Patrick, this is all up to you." We might need to stay wit this fine ass lady. It still ain't gon make us go away.
I rubbed down my face ignoring the screaming voices in my head, "It's not me, it's them," I pointed to my head.
"That's what I'm here for. By the time you leave here, we're gonna have them all in check," she nodded towards me with a smile. She think. We been witchu for too long to leave now.
I smiled back and walked all the way back to where I would be staying for the next nine weeks. I didn't tell nobody where I was going or that I would even be gone. Not like anybody would care anyway.
I sat in the cold, all white room staring at the walls. My thoughts were all over the place.
Whatchu doin here? Why we here? You ain't crazy! You still you! Why you gotta be here? They ain't gon take none of us away! You stuck with us forever!
The evil cackling of all the voices almost drew me to tears. I held my ears hoping that would quiet them down a little, but it only made them louder.
"Patrick," Honey called. I shot my head up seeing she was holding some clothes for me. "I need you to change into this and I'll be back for your street clothes in a few minutes."
"Alright," I mumbled. She walked out closing the door behind her and I quickly changed into the navy blue outfit that looked equivalent to prison clothes. I made sure to take off all jewelry and stuff them in my pockets. I kept a mental note of everything I had before putting everything in a neat pile for Honey to pick up. So you really finna try us? After all we been through?
About ten minutes later, Honey stepped back into the room. "Do you wanna make one last phone call to someone before you go off the grid?" she asked. See? This is prison.
I pulled my hair back and shrugged, "Not really. The only person I really got is my sister, but I know she don't wanna hear this from me." So we gon just forget about ya moms and Randall crazy ass? Ok, Pat, keep goin. Raine all you got so you say.
"Do you wanna try?" she raised a brow. "She may actually be proud of you for taking this step in healing."
I sighed and nodded, "I guess I can call her."
She handed me my cell phone as I made one last phone call to Raine. It rang twice and she answered.
"Wussup, bruddah?" she asked enthusiastically. She sounded like herself again. At least her meds work.
I sighed, "Nothin much. I just called to let you know that Imma be gone for a few months."
"Whatchu mean gone?" her voice dropped. "Where are you going?"
"I checked myself into this mental facility. No, I'm not gon tell you where. I gotta do this on my own. I gotta become a better me. I'm sick of the voices takin over my life," I admitted. Mannn, keep thinkin that. We beefin forevaaa.
She sighed, "I understand. Just know that if you need me, I'm there. My number won't change and whenever you can talk or need to talk to me, I'll be right where I am right now."
I snickered, "Where? In the house?"
"In the bed. You already know," she laughed. "I'm proud of you for doin this, Pat. Maybe when you get out you can teach me some stuff."
"You never were her," I smiled to myself remembering our pact in elementary school.
She chuckled, "And you never were him. Either of them. Take care of yourself and heal, bruddah."
"You too, sustah. Love you."
"Love you too."
I hung up and looked at the phone with a slight smirk on my face.
"Ooh, so we get a smile?" Honey clasped her hands scooping up my clothes again.
I handed her my phone after powering it down. "Bein around her was always my happy place. I didn't have to pretend to not hear the voices," I shrugged.
She sat down her pencil and pad and sat on the lounge chair across from me. "Help me be that person. I'm not here to preach or nag at you. That's not my job nor my place. I'm here to make you feel comfortable enough talking to me so we can get to the root of your -"
"My issues. You want me to tell you about my tragic childhood in the hood to make you feel like you're doin ya job," I scoffed. See, I knew she was one of those. She just like the rest. "I know, man," I shook my head.
She smiled small and picked her pencil back up, "Imma let you get settled. Obviously you've been through this before, so you're not gonna trust me. Cool. I get it. I'm not your average therapist."
"Yeah right, she look like she came straight from a rich ass cul de sac."
She chuckled shaking her head, "Actually, I'm from Third Ward in Houston. You wouldn't know by my intellect though, huh?" she closed the door leaving me in numbing silence. I didn't even notice I let Beezy speak.
Only the buzzing of the fluorescent lights above me was heard. The sound was so intense to me and the voices it sounded like there was an annoying ass fly in my ear. We were all annoyed in my head. All we wanted was peace and quiet. Even being in an empty room with two lights hanging above us we weren't at peace.
"Son," he yelled out.
I blinked my eyes at it until the sound of the lights went completely silent.
"Patrick!" he yelled out again.
I sat up on the bed looking into the only dark corner of the room. The light seemed to hit everything but that one spot.
"Dad?" I answered. Usually I would avoid talking back to the materialization of my thoughts, but it seemed important that I listened.
He scoffed, "So I'm 'dad' today. You and Raine were just callin me Randall."
I rubbed my head, "What do you want now?"
"I can't talk to my son now?"
You should've killed him.
"Shut up, lil ugly dude," I said to myself.
"They still in ya head I see," the darkness floated to the lounge chair beside the bed.
"I'm not crazy," I chanted to myself laying back in the bed. I shut my eyes tightly ignoring all the people in my head. They were all fighting for claim over my body.
Over the years they've only been petty talk and antagonizing me. I was able to control them fully up until I turned sixteen. At the age of sixteen, I committed my first murder. The victim: Percy, my mama's boyfriend.
I felt no remorse for doin it either. He was with my mama for as long as I can remember beatin the shit out of the both of us daily. The only one I told was Raine. She and Randall let me come over to their house once I got a little older when I knew he would go on his nightly rampage. I didn't really wanna save my mama from it because she allowed that shit to go on in her house.
She probably didn't care anyway because at the end of it all, she still got her fix. The corpse of a body she walks around in today isn't even recognizable. She literally looks like a walking skeleton with bruises and scabs covering her body.
Do you remember how I took Percy out, young?
"Yeah," I cracked a smile. "Like yesterday, Beezy."
It was kinda swift how it happened. Nah, I wasn't on no mob shit or no Micheal Myers shit. That's too messy. He came home one day while I was cooking me something to eat. I had just left basketball practice and already upset that I lost some of my best friends to some of the bullshit that my mouth got me into.
He sat down his brown paper bag that I knew held his drink of choice for the night. Most likely E&J. This nigga stayed lit like he was a walking party.
"You cookin fuh everybody, young?" he asked me.
I looked at him like he has shit sheared on his face. "I'm cookin for myself. Fuck you."
I removed the skillet from the stove and dumped my slow fried potatoes on a plate. I contemplated going upside his head with it. Do it, Pat! all the voices screamed at once.
Before I could turn to lift it, he grabbed me by the back of my neck and smashed my face into the still hot stove. I groaned in pain holding the burning flesh.
"Lil nigga could never take a hit," he chuckled to himself.
"Fuck you!" I spat grabbing the skillet again.
I went upside his head with the skillet and repeatedly did so until he was on the ground unconscious. Get the acid and burn his bitch ass! Beezy yelped hype at the fact I actually did it.
I dragged his fat ass to the dirty tub in the back bathroom and ran to my room to get the boric acid, gas, and bleach. Beezy been plottin this shit for some time.
I poured the acid all over this nigga body and in his mouth before I followed with the bleach. I admired the foam coming from his mouth before I poured on the gasoline and threw my lit Zippo in the tub.
It lit up quickly consuming this fuck nigga in flames. I went numb watching him burn. A slight smirk got drawn on my face by Beezy. You finally did it, young. "I know, man," I tilted my head as the flames rose starting to fill up the bathroom. We free.
Roman
"He really for real gone?" I asked through the phone.
"Jay said he shipped him off. Ion know why he didn't just murk the mark ass nigga," G shuffled around.
I sighed and rubbed my head, "Good. Hopefully he stay gone this time. Ion got time to be foolin around wit this young gangsta shit no more."
"What that mean, Ro?" he stopped shuffling. I shook my head not wantin to go any further.
Truth is: I wasn't wit the shits no more. I really needed to settle all this shit down and cool it like OG. I made more than enough in my sixteen years doin this to settle down. I ain't ever got caught and I ain't ever been to jail. As far as police know, I don't fuckin exist. Ion even have fingerprints on file.
I hung up the phone never givin G an answer when someone walked through my door that I thought I would never see again.
"Hello, Roman," she walked over to my desk. She had some nerve comin back over this way. "Did you like the gift I sent?"
I shook my head, "Bernie, it's all over. We don't have to associate anymore and you can move on wit ya life. I'm not even sure how much longer Imma be in this life."
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. You can't mean that, Roman. After all the money I made for you ..."
I nodded understanding fully where she was coming from. "All this was you, huh Bernie?"
She smirked evilly and took a seat, "My dear, I don't know what you're talking about. Just make sure all of my money is right. I can always get my Reina to turn on you too."
I nodded, "So you are Raine's boss too? What is it you can't do, woman?"
"Lose," she whispered standing up and leaving the office. I held my head in my hands running them down my face.
"Why the fuck I even try this shit?" I asked myself. The only reason I even started helping Bernie was because her druggy ass son owed Jalen money. Like almost two million. She had us keepin an eye on her husband and settin him up for failure in his pea brain scheme to try and get Brendy back. It worked on pour favor, luckily. I wasn't expecting her son to kill him though.
I shrugged everything off and headed ho!e for the night. There was only so much I could do in the situation without everybody thinking that I was switching up. I was tryna make sure we all stayed alright. I can't handle another war.
I pulled up to my big, empty house and went inside making sure my security system was armed. I couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't over. My gut feeling had to be right. It was always right. I thought back to how all this started twenty years ago. I killed my first nigga at the tender age of thirteen. Before then, I was just yo average lil nigga free styling in the cafeteria wit my niggas. Free life.
I felt trapped in this life.It was almost like a rich prison. On top financially, but afraid to get too close to people paranoid like they know who I am. They know how to get to me. I usually take a girl back to my other crib across town just to fuck and duck. This is too outta pocket. I can't live like this. Not like I wanna get with none of the girls already involved either. I had my share of them and all they wanted was to be a housewife off the streets and in my pockets. I'm not living like that either.
I kicked back watching this weird ass show on MTV until they stopped it reporting that the up and coming Tank had committed suicide after he killed his father. I know for a fact that punk nigga didn't kill himself. It's possible he killed off his pops though.
I scrolled through my phone tryna figure out if Jay was the one that knocked him down. I ain't get a reply, so I decided to call up the one person I knew would know. After a few rings, she answered.
"Wussuh Unc?"
"Say, you know who chopped down that lil nigga Tristan?"
"I don't know," she sighed. "I think it was Raine."
"Sky you gotta know," I chuckled. "Can't nobody tell me this nigga shot himself like that. That's some mob shit. Sumn like you would do."
She was silent for a second. "Earth to Skylar?! I know you know."
"Unc, I really don't. It do look like somethin I would do, but the way I been set up ... That wasn't me. I was still preppin Emani," she sighed.
"So it was Nadi? Maybe? I just can't picture Raine doin nothin like that. She seem too soft." I kicked my feet up on the table.
She chuckled, "It was her. She not really right in the head if you know what I mean."
"She crazy?" I asked. I still couldn't picture her pullin no trigger on somebody.
"Nah. She got a slight split personality. Most times she can control it, which is why she seems meek and quiet most of the time. When you wake up that other bitch in her though ... She gutta," she laughed out loud.
"Damn. I thought I was really gon like lil baby," I lit up a blunt.
"She go with Jay, Unc. She ain't goin no where."
She go wit Jay? Jermaine? I wouldn't have put them together on a good day. They seem too different.
"Alright, Imma talk to you later. I got moves to make," I ran my hand down my face.
"Stay wavy, Unc," she chuckled.
I hung up the phone and sat there for a while. I really ain't have shit to do but sleep. I haven't really been able to do that though since I'm worried about what else is goin on. I don't know how to take any of this. Bernie don't have a reason to come after me.
Skylar
I know for a fact my bitch Reina killed Tank. I ain't like the nigga anyway for that fuck shit he did to her in the club. Hell, I ain't like him before then. Grimey ass bitch.
After talking to Roman, I headed over to talk to Quintin about everything that went on. Even to this day, that's my boo. We didn't work out due to the fact that I wasn't ready at the time. He wanted too much while I just wanted to play around. It won't change the fact I love being with women. Emani was number one. I knew she was with Patrick, but they were both unhappy in that relationship. A kind bitch like me just swooped in for the save though.
I rang the doorbell and awaited to be welcomed into the house. I didn't get an answer, so I decided to call him up. He knew I was on the way. He answered, but I heard nothing on the other end. "Hello?" I groaned. No answer. "Q?!" Still nothing. "Quintin Jermaine! Answer me!" I started to get scared something happened to him. I can't lose him like I lost Emani.
"Whatchu want?" he finally answered.
"Open the door," I smacked my lips.
He sighed heavily and hung up in my face. All I know is this nigga better be coming to the door. When he finally came, I had my hands on my hips and mugged him down. "How you just gon leave ya best friend standin out in the rain?"
"Bro, it's 90 degrees out here; ain't no rain," he yawned. His sexy ass just don't know.
"Am I invited in or you got a lil thotler in there?" I peeked behind him knowing damn well he don't roll like that. He was a respectable young black man. He got his money right held it that way without having the drama his brothers got.
He let me inside the enormous house and I admired the new paintings on the walls in the foyer. It's still crazy to me how we all came from nothing and made something out of it. The bullshit in my life as a teen. The abuse and all that shit seemed like the most distant of memories sometimes. That shit died with my mama.
"King shit," I whispered with a smirk.
Q came up behind me draping his arm over me, "Of course. It was about time I invest in men like myself. Using your skills to get what you want as well as what you need."
We both stares at the painting for a while. I saw this in a museum in Fort Worth not too long ago.
He kissed my forehead, "I don't care who got chopped down. I'm just glad it ain't you."
I smiled small at his gesture. I didn't tell him who I killed. Just that I killed someone. That was his cue to know I was coming over. We always had this unspoken rule with one another that if we ever killed or got in some shit, we would come to one another. It never failed. We have some kind of connection that can't be broken. It's almost like we're two halves of a whole.
I decided then to let him know. "It was her," I kept intently staring at the painting.
He dropped his arm then pulled me into a hug. "You good?"
"Surprisingly, yes," I snickered. "Snakes always get caught in the lawn mower." In a way I am over Emani. I just loved her spirit. She wasn't that bad of a person before all of this. We've been cool since ninth grade and she never showed me any signs of deception. Maybe she never crossed me because she know my screws a lil loose.
"You always talk in riddles and shit," he chuckled leading me to his TV room.
"You love it," I grabbed his face smashing his lips together.
"Nah, I love you," he looked down on me licking his lips.
"I love you too, Q," I sighed shaking my head. He pulled me into him on the couch and held me while we let the TV do the talking we should be doing. Quintin's too good for me. I mean I'm not a bad person, I just don't really know too much about committing. I'm not a hoe; I just don't know what it's like to love that deeply.
"I really love you," he brought my chin up so we were eye to eye. "I know we ain't together and we probably won't ever be together, but just know I love you. You have someone to love other than your blood family."
"I know," I mumbled. I laid on his chest letting the tears I had built up freely fall. He rubbed my back without interrupting me. This is usually how it went when I would come to him. He was the only person, other than my sister, that would let me cry myself out.
"Q!" A loud voice came through the door. I chuckled at it because I know it was nobody but my silly baby, Czar.
Q immediately smacked his lips and pretended to be sleep. I just laid there trying not to laugh.
Czar smacked his lips when he didn't get an answer, "Quintin! If you don't getcho Micheal Ealy and Common had a baby lookin ass out here!"
I tapped out then. I busted snorting and laughing while Q still laid there like I'm not laughing hard as fuck into his chest. Czar came into the TV room with a bunch of bags of what smelled like mexican food.
"Aww man! Q in here wit my baby tryna get her pregnant and shit," he grinned at me.
I shook my head and rose up into a sitting position in between Q's legs. I hit him in his chest and he still played dead.
"Wussup, Z," I nodded his way.
"So you really ain't fuckin wit me no more?! We don't give hugs no more?!" he sat the food down with his arms out.
I got up to give him a hug, "If you don't getcho, Roll Bounce, lookin like you been diggin holes wit Shia LaBouf lookin ass on."
He chuckled and kissed my cheek, "If you don't getcho Angela Bassett dipped in chocolate lookin ass on somewhere."
"That's a compliment? Ok!" I snickered.
Out of nowhere, Quintin got up and grabbed a bag pulling out the tacos that was inside.
Czar smacked his lips, "You're welcome, rude ass nigga."
"Thank you, bright ass nigga," Q snarled. Usually Q jokes around with Czar, I don't know what the entire fuck went on with them now.
Raine
I had to dip out early on Jay while he slept peacefully. I forgot to grab my meds before leaving my house. I slipped on a pair of his basketball shorts and a T-shirt before practically sprinting from his house.
On my way home, I had gotten a couple emails from my professors about my grades. I was nervous as hell about answering them, so I decided to leave them unread for now. Lives were at stake if I didn't get Reina to calm down. She was a hysterical mess inside my head breaking down the wall slowly from me to her that only my medication can stop.
I sped through town heading for my house until I saw the blue and red lights in my rear view mirror. "Fuck!" I groaned.
In my head, Reina was smirking to herself knowing that she's almost free from the prison in my mind. I slowed to a stop pulling over to the side of the road.
A light tap was heard on my window followed by a blinding flashlight. I rolled my window down fumbling with myself. "Yes, officer?"
"License and insurance, ma'am," the heavy set cop demanded. I dug through my clutch in the passenger seat for my license retrieving it. I contemplated going into my glove compartment for my insurance card.
I handed him the license and he looked down at me removing his Oakley shades. "Insurance also."
I nodded, "I'm letting you know now that I have a license to carry and my firearm is in the glove compartment where my insurance card is. I know for a fact you can look up the information yourself, but if you really want me to get it out I will need you to understand it is there."
"Are you threatening me, little lady?" he called placing my license in his pocket for reasons I don't know.
"No sir, I'd just rather live to see tomorrow," I smirked. Please shut up, Reina.
"Make me, bitch," I adjusted my rearview mirror and looked back at the fat ass pig. Oh, no.
"Step out of the car, ma'am," the officer stepped back allowing me to step out in the baggy clothes I stole from my boyfriend.
"Fuck you want, oinker ass cop?" I questioned. He really gon make me split his wig.
"Do you have anything on you that may harm me?" he asked coming closer.
"Pussy is a deadly weapon. I bet ya wife know," I winked at him. Reina, please stop it!
I chuckled at the trapped Raine in our head and watched the cop as he walked back to his cruiser behind my car. "We leavin," I chuckled to myself. Don't do that, Reina, please?
I smirked and got back in the car speeding off into the darkness. Soon enough, there were a gang of cop cars following behind me trying to catch up. Pull the fuck over! Raine screamed. I kept on driving through downtown.
"Two helicopters for lil ol me?" I cackled out watching them swarm through the skies.
I stopped in the middle of the road and saw the police cars abruptly pause behind me. I stopped right in front of the police station like I was really tryna stay there. Why'd you do this? Raine cried in our head. "Shut the fuck up, they ain't gon do a damn thing to us."
I groaned as I felt a unsolicited fist to my face. This bitch ass cop got some nerve swinging on me. I reached for the glove compartment where my gun was, but I kept taking blows to the face and abdomen until I passed out.
*****
I woke up to the clinking of chains and the flicker of lights. I tried to stand, but soon realized I was strapped to a damn chair. My mouth was covered also, so I couldn't speak. Look what you got us into, Reina. Raine panicked. I've never been to jail. Why didn't you just stop and take the damn speeding ticket?
All I could do was smirk to myself. There was a shocking pain that sent electricity through my back and side. I was restrained, so there was no way for me to actually know where it was coming from.
A little sliding door on the main door slid open and a tray of food, or their definition of food, dropped to the floor. A little while later, the same cop that pulled me over walked into the room.
"I don't know what kinda drugs you're on, little girl, but I can say you have a helluva right hook," he turned his head showing a bruise I had apparently done.
I mugged him and another cop walked in. A female cop. This was the bitch that called herself fighting me in my car. I growled and laughed a little on the inside seeing how fucked up she was. Eye swollen shut and shit.
I cackled out loud and she squirmed her eyes at me knowing it was at her expense. I don't know and don't care about this hoe. She ain't shit.
The male cop took the gag off of my mouth to actually allow me to speak. "I fucked you all the way up you fraud ass hoe," I snickered.
She cocked her hand back and socked me right in the nose. I felt that bitch crack. "That's all you got, huh?" I sniffled up the blood pouring down. "You know if I wasn't tied down I'd have yo ass laid out."
She cocked back again, but the man stopped her. "This isn't the time Dawson," he smirked my way. Well shit. They about to Sandra Bland us. "Bet the hell they ain't," I scoffed at Raine.
They both turned to me noticing I was talking to myself. Well ... Not really myself. Herself? Let's go with that. She closed the door and they both put on gloves. "Oh, shit. Y'all finna try to Sandy Bland me forreal?" I asked as they laid some plastic on the ground around me. They knew beforehand they were gon do this fuck shit.
I closed my eyes and tried to hide away my face as the two of them beat me. I couldn't black out this time though. I'm completely defenseless. I swear it seemed like they took turns beating me for an hour. Not like you can manage time when you're not in your right mind.
When I heard the door close again, I brought my head back up feeling the blood pool in my lap. I started crying. My entire body was in so mich fucking pain. I know my mouth slick and shit, but this was uncalled for. I'm 5'2" and 115 pounds. What was six police cars and two helicopters chasing me for? It wasn't even a long distance either.
When I get out of here, I'm killing all these cops that were there. I put that on my life. I want all of them dead and I won't stop until they are dead. Reina? We're gonna be ok. All we have to do is get to a phone. Maybe they'll let us get a phone call?
I smacked my busted lips softly and groaned from the stinging it caused. My vision got blurry and another light skinned female cop came in the room almost panicking.
"Oh, Rainey, no," she groaned.
I smirked when I heard the voice. I hadn't talked to her since high school. "Relly," I smirked slumping my head to the side.
"You didn't take your medicine did you?" she asked taking off the restraints on my arms and legs.
I shook my head slowly watching her. I didn't even know if she still worked with Nando. She be so low-key, I would've thought she was Alena.
She slacked her lips, "I bet they don't know either. Who did this to you?"
"That fat ass porky pig lookin muhfucka and his lil bitch. They mad because I beat they ass," I chuckled and groaned. My entire body was officially in pain. "You still wit Nando?" I changed the subject.
She put her index finger to her lips and nodded. "Si estoy descubrí, las cosas pueden ser malo para mí y para mi familia. Garland don't even know I still work for them."
I forgot she was still with G. That gave me an idea. Since they probably gon try to kill me, I'd rather relay a message. "Tell Jay I'm here before they try to kill me," I slouched even more in the chair. I could feel myself losing consciousness.