Chapter 6- Alexandra Evans
I couldn't believe what I did to Harry. Once it happened, I knew I couldn't let it happen again, ever. Even if it meant saying goodbye to the only real friends I ever had. Letting the years slip was my worst mistake, I never talked to anyone about that first year. It was probably the worst year of my entire life. Nothing would ever let me forget that year, the second half more so then the first. The first I wasn't alone, the second I was. With him.
When I walked into the Potions class I roll my eyes at Snape, I had skipped class yesterday, but I heard that he was a jerk. Hermione had brought me the homework so that I wouldn't be behind on the work. I sat down in one of the empty tables left, it was near the front of the class so I could pay attention. Let's just say that I'm a little ADHD, not very good for sitting in class rooms. It was absolutely horrible actually.
Snape went to glare at me, but instead did a double take and sneered. I rolled my eyes again and opened up my Potions textbook. I crossed my arms and waited for class to start. Harry, Ron and Hermione came in with only a minute to spare. Harry and Ron sat together, but Hermione sat down beside me. I rolled my eyes again, but at least it wasn't Harry. I couldn't bare to face him after what I did down by the lake.
"Now that everyone is here, I would like to welcome our new student who thought it would be so pleasant to skip class yesterday. Welcome Alexandra Evans," he said with a sneer. I decided to play it off good. I knew it would be better to make a fun impression on him for my first day. Better that than a scared student like the rest.
"Thanks, Professor Snape! That is such a nice welcoming to such an unwelcoming class room," I told him with a smirk. My previous blue eyes turned to green, it was fun to annoy Snape. That was probably the last time my eyes would be green for a long time. I knew my future wasn't going to be very happy.
"Today we will be brewing the Wolfsbane potion. I expect it done by the end of the hour," he announced. With that the hour started. Hermione and I worked together silently. As Snape walked around he stopped at our station. "What is that?" he demanded loudly. My eyes widened and I flinched at his tone. That tone was the one thing in the world that scared me, the one thing in the world that made me want to curl up in a ball and cry. I hated that tone. When I turned to look at Snape he wasn't there any more.
It was him instead.
I sat down for a second as the memories flew through my head. A single tear escaped me before I was done. I was done with people like him, even people that sounded like him. I was just done with every little piece of his essence. I felt Hermione's hand rest gently on my shoulder. It was flung off as I stood up suddenly.
"Get. The. Bloody. Hell. Away. From. Me." I told Snape through gritted teeth. Anyone somewhat close to me, except for Snape, backed up until they were out of my hitting range. Snape stood there as still as stone. He appeared to be agitated with me, he didn't notice that my eyes had tuned to bottomless black pits of pure rage. He didn't notice how scared everyone else in the room was when they saw me.
"That is not how you speak to teachers, ten points from Gryffindor. Now continue with your potion before more points are deducted," he warned me. My anger was blazing. I was surprised that I didn't scream at him. The reason being that he scared me, he was too much like him not to scare me. The memories tried to swallow me but I pushed them back down.
"Professor Snape, back up slowly. She is extremely pissed," Harry warned him. Snape ignored him. I slammed the tools I was holding onto the desk and pushed my way past Snape towards the open door. Through all of this, Snape still hadn't noticed the pure rage that my eyes held, he didn't notice any of the anger I held in. Anger that I was fighting the urge to release onto him, anger that would have hurt him badly. It was anger that I had to learn to control, I couldn't let it gain control over me.
"Get back here this instant!" he growled. I turned on him, everyone else in the room was scared of me now. A stack of papers on his desk burst in a small explosion. Everyone, including Snape, jumped a bit at the explosion. I smirked at their now scared expressions, I had done it at least. I had been able to scare them and not hurt them.
"No, now stay the hell away from me," I told him. He didn't dare move as I walked away from the dungeons. I passed a few teachers in the halls but none of them dared to approach me. I finally ended up pacing on one of the top floors. Suddenly a large door appeared, I walked in. I was glad for the new distraction.
The inside was amazing, it was a state of the art training studio for mixed martial arts. I smirked as I threw my bag down and picked up a pair of boxing gloves. With anger inside of me, I walked over to one of the many punching bags. I starting beating it up, forcing my anger out. Every time I punched it was a different person, every person that I'd found myself hating. There were faces that kept popping up though, him, Dumbledore and Snape were the most frequent of people though. They were the ones that had made me the most mad.
After about an hour of beating the bags, and breaking 4 by either hitting them off their hooks or breaking them open, I walked around in an attempt to calm myself down a bit. I then noticed a snack table by the door. I happy took a water bottle and an apple. As I ate my apple I remembered how scared I'd been at the tone of Snape's voice. He was the only one that used that tone with me. That was the only tone he ever used. He was the reason that I was living on the streets for four years. Even if I hadn't been adopted, I would have ended up on the streets. I hated the orphanage, the woman that ran it was a major bitch,
The only other guy I had in my life was nicer then him. My stepfather. He had to leave a year before my mom died. He had said it was too dangerous for him to be near me. I still didn't understand it all. I had figured out that I probably never would. I loved him like he was my father, he was there for me every step of the way. When ever I needed help he was there, he was always there when ever I needed him. After business had called him away I was never the same, he had been one of biggest sources of happiness.
I suddenly collapsed to the ground as the memories over took me.
Flashback*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
I was sitting in the tiny cupboard with my usual rags on, I was hoping that he would just leave me alone for once. Just one day was all I needed to recover. Even without food, I would be better then him being near me. As soon as the thought left me, the cupboard doors were flung open. Light flooded in, blinding me as soon as it came.
There he was, he smelt of alcohol. His salt and pepper hair was messed up, an evilly crooked grin showed on his face. You could tell he was drunk, even if you couldn't smell it. He reached in and pulled me out by the arm, in the other hand he held a knife. I whimpered in pain, my arm had been cut and bruised badly the day before. In a second he had shoved me into a wall and was cutting my back. As if it hadn't been cut enough before.
Screams left my mouth, that only made it worst though. After the cutting finished I felt the belt on my back, I could see the splashes of blood out of the corner of my eyes. Time and time again he cursed at me for being such a disgrace, not that I ever left the house to be one. It went on for hours and hours with no end.
Finally I was shoved back into that cupboard, no food again. I cried and I cried, the pain was unbearable. Nothing would stop the pain.
Then I finally fell asleep. Sleep was my one savior.
Flashback Over*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Tears flowed freely out of my eyes. I could see four blurry figures standing in front of me. As I blinked the tears away I noticed one was knelt down beside me. It was Snape. The crying came back, I curled up into a ball as the tears flowed. I hated for people to see me so broken down, especially when I never broke down. Not any more.
"Get him. . .the hell. . .away from me," I told the people through me tears. I heard a small commotion before Snape got up and left. I felt a gently hand help me to my feet. I turned to see Professor McGonagall with care in her eyes. It was a new look for the strict Professor I had come to know, a side that I had never seen before.
The other teachers I saw were Lupin and Dumbledore. McGonagall took me over to the fireplace and we flooed over to Dumbledore's office. I sat down in one of the chairs carefully, the memory was fresh and I was afraid that I would find my cuts sill on my back. The tears had stopped but my eyes were probably still red and puffy. As the other teachers came in, the three of them formed a semi circle in front of me.
"Ms. Evans, what happened?" Dumbledore asked me. I shook my head weakly and suddenly found my old shoes very interesting. "If there was a way for us to see without you have to tell us, would you agree?" he asked me. His voice was gentle. I thought about it for a second, I knew they wouldn't leave me alone until I told them. Or until they saw it.
"Yes, if there's a way that I won't have to relive it again," I told him bravely. On the inside, I was broken like an old piece of glass. He held his wand carefully up to my head and a strand of silvery essence came out. He placed it into a round bowl-like thing. I took a step back, I didn't want to be close to them when they looked in.
He looked at Lupin and McGonagall and they both nodded. The three of them allowed themselves to place their faces into the memory. I sat there alone again, I wiped the last of the tears off my face while I waited. Those breakdowns were the only things that got to me. Nothing else was stong enough to get anywhere close to it. Those memories, they were too strong and there was too many not for them to break in.
After a few minutes, the three of them looked at me, sympathy and shock was all too visible in their eyes. I turned away from them, I hated pity. I had been given too much pity in my lifetime, I had learned to hate it. It was just people feeling bad about things that couldn't be changed.
"Alexandra-" Dumbledore started before I cut him off. I didn't want to hear his pity speech, I'd heard them too many times.
"I don't want your pity. I lived in that hell hole for six months when I could have been in a safer place. Living through it has only made me stronger than I ever was, than I ever could have been without it," I told him. It was true, after that man's place the streets were a haven. I was almost glad that I lived through it, I was a much stronger person after it.
"Ms. Evans, have you ever considered therapy?" asked Professor McGonagall. I glared at her, that was a cruel thing to say. To ask some one about therapy when they were worst than broke, living on the streets from such a young age.
"Even if I did, I never had the money for it. That was the kind of life I had on the streets, they were amazing compared to him," I spat at the teachers, holding back my tears. Something told me that they didn't know about the other world. Something told me that Dumbledore wasn't being open about that information.
"If that happened to you, and these happen to you, why isn't he your greatest fear?" asked Professor Lupin. I thought about the answer for a minute, when I had the answer I knew it was the correct one. There wasn't a sliver of doubt that it wasn't the right answer, there was no other possibilities.
"I once feared him, not any more. I stood up to that fear by running away. The pain is the only thing that haunts me now," I explained to him in a calm voice. I knew my eyes were blue, I definitely wasn't the calmest person at the moment. My eyes were only green if I was completely calm or happy.
"We shall continue with this conversation later, right now you have a dinner to attend," Dumbledore told me. I nodded and walked right out of the room. Before I went into the halls I casted a spell that made the red puffy eyes go away. I was too proud to show people that I was so badly broken. Never would I admit that I was so broken.
I walked out of the stairwell with my head held high. When I got to the Great Hall the area that I sat at cleared out in a seconds' notice. That night I ate very little, less then I usually would with so much free food in front of me. After I finished I decided to take another walk down through the Forbidden Forest. I needed a break from the people, there were too many. The only times I went into town was when I needed something badly.
As I walked I tripped over one of the larger roots. I was quite deep into the woods, I couldn't see any part of the castle due to the dense forest. The sun was just starting to set. Instead of getting up I leaned up against a nearby tree and let my silent tears fall. I didn't let a sound escape as the tears fell down.
After a few minutes a gentle hand rested on my shoulder. I flinched at it but calmed down when I saw the persons' face. Their eyes were caring, something I didn't see often. Suddenly the tears came out faster than before, the person pulled me into a gentle hug. I cried on their shoulder, my tears were of of fear. Fear that I would lose control and hurt my friends. Fear that I would lose everything all over again. Fear that I would be pushed away again. Fear that they would get hurt by my hand. After the crying was over I pulled away from the person.
"I still believe you're innocent," I told him with a kind smile. He gave me an odd, crooked smile in return. It wasn't evil like his though, it was kind, gentle, and caring. Something you would never find in a murder.
"Thank you, but I think other people need to hear that," he said. I smiled at him, he had lasted 13 years in Azkaban before escaping. He was stronger than I was. There was no doubt in that, I would never had lasted. I would have gone insane, the Dementors would have brought up too many memories to continue living.
"My mother always told me that the first step to success is believing in yourself," I told him. The memory was old, but it was a good one. It was one of the few I actually remembered about her, she had told me it only a few days before she died. During my escape, those had been the only words I thought of day and night.
"Who was this wise woman that you speak of?" he asked me. I laughed a bit before I answered. I laughed. I hadn't laughed in over 5 years. Not a single hint of it. Yet here I was in the Forbidden Forest laughing with a so called murder, an innocent 'murder.' I would never believe otherwise either, he was too nice to murder some one.
"Violet Evans," I told him with the ghost of a smile across my face. Sirius's face darkened at the name. His eyes held deep understanding, they showed years of regret. I was about to ask him what he knew about my mother, but he spoke first.
"That's why. . .Go back up to the school, it's not safe out here," he told me. I stood up, I looked back at him once before walking out of the woods once more. I was felt to wonder why Sirius hadn't liked the mention of my mother. I knew that when she was old enough, she left for America; before than she probably went to Hogwarts. If she went to Hogwarts. . .she probably knew Sirius! What had happened between them?
The thoughts that went through my head were confusing. I was confused. That was before I ran into Snape in the halls.
AN*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
So I decided to post this chapter too along with the last one. If I'm in a good mood then I might post the next one since it's really short. Please remember that none of the things in this book are off of personal experience, they are all things made up for the character. Thanks for reading though!!!!!
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~Kita:)