"You've been staring at her for an hour."
"Doesn't that mean that you've been staring at me too in order to know that?" Clint scoffed. "Something you want to confess, Romanoff?"
Natasha set her tablet down gently on the table and leaned back in her chair, looking at him apprehensively and doing her best to determine the response she might get for what she was about to say. "I do have something to confess, yes. I think you need to get your head straight and let this die out, Clint. I know that look in your eyes, and you can't."
"Yeah, I know. I know," he sighed, shifting to mimic her position across the table from her. He had been completely enamored with you for the past year, but had never made a move towards you, no matter how much he wanted to or how many times he had the chance to try. You were much younger then he was, and even though it wasn't really that significant of a difference by virtue of number alone, it was a difference in your lives and how you lived. He didn't think it would be fair to you; it was not a concern for himself.
"I do have some good news, if you choose to take it that way," she offered. "It could make this all a whole lot simpler, but you might not like it."
"Just spit it out, Nat."
"She's leaving tomorrow for a six-month mission. She'll be stationed in Eastern Europe, going undercover into a Hydra cell." Natasha leaned forward and reached across the table to him to take his hand, but he rapidly pulled it away, now feeling more anxious and uncertain than ever. "Maybe that will be the time you need."
~~~
By the time that morning came on that next day, you were fully packed and prepared to leave the tower, your bags sitting at the main door just waiting for you to join them. You had been assigned to the Avengers by Director Fury right after the New York incident, and even though it had barely been more than a year, you felt at home here. Even though you knew that this was the last place on Earth that you belonged, you felt a connection to it that brought a significant amount of guilt. Taking this trip now was much needed to clear your head and to re-focus your primary goal; data mining the team and getting as much intel as you could to bring back to Hydra. You were a master spy rivaling even Black Widow, but you had thus far been able to evade her and keep JARVIS off your trail.
"Are you really gonna leave without saying goodbye to me? That's kinda rude, (Y/N)."
"I don't like goodbyes, Barton, you know that. Have I ever once said goodbye to you before a mission? It's bad luck. It can be too final."
"Yeah, but this is six months." Clint crossed his arms and dropped his gaze to his feet, watching them shuffle slightly with the building of his nerves. He wanted to tell you everything, hoping that it would get you to talk to Fury and change your mission, but the larger part of him feared your rejection, or worse, the complete loss of your friendship. "Do you really want to do this?"
"It's not a matter of want. I have my orders." You spied your cab pulling to the curb, having declined a ride from everyone on the team; you wanted a clean getaway. Slinging a bag over your shoulder and watching as the driver took the rest to the waiting vehicle, you didn't offer any contact with Clint other than a look back when your hand felt the cool metal of the door beneath it. "Let me help you with this, okay?"
"Okay...?"
"I can't be here anymore, because I don't want to look at you everyday when I know that I can't be with you." You heard the slight crack in your voice and pushed the door open before it grew and he might notice. "Goodbye, Clint."
When the shock of your words had worn off and your cab was long gone, the realization struck him like a bolt of lightening. He stumbled back a step and finally turned to walk away, his concept of how long he had stood there completely distorted but without care.
You had said goodbye. This was final.
~~~
On the exact day that you met the time frame of your planned six-month mission, Clint was busy trying to find out if you would be returning to the team or not, but no one had an answer for him. Even Fury was tight lipped and claiming to have no information on your whereabouts. It was as if you had fallen off the planet.
"Is it common practice for SHIELD to just lose people? We have the most technologically advanced monitoring and tracking systems in the world, and we just lost her? That's BS."
"Barton, I have every resource at my disposal looking for her. I don't know what else you expect me to do," Nick replied pointedly. "We'll find her."
"That's just it, sir, I don't know if she wants to be found. I think there's more going on here that we know. I'd like permission to join the search."
Fury's head snapped towards him at his words, not anticipating that Clint would take it this far. Nick had other motives in finding you, but he wasn't sure if Clint would be ready to hear them. "No, I can't approve that."
"Why? We don't have any missions coming, there aren't any hot spots in the world where we might have to intervene anytime soon, so what's the problem? I want to help. I...I need to help, alright?"
"Barton, this isn't what you think."
"I don't care," he pressed, taking steps to cross the room and to hold a firm posture. "This is personal for me, if you hadn't noticed. I just want my best friend back, that's all. I want to know that she's okay."
"I thought Romanoff was your best friend?" Nick chuckled with a shake of his head. "Does she know that she's been replaced? Because that might not work out so well for you."
Clint pushed up against Fury now, only inches away and face-to-face, "stop stalling! Tell me what's going on! Why isn't this what I think?"
Nick's hands raised up between them and pushed against Barton's chest, creating a safe distance; he wasn't sure what reaction he was about to get. "Your friend isn't who we thought she was. She's Hydra, Clint. Lifetime member, can't be turned. She spent the last year slowly siphoning information about SHIELD, the Avengers, everything. She's high-level, okay? It's inevitable that she'll be their leader one day, so we need to stop that path right now."
"You're gonna kill her, aren't you?" Clint replied with a weak voice. "Aren't you?"
"First chance we get."
Part 2
With a sigh of hesitation that quickly shifted to regretful acceptance, Natasha looked at her gun and shoved it deep into her pack, under the clothes being used to conceal its belongings in the event that anyone questioned her travel plans. "You've completely lost your mind, you know that? What's more, you've somehow managed to drag me along for the ride. This is a bad idea, Clint."
"Yes, it certainly is," he readily agreed, likewise packing his bag to conceal the specialized arrow tips and his convertible bow that just barely fit. "You don't have to come with me, Nat. I can do this on my own."
"Oh, I'm sure you can. I just want to be there to see the look on her face when you find her, and maybe convince you to let me to take a swing at it."
~~~
You had been away from the Avengers for six months now, but each day you were reminded of your time there, throwing out quips that only Tony would understand, or seeing something that you knew Steve would find interesting. Just yesterday, you were given the new pistol that you now held in your hands, knowing that Natasha would have appreciated it as much as you did, but you could never tell her. No matter how strongly you had fought it, they had made their way into your mind and, you reluctantly admitted, into your heart. With every moment of regret or reminiscence, Clint would flash through your mind as if to only torture you even more.
"Ma'am?"
"Yes?" you replied with a firm shake of your head, as if that would send the thoughts of the team flying from your mind. "What do you want?"
"A small grouping of what appears to be SHIELD agents are approaching from the north. We estimate ten to twelve that we can see, with no readings of any more within a hundred-yard radius."
You groaned and rubbed your eyes in frustration, once again dealing with the third incursion already this week. Each time you had evaded them without any loss of life, and you preferred to keep it that way. "Withdraw underground," you commanded.
"Don't you think it would make more of a statement to attack? If we use them as an example of our strength, they may not look here again. We could use them to bend SHIELD to our will."
Standing with an air of authority and a posture that dwarfed the man in its imposition, you turned to him with a rage in your glare. "Did you not hear what I said? Who in the hell do you think you are to challenge any decision that I make? If I say we withdraw underground, then you better damn well do it, do you understand?"
The man mumbled something incoherent under his breath about "incompetent woman" and "traitorous actions" as he turned away, not realizing that you had caught any of it. He had made it barely one step in the opposite direction before you slammed his face into a nearby wall, pressing him firmly into it with his arm wrenched behind him and your new gun pressed tightly to his temple.
"Perhaps you would like to say that a little louder? As your last words maybe? This is a lovely new weapon that I'm just dying to break in."
"No, ma'am," he struggled, with a shake in a voice that was much more certain only seconds ago. "I am sorry. I crossed the line."
"You were so far over the line that I don't think you even see it anymore. You will not question my authority. Not here." He jumped slightly under your hand as you pressed the weapon further into his skin, "You want to use that team as an example so readily, but what if I use you as one? Show the rest of the men in this bunker that I am not a woman that can be pushed around? Show them what happens when they doubt that?"
"No ma'am. I will tell them. I will lead them to follow you without question."
Lowering your weapon and releasing his arm, you took his shoulders in your hands and turned him to face you, giving him a cold smile that didn't reach your eyes. "Fine, you do that. But I can't just let this go without something to remind you of who's in charge here." A loud shot rang through the room, followed by a scream and his body dropping to the floor, grabbing his foot to cradle where the bullet had passed through it. You kneeled down and took his chin in your hand, wrenching his head up firmly enough for his head to hit the wall behind him.
"Do not challenge me again."
~~~
Clint now sat in the quinjet pilot seat, rapidly setting course directions and trying desperately to block JARVIS from the system. He and Natasha were leaving without permission and without any support; all he needed was for Stark's toy to stop them now when they were finally on their way. "Anyone see us?"
"No, but could you maybe hurry this up? I think they might notice when an entire jet goes missing," Nat huffed, dropping herself into the seat next to him and rushing to secure her safety harness. "Here, you're doing that wrong," she offered, reaching out to override the system and effectively block the A.I. "But now you need to get us the hell out of here because-"
Her voice was cut short by alarms sounding and the hangar bay doors beginning to close. "Yep, I can see that," Clint mumbled, now moving more frantically than ever. "Hang on, this is gonna be close!" The jet jerked forward and shuddered under his control and the sudden force of speed, it's tail just making the exit with a jarring hit of the door just as they cleared it. "Well, no turning back now. Let's vanish." A few more taps on the controls and they were in stealth mode, each of them visibly breathing a small sigh of relief.
"Hmm," Natasha hummed, looking at him with a smirk, "now that I'm a fugitive, I really don't feel much different. I guess I was expecting something more exciting."
"I'm sure there's plenty of excitement yet to come, don't you worry."
She looked out the window to see the tower fading away into the distance, taking a moment to wonder what was happening inside and if they were already trying to track them. A pang of guilt hit her chest, imagining the look of betrayal on any of their faces; they were looks that she had seen from friends over the years when they learned who she really was. Faces that would never look at her in friendship again, and it shook her to think that the team would become the same.
"I hope this works, Barton," she whispered. "Because if it doesn't, I don't think we can go back."
~~~
Lying in bed at night was the worst, when your thoughts would betray you and distract you from your focus here. You hadn't had a descent night of sleep since your arrival months ago, and tonight was just another night to add to the count of eluded sleep. SHIELD kept trying to come for you, no matter how many times you were able to hide or to redirect them away. You refused to kill anyone, far from the mission and purpose of Hydra; but if you were going to maintain your position here and fulfill your obligation, you might have to break your own rule.
With a long yawn, and a quick stretch of your fatigued muscles, you decided to work your way through the information you had gathered on the team. You had yet to turn it over to anyone within Hydra, and you refused to until you were all but forced to do so. The urge to protect it was strong, and you weren't ready to fully betray them just yet. Reading about each of your former teammates and the tower that was once your home still caused you pain and regret, only worsening as time passed. When a hard knock came on your door, you slammed the computer closed in surprise as you were thrust from your mind, as if you had been caught where you didn't belong.
"What?"
"Ma'am, we need you at command immediately. We have trouble. The Avengers are here."
~~~
"I'm saying it again, Barton. This is a bad idea," Natasha hissed from her hiding spot in a large tree high above where he stood. "I've heard that people in love go a little nuts, but you've completely gone off the deep end with this."
"If you could maybe be a little quieter, we might even survive," he chuckled quietly. "It's hard to be in love when I'm dead, so I'd appreciate the help." Peeking around the tree and across the small opening before the compound, Clint pulled out his scanner and searched for life within it. "I've got about thirty. At least it's a nice, even number."
"Any idea if she could be in there?" Natasha paused, feeling the vibration of her phone deep in her pocket. "Great," she groaned, pulling it into her hand. "Guess who?"
"Rogers. No...Stark. Rogers. Wait...Fury? No...definitely Rogers."
She sat still, staring at him in amusement as she waited. "You done?"
"Rogers," he nodded definitively. "Final answer."
"It's Hill."
"Dammit! I was so sure!"
"Yeah, you sounded like you had that one locked down." She gave the message a quick read and shoved the phone away, jumping down from her perch to join him on the ground. "Okay, so what's our play?"
Clint stood silently with his hands extended and a confused look across his face, "aren't you going to tell me what she said?"
"Oh, yeah," Nat smirked, giving him a strong slap on the back before running towards the building, "they're about an hour away! So we need to move!"
~~~
"No, no, no..." you whispered to yourself as the pair came into view on your screen. "This can't be happening..."
"We need to stop them," the same man from earlier called out to you from across the command desk. "This isn't just some SHIELD scout group. This is the Avengers, ma'am. You of all people know exactly what they are capable of."
"How's your foot?" you snapped back, eyeing him sternly and holding your ground. He quickly cowered back and took his seat, turning away from your view. "Yeah, thought so," you mumbled. Your eyes darted around the command center, hoping that an answer would just jump out at you; how could you protect them and stop them at the same time? You didn't want to have to end them over this, just convince them to stay away. "I'm going out there, and the first person to follow me gets shot down," you announced, surrounded by audible gasps. "Anyone want to argue about it?"
The man with the hole in his foot didn't even turn around at this and you immediately knew that he had done what he said he would. He told them to stand down. Given his fulfilled promise to follow your direction, you almost felt bad for not knowing his name. "Hey, Foot, give me your gun."
~~~
Clint and Natasha stood at the entry to the building, each of them on opposite sides of the door and ready to push through. Her phone was now vibrating almost incessantly and her frustration was wearing her patience very thin. "Uh, Clint? This one's from Fury. He wants us to hold back until they get here, says he has a plan."
"Yeah, his plan is to kill her, Nat. That's why what we're here to stop, remember?"
"No, look," she replied, handing her phone to him.
"Wait, this doesn't...this doesn't make any sense. Now he doesn't want to kill her? What the hell is he doing?" Clint took a deep breath and tossed the phone back to her, "No, I think he's just stalling us. Keep on."
"Clint..."
"Go on, or go home, alright? I'm not leaving until I drag her back to the jet by her hair if I have to-" he stopped, turning to see your weapon suddenly in his face, a second aimed at Nat.
"I dare you to try it, Barton."
"(Y/N), don't. You don't need to do this," he said calmly and quietly, trying to mask the nerves building within him at the sudden shift of control and not knowing what you were really capable of doing to him. "We're here to try to convince you to come back with us. You don't belong here."
"How far out are they?" you said, glancing to Natasha. "Quietly."
"Maybe fifteen?" she whispered, trying to not move. "What are you going to do?"
"I have fifteen minutes," you mumbled to yourself, searching your mind. "Shit. This is it."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Clint whispered back. "What's it?"
The two of them jolted slightly as you armed your weapons, still firmly pointed in their faces. You shook your head slightly and groaned aloud, completely at a loss as to what to do. This was the turning point that you weren't ready for; your mission wasn't completed and they were about to ruin years of work. But you couldn't shoot. What was Fury going to do? Your mind was racing and the clock was ticking. The building was full of Hydra agents ready to strike and the rest of the Avengers were minutes away. This was it; the moment that you never wanted to happen, and people were about to get hurt because you were too ensnared in a mission that clouded your alliances. Because Nick Fury had dug a hole too deep for either of you to crawl out of.
"Barton, I'm Agent 22 of SHIELD Special Service. I'm also the Imperial Hydra and second-in-command," you said matter-of-fact, dropping your weapons to your side. "Director Fury is coming to kill me because it's the only way for our plan to succeed. I've known that this day was coming for a long time, and you've just set it into motion about five years too early." Turning away from the look of utter shock on their faces and their mouths hanging wide, you closed your eyes and took a breath of the clean night air, feeling it fill your chest and renew your energy in the face of an impossible situation.
I have fifteen minutes.
Part 3
Fifteen
"I need you to stall Fury, Clint. Can you do that for me?" you asked urgently, looking from him to Natasha and back, trying your best to keep your voice down and your body language neutral in the event that you were being watched. "I need you to keep them back and give me as much time as you can."
"Whose side are you on?"
"I don't have time for this. Can you do it or not?"
He took a small step back and brought his hand up as if to grab an arrow, but you were faster, your gun now again pointed between his eyes. Neither of you were at a point of trust anymore, and neither of you knew what would happen next. "I have something that I have to do, Barton, and now I have fourteen minutes to do it. You either stall them until I can get clear, or you start a battle that you won't win. I don't care if you're the Avengers or not, you have to believe this. If you leave me no choice, then I have my directive. You. Won't. Win."
Fourteen
"We really aren't going to stop her?" Natasha called to Clint as they ran towards the coordinates of where the jet would soon land, bringing the rest of the team into play. "For all we know she's mounting the attack that she said we can't win. We might have just given her the time to get the advantage."
"Or we might have given her the time to save herself," he argued. "I can't make the decision to know which to believe, can you?"
The pair stopped and took cover in a small grove of trees that allowed them a view of the compound and just within sight of the landing area. Clint sat quietly and tried to gather his racing thoughts and to make sense of any of the things you had told him. Where did your loyalties actually lie? Were you Hydra? Were you SHIELD? You had said that Nick was working a plan, but it ended in your death, so was he holding something over your head, or was he just that scared of you? "Do you think she was Hydra first?"
"Does it matter? She's Hydra now, Clint."
Thirteen
"Ma'am, you let them get away? This is an action against Hydra, allowing the Avengers to escape, and I refuse to stand with you on this."
"Then sit," you snapped. "It was my decision to make, and if there are consequences to it, then I will face them. But right now, I'm in command here and you follow my orders."
Your head spun at the sound of a quiet cough behind you, unsure if it were to get your attention or just an unfortunately timed sound. When your eyes connected with the source, a small grouping of your guards stood together with their weapons drawn.
Twelve
"Okay," one of the other men said calmly, standing with a slight wobble and his hands up in offering, "let's all just calm down and let madam explain."
"Foot?"
"Yes, ma'am. If you would," he paused, speaking to you pointedly, "please help us to understand why you have let them retreat."
The full room was giving you their attention, but yours was divided; you watched Foot in your peripheral vision, slowly moving his hands towards the weapon strapped to his thigh, though his eyes were solely on you. He fumbled slightly but not enough to draw anyone from looking to you for an explanation.
"They weren't a threat, and if I chose to end their lives, we would be thrust into a war that I'm not yet willing to fight." Your eyes darted to him again for just a second and then back to the group of armed guards, waiting for their response to your answer. "Does that suffice? Because that's more than I feel that you're entitled to as it is."
"No, ma'am. It does not."
Eleven
A click of a gun being armed brought you to your knees, then you lowered fully to the ground to roll under the table for cover. You had two guns ready but only the ammunition within them with none to spare, so your shots had to be precise. Two guards were easily taken down, but you were outnumbered and on own your own; or so you thought. At first you thought a body had landed next to you, but when he rolled towards you, it was a completely unexpected ally.
"Ma'am, I have one clip left, I took down four. What've you got?"
"I'm not sure, this one was yours, and I have maybe five shots left in mine." You swung your arm out from under your shelter and fired, "okay, three."
"Alright," he panted, "the gun I gave you had six bullets left. Between us, we have a chance. You ready?"
"No, I'm not ready! What are you doing? Why are you siding with me all of the sudden? I shot a hole in your foot!"
"Well, before we die together, I should probably tell you that I'm Agent 14. I'm your SHIELD shadow."
You groaned aloud and reached out from the table, angrily firing a few more shots as you spoke, and he did the same, reducing your enemies by three more. "Son of a bitch. Are you serious? Listen, I'm sorry about your foot, really. I didn't know."
"You're a hard-ass, that's for sure," he chuckled, "I can see why Fury took a chance on pulling you in. Now, let's get outta here."
Ten
"Hey," Natasha whispered with a nudge in Clint's shoulder, "do you hear that?" She cocked her head to the side, hearing the barrage of gunfire that now filled the compound that you had just entered. "She might not get her full fifteen."
Nine
With your back to the wall, a large wound gaping from your thigh, and a partner who already had one bum foot, the outcome was bleak. There were only a few guards left in the control room with you, but more were on the way, and you were down to two bullets each. "Foot, I think we've run out of luck."
"We don't need luck. We need you to choose your loyalties."
"It's not that simple..."
"But it is," he grunted, swinging his arm over you to shoot, "SHIELD or Hydra? You belong to both and to neither at the same time. You have to choose now. Hydra regulation states that if a compound is overtaken beyond hope of control, it must be destroyed, and the Avengers are coming."
"Yeah," you agreed, "save yourself and destroy it with no regard to who's inside."
"Yes, and SHIELD regulation states to spare lives whenever possible, even at the cost of your own. They're diametrically opposed ideologies and you somehow follow both. Pick one."
You squeezed your eyes shut and took a deep breath, steeling your nerves and closing out the noise around you for just a moment. No matter which side you chose now, neither would ever believe that you were truly loyal to them and you would never be free to act on your own. Nick knew he would have to kill you eventually because he would never be able to fully trust you; you were too great of a liability to him. Once you had what you needed from Fury, you had no more reason to help him, but Hydra would never forgive your allegiance with SHIELD. There was no choice to be made.
"I can't."
Eight
"I can't just sit here anymore," Clint growled. "Is she really supposed to hold her own in there when we could be helping her?"
"She doesn't want our help. Stay here."
He anxiously tapped his fingers against his bow and watched the compound, hoping that something would change to give him either a glimpse of you or any sign that you were still okay. As a fellow Avenger, he knew that you were more than skilled enough in battle, both in weaponry and hand-to-hand combat, but that wasn't on your own against at least thirty Hydra guards. The longer he waited, the harder it was to sit still; he finally stood and made a run towards the building.
"Dammit, Barton!"
Seven
"Bite down on this," Agent 14 commanded, handing you the end of his leather belt. "Once I get the slug out it should feel better. That, and if I can stop the bleeding."
You flipped your wrist over to look at your watch with a loud groan that escalated into a yell when he positioned your wounded leg over his. "I have seven minutes, Foot. Just do it."
"Bite."
Six
"I need to get to the mainframe," you panted, slightly dizzy from the blood loss and the pain of having your new partner's hand digging a bullet from your muscle. The shake in your leg from the damage unnerved you that you wouldn't be able to use it for much longer. "Stay behind and cover me."
"Like hell. I'm coming with you."
"Foot..." you hissed, but then paused with a smirk of realization, "you know, I keep calling you that. I don't know your name other than that or Agent 14."
"Eh, it's growing on me. There are worse things to be called. And worse places that you could have shot me. I'll stick with Foot, thanks."
You pressed forward down the long halls, keeping your weapons drawn and covering each other as you watched for any surprise attacks. Once you reached your destination you opened the door and jumped when the intruder alarms sounded overhead, the interior lights changing to a harsh red strobe that pierced at your vision. With a new coursing of anger in your veins, you leaned back and hollered into the empty room, knowing exactly what had just happened, and exactly which pain in your ass you had to blame.
"Barton!"
Five
Pulling drawers open frantically, you searched each until you found two empty flash drives, shoving them into their ports to begin the data transfer that would take at least two more minutes than you had to finish the job. The data you were retrieving wasn't nearly what you had hoped for, thinking you had much longer to compile it; you had lost the potential years of work that could have been done to do this right, but now you all you could do was scavenge through what was there.
Once you were satisfied that the process had begun, you tossed your gun to 14 and turned back to the screens. "Go stop them. Tell them who you are and convince them to turn around before they get hurt."
Four
"So, I see you've chosen the wrong side." Your spine stiffened at the feeling of hard steel against the back of your head, pressing your forward. You raised your hands and closed your eyes, prepared for your end now that you had sent your only backup away.
"I've never chosen a side, and I'm not about to start now."
"What have you given them? What does SHIELD know?" The man pushed you forward more, and you felt the gun scrape against your scalp, followed by a trickle of warm blood down the back of your neck. "I will ask only one more time. What do they know?"
"I've been sending them information for years, and I've gathering it for you for just as long. I can't be expected to remember it all, now can I?" Before he could reply you spun and ducked low, grabbing his arm as you dropped and taking him to the floor, pulling his gun away and firing an immediately fatal shot. "I'll never get used to that," you whispered to yourself, turning back to continue your work.
Three
14 reappeared behind you, panting with wide eyes and an urgent tone in his voice, "I couldn't get past the first set of blast doors on my own. Maybe together we could make it, but we're significantly outnumbered." He glanced down at the screens to check your progress and shook his head and how slow it was going. "Do you need it all?"
"As much as I can get my hands on."
"Well, those two out there are on their own. If anything, maybe they can give us a distraction and a little bit of time." He watched your fingers dance over the panels, his eyes growing wide at the realization of what you were now doing. "So, you're going with the Hydra plan, I see?"
An alarm sounded on the screens to your right, announcing the arrival of the rest of the team, along with Fury and his plan to take you down. The knot in your stomach began to grow as your end grew closer, but the desire to survive took over and refused to allow that to be your fate.
Two
"So once we're out those doors, what do we do?"
"Well, Foot, you can be on your way. I'm sure Nick would give you a ride back. As for me, I need to hide. I'll have both Hydra and SHIELD after me, so you can imagine those odds."
He moved next to you and grabbed your arm, turning you to look at him, "let SHIELD protect you. Let me help you, (Y/N)."
"It's not that simple. I have loyalties on both sides that I can't just disavow. No matter where I go, if I choose one side, the other will always be searching for me. And let's be honest, Foot, Fury will never trust me, you know that. I've created this life for myself, and I can't ask you to make the same mistake." You pulled the drives from their ports, hoping that you had retrieved enough data to keep Hydra away from the team; data that outlined their weaknesses and personal information that could be used against them.
"Then it's a good thing you aren't asking," he scoffed.
You heard the familiar voices of your old teammates in the hallway just beyond the door; you shoved the drives into your pockets and hurried to join them, though keeping your weapons drawn in their direction. "Hey guys," you smiled, "I thought I told you to wait outside."
"Yeah, you're welcome," Clint sneered, "it sounded like you could use an extra set of hands." He bowed slightly and held out his hand, looking at you with a cold stare, "after you, Madame Hydra."
"Imperial, not Madame, thank you very much. She and I don't get along very well." You took a few quick steps forward and turned back with a satisfied grin crossing your lips, "you might want to step it up, guys. We've got maybe thirty seconds before this building leaves the map."
One
You had gotten a few yards from the building and it had yet to blow, leaving you to second guess if you had entered the settings correctly, if maybe the guards had blocked your access already, or if your timing was just that far off. A quick lesson in never doubting yourself came with the deafening explosion and force that threw you across the clearing and into a heap of groans and muffled complaints with your three comrades.
"Everyone alive?" you moaned, pushing yourself to stand through the pain that attacked every bone and muscle in your body. Quickly, however, the sound of the jet approaching shook you from your stupor, grabbing Clint and yanking him up to stand next to you despite his body's reluctance to do so.
"Here. This drive has everything Hydra has on SHIELD and on the Avengers that I could get. I was a little crunched for time, but I think I got it all. This one," you paused, pulling a second drive from your pocket and handing it to him, "is for Steve. Only Steve, Clint, do you understand?"
"What's on it?"
"I can't stay," you deflected, leaning in for a quick kiss on his cheek. "Don't look for me, okay? Promise me."
"(Y/N), we gotta go!" Your partner called out, but his voice was nearly drowned out by the oncoming jet, it's engines disrupting the ground below it into a hurricane of dust and debris.
"Promise me, Barton!" you yelled over the commotion.
"I can't do that!" he pressed, stepping towards you as you backed away, your weapon now drawn and aimed at him in an effort to stop his advance. "(Y/N), let us protect you!"
"Bye, Clint..." you said, too quietly for him to hear. You spun on your heel and ran into the woods, quickly out of his sight and camouflaged under the foliage. Once you felt that you were at a safe distance, you looked back for just a second to see him talking to Fury, pointing to the woods on the other side of the clearing and away from you to allow you more time.
"Hey, we should really keep moving."
"One second," you stalled, watching as Clint turned the second drive over in his hand and the look of shocked recognition crossed his expression.
"What does it say?" Natasha asked, grabbing it from his hand. When the realization came to her as well, she handed back to him silently and turned to join the party that was searching but would never find you. "I still don't know who's side she's on."
Clint took one more look at the word scratched into the drive, rubbing his finger over the rough metal edges. "Barnes," he whispered, pushing it back deep into his pocket as to not lose it before he could get back to the tower.
"Maybe we should ask Steve if he knows."
Part 4
"Did she get it?" Steve asked urgently over the comms, waiting for Clint and Natasha to arrive at the quinjet. "Barton, did she give you anything for me before she ran off?"
Clint shot a questioning look at Nat as they ran, now completely confused about what was happening and how everything was tied together. He thought that he knew you, and now he knew absolutely nothing, but was more determined than ever to figure it out. "Um, yeah she did. We're almost there, just hold on." He signed off and stopped, grabbing her arm to jolt her to a halt. "What the hell is happening? Steve is in on this too? Nat, I don't like anything about this. This feels really...wrong."
~~~
"I feel like this is a really, really bad idea, (Y/N). We just barely escaped a Hydra facility and now you want to go running back into one?"
"Foot, this is something that I have to do. I made a promise. You don't have to go with me." With your gun drawn, you peeked around the corner of the building, seeing only two guards at the door, which you took out without so much as a rise in your pulse. The building itself was old and dark, the smell of dust and aged wood filling your senses. The lights flickered overhead, toying with your vision, but gave just enough illumination to make your way down the long halls. "I think this is it," you whispered back to your partner.
"You think what's it?"
You gave the old wooden door a hard shove, creaking loudly and scraping the floor as it opened. Directly before you sat your target, looking nothing at all like the threat you that were prepared for. Taking slow and cautious steps, you shook off Agent 14's grip and pushed forward, touching the hardware that held him in place and in a state of stupor.
"Soldier, can you hear me?"
~~~
Steve stood near the pilot seat of the quinjet, holding his hand out expectantly, but Clint was holding back and demanding answers that the Captain clearly wasn't ready to give. The flash drive was deep in Barton's pocket, but that wouldn't stop Steve from retrieving it if it came to it. Nothing was likely to stop him now, knowing that the information he wanted was so close by.
"Barton, you're messing with something that doesn't concern you," Steve warned in a low voice. "Give me the drive."
"Cap, tell me why I should. I need to know what's going on with (Y/N) and if this drive is only going to make that worse."
"Give it to me willingly, or I will get it myself."
Clint leaned back onto his heels and steadied himself for Steve to lunge forward, now regretting that he had removed his bow when he entered the jet only moments ago. "I think you need to take a minute, Steve. I'm not going to keep it from you. I just want to know why (Y/N) had it and what she has to do with this. Just tell me that and it's all yours. I need to know how to protect her from SHIELD and Hydra at the same time, and if this is gonna help me in any way, you have to tell me."
"That drive," Steve sighed in frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose, "has the location of where Bucky is being held so that I can join her there to take him away. She knows how to de-program him." He dropped is hand and his eyes became confused as he again looked at Clint. "Wait, why do we have to protect her from SHIELD?"
"Nick said he was gonna kill her."
The Captain stood silent, searching his mind and fitting the pieces together; it was obvious that Hydra would want you dead now, but he had no idea that SHIELD had planned the same thing. "Well, I suppose that makes sense," he nodded. "If she releases him, he's a threat; if they find out she was the one who did it and if neither side know where her loyalties lie, they'll think that she could use him as a weapon for her own benefit. I don't believe that she will. She wants to do right by him for some reason. She wants to help."
"By giving him to you?"
Steve straightened and squinted at Clint, and the air around them once again began to change. It became guarded and a bit hostile. "She's not giving him to me. We're trying to free him from whatever Hydra has done and continues to do. He's not a possession to be handed around, alright?"
"Fine, sorry," Clint sighed, though still holding firm and at the ready. "It's just that she didn't give this information to anyone but you, Cap. So tell me, are you the reason she joined the team in the first place? To get to you?"
"Yes."
"Does Fury know?"
"No."
"Oh my god, Steve!" Clint scoffed. "You're working covertly with a Hydra operative? Behind SHIELD's back? Do you realize what could happen to you? Do you even care?"
"No, I don't care. Now give me the damn drive." Steve replied matter-of-fact with a cold look in his eye and his hand thrust forward. "Now, Clint. Or I'll take it from you without regard to how."
~~~
"(Y/N), what are you doing? You didn't tell me that we were taking the Asset," Agent 14 gasped, pulling on your arm to draw you away from Bucky. "You're going to get yourself killed. By either side."
"I can't let them keep using him like this, Foot. I've programmed things into him that only I know how to remove, and that's what I'm here to do. I can't be a part of what they did to him anymore, and he shouldn't be either." You yanked your arm from your partner's grip and turned back to Bucky. "If Clint did what he was told, Captain Rogers should be on the way, and I need to hurry. I have to be gone before he gets here."
You moved to the control panel next to the mechanism that held Bucky in place, wiping the fine layer of dust from the buttons that had sat dormant for years. The soldier hadn't been called to missions in some time, and you could only hope that he would respond to the information you were feeding him. The panel came to life with a few flutters of light and a hesitant rush of electricity into the machine around you. Bucky jolted a few times, opening his eyes after several anxious minutes of watching him.
"Can you hear me?" you asked cautiously, standing at a safe distance.
"I can hear you."
"Do you know who I am?"
His head finally raised towards you, his eyes searching your face for recognition but without emotion behind them. Even when he finally responded, there was no feeling in his voice. "You are Madame (Y/N), the Imperial Hydra who is to be followed without question. What is my mission?"
"You have no mission, Bucky," you replied in a whispered voice, laden in regret for what you had done to this man. "I'm here to free you."
"Who is Bucky?"
With his attention on you, you hurried back to the controls, frantically entering codes to begin the process of removing his protocols and commands, trying desperately to make him into some semblance of the man he was. Steve would have to do the rest to get his friend back. "Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, and your best friend is on his way here for you. He'll keep you safe when I'm gone."
As the mechanism closed around his head, his body jerked and twitched, but he didn't scream as you had expected. He only stared at you. "You...can't leave...me..." he stammered between jolts. "I won't...go."
~~~
As Steve watched the information flash on the screen before him, he glanced towards Clint every few minutes to be sure that the rest of the team wouldn't see what he was doing. The only way to get his teammate off his back was to allow him to join him when he left to find you. Steve had threatened to take Barton down to get the flash drive, but he wouldn't have followed through, or so he believed. He didn't want to hurt anyone, and when Clint offered a compromise he reluctantly took it.
"Cap, we've got incoming. It's now or never."
Steve pulled the drive from the port and shoved it into his uniform pocket, grabbed the shield, and ran with Clint only a few steps behind. "Ever been a fugitive before, Barton?"
"Can't say that I have."
"Last chance to turn around, or you are now."
Clint didn't even look back, no pause in his step or falter in his desire to find you. He didn't care that you were playing both sides anymore; he didn't care that you had worked secretly with Steve and that you were now releasing a potentially lethal weapon that you could turn on everyone if given the chance. He only cared about keeping you protected, keeping you with him, and if that meant turning against SHIELD to do it, then so be it.
~~~
"(Y/N), what does he mean you can't leave him?"
"I've worked with him for years, it's just association. I'm clearing those memories away so it won't be a problem." You stepped in front of Bucky and lifted his chin to see his face, pushing his shaggy hair behind his ear. "Bucky, who am I?"
"(Y/N)."
"Dammit," you whispered, returning to the controls. "If I can't get him to forget me, I'll be running from him too." With a resonating slam of your fists against the buttons, breaking a few under the force, you startled Agent 14 enough for him to draw his weapon in surprise.
"What the hell was that?"
"I've done all I can. I have the authority to go only so far...and this is it." You squeezed your eyes shut and rested your closed fists against the panel, taking a long, deep but shaky breath. "Who are you?"
"Bucky."
"What is your purpose, Bucky?"
"I don't know."
"Who do you answer to?"
"I don't know."
You hesitated for a second, knowing what the answer would be before he had uttered a single word. "Who am I?"
"(Y/N)."
Part 5
"Fury, head's up," Tony called out, tossing the flash drive that Clint had given him before Nick could fully turn towards him, leaving it to bounce off his chest and tumbling to the ground.
"Hey! Careful! You know you can't throw to my blind side!"
"Whatever. Okay, so spill it. What's on it?"
Fury grumbled something under his breath as he took the drive in hand and turned away from Tony, doing his best to ignore him but knowing that the method had never once worked for him in the past. He rolled his chair to the side and next to an open port, unconsciously holding his breath as entered your SHIELD password, waiting anxiously while the information began to load and scroll across the screens in front of him. Years of the intel you had gathered on the Avengers flashed in front of him quickly, but when the data changed to something a little more interesting, his posture stiffened.
"Where are they?" he snapped at Stark, his eyes never leaving the screen.
"We haven't been able to track the family runaways just yet, so your guess is as good as ours." Tony took a few long strides to take position behind the Director, peering over his shoulder, "uh, Nick? Correct me if I'm wrong, and we know that's not gonna happen, but that looks like the location of every existing Hydra cell and information on the whereabouts of the top five highest ranking officials. Isn't that everything we need to finally stop-"
"I need to get a hold of Agent 14!" Nick exclaimed in a panic, frantically working the communications panel. "I need to stop him! She's on our side!"
~~~
Steve ran his hand over the heavy and splintered wood of the door that you yourself had passed through only hours before. If you had fulfilled your side of the bargain, your promise to him, then Bucky was on the other side and beginning the road to becoming himself again. If you were successful in your mission, he would be in your debt.
But he was also ordered to end you on sight.
"Here," he sighed, pushing his gun into Clint's hand, "take this."
"I have one."
"It's so I don't use it, Clint. Unless you want me to shoot your girlfriend."
"She's not my girlfriend," he scoffed, glancing at Steve in mock disgust and then down to his feet, kicking at the dirt beneath them. "But yeah, maybe we don't shoot her anyway."
~~~
"Bucky, when Steve gets here, I want you to go with him and forget that you ever knew me. Do you understand? This is the final order that I'll ever give you."
"I understand," he replied with a blank expression, "but I won't comply."
"Why is he so insistent on staying with you?" Foot asked, taking a few cautious steps away from the two of you to get to a more comfortable distance. "What's wrong with him?"
"I'm all he knows right now. Of course he doesn't want me to leave." Taking a few steps towards Bucky to be in front of him, you studied his face and hoped to find anything that would tell you that he was more than the Winter Soldier; more than the weapon that Hydra had made him into. Something that would tell you that he could find a way to have a life, knowing that Steve would be the only one who could make that happen. "Bucky, if you come with me-"
Your words came to an abrupt halt at the sound of a gun cocking, and a cold chill traveled down your spine. "Foot, what are you doing?" you asked slowly, raising your hands in front of you and turning to face him. You slid your foot gently to the side and positioned yourself in front of Bucky, standing firm and hoping that Steve would appear at any moment. "I can't let you do that."
"It's not him that I want, (Y/N)."
"Well it certainly isn't her," Clint barked from the door, holding a gun in each hand, pointing one at Agent 14 and one at Bucky. "Because that won't end well for you at all."
At the sight of their arrival, you pulled your own gun quickly and aimed it at 14, though you had no real idea if Clint was helping or just stalling so he could end his own mission. Steve was supposed to be here alone, so was Fury just toying with you know so he could finish this once and for all? Or was Clint just that persistent? Steve stood motionless and staring at the sight of his old friend; it was as if he were seeing a ghost, and in some ways, he was.
"Buck?"
"He's not quite there yet, Steve," you warned softly, "I was working on it before I was so rudely interrupted."
"You cannot release the Asset," 14 replied, "I was tasked to watch you, after we were alerted to your growing interest in him. I was going to kill you at the base, but it's much more enthralling to watch SHIELD kill one of their own and avoid the blame. Now that you've removed so much of his programming for me, I can mold him into anything I want. It will take no time at all to climb the ranks to replace you with the Winter Soldier at my side."
"You're not SHIELD at all," you nodded in understanding.
"Oh, god no," he laughed. "What a disgusting thought that is. I was only there to bring your activities back to Hydra. And when Nick Fury assigned me as your shadow and to be the one to kill you, it was a win-win all around."
You struggled to hold your stance firm when you felt Bucky's hand sliding under the back of your shirt, slowly and thus far unnoticed. You weren't going to question how he knew you had a second weapon there, and you weren't going to ask who he would aim it towards. This whole situation had quickly become a tangled mess of clouded allegiances and selfish motives. When he raised his weapon at 14, you closed your eyes so you wouldn't see; you wouldn't see the splatter of blood that now colored the wall and began to spill onto the floor from his lifeless body.
"Bucky, stand down," you whispered with an attempt to take the weapon from him, but his arm quickly swung towards Steve. "No, Bucky, don't. He's on our side."
"Are you on our side?" Clint hissed, his guns still at the ready and aimed at you. "I don't recall that we've ever actually established what damn side you're on."
Ignoring Clint and his attitude, you stepped between Steve and the end of Bucky's gun, raising your hand for him to release it, though it only made his grip grow tighter. "I can't let you do that, soldier." As much as it would hurt you to do so, given how much you had already hurt the man with Hydra, you turned your weapon on him with the intent to stop him for good.
"(Y/N), don't! Please," Steve begged.
But just then, you heard the slightest slip of a finger and ducked, the sounds of gunfire erupting and beginning to fill the small chamber. It all just happened so fast. Shots that hit the walls, some bouncing from Steve's shield, and the sounds of physical altercations seemed to go on forever, as if time had stopped around you, but in reality, it was over in mere minutes. When you hesitantly looked out from your place of cover, you saw Steve restraining Bucky, and Clint lying on the floor only a few feet away.
You hurried over to him despite Steve's warning for you to stay back, throwing him a warning glare and a threat to try to stop you, that you would have no hesitation in keeping. You had spent so much of your time and energy in denying that you felt anything for Clint, only to realize that you were fooling yourself; seeing him down was like a knife to your chest.
"Clint! Clint, answer me," you begged, slowly rolling him onto his back to see his face.
"Is he okay?"
"I don't know. Clint, can you hear me?"
"Son of a bitch," he moaned with a whimper in his voice, "that stings."
"Where?" you asked, your hands rushing and searching him for his injury. "Were you shot?"
"My ass."
A snort escaped you in a laugh, trying to stifle it but failing, glancing back at Steve, who was sitting with a much more cooperative Bucky now that no one was trying to attack you. "Excuse me? Did you say you got shot...in your ass?"
"Not, in my ass. Over here," he barked, rolling to his side for you too see where he was pointing. "I'm not gonna be able to sit normal for weeks. What the hell, (Y/N)? Stop laughing!"
"I...can't..." you choked out, tears building in your eyes, "oh, Barton..."
Steve cleared his throat behind you, trying to subtly get your attention, but only drawing more to himself from the other two. "(Y/N), could we maybe..." he paused, nodding his head slightly towards Bucky, who looked at you with an anxious stare.
"Right, sure," you sighed, working to compose yourself. "Hold on, Clint, I'll be right back."
"Yeah, like I'm going anywhere..."
Slowly rising to your feet, you held your position for a moment before approaching, silently watching Bucky interact with Steve. The Captain was doing his best to keep some distance, yet not so much that he was giving his old friend any freedom just yet; he couldn't get a good sense of where Bucky's mind was in regards to everything that had just happened. Bucky was listening to whatever Steve was saying to him, but his had eyes never left you.
"Bucky, it's time to go. Steve is going to make sure that you're safe, and that Hydra won't find you again, okay?"
"Are you coming with me?"
"Yeah, (Y/N)," Clint groaned from the other side of the room, "are you coming with us?"
"I think it's time to choose a side," Steve added. "We'll protect you, (Y/N)." He reached out and took your arm, pulling you slightly closer to him to lower his voice, "I could really use your help...again. Barton could probably stand to see you again, too. Since he won't be sitting for a while," he snickered, his face full of pride at his own joke.
"I heard that!"
When you looked into Steve's eyes, twinkling with laughter, and the eager expression on Bucky's face as he waited for your answer, you felt a strong desire to stay. To finally become one of the good guys and to leave Hydra behind for the first time in your life. Your time with the Avengers had tainted your view of your allegiance with them, which you never expected would happen, but they obviously saw more in you than you did yourself.
When you turned to look at Clint, you returned to his side and knelt down, "why? Why did you risk your life to come here? Why did you risk your future with SHIELD?"
"Was I not obvious enough? I missed you."
"Clint..."
He let out a deep sigh and rolled back towards the wall to avoid your reaction, unsure if he would get the one he wanted, and reluctant to see something he didn't want to see if you rejected him. "In a committed...loving you...sort of way..."
You grabbed his arm and rolled him back towards you, stopping when he grimaced in pain at the change in position. "Sorry, sorry..." you paused, allowing him to move himself the rest of the way. "Are you sure? Because I'm a hot mess, Barton. You've seen that first hand. I've tried to keep you at a distance, but you're one persistent son of a bitch, I'll give you that."
"Thank you for not saying stupid, I appreciate that."
"Give it time, Clint," you smirked, helping him to stand with Steve joining you to help, "I'm sure we'll get there. It's us."