If y'all haven't already check out my book Distraction! The story of June & Loonie. I'll really appreciate it.
I'm skipping graduation because y'all all know how that go. Get your diploma and walk across the stage, boom ya ass free💀
_
After graduation me and Corey we're two peas in a pod again. We we're just how we we're before all that shit with Ingrid popped off with the baby and shit. It was all good again.
Except that I was pregnant again.
I haven't told Corey and I didn't want to. Neither of us we're ready for a baby and I didn't wanna ruin his future and mine with a child we couldn't be all the way there for. Corey has been in rehab, I've been taking my medicine daily and I feel like everything is going good. So why complicate it with a baby? It just wasn't right.
I didn't believe in abortion but only if you have a damn good reason to do it. Was this a good reason?
No.
But I'm accepting it and sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. Was I doing it the right way with not telling Corey? I believe I was because what he doesn't know won't hurt him and I'll try to make sure that it doesn't hurt me.
As for me, I was going to UCLA in the fall to study biology and I was really focusing on getting ready for that. Corey was going to LSU away from me. Of course I had a problem with it but he said they had a good basketball team and I couldn't blame him.
All I asked is that he stayed faithful but with him it was hard not to worry.
I smiled as I heard Sidney and my dad playing the PS4 in the living room. My dads been at home more and Sidney had been around more also. I don't know what's been going on but shit has been going good so far.
I just really hoped that it stayed that way.
I walked into the living room and picked up Rehgan who laid on the ground playing with her fathers shoe.
"TT King!" She exclaimed, reaching for me. I smiled and picked her up sitting how down on my growing hips.
"Hey baby. You want some lunch?"
"Mhm." She nodded playing with my necklace.
"I'm hungry too babygirl, you didn't ask me." My dad pouted.
"Uh uh, y'all making y'all own food. This is for me and my baby not y'all."
"Wow, that's how it is now King? After all we done been through." Sidney's eyes watered up and I busted out laughing with Rehgan shaking her head at her fathers silly antics.
"Boy, calm down. I'll fix y'all something." I rolled my eyes and walked away earning a slap to the ass from Sidney. I pointed the middle finger and he chuckled focusing back on the NBA game he was playing with my father.
"You want PB&J?"
"Yum, yum."
I laughed and sat her down on the counter grabbing the things I needed to cook with. My phone rung and I looked at the caller I.D seeing Corey's number pop up on the screen.
"Hey baby!" I smiled.
"Wassup? I'm on my way over there. Sidney wanted to beat my ass in NBA 2K which he can't."
"Of course he called you over here. The mail came by your house and no ones home, want me to go over there and get it?" I handed Rehgan her sand which and she smiled licking her lips.
Fatty, just like her father. They both loved to eat. Reason why he was over was because my dad was cooking lasagna.
"Yeah, go ahead. I'll be there in a few. I love you."
"Love you too." I hung up and sat my phone down on the counter touching Rehgans nose who's mouth was full with bread.
"I'll be right back, finish up okay?"
"Mk."
I walked out the kitchen and smacked Sidney's head before opening the front door and walking across the street to his mailbox. I took the three papers out and closed it back walking to my house once more.
Walking into the kitchen I opened up the first one I saw with his name and the rehab center.
Dear, Corey.
We have decided to grant your wishes and let you go after a deal was paid off earlier this month. We wanted to keep you longer because we personally feel your not ready to go yet but if you feel like you've had enough time then we have accept your wishes. We enjoyed you here and we hope that you finally got the help that you needed.
Sincerely, The Inkheart Rehab Center.
I looked up from the letter and slowly shook my head.
If it isn't one thing it's another.
Change of plans, meet me at your house right quick.
I sent him a quick text message and grabbed Rehgan before sitting her down on Sidney's lap.
"I'm going over Corey's house really quick. He'll be back over to play that game."
"Alright, be careful." I nodded and walked out with my jacket in my hands.
I couldn't believe this shit. He knew he wasn't ready to leave yet, hell he was still going through withdrawal what the fuck made him think that this was okay?
Exactly why we weren't ready for a child, he does dumb shit like that. I couldn't have a child with a dope head. The fuck?
I patiently stood in front of the door and waited for him. When he pulled up he had a confused look on his face.
"What's wrong?"
"What the hell is this?" I pulled the letter from out my back pocket and waved it in his face while he unlocked the door.
"So you going through my shit now?"
"Your my boyfriend and my dad was nice enough to pay for you to go but this is the shit you pull. Are you deadass right now?" I threw the letter at him and shook my head.
"I didn't need it anymore." He mumbled. "I feel like I'm good, I wasn't addicted from the start."
"Wasn't addicted?" I followed behind him up the steps with my arms crossed. "Yes you we're. You still are! Don't do this bullshit."
"King you don't know a thing about losing someone, your own mother that you actually knew! I knew her! I saw her fuck up her life, and-"
"So you wanna fuck yours up too?"
"It's already fucked up!" He yelled and threw the paper across the room after he balled it up.
"I can't believe you, instead of wanting to get better you wanna fuck your life up some more. I can't be with someone like that, especially when I'm trying to better myself, I can't wait for you to change." I spoke truthfully.
"Damn, that's how we doing things? I'd wait for you."
I pursed my lips and shifted my weight to my left leg.
"Let's be real now. You wouldn't wait, you'd just go to the next bitch."
"Your not like other girls though Kingsley, I would wait for you."
"I'm sorry but I can't, I can't wait for you. I have college in the fall and I can't have you fucking that up for me." Tears came to my eyes at how dumb I was sounding.
I loved this man, but sometimes I don't know if love was enough, I even felt like I wasn't in love with him sometimes.
"You don't mean that." He gulped and started walking back down the stairs with my behind him.
"Let's just go back to your house and we'll talk about this in the morning. We'll figure it out Kingsley, we always do."
"I can't." I cried. "I can't do this anymore."
He looked up at me and shook his head walking towards me. I put my hand up and stopped him before he could make it to me.
"Just stay away from me. You can't make me stay this time." I sniffled and ran upstairs to his room throwing the door open.
I saw the empty pill bottles on the bed and started crying harder. My boyfriend was on drugs and I felt like I couldn't do anything about it.
We just we're good for each other, we couldn't work.
I heard his heavy footsteps come up the stairs and I snapped out of it grabbing my bag I left over here a while ago and throwing it over my shoulder.
He walked in and I moved to the corner of the room wiping my face with the back of my hand.
"Please Corey." I wheezed. "Move from the door. I can't do this anymore."
"We can work.. we've been here before... We-"
He moved closer and I put my hand out again, closing my eyes and shaking my head.
"Exactly.. We've been here before. Too many times. I can't do this anymore Corey. Ever since the miscarriage I've been down and you've been high!" I yelled. "I just. I can't."
"We can work this out." He paused. "You blaming all this shit on me, I told you I would get help."
"No." I shook my head. "You tried and look what the fuck you did. You gave up. You gave up on us." I mumbled.
"That's a lie, you know I tried. Please stay, please." He whimpered.
I swallowed the sob that was about to come out from how miserable he sounded.
"Please stop asking me stay."
"Please."
"I-I don't love you anymore, Corey." I spit out.
I meant it too, I haven't for a long time. After my baby died we just drifted apart. We barely talked anymore. Its like we we're strangers again.
The whole situation just changed me. I couldn't do it anymore.
"What?" He choked out.
Looking down at the ground I saw a picture of us on the floor. I closed my eyes and sucked my lips in.
He moved towards me and grabbed my face in his hands.
"Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me."
I looked up at him and moved my head closer into his hand that cupped my cheek.
"I don't love you anymore." I whispered, staring into his eyes.
He stepped back and dropped his hands to his sides, his mouth dropping open.
I moved around him and grabbed my phone from my back pocket, Teyana was blowing my phone up.
"I will always care for you, I just can't be with you anymore." I walked up to him and kissed his shocked face. "I'm sorry."
I kissed his lips and pulled away gently. I turned to walk away but his firm grip on my waist stopped me. He pulled me into him and I felt his warm embrace. It almost felt like how he used to hold me before shit starting going bad.
I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes, my head resting on his chest.
"I love you, Kingsley." He mumbled in my hair.
He moved his lips down to my forehead and kissed it pulling away from me.
I smiled sadly and stepped back from him giving him one last glance before I opened the door and closed it behind me.
I heard his sobs from the other side of the door and I cried taking my hand off of the door.
I just couldn't do it anymore. This relationship was too much, he was too much.
He was Toxic
And so was I.