I don't understand what is happening. Why is George on the ground with Tris pressing her fingers to his neck? How did they get down there? Why are they down there? This has to be some kind of sick joke. I feel frozen. Tris yells, "Tobias, call 911! He's having a heart attack!"
I understand the words that have come out of her mouth, but the order they are in doesn't make any since. What does she mean he's having a heart attack? George is one of the healthiest people I know. He can't be having a heart attack. Suddenly, Tris' desperate voice pierces the fog of my brain. "Tobias! Now!" 'Now.' I have to act now. I fumble for the phone in my pocket as the reality of what is happening slams into my chest.
I look over at Amar as my fingers shake trying to dial the number. Amar is white with shock, looking at Tris who has started doing chest compressions on George. His hand twitching toward him.
I hear a woman answer the phone, "911. What is your emergency?"
I begin running my fingers through my hair, trying to steady my hand, looking back to Tris, "Yes, my friend is having a heart attack. He needs an ambulance immediately." I give the address and all the information I know about George to the woman on the phone.
"Is someone doing CPR right now?" The woman asks in a calm, but urgent voice.
My eyes haven't left Tris' form. She continues to work on George, counting out compressions. Amar has manage to get on the ground next to George's head, giving breathes when Tris gives him a signal. A waitress comes running up to Tris holding a yellow box. Through the compressions, Tris starts giving the waitress instructions.
"Yes, and they have a um...a chest...um..." 'What the hell is that thing called?!'
"Do you mean a defibrillator, or an AED?" The woman says trying to be helpful.
"Yes! That thing! They're putting it on him right now."
I hear typing in the background at the new information, "Ok sir, the ambulance should be there shortly. Do you want me to stay on the phone?"
"No," I say a little too forcefully. I know I shouldn't be short with the woman, but I honestly don't give a damn about my manners right now.
I hang up, and rush over to George, getting across from Tris. I haven't had CPR since health class in high school, but I'm sure if I watch I can figure it out, and take over if Tris gets tired.
I analyze her every move, trying to take in how far she pushes, how her arms are locked, the position of her hands, and most importantly, how many compressions and how fast she's giving them, trying to commit the information to memory. I try to ignore the fact that George is the one she is working on; trying to fool myself to think that it's someone else's body.
She's pressing hard enough that I can hear the grinding of broken bones. My mind wonders how hard this is on her, but I know she has to be the one to do this. I'm completely useless at this point until I can memorize the steps so I can take over if she needs me.
I look up into her face, seeing a fierce determination. Her eyebrows are knitted in concentration, as she counts out compression after compression. I doubt she even notices my presence or her own discomfort.
Tris' hands suddenly are off George as the AED the waitress brought starts talking, but I can't understand what it's saying, I'm too focused on Tris. Her breathing is accelerated from pushing on his chest, though her eyes continue to stay glued to his form. I'm about to ask why she stopped, wondering if I need to take over, when George's body suddenly goes stiff. His back and limbs going rigid in a way I've only seen on Tv, but even that doesn't prepare me for what the real thing looks like.
It's almost as if I can feel my brain shutting down, feeling what little grip on my resolve that I had slip away. I'm having trouble comprehending time, unsure what's going on around me other than what's directly in front of me. Time goes blindingly fast in moments, but then agonizingly slow in others, especially when George is being shocked. The only thing my brain seems capable of doing is taking in every excruciating detail of the way George's body goes rigid then flaccid. Branding the image to the inside of my eyelids each time.
I am only vaguely aware that Tris' face has become etched with concern as she yells, "Come on!" in frustration. My heartrate seems to become erratic at her words. It becomes difficult to breath, my lungs refusing to only take in short breathes. That's not good. How long has it been since she started doing this?
The AED starts saying something again...seconds? Minutes? I'm not sure how long it's been, but Tris is now rolling George to his side, relief on her face. Amar is rubbing George's head, tears streaming down his face, "George? George? Stay with me. Please. I love you." Tris has George's wrist in her hand, checking his pulse. The only thing that is registering in my brain right now is that Tris just might have saved George's life.
A paramedic emerges from the restaurant pulling a stretcher behind him, his partner pushing. How long has it been since I called them? Words are being exchanged between Tris, Amar and the paramedics, but I'm having a hard time understanding what they are saying, since my ears refuse to work probably, taking in only about every fifth word.
Before I have time to figure out if George is going to be ok, he is being loaded into an ambulance at the front of the restaurant. Tris is hugging a teary eyed Amar, saying something before he steps into the ambulance with George.
I feel her small hand go into mine; her voice far away as she says something in a soothing tone. I'm still having difficulty hearing anything other than the sirens of the ambulance. I can't look at her though, my eyes refuse to look away from the ambulance that is driving away. She squeezes my hand firmly, her voice slightly louder, but it still has a soft, comforting edge that only she seems to have. The raised voice finally pierce through the fog, catching my attention, "Tobias? He's going to be ok. They are taking him to a really good hospital with some of the best heart surgeons in the country."
I peel my eyes away from the ambulance, looking down at her as she says this. Her words stir something in me, a desire to know that she is ok after seeing George taken away. I need to feel her breath. I need to feel her heart beat. I need to feel her warmth against me.
I pull her into a tight hug, burying my face into the crook of her neck. Her heartbeat is just noticeable through my shirt, my own erratic heartbeat trying to slowly match hers. I feel her breathe on my skin, and feel my lungs finally take in a long breath, instead of the short, shallow ones I had been. I feel the warmth of her small body against mine, even though mine still feels cold. These facts are the only thing grounding me to the earth at the moment. Keeping me from losing all control, knowing that she is with me here. That she is ok. My voice cracks as I say, "Thank you Tris."
She's rubbing soothing circles on my back. Trying to calm me down. I'm not sure how long she does this, but what feels like only seconds later she says. "Come on. I'm going to drive ok? We can go wait with Amar." Her voice soothing.
It's when she stops rubbing that I notice that her hands are shaking against my back, snapping me back to the present. My heart rate picks back up, my concern for her spikes to an all-time high. I pull back to look at her, taking her shaking hands into mine. I won't be able to forgive myself if something is wrong with her. "Tris are you ok?"
She laughs lightly, squeezing my hands, "Yeah Tobias. I'm fine. I'm just coming down from a really big adrenaline rush. I'll be ok." Those three words I tried to say earlier today want to make their way out looking at her right now. I want to say them so badly, but they refuse to come out. "Tobias, we need to leave." I nod my head as she begins leading us to the car.
**********
We've been sitting in the waiting room with Amar for the past few of hours, but we haven't heard anything yet. I've barely let go of Tris since we got here, fearing that she might slip away if I let her go. Tris looks down at her watch, then squeezes my hand, "I need to call Christina and see if she will take Zoe for the night ok?" I nod my head, not taking my eyes off the floor, feeling her stand, but refusing to let her go yet. "Do you want anything?"
I look at her, squeezing her hand, "No. Thank you though." I close my eyes as she kisses my cheek, enjoying the way her lips feel on my skin, before her hand slips out of mine, as she walks toward the hallway. I open my eyes, leaning back in my chair, letting out a sigh as I rub my face.
Amar turns to me for the first time since we got here. "Don't lose her," he says firmly. His tone is the same he uses when he teaches.
I look up to him, my eyebrows raised. He has never said that about the few women I've dated while I've known him, especially in that way. I don't know if it's just the situation bringing it out in him, or if he truly believes that.
He seems to read my thoughts before he adds, "Four. I may be an emotional wreck right now, but she brings out something in you I have never seen. You were never like this with Nita. You were pretty closed off, and very formal in your affection. It always looked forced. With Tris it's natural. You two really are good for each other." He takes in a steadying breath, "She may have saved George's life. I will never be able to express my gratitude toward her." Then he smiles, shaking his head. "I don't mean to say that you need to stay with her because she might have saved George..."
I clap my hand on his shoulder stopping him, "I know what you mean Amar. She really is incredible. I don't really know what I would do if I lost her."
Amar looks at me. Scanning my face, "Have you told her how you really feel yet?"
I look at him in shock. "Four, you clearly love her. Tell her." Tears begin escaping again, what little calm he regained from waiting is gone. "Don't wait. You'll never know if you'll have another chance." He gestures to the waiting room.
Before I have time to respond, Tris comes back, standing in front of us, but addresses Amar, "Christina was more than happy to take Zoe. I can be here all night if you need me ok?"
Amar stands up, pulling Tris into another hug. "Thank you Tris. For everything you've done today." His voice breaking at the end.
Tris stays in his embrace, "I'm just glad I got the aspirin in him when I did."
Amar pulls away, looking at her face. I feel my own confusion mirrored in his face. What aspirin? Tris' eyes flit quickly between the two of us, seeing our confusion. "When you and Tobias were talking, I noticed George was rubbing his chest complaining of heartburn. It didn't look like it was just heartburn, so I gave him an aspirin too just in case. I told the paramedics as they were taking him."
Tears are steadily flowing down Amar's face now, pulling her back into a hug. "Tris..." He begins, but is cut off when a man in blue scrubs standing in the door, holding a folder shouts, "Amar!" Amar pulls away from Tris, but takes her hand pulling her with him to the doctor. More than likely he took her so that if the doctor says something he doesn't understand, she can clarify.
I can't hear what they're saying, but when Tris breaks into a warm smile, and Amar begins hugging the doctor, sobbing, I know George is going to be ok. I lean back in my chair and let out a sigh of relief.
**********
It's one in the morning by the time we reach my apartment. Tris looks exhausted from the evening's events, but what Amar said earlier has stuck in my head, leaving me wide awake.
"Tobias, I'm going to take a quick shower if you don't mind." Running her hands through her hair.
I gently touch her cheek, brushing a small piece of hair away, "I don't mind. Take all the time you need." She lightly kisses me, then heads to the bathroom closing the door. I sigh and go back to the bedroom, changing into a pair of sweats.
I offered to Amar that he could stay with me till George was well enough to go back to Chicago, which according to the doctor should be in a few weeks if everything goes well. Amar said he would more than likely take me up on the offer, but wanted to stay with George tonight to make sure he remained stable. I know my apartment isn't huge, but I figure I can take the couch, while they take the bedroom.
"Hey Tobias?" Tris' voice drifts from the bathroom, "Can you bring me one of your shirts please?"
I get up going to my closet, getting one of my longer t-shirts. I knock on the door lightly, still lost in thought. I don't know what I'm expecting. I guess I just thought she would stick her arm out, but she opens the door, revealing herself in nothing but a towel, her skin glistening with water. Her hair is damp, running down her back in waves. She looks incredible, and her smell is intoxicating.
I feel my mouth go dry at the site of her. I'm having difficulty remembering why I'm standing in front of her holding a shirt, when all I want is to touch her, to feel every inch of her skin right now, and to do nothing more than to pleasure her. She begins blushing under my gaze, taking the shirt from me, "Thank you Tobias."
I rub the back of my neck, "Um...yeah...um..." I clear my throat, looking down.
"I'll be just a minute ok," as she shuts the door gently.
I almost don't make it back down the hall, my body and mind seem to be having a war of desires and logic. My body so desperately wants to turn around and make love to the woman in my bathroom, but my brain keeps telling me it isn't a good time to start something like that, especially with how tired Tris is.
Tris walks in a few moments later, wearing nothing but my shirt. It stops around the middle of her thigh, and my eyes have a hard time not roaming over her quickly. My body only seems to be asking one question; what would it feel like to make love to her? I can feel my muscles straining toward her, desperate to sit up, but then she puts her hand up to her mouth, the shirt raising slightly, trying to stifle a huge yawn. "Sor...sorry."
I smile, my brain finally winning out against my body as I relax back into the pillow. While she is incredibly sexy, and I so badly want to please her, this is not that night. She lays down next to me, putting her head on my chest, adjusting her damp hair so it's not cold against my skin. She lets out a sigh, as I wrap my arm around her, feeling her body relax into me.
I want to tell her. Being in this position right now, I have no reason not to tell her. Every fiber of my being is practically screaming for me to say something. "Tris?"
"Hmm?"
"I need to tell you something."
Tris suddenly sits up, eyes wide, fear etched on her face.
Shit! I didn't mean to scare her. "It's ok Tris." Hoping to ease whatever fear I've managed to stir up with the simple phrase.
Her body hasn't relaxed, as I hear her whisper words that I thought I would never hear come from her mouth. "You aren't breaking up with me are you?"
I sit up quickly at those words, placing my hands on her shoulders, "Oh God no Tris! How could you even think that?" Does she not understand the level of my devotion to her?
She looks down, her voice is barely above a whisper as I hear, "I thought that you might not want to be with me anymore after what happened tonight. I'm a magnet for disaster."
I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close to me. She needs to understand I need her in my life. "Tris, I can't lose you, and I certainly wouldn't break up with you for saving George's life. You have brought so much happiness in my life."
She puts her arms around me, finally relaxing. I can feel her heart hammering against my chest still. This is not how I wanted to tell her, but she needs to know, especially if she has any doubt about how I feel. "I love you Tris."
As I say them, a warmth spreads through me. Saying them to her has taken on a totally different meaning. The few times I've said them in the past seem to be a perversion to what they mean when I say them to her. I now understand what Amar and Zeke mean. She is the only woman that I want to say those words to.
She pulls away, scanning my face. I understand if she isn't ready yet. But then her face has the most breathtaking smile spreading across it, "Tobias?" Her eyes are incredible right now, showing hardly any grey in them. "I think I need to tell you something too."
I feel the muscles in my face straining not to mirror her smile since I have a feeling I know what she is going to say. "Do you now?" I reach over caressing her cheek.
She closes her eyes briefly before looking at me again. "I love you."