I sat on Alec's bed, staring at the wall in front of me. He was in the shower and I'd been told to remain seated. I wasn't against that order, but I was afraid to move a muscle, scared of what he would do to me. Alec confused me.
There had been no sign of Alex or Trisha and I was grateful for that. My mind wandered to Makayla and I wondered if she'd gotten out with that other girl. I lowered my head to look at my lap.
What if they were caught? What if they couldn't get out? What if they did get out?
"Darling." Alec's voice makes me jump. He's standing in front of me. I could've sworn he was just in the shower. My eyes meet his and then I look back at my lap. "Darling, don't turn from me, please." Alec kneels down and I feel his hands on my thighs. "Please." He's whispering now.
I look up at his grey eyes, seeing his wet hair fall messily on his forehead and create small vines in his eyes. My breath caught in my throat. Alec's hand moved up my side to cup my cheek gently.
"Can I do anything to make you more comfortable?" He asks soothingly. I'm tempted to make a smart remark but I simply allow myself to relax into his comforting touch and feel a stray tear slip down my cheek. "Darling," Alec wipes the tear with the pad of his thumb but I turn from him again.
"I just need a minute." I say quietly. Alec straightens and sighs, knotting his hands in the towel he held. He was contemplating.
"I need to go clear something up, I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?" He offers. I nod. Alec leaves the room and I allow myself to relax completely.
I hated him.
Alec was so aggravating. He was worse than Alexander. Alex I could immediately hate because he didn't have a soft side, a caring side that showed he was still human somewhere in there. Alec did.
I'd grown to hate Alec more and more as time went on. His favoritism ruined me of all good thoughts I could have ever had for him. I lay down on the bed and take in deep breaths. It smells like him in here.
I swear under my breath as I sit back up. My hands were bandaged and put in casts that basically rendered me useless. It was probably the reason Alec did it to me. I could barely move anything on my hands and if I had to open a door I don't know that I'd be able to.
I readjust myself on Alec's bed and roll over to see his desk. The book from the library was sitting wide open. My eyes widened and I sat back up, glancing at the door, expecting Alec to come in. I decided to risk it and I stood, looking over the book.
The pages were a deep black. There weren't any words visible to my eye and it frustrated me. How could Alec read when- glasses- he was wearing the glasses. I search the top of the desk, and not finding any glasses I lay back down on the bed. I didn't want to be the person that was caught.
Alec comes in a few minutes later, the glasses hanging from his shirt, taunting me. He didn't have those when he left which meant he just got them. I swallow my words as Alec pauses in the doorway. He sees my stare but he's returning it with his own. I shift uncomfortably.
"Are you feeling better, Darling?" Alec asks, placing another book next to the one on the desk. I turn my head to look at him and he shuts the sacred book I needed to read. He places the glasses on top and turns to face me, his actions inconspicuous to any other eye.
"Not really, but I'll be fine." I sit up and Alec looks me over. He turns away from me suddenly and I don't question it. He'd been looking at my hands.
"Darling, do you know where Makayla is?" Alec was turned away from me, facing the wall. I stared at his shoulders, noticing their carefully molded form through his shirt.
"No." I say honestly. Alec's shoulders tense, and he turns his head to the side, showing me the side profile of his face. I gazed at his sloped nose falling into his thin lips. His eyelashes were long, touching his cheek as he lowered them.
"It's too bad." Alec turns back to the wall. I clench my jaw, unsure of where this is going. "I might've taken it easy on her if you would have told me." He faces me again and I don't show any emotion, trying not to let forth the horrible storm inside of me.
"The last I saw of her she was taken from the library." I say. Alec grins evilly and steps towards me, pushing my shoulders down until he hovered over my body on the bed. His thick form above me caused my throat to become clogged.
"The last you saw of her has nothing to do with if you know where she is." He says lowly. I swallow my fear. His mood swings were so sudden. I could never brace myself for them.
"I don't know where she is." I tell him again. "Why are you asking?" I press him with a question and Alec snarls, pulling off of me. He walked a couple of steps away and then came back.
"I won't answer your petty questions." He finally says. I have to laugh. His eyes narrow.
"Petty? I hardly find the question to be petty." I'm sitting up now and Alec clenches his jaw.
"You'll just try to deceit me with your questions without getting true answers. I understand how you work. You're smart, Darling, I am well aware that you are capable of manipulation. I will not allow you to infect my brain as you have before." He straightens his shoulders and I just shake my head.
"Look at you, contradicting yourself once more. Congratulations on being the world's biggest hypocrite!" I stand and Alec's eyes blaze as I hold his stare.
"I've done nothing to contradict myself." He says, raising his chin in defiance. I laugh.
"You are a contradiction." I give a fake smile, showing him how much I enjoyed his company as of the moment. "You once told me that questions-" I stop because he's too close for comfort.
Alec slowly pulls a stray hair from my face and moves it behind my shoulder. He leans forward, his breath cascading down my neck in hot waves. "Questions," he pauses, his voice so gentle in my ear I wonder how I can hear it, "typically lead to circularity reasonings unless you have answers. But, if you ask specific questions you will progress in a particular direction." Alec doesn't move but rather puts his hands on my waist.
"Let me go." I hiss. Alec doesn't move his hands. "Let me go." I insist. Alec refuses to move and I'm becoming infuriated with him and his childish ways. Then I know why he won't let go and I relax. "Why won't you let me go?" I ask.
Alec moves, pulling his arms around me so that I was even closer than before. My head was placed on his chest and my hands on either side of my head. I knew he wanted me to return his affection with my own but I couldn't. This touching made me want to vomit.
"Why won't you stay?" Alec returns quietly, his voice breaking. I look up at him and see his eyes have tears in them. My heart drops and I step back from his now loose grip. I swallow, unsure of how to deal with or even answer him. Alec's tear slips down his cheek and I find myself both wanting to wipe it away and leave him be. I stare, unsure of what to do.
"I- I wasn't leaving... I-" I stutter because Alec's vulnerability had never been to this level and my heart hurt. Alec steps towards me, taking my hand softly in his. I'm afraid to pull back. I'm afraid to let him take my hand. I'm afraid to do nothing.
"So you'll stay?" He asks sincerely. "With me?" My hand leaves his in an instance and his face falls.
"No. I won't stay with you." I say it firmly. Alec frowns.
"Why?"
"You're not..." I shake my head. Alec steps closer and takes my hand again. I pull it free but he simply takes it back with all the gentleness he'd had the first time.
Suddenly my mind clicks and I realize there's a way out of this. Alec says he wants to help me, that he will help me. He wants to help me win the game. So I just have to say staying with him isn't how to win.
"Darling." Alec was rubbing my hand with the pad of his thumb. I once more extract my hand.
"I can't win if I'm..." I don't know how to put it, but Alec seems to understand.
"You have to play by the rules." Alec says with a nod. "I can't interfere because then you wouldn't win and then you couldn't be with-" he stops and I hold his gaze, showing no emotion. "Just promise me you'll try to win."
I don't respond right away because I don't know that I want to promise Alec this. Part of me knows that his favoritism won't go away. If it is true favoritism and not just a phase of the game, it would be engrained into him. I swallow my words, looking at him carefully.
"Darling, if you win we can- you'll be free from the games, you'll be-" he never finishes his thoughts. I don't want to win the game. If I win the game, I lose to game maker. I need to beat him at his own game.
"What about the other girls? What about the new ones that you get? What about you not wanting to do this anymore?" I demand answers and Alec pauses.
"The girls will be dealt with as they will have to be dealt with. The games must proceed according to plan if you're going to play. As for my lack of wanting to continue, I can't promise anything. I do have other duties to uphold and-" Alec was talking formal again. He was in business mode. He was thinking more clearly and not emotionally as he had been.
"So you're willing to keep it in consideration?" I ask. Alec looks at me quizzically, his eyebrows drawn in for a moment before he allows himself to relax. His eyes are misting as he becomes clouded with thoughts. I have to look away from him.
"Consideration." Alec nods in agreement. "But you have to win, Darling."
"And if I don't win? If I lose this? I'm not in the best shape and if I go out there I-"
"If you question yourself you'll never get anywhere without questioning everything about you. Just as earning respect comes from respecting yourself, moving forward consists of progress with yourself first." Alec waits for my response but I'm trying to comprehend what he's saying, glad he's actually engaging in this conversation.
Silence passes for a few moments and I realize I can't respond. I couldn't form words, coherent answers, anything. My brain goes over all he'd said, all the hints he'd given me in the past few minutes.
The book truly held importance and I needed to come in contact with it.
Makayla was missing.
His favoritism was strong enough to sway his plans in the game.
I could win.
"Promise me you'll try to win." Alec says once more. I look up at him easily, taking his hand in mine with a smile.
"I promise."