As amazing as this evening has been, I really need to think this through. My heart is screaming yes and my head thinks my heart is a dumbass. I keep going from one to the other.
"Zayn, I appreciate all that you have done and I really want to make sure this is right. I don't want to say yes and doubt your every move or hold a grudge. I don't want to tell you no and regret it later. Can I tell you an answer tomorrow?" I answer.
His face falls, "I guess I'm going to have to accept that. It isn't an immediate no." He looks on the bright side. "They're playing another slow song. Would you like to go back inside and dance?"
"I'd love to." And off to the dance floor we go.
We finish the night on a high note. He walks me to my front door and only asks for a hug. He knows better than to push his luck.
I make my way upstairs, wake my mom, and climb into bed. I text Harry.
"Just climbed into bed. It was a good night. Would love to talk to you tomorrow about it, if you can." I hit send.
I get a response in minutes, "Glad you had a good time and of course. 11:00 tomorrow? My house?"
"Great! Will you be awake this time? :P BTW, thanks. Zayn wants to get back together and I'm torn."
"We'll talk tomorrow. Falling asleep." He responds.
I place my phone on my nightstand and drift off to sleep.
* * * *
Harry's POV
Sam's on her way over to talk about whether or not to get back together with Zayn. I've been playing the whole conversation out in my head all morning. I'd love to keep her just mine but I don't dare let her know that she's got me wrapped around her little finger. Everything with Sam has been effortless. No stress. No drama. We enjoy each other's company on all levels. She is such a lovely person and the sex is really good. I'm thinking that I'm way more into her than she is into me. If I bring it up, I could lose her as a friend all together. I just don't think her heart is completely into it because of Zayn. I should keep mine guarded. Maybe I should advise her to get back together with him and watch him screw up again, which would send him out of the picture forever. I mean, he was never truly faithful to Sam. I doubt he could change.
I hear the doorbell ring and my mom answers the door. She calls up to me and I make my way downstairs to greet her. She looks up and smiles at me. Her smile is one of a kind because her entire face smiles. It's hard to describe. Her eyes beam, her nose crinkles, and she smiles. I know it sounds stupid.
"Hey!" She greets me.
"Hi. Shall we go out back?" I motion with a head nod in the direction of the backyard.
She nods and turns towards the direction of my nod. I hold the door just like I used to our junior year. She giggles, shakes her head, and swats at me. I lead her over to the hammock in the far corner of the yard. We sit on the edge and begin to rock.
"How are you?" I ask trying to get this conversation started although I still haven't a clue which way I should advise her to go. For purely selfish reasons I want her to stay single although it scares the hell out of me. I won't commit to her because I'm leaving and how do I know she's "the one"?
"I'm so confused!" She answers as she throws herself back almost turning the hammock over.
"Here." I climb onto the hammock and have her lie next to me. I dangle my foot off the side so I can rock us. She moves in closer placing her head and hand on my chest. This is not going to be easy to stay neutral. Dammit, Sam! I quickly repair that wall around my heart that she just so easily began to knock down. It's these simple moments with her that I will miss the most when I leave.
"Ok. What are you leaning towards?" I break the silence.
"Well, he's been really working hard at getting me to trust him again and I've lost count how many times he's apologized. I believe that he's sorry. I just don't know if I trust him enough to get back together."
Stay neutral...stay neutral. "What does your heart say?" I ask. That was neutral, right?
"My heart is still broken. I've missed him, though. I've missed how we could talk about everything and nothing all at the same time. I've missed how confident and sexy I feel around him. I've missed how much I felt loved by him." She begins to sniffle.
I don't do those things for her? God! I hope she doesn't hear my heart break a little in my chest while she's lying on it. Then, her choice is perfectly clear...and I need to not be so selfish.
"I think you're clearing up your own confusion." I hint at her.
She begins to move her fingers aimlessly across my t-shirt. She does that to my bare chest from time to time after we've been intimate. Yet another thing I will miss.
"Harry?" She finally speaks up.
"Yea?"
"Do you have to leave in a few weeks?"
My heart sinks. What in the hell is this girl doing to me?! Neutral...stay neutral. I try to rebuild that wall that she damn near knocked down around my heart. I don't want to read too much into her words.
"That's random." I throw out there to see if she's explain her question.
She places her chin on her hand and looks up at me. "I'm just being greedy. I like our friendship and I'm just afraid you'll forget about me when you leave."
Forget about her?! I am guarding my heart from her and she thinks I'm going to forget about her? I look down at her.
"That will never happen." I reassure her as I look down directly into her deep blue eyes. And, I am being completely honest.
There is a long pause and she lays her head back on my chest. I know she's still pondering this Zayn thing. She's too good for him. Hell! She's too good for me! If I let her go and she comes back, then it's meant to be, right?
"So, what are you going to do about Zayn?" I press.
"I think I'll give him one more chance. I'm not perfect either."
"I can understand that." I don't know what else to say. I'm crushed inside. What am I doing wrong? Why do I care so much if she's back with him? I'm not going to be here...but it still hurts. "Looks like I'll be resorting back to pleasing myself." I am just trying to be funny and attempt to show that I am callus to the whole situation, when in reality it is the contrary.
"I'm sure you do a better job than I do." She cheekily snaps back and giggles. We lie there a few more minutes laughing.
She begins to stir and starts sitting up. "I should probably get going before I fall asleep and start drooling on your chest."
The thought of that visual makes me smile. "Text me and let me know how it goes." I begin to get up so I can walk her out.
"I will." She says as we reach the front door. "Harry?"
"Yea."
"Thank you for everything. You are the best friend a girl could ask for." She throws her arms around me and hugs me tight. I return her gasp and kiss her on the forehead.
"Anytime." I respond and I honestly mean that too.
I watch her walk to her car waving at her as she opens the door and climbs in. Why am I so crushed that she's getting back together with Zayn? I need to call Cindy for a distraction this evening to get Sam out of my head.
Sam's POV
I pull away from Harry's house and head to a local sandwich shop. I'm starving.
I walk in and order my turkey sandwich. As I wait for them to make it, someone greets me.
"Hey, Sam!"
I turn to look and it's Liam. He's in his work clothes and smiles at me with his jovial smile. I smile back. After I pay for my sandwich, I walk over to him.
"Are you about done with your lunch hour or would you mind some company?"
"I still have a half hour and I'd love some company."
He's really sweet. I sit and begin to stuff my face while he talks.
"Josh and my sister really are off on their description of you." He states.
"Who's your sister?"
"Jessica."
I almost spit my ginormous mouthful of chewed up sandwich at him but catch myself in time.
"Jessica is your sister?!" I verify. Now, that I look at him, I can see a bit of the resemblance...just physically. Absolutely nothing personality wise.
"Yep. My little sister. I know, she can be a bitch sometimes."
Sometimes?!...wait!...whew!...that was in my head.
"We never really got along. I don't really know why." I fill him in as nicely as I know how.
"So I hear. What are your plans in the fall? Are you going away to school?"
"I'm sticking around here. I'll be going to a junior college and working. Do you go to school?"
"Yep. I'm studying microbiology at San Jose State." He says proudly.
"And working?"
"Yep." He smiles and checks his phone. "I should get back. It was nice talking to you. You know, Josh is having a party tonight if you want to stop by."
"Thanks but I'm sure Josh and your sister would prefer I didn't go."
"Oh! They broke up. So, I don't think she'll be there."
"Plus, I already have plans tonight. Thanks for the invite, though."
"Maybe next time." He says as he smiles and leaves. He really is sweet and extremely good looking.
I pull out my phone and text Zayn, "Can you come over around 7:00 tonight?"
Almost immediately there is a response, "I'll see you then."
I think I'm going to give him a second chance. I'm not squeaky clean here, either. People can change, right?