Chapter Thirty-Five: Time After Time
"Heterotopic transplant. He is upping his game." Cristina muttered as she followed Meredith into the locker room one morning. I didn't have to ask to know that she was talking about her ex, Colin Marlow, who was in town, being seen as a possible candidate for Chief of Surgery once Webber retired. Ever since he had shown up he had been trying to stir trouble up between Cristina and Burke, despite the fact that they were engaged, set to get married next month. "I need a gambit. I need to force him into the defensive. Take his queen. You've never played chess?"
"I'm not a geek." Meredith shrugged as she got into her locker.
"Chess is not just for geeks." I spoke up from where I was laying on the bench in front of her locker, already dressed in my scrubs since I had came in a couple hours early. "Besides, I always protect my knights, they're the key pieces, not the queen."
"How long have you been here?" Meredith asked me.
"Since four." I yawned.
"I've got to crush him." Cristina leaned back against her own locker, still stuck on Colin. "I've got to annihilate him at his own game."
"So it's weird, right, that Susan keeps stopping by like this?" Meredith glanced between us, still having problems with her stop-mother constantly stopping by, ever since her mother had died on the day of the ferryboat crash. "I mean, we just became friends or semi-related or whatever you call your estranged father's wife."
"Step-mother." I supplied the term for her.
"You may be confused since you were basically raised by wolves, but this is what mother's do." Alex spoke up from his locker. "They stop by, they stock the fridge. Hey, dude, you think she might do our laundry?"
"Hey, get your own fake mom." Meredith frowned at him.
"Iz, you look nice." Alex let out a low whistle as Izzie walked into the locker room, all dressed up.
"Did you just come from confession in a church?" Meredith asked her.
"Shut up." Izzie shook her head.
"Izzie Stevens does penance. You did something bad." Alex smirked at her.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Smile." Alex told the Jane Doe, Ava, from the ferryboat accident as Sloan removed the final bandage from her face, having operated the other day to help correct some injuries from the accident. We all stood at the end of her bed as Alex took a picture of her. "Oh, come on, man. That's not a smile."
"Can I see?" Ava asked, taking the camera from Alex. "That's me? Oh, my God. I know this is gonna sound terrible, but I'm not bad-looking."
"I think beautiful is the word you're looking for." Meredith spoke up, a smile on her face as we all watched Jane smile at her picture.
"I was gonna say hot." Izzie said.
"I was, too, but I think I would've gotten in trouble." George told Ava.
"You would've." Bailey nodded.
"Still a little swelling." Sloan told her as he looked her over. "In a day or two, I'll raise that hot to smokin'."
"Then shouldn't we wait to take the "after" pictures?" Ava suggested, referring to the picture that we were going to release to the public in order to try and find her family.
"We could, but the sooner we take them, the sooner we get them out there." Bailey told her.
"Your picture's gonna be everywhere- the police, the news, the internet." Sloan said.
"But if my face looks completely different, then what good would pictures do?" Ava asked, confused.
"I was able to maintain aspects of your bone structure, so your face bears some similarities to your old face, plus, your hair and your eyes are the same." Sloan pointed out.
"You think- Do you really think someone might recognize me?" Ava looked to Alex, having bonded with him since we was the one that I had found her and brought her back to the hospital.
"I think you should smile." Alex raised the camera again to take another picture, this time with her smiling.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Do you know what's going on?" George asked me as he glanced over at where Izzie was standing in the hallway, looking as though she were about to be sick or something.
"No." I shook my head as Bailey walked over to us, setting a few charts in front of George. "Okay, discharge beds one and three. Two needs a social worker. Hold this down for me, O'Malley. I'm gonna be out for a while. Watley, you're with me."
"Why?" George asked. "What's going on with Izzie?"
"What's going on with Stevens is none of your concert. What is your concern? Sick people- all these sick people- until I get back. Understand?" Bailey told him. "Come on, Watley."
"Dr. Bailey, just did a consult in trauma one." Meredith stopped Bailey and I before we could get out into the hall. "The guy has a perf. Can I scrub in?"
"No, you cannot scrub in. Uh, you're here with O'Malley for now." Bailey shook her head before she continued out into the hall as I followed behind her.
"Izzie, are you okay?" I asked my friend once we reached her, confused as to what was going on.
"It's Hannah." She told me, her voice uneven. My brows furrowed together for a moment, trying to remember who Hannah was. After a second, though, it hit me. "She's here."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Hannah is in there right now?" Izzie asked as she, Bailey, and I stood outside the cancer wing of the hospital, where Hannah was staying, having been admitted with acute myeloid leukemia.
"She is." Bailey nodded as Izzie took a seat in one of the chairs. I glanced at Bailey before she and I sat down on either side of Izzie. "You see her, you'll know what to do. Must be nice to know she has parents like this, who fight for her, think about what she wants, try to make her happy like you would've. Doesn't mean you don't want that girl to want you."
"Yeah," Izzie gave a small nod as I herd a door slid open and I looked over to see two people walking out of Hannah's room, from the way Izzie perked up at the sight of them I knew that they were Hannah's adoptive parents, the Kleins. We all got to our feet as they walked over to us, Bailey and I standing a couple feet behind Izzie as she faced the couple."
"I'm..." Mrs. Klein trailed off, glancing at her husband before she looked back at Izzie. "She's so, so tired."
"We left it up to Hannah, and, uh, she's just not ready." Mr. Klein said. "I'm sorry."
"We don't want to force it." Mrs. Klein added. "Maybe another time?"
"When she's feeling better." Mr. Klein nodded in agreement with his wife.
"No, of course." Izzie nodded. "I understand."
"I'm sorry, but... the transplant?" Mr. Klein asked.
"Izzie." I spoke up when my friend stayed quiet. I watched as she turned around and walked back over to Bailey and I, tears in her eyes.
"Hey, look at me." Bailey whispered to her. "Look at me. You girl... you can want her to want you all day long, but she has to be here if she's ever gonna have that chance again."
'I'm sorry." Izzie blinked away her tears before she turned back around to face Mr. and Mrs. Klein again. "Of course. Yeah. I'm ready. Let's get started."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Wow." Izzie took a deep breath when she saw the large needle. "That's a big needle."
"It's standard." The doctor told her. "You should start to feel numb about ten minutes after I inject the lidocaine, okay?"
"Yeah. No, I know." Izzie nodded. "I've given epidurals before. I know that's the needle. It's just that somehow it seems so much bigger now that it's going into my spine."
"Little stick." The doctor warned her as he began to inject the lidocaine.
"Oh, my God." Izzie squeezed her eyes shut as I took her hand in my own, letting her squeeze onto me.
"You sure I can't call someone?" Bailey asked her. "One of your other friends?"
"No, thank you." Izzie shook her head before she looked at me. "How did you handle getting this needle in your spine?"
"I didn't." I chuckled as I rubbed my thumb over the back of her hand as we began to wait for her medicine to take effect. "Joel's birth was all natural."
"A little pressure." The doctor warned her once more as he began. I held onto Izzie's hand as Bailey took her other in hers, both of us letting Izzie squeeze as tightly as she needed to. After a few minutes the door opened and we all glanced over to see George walking in, his eyes widening slightly when he saw Izzie.
"O'Malley, did Stevens ask for you here?" Bailey frowned at him.
"No! No, I did not." Izzie shook her head.
"Then you need to turn yourself around-" Bailey began.
"You're giving bone marrow?"George asked, cutting Bailey off.
"This is a private matter, George." I warned him.
"I'm not leaving." He refused as he crouched down to be at eye level with Izzie.
"George." Izzie sighed.
"Make me." George looked up at Bailey, daring her to kick him out.
"Hey!" Izzie winced.
"Sorry, I'm starting now." The doctor told her, a little too late.
"Just let me know when you're gonna do stuff, okay?" Izzie told him.
"Hey... you're okay." George spoke softly to her before standing to his feet, looking at Bailey. "I got it here."
"Fine." Bailey nodded. "Stevens, I'm going. Unless you need me to call security."
"I'll manage." Izzie gave a soft chuckle. "Besides, I'm sure Beth can take him."
"I can." I nodded as Bailey headed towards the door.
"Thank you." Izzie thanked her before she could leave. Bailey only smiled, leaving George and I with Izzie. "You said back off."
"You didn't tell me you were having a hole drilled in your damn hip." George countered. "For who? What's this private matter?"
"Okay, I'm going in when you're ready." The doctor warned Izzie. At a nod of approval he began and I felt Izzie's grasp on my hand tighten as she hissed in pain.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"You should use the wheelchair." I told Izzie as she tried to pull on her scrub bottoms underneath her hospital gown.
"You're gonna be sore." George agreed with me.
"I'm aware." Izzie assured us. "I'm fine now. Thank you."
"Uh, you mean pantless but fine?" George nodded to her pants that she was still struggling to get on.
"Crap." She sighed as George walked over and knelt down, helping her pull them on.
"Stand." He told her. She stood up from her seat on the bed, resting a hand on his shoulder to steady herself as he began to pull her pants up the rest of the way.
"I got it." Izzie tied her pants before sitting back down on the bed. I walked over and helped George unbutton her hospital gown so we could get her shirt on her. "Hannah... an eleven year old girl. That's the private matter. She's mine. Don't.... Don't look at me."
"Iz," I rested a hand on her shoulder while George stood there in surprise, clearly not knowing what to say to this.
"My mother wanted me to keep her." Izzie told him the same thing she'd told me months ago. "But I knew- even at sixteen- I knew that baby deserved better than life... at a Chehalis trailer park. And now she's here and... and she might be dying and she doesn't want to meet me. Oh, crap. I didn't think I really cared until she said no. How about that? I can say hail marys until... until I turn into Mary, but I still miss you. I won't make it if you can't be my friend, George."
"What you did today... you should be proud." George finally spoke up. "I'll get an orderly to take you downstairs. But I have to go."
"I can do it." I offered.
"You understand?" George asked Izzie. She only nodded through her tears before he walked out of the room.
"Izzie, what was that about?" I asked her, confused on what exactly was going on between her and George.
"It's nothing." She wiped the tears from her eyes as the door opened to reveal George again.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"You're already home." Lucas looked at me in surprise that evening when he walked in to find me already sitting on the couch, curled up with a glass of wine. "Where's Joel?"
"He's at Meredith's." I told him. "He was complaining about missing them so I let him have a sleepover tonight. Meredith said she'd drop him off at daycare in the morning, give Ashely a day off."
"I'm surprised that you didn't stay the night over there too, I mean, you did storm out of here at three thirty in the morning." He recalled what had happened last night and had gone into the early hours of the morning. "Honestly, I wasn't expecting you to come home tonight."
"I know." I sighed as I set my glass on the coffee table. "But I figured that it would be best to talk about this while Joel wasn't home, so he wouldn't get upset."
"I'm not sure what else we have to talk about, Beth." He shook his head as he leaned back against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest.
"What happened to us?" I asked him, my voice soft. "I mean, up until a few weeks ago everything was fine between us, at least, it seemed to be. What happened to that?"
"I don't know." The corners of his lips flickered downwards in a small frown.
"I just don't get it." I brushed my hair out of my face. "I still love you, so why does all of this feel so much harder now?"
"Beth, this hasn't been going on for just a couple of weeks." He pointed out. "Things have been different ever since George's dad was admitted to the hospital, we've just been ignoring it, letting ourselves pretend that everything's fine, but it's not. We can't just keep running away from everything, it won't fix anything."
"I'm not running away from anything." I told him.
"Please, just talk to me, Bethany." He sighed as he walked over and sat next to me on the couch. "I want this to work between us, I love you and I love Joel, too. I want this to work out, but it's not going to if you're not willing to talk."
"Izzie has a daughter." I informed him. "A little eleven year old girl that she gave up for adoption when she was sixteen. Her daughter was at the hospital today, admitted with acute myeloid leukemia, cancer. I had to watch her face her daughter's parents today and it made me start thinking. When I found out that I was pregnant with Joel, I was terrified. As soon as I found out I started thinking about putting him up for adoption, give him a good life with someone else, away from me so I wouldn't have a reminder of what happened. But then I went to the doctor and had an ultrasound. As soon as I heard his heartbeat I realized that I couldn't give him up, he was my baby. But then- then I saw Hannah's parents today, saw how much they loved her and how well they took care of her. It made me start to wonder if I made a mistake, if I was selfish by keeping Joel."
"You weren't-" He began, but I cut him off with a shake of my head.
"I love Joel, he's my son, he's my pride and joy. I would do anything for him." I told him. "I would do anything for him, but give him up. Looking at Hannah's parents today, I can't help but think that Joel would have been better off if I had given him up. If I had put him up for adoption then he could have a better life, one where he has a mother and a father, two parents who both love him. He could have a normal childhood instead of having a mother who is working all the time, that only gets to see him a couple hours every week. He could have had a real family, but I took that away from him because I was selfish, I just wanted to keep him. I didn't care about anything other than keeping him. I didn't think about what it'd be like for him to grow up without a father, how I was putting him in the same situation I was in as a kid."
"My dad left me before I was even born. He just walked away and never looked back, never tried to get in touch with me." I said as I felt tears beginning to gather in my eyes. "I grew up without a father, I only had my mother so I automatically thought that that was all my son would need. After all, his father was nothing more than a rapist who could still be out there, on the loose. I made that decision, to make Joel grow up without a father, I did that to him. When I met you and we started dating, I started picturing you and I together, with Joel. The longer we dated the more I could see you being a part of his life, helping me raise him, being that father figure that he's never had before. But, now, I'm afraid."
"Of what?" He asked, confusion swimming in his eyes. "What are you afraid of?"
"Everyone leaves me." I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. "My father left. My mother died. My friends all moved away. Everyone leaves me. Now I'm here in Seattle and I have all these friends, and I have you. I have more people in my life now than I ever have before and I'm scared. I'm scared that you're going to leave me, that I'll be alone with Joel again, having to explain to him why you left, why he's never going to see you again. I'm afraid that I'm going to get hurt again."
"I would never do that." He reached over to take my hand in his. "Bethany, I'm not your father. I'm not planning on just walking out on you and Joel. I love you so much. Whenever I look at Joel I don't see what I'd want my son to be like, no, I see my boy. As far as I'm concerned, Joel is my son, Bethany, I love him like he were my own and nothing's ever going to change that. I'm planning on being around for a long time, for as long as you'll have me, at least."